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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25777342">Hallowed Be Thy Name</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/friendswiththemonster/pseuds/friendswiththemonster'>friendswiththemonster</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Walking Dead &amp; Related Fandoms, The Walking Dead (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 07:20:10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>89,304</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25777342</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/friendswiththemonster/pseuds/friendswiththemonster</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Being a woman in the apocalyptic world was tough, being a woman under Negan’s lead was tougher, especially with an agenda of her own.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Negan (Walking Dead)/Original Female Character(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>23</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><em>You’re only as strong as your weakest bladder</em>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It sounded silly, stupid even considering what the world had become, but right now, that was her, it was all on Alexa ‘Lex’ Walsh. The infamous words of her brother from when she was a child, yes, that’s what was going through her mind while she squatted in the ditch just off the side of the road to pee. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>She had never, ever, been the reason that anyone driving with her had stopped, not usually, but there was something definitely unusual about that day in particular, something very off about the whole thing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>With a slight shake of her head, she pulled herself back to the task at hand and focused on what she was doing.  There was no sense getting distracted by thoughts of the past, especially not when distractions, no matter how slight, could get a person killed, plus she was in a super vulnerable position and she didn’t want to be caught with her pants down, <em>literally</em>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The overgrown weeds and grass within the unkempt ditch brushed at her bare skin, sending a shiver down her spine, but she wasn’t afraid of the world around her, hell, she was on top of the food chain thanks to the Saviors.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Yet Lex found herself a little put off by the whole supply run.  She was the reason the group had stopped so many times already, <em>she</em> was the reason that the guys she was with were constantly grumbling about how many times she had to ‘take a piss’, and to be honest, she knew that there had to be <em>something</em> wrong.  No normal person had to go to the bathroom as much as she seemed to have to go and usually she’d be able to hold it in until they reached home, but not this time, no. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>This was the fifth time, at least, that she had demanded they stop so that she could empty out her bladder.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>What was glorious about that?  What was so glamourous about having to pee in the ditch on the side of the road?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lex wasn’t deterred though, she was in charge of this run, and she’d be in charge of many more runs to come, so long as everyone made it back to the Sanctuary in one piece.  They hadn’t lost anyone yet, and barring any unforeseen threats between this pee stop and the gates of the Sanctuary, she was looking at yet another successful run.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Negan would be pleased, at least she hoped he’d be pleased.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It wasn’t like she had intended for this to happen, she wasn’t usually this problematic when it came to having to pee, but lately, and more often than not, she had found that she just had to <em>go</em>.  At least when the guys had to relieve themselves, it was as easy as stopping the convoy and letting them go right off the back of the trucks.  Classy, not really, but it was definitely safer than what was involved when she had to go.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>This was abnormal though and the more times that she made the group stop, the more she started to worry about something funky going on inside of her body.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Was she suffering from some sort of infection?  Was it more than that, or was it nothing to really worry about?  Part of her had been hoping that maybe it was just stress, hell, who wasn’t stressed in the middle of the apocalypse, add on to that the fact that she was working for Negan, well who could really blame her for thinking that maybe she was a little on edge lately.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Walsh, the fuck’s taking so long?” She heard one of her men calling out to her from the other side of the road, where he stood in the back of the truck bed keeping watch without actually looking her way.  “This ain’t like you!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They knew that if any one of them so much as peeked that she’d hurt them good, and if she didn’t, the fear of dealing with Negan’s punishment lingered over their heads.  He was good to her, <em>too</em> good, and anyone who worked closely with her, <em>or</em> the big man in charge, knew not to mess with Lex.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But he wasn’t wrong, this wasn’t like her.  Something wasn’t right, something was different, and she wasn’t sure if she should be concerned or not.  Stopping every ten minutes (at least that’s what it felt like) to pee on the side of the road was out of character for her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Coming!” She called back and finished doing her business, her mind drifting to the dog she had before the world went to shit.  He had gone to the bathroom outside, but when he had to pee, it had taken him much longer to find a good spot to go in the wild than it had taken her.  He seemed to be a little more adamant about where to relieve himself, but Lex didn’t mess around, she tried to hold it and by the time she finally urged her guys to stop, she was nearly ready to burst.  “I’m almost done, just hang on for two more seconds!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rising up from her squatting position, she pulled her underwear and pants up, doing up her jeans before working on getting her belt back buckled.  She easily anticipated the teasing from the guys in the truck with her, but she knew that it was worth it for the sweet feeling of relief.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Clambering back up onto the gravel shoulder of the road, she glanced around at the spot where they had stopped and looked for danger that may have come to pass while she had been taking care of business.  There didn’t seem to be any walkers within her sight, but that didn’t mean they weren’t out there, tracking and hunting those that were still technically alive. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>They had set up protocols for how and where to stop if they needed too.  There were guys standing in the backs of the trucks and anyone inside the cab was rearing to get a move on if something big dared to threaten them.  She knew the difference between when to fight and when to flee, and she wasn’t ashamed of running away, most definitely if she knew they didn’t stand much of a chance.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Her right hand man was positioned at the side of the truck that she was riding in, the passenger door not quite shut and a gun poised and ready in his grasp.  She had faith in her men, she had confidence in their skills and she knew that at the first drop of danger, they’d whistle for her, letting her know that she needed to move.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The protocol worked for all sorts of things too, not just for Lex’s pee breaks, but recently that’s what they had been using it for the most.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Her feet made tiny thuds as she marched back towards the truck at the front of the convoy, leading the other two, as they headed for home.  The supply run had been a success, she had managed to locate and gather up exactly what Negan had been anticipating, letting her sigh a breath of relief at not having to head back empty handed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Damn girl, you got a tiny bladder today.” Her right hand teased and pulled open the passenger door for her, waiting for her to hop inside the cab.  “Best be laying off them fluids Walsh, I want to make it back home before it gets dark.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I won’t be laying off any fluids, especially not when I get whiskey for free.” She grinned in response and lifted her right leg up, planting her foot on the truck runner.  She hauled herself upwards and ducked down before sitting down on the bench seat and sliding over to the middle.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She turned towards the door to wait for his response but she didn’t see the man that had opened the truck door for her, no, but she heard him.  She could make out his footsteps as they faded away, him walking away from the open front door to the cab, and she could easily hear the infamous snarling of the undead approaching.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>How many were there?  Was it just one, or was there a whole heard coming their way?  Was the <em>one</em> that she heard just the beginning, would they be forced to leave in a hurry?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Without even thinking, Lex reached down and grabbed the knife residing on the floor of the truck.  She shot a glance over to the driver, who offered her a shrug but didn’t make a move to get out.  Sliding back towards the door, she hopped down onto the worn asphalt and hesitated at the side of the truck, looking around in an attempt to locate the walker before she just went for it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When she spotted it, snapping its gnarled jaws and reaching out with its mangled hands for her man at the back end of the truck, she marched forward with conviction reserved for a woman of her stature.  She was the one in charge, she was the one responsible for these guys and she was the one who was going to take out the threat, whether it happened to be a walker, or something more.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>With a swift swipe of her blade, she rammed the tip into the temple of the walker near her man, watching as it immediately stopped moving and slumped to the ground, her blade slipping out of the rotting flesh with ease.  It was a woman, or what had been a woman at one point, but was now just a rotting pile of flesh and worn out old clothes, torn and tattered from months of exposure.  The walker’s hair was stringy and greasy and when Lex looked down at it, she shuddered at the sight of clumps of her scalp having been ripped clean off, exposing flesh and bone that would usually be hidden beneath.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sucking in a breath, she turned her head towards her man, and she flashed him a smile, barely catching sight of him rolling his eyes at her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I had it.” He groaned and Lex lifted her empty hand up, patting him on the chest.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don’t doubt it, but come on, you’re not going to take my fun away from me.” Lex chuckled and turned towards the front of the truck, pausing only to make sure her man was with her.  She wasn’t going to leave anyone behind, even if they happened to get hurt, or worse, and right now, she was right on track to return to the Sanctuary with the same amount of abled bodies that she had left with.  “If it makes you feel any better, I’m sure I’ll have to pee again in a little while, maybe we can stop in a place a little more…infested.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s okay, I’d rather just head straight home, unless your tiny little bladder can’t handle it.  If I were you Walsh, I’d be making an appointment with the Doc when we finally manage to get back home, get your problem checked out.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah, you’re a real bag of laughs.” She remarked sarcastically and set her hand on the open door of the truck.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Imagine that Walsh, you think them sexually transmitted diseases survived the apocalypse too.” Her man continued to joke and jeer but Lex finished climbing into the truck, tucking the bloodied blade back on the floor.  She leveled a glare on the drive, almost daring him to join in on the ribbing, but he merely looked straight ahead, his eyes glued to the road.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I have half a mind to leave you behind.” Lex growled, planting her butt on the seat and crossing her arms over her chest. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>When her man settled into the seat next to her, she glanced over at him and took note that he was grinning from ear to ear, clearly amused at their entire predicament.  It wasn’t very often that he was well within his right to tease her, hell, if he had so much as tried to joke with her while she was in a foul mood, she was liable to knock him out cold, but today…today everything seemed different.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You leave me behind and Negan will be pissed.” He pointed out and she cocked her head sideways, taking in the sight of him, thinking over her next words. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well with his ‘no rape’ policy, do you really think it’d be hard for me to convince him that you tried to pull something with me?” She shot back gruffly, his smile immediately faltering, knowing that she had a point; oh she most definitely had a point.  He shouldn’t have gotten mouthy with her to start with, he should’ve reserved his sass for someone with much less influence on the boss man.  With unblinking eyes, she stared at him for a few more seconds before breaking out into a grin of her own, following it up with a low chuckle.  “Lighten up, I’m only kidding.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His lips curled back upwards into a nervous smirk and Lex reached a hand out, patting him roughly on the knee before waving her hand forward, towards the windshield, and motioning for her driver to get ready to head for home.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Let’s get a move on.” Her right hand instructed to the driver, peering down at Lex with a smile, only this time there was nothing nervous about it.  “If we’re going to make it home before dark, and with us having to stop every five god damn minutes for you to piss, we better get going.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah, yeah.” She sighed and shook her head at him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“And I was serious when I said you better get checked out by the Doc.  This isn’t normal Walsh.  Don’t let anyone else know what I’m about to tell you neither, but I like you, I don’t want nothing bad to happen.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Okay.” She sucked in a breath and jutted her elbow out slightly, poking him in the ribs with it.  His arm settled around her shoulders and she relaxed against him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lex could only hope that there wouldn’t be too many more pee breaks between here and home. </p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The expectation for her arrival back to the Sanctuary was that Negan would’ve been there to greet her and ask her what she had managed to haul back for him, he might’ve praised her, he might’ve given her a quick ‘good fucking job’, but either way, he wasn’t there to meet her at all, and that was something that she hadn’t been expecting.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>In fact, he was nowhere in sight, and when she peered around at the place that she called home, with its dull walls and industrial feel, she quickly took note that there were significantly less bodies around than she was used to.  What the hell had happened while she had been gone on her run, and more importantly, where had everyone gone?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Don’t forget to head on up to see Carson.” Her right hand man spoke loudly as he brushed past her lugging a box of supplies, a rifle from the back of the truck strapped to his back.  “Unless you get your little piss problem fixed, I don’t think I’ll be wanting to go on too many more runs with you Walsh.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah, fuck you.” She snorted and shook her head.  Without thinking, she tucked herself back into the cab of the truck and took hold of her blade, letting it dangle at her side while she headed towards the front of the truck, peering at the remainder of her men, who were speedily working away at getting all of their newly acquired supplies put in the rightful place.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lex sucked in a breath and let it out, glad that she had made it home without having to stop too many more times.  She still didn’t like the idea that they had halted their convoy because of her and her stupid bladder, but what other choice did she really have, aside from wetting herself of course.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But sitting in her own filth, and the idea of actually peeing her pants, was absurd.  She was a grown woman, and the only reason she’d ever resort to peeing her pants was if her legs were broken and she couldn’t manage to get herself to a better place to go.  Yes, that was the only acceptable explanation for her having to pee right in her pants.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Marching forward, Lex headed in the direction of the building where she lived and mounted the stairs.  Before she was going to head over to see the good doctor, she was going to put her things away and maybe wash up real quick.  There were remnants of dried blood on her hand from when she had killed the walker, but it wasn’t all that much to worry about, she just knew that sooner or later, she wanted to clean up.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Her hallway was quiet, but what threw her off even more than the eerie silence on her floor was the fact that she hadn’t seen that many people on her way <em>to</em> her room.  The usual men standing guard weren’t there and if there was a man on guard, it wasn’t the normal face, hell, it wasn’t even the normal position.  What the hell was going on here?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Where is everyone?” She quipped, pausing in front of a young man who she knew usually worked in the kitchen.  “Did I miss something?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Negan sent out a few hunting parties.” The young man answered with a shrug, as if he didn’t really care if she was concerned or not.  Lex brushed aside her irritation for him and his blatant disregard for what really lingered outside the gates.  She knew that there were way too many people in the Sanctuary who were oblivious to the dangers of the world, apparently this man was one of them.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Okay, well, did Negan go with them?” Lex pushed and gripped the blade in her hand harder, feeling the handle of it firmly in her hand.  “Or is he still here?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“As far as I know, he left shortly after the last group went out.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Right.” She nodded, trying to keep her composure.  What was it about some people that had her on edge- oh right, it was the fact that this particular man didn’t seem to understand how much she really wanted to know.  Couldn’t he just tell her more without having to be prompted?  “Do you happen to know what he was <em>hunting</em>?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No clue.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lex opened her mouth to ask him more questions but she shut her mouth instead and carried on her way  This man was of no use, he had no idea and even if he did had a hint of what was going on, she doubted he’d let her in on the secret.  She didn’t even look back at him, ignoring the fact that he was as useless as they came. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>When she arrived to the door of her room, she turned the knob and pushed it open, stepping inside and immediately heading over to the tiny little table tucked away in the corner.  She had a few books littered on the surface, but what she was really intending to do was to set her knife down, after she gave it a quick wipe with the discarded rag next to the books.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She hadn’t bothered to shut her door, hell, no one dared to bother her in her own room except for Negan, and according to the shit guarding the hallway, he wasn’t around.  Anyone else who dared to bother her knew what she was capable of and she was proud to admit that she liked having people fear her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>What was the point of being strong and smart if no one seemed to respect you?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lifting her arms into the air, Lex’s eyes locked on the photograph leaning against the wall, the bottom edge residing on the table.  She couldn’t help but smile at the sight of her and her brother, the two of them side by side, dressed rather nicely seeing as it was her college graduation, and giant smiles on both of their faces.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was the only picture that she had of him at this point in time and the fact that it had survived her journey to the Sanctuary was an amazing thing in itself.  Shane Walsh had been her rock for a lot of her childhood and she figured that even though she didn’t know where he was, or if he was even still alive, of all the people in her life that <em>could</em> survive the apocalypse, well it was certainly her brother.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He had the skills, he was smart, hell, she’d be more surprised if he hadn’t made it this far, but she knew that there were more threats outside the walls than just walkers.  People were a huge deterrent and she was completely aware of how far some desperate persons were willing to go in order to survive, she had <em>been</em> a desperate person once upon a time.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When a light knock on her door sounded out, and ultimately brought her out of her reverie, she turned to face the person who dared to bother her but ended up smiling at her female comrade.  Sherry was hanging out in her doorway looking at her and Lex smirked back at her, knowing that the two of them shared secrets that some people could only dream of knowing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Good run?” Sherry asked and when Lex waved her forward, the girl hesitantly entered and lowered herself down to sit on the edge of Lex’s barely thrown together bed.  “Did you get a lot of stuff?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“A decent amount.” Lex nodded and stretched out her arms, making sure that her muscles were loose after being so amped up for the majority of her time outside the gates.  Being out there was almost like playing an intense game of tag and she had learned long ago that if she didn’t keep limber when she relaxed, she’d be aching something awful later on.  “Not much in terms of medical supplies but we managed to find a shit tonne of food.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That’s always good.” Sherry smiled at her and Lex drew in a breath.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Where’d Negan go?” She posed without dancing around what she really wanted to know.  “The guy in the hall said he sent a bunch of hunting parties out but that’s as much as I could get from him.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m not too sure, he just told me not to wait up.” Sherry shrugged and her eyes peeked around the room, landing on the ever present photograph of Lex and her brother.  “Only his words were a lot more colourful.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Great, so no one really knows where he is then?” Lex shook her head with a sigh and paced in front of Sherry, stopping only when she reached the edge of her open door, leaning against it and looking at her friend.  “What are you up to?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Nothing.” Sherry answered softly.  “Just waiting I guess.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Dwight go with them too?” Lex was desperate to know as much as she could but it wasn’t like anyone she spoke to seemed to know much at all.  At least if she could find out who Negan took with him, then maybe she stood a chance at piecing together how important Negan’s mission outside the walls of the Sanctuary was.  Dwight, Sherry’s <em>ex</em>-husband, was one of the men that Negan seemed to rely heavily on, aside from Lex of course, and if he was gone, then something big was happening.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah, well, I guess technically he was with one of the groups, but he’s gone.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Stiffening up at the thought that she had been left behind, and left out of something super important, Lex tipped her head sideways and felt the pull of the muscles down her neck.  Had Negan deliberately left her behind, had he felt the need to not have her right there with him?  If that was the case, what exactly was he hunting?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Maybe he had simply decided to head out without bothering to wait for her, hell, maybe the matter was time sensitive, and now more than ever, Lex cursed herself for having to make way more pee stops than she was used to.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Did they leave long ago?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Not really.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Did he say anything about me?” Lex took a step towards her friend and tensed up as Sherry flinched.  Did that mean that Negan <em>had</em> said something about her?  Did he really not want her to go with him this time?  “Sherry?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don’t think so.  I just…he was one of the last ones to take off, I assumed he was waiting for your group to get back but when he walked out of the gates- I don’t know Lex, I don’t know what’s going on.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He took a <em>lot</em> of guys though.” Lex pointed out, her mind drifting to the fact that there were far less guards than usual through the entirety of the Sanctuary.  “Like, a <em>lot</em> of guys.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah, his best and brightest.” Sherry forced a sarcastic smile on her face and planted her hand on her hip for emphasis.  “Except for you apparently.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well if I hadn’t had to stop so I could pee about ten times on the way back then maybe I would’ve got back in time to go with him.” She grumbled, shaking her head in disappointment, except the only person she could blame was herself. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>This was on her, the reason she had been left behind was her own fault, if she had made it back in time, which she probably could’ve if she hadn’t felt the undeniable urge to empty her bladder every time she turned around, then she could’ve been right next to Negan, handling whatever it was that he was handling, and being the right hand woman that he deserved. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That seems like a lot of stops.” Sherry remarked.  “Everything all good?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don’t know…I mean, a normal person doesn’t pee that much, but fuck, I had to go, like I <em>really</em> had to go.  I felt bad for making them all wait for me.” Lex explained.  “It’s not like I had that much to drink either, I stopped drinking completely after the second stop.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Maybe you have a bladder infection.” Sherry suggested.  “Those are relatively easy to handle, right?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No offense Sher-bear, but I’d like a real medical opinion.” Lex chuckled.  “As much as I love you, you’re no doctor.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sherry rose up to her feet and waved her hand towards the door, ushering Lex through it before joining her in the hallway.  She stepped out of the way and let Lex pull her bedroom door shut, then she fell in stride next to her, the two of them wandering back down the halls and towards the doors that would lead them to the doctor.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They wandered in silence and when the two of them turned the corner to the hallway containing Carson’s ‘infirmary’, Lex took the lead and let her friend fall in behind her.  She knocked on the closed door and when it was opened, the two females stepped inside, Sherry walking over to the chair in the corner while Lex made quick work of hopping up onto the end of the table, her legs hanging over the edge while her palms pressed into the well-worn surface.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Glad to see you made it back in one piece.” Carson broke the silence and forced a smile in Lex’s direction.  “Heard you had a good haul.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah, sorry I couldn’t find you anything <em>fun</em>.” Lex replied with a small smile of her own.  “I know how much you’d like a bone saw, or some new scalpels.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’d settle for anything.” Carson nodded and waved a hand in her direction.  “What brings you in this time?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It wasn’t Lex’s first time sitting on the examination table, and it certainly wouldn’t be her last.  When she had first arrived at the Sanctuary, she had met Carson while he worked away at cleaning her up, making sure that none of her wounds, no matter how little, weren’t infected.  Luckily for her, the few scrapes, scratches and bruises weren’t anything to worry about and she had been given a clean bill of health.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There were other times though when she had arrived back from a supply run with a pretty nasty cut, yet Carson simply stitched her up, made sure she knew how to look for infection, and sent her on her merry little way.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s going to sound really stupid, but I had to pee a <em>lot </em>while I was out on the run.  I’m talking stopping every few minutes.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Any burning or itching?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What?” Lex’s eyes widened slightly and she shook her head.  “No, just…peeing, like normal <em>peeing</em>, only a lot more frequently.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So there was no pain?” Carson pressed and Lex shook her head again.  “Any blood or abnormalities in the urine?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I didn’t fucking study it.” Lex countered and let out a frustrated huff.  “I don’t think so…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“And when you did <em>go</em>, was it a usual amount?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes.” She nodded.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Then I don’t think we’re looking at any sort of urinary tract infection.” Carson said, more to himself than anyone.  “Were you drinking any more or less than usual?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Not to start with but I stopped drinking completely after the second pee break.” She explained.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Are you under any more stress than usual?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don’t- doc, we live in a stressful world.  Do you think that’s all it <em>could</em> be?  You really think I could just be peeing more because I’m <em>stressed</em>?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It <em>could</em>.” Carson responded.  “It could also mean there’s something more going on-”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We can chalk it up to stress.” Lex cut him off with a pointed look.  “I’ll take it day by day, how’s that sound.  If nothing changes in a little while, I’ll be back to see you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I…well…if that’s what you want.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s what I want.” Lex chirped and dropped her feet down to the floor while she slid off the end of the table.  “Glad we’re on the same page here.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Carson pressed his lips together but didn’t dare argue with her.  She knew how intimidating she could be, especially to the people that realized how close she was with their fearless leader.  No one was going to make Lex do anything she didn’t want to do, and frankly, she didn’t want there to be anything wrong with her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>If she could pretend she was okay, if she could convince herself that it was just stress that was causing her problems, then maybe she could handle it on her own, maybe it would go away without interference.  If Negan was out, that meant that she wouldn’t have any more runs until the next day at the earliest, and if she was still going to the bathroom as much as a waterfall by the time another mission came her way, then she’d pay a visit to Carson yet again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Just keep an eye out for things like blood or cloudiness, if you see any of that in your urine, then you better come find me immediately.” Carson spoke calmly but she could tell that he was desperate to tell her things that she didn’t want to hear.  If he could just stay on her good side-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’ll be the first person I call.” She scoffed and took a quick look around the room, surveying his little set up.  When Sherry set her hand on her back, Lex turned towards her and then let her friend lead her out of the room, the door clicking shut behind them.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re as stubborn as they come.” Sherry commented and Lex could only nod her agreement.  It was definitely a Walsh family trait.</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It wasn’t that she wasn’t tired, no, the reason for her not sleeping was because of a few things, and it wasn’t really anything new to her.  Sleep filled nights weren’t as easy to come by seeing as the world had gone to shit, but she had specific reasons this time for not being able to fall asleep.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>One: she was still busy dealing with the irritation of having to pee a lot more than normal, albeit not as bad as when she had been on the run, which greatly affected her ability to relax.  No, her stupid bladder didn’t get the message that it was night and that it was time for Lex to get some rest.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Two: since she wasn’t able to stop going to the bathroom, she decided that she was going to stay up, she was desperately going to try to stay awake until she heard word from Negan, or any of the men that he had sent out hunting before she had gotten back.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She wasn’t scared that he wouldn’t make it back to the Sanctuary alive, far from it, he was a man who knew how to take care of himself, but she wanted to lay her eyes on him, she wanted him to see for himself that <em>she</em> was okay, that just because she hadn’t made it back in time didn’t mean she wasn’t okay.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lex wasn’t entirely sure if he even cared, their relationship, if she could even call it that, was significantly one sided.  She wanted him, she <em>needed</em> him more than he needed her, as was evident by the fact that he had more than one wife outside of her.  She didn’t care though, no, all that mattered was that he <em>chose</em> to spend time with her, telling her things that even his most loyal of henchmen didn’t necessarily know.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The moon had risen high in the sky, there hadn’t been any sign of him.  And even when the moon started to fall, he was still gone.  It wasn’t until the bright white moon was disappearing from the darkened sky, all the while the sun was threatening to come up, that she felt the sweet relief of knowing that her Saviors were okay.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The first group arrived shortly after sunrise and Negan himself didn’t pull through the gates until breakfast was well under way, Lex sitting just inside the gates after a long night of not sleeping, watching as he pulled in, her eyes glued to the man in charge.  Part of her wanted to rush over to him and wrap her arms around him, thanking god that he had made it back to her, but she knew that he wouldn’t have appreciated that, he wasn’t that type of man.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Instead, she moseyed on closer to him and took in the sight, speckles of blood littered his black leather jacket, even marking the white t-shirt tucked underneath.  When her eyes caught sight of Lucille, the barbed wire covered bat that never left his side, she cringed and wondered what the hell had happened and why there was blood and flesh caught on the barbs surrounding the barrel.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Holding her breath, she took a step forward and cautiously approached him from the side, reaching her hand out, touching his glove covered hand with hers and drawing his attention towards her, his cocky smirk ever present on his face, making her feel the slightest bit relieved.  Well, that was a good sign, it meant that whatever he had set out to do had been a success and Lex was all for being near Negan when he had done what he wanted to do.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“She’s dirty.” Lex remarked and moved even closer to him, her shoulder brushing against his arm.  “Filthy even.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“She was fucking thirsty.” He replied, bravado lacing his tone.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What happened then?  Where did you go?” Lex quipped, trying to keep her tone light and carefree, not wanting him to think that she was desperate to see for herself that he was just fine.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“To put on the best fucking performance of my life.  Fucking Oscar worthy if I do say so myself.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“And you went out there without me?” She pressed, hoping that she hadn’t pushed too far.  While he wasn’t usually against her flirting with him in front of people, she also knew that there were times when he was best left alone.  Was this one of those times?  Was his amused smile something that was deceiving her, hiding a vicious streak of anger underneath his almost breezy exterior?  “Did I miss out on all the fun?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Fun’s not fucking over.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hmm,” she cocked her head sideways and wrapped her hand around the handle of Lucille, drumming her fingers against his and watching his grip loosening ever so slightly, giving in to her grasp, “can you promise me that?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You do a good fucking job of cleaning my favourite dirty girl here and I promise you Lex, the fun’s just getting fucking started.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>With the tiniest amount of reluctance, so tiny she barely caught it, he let go of the bat and she took sole possession of it.  She lifted it up and looked at the chunk of flesh hanging off of the end, dangling like it was nothing more than a thread stuck on the barbs.  It was adhered to the bat, clearly having gotten caught on one of the razor sharp pieces of barbed wire that had been delicately wrapped around the wood.  She caught the scent of the mutilated flesh and her eyes widened as she gagged, the putrid smell of rot flooding her nostrils.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>What the hell was happening to her, this wasn’t how she reacted, no, this wasn’t normal, this wasn’t...what was wrong with her?  Decay was all around her, Christ, walkers lined the fence outside as an extra means of protection, yet this…this one mangled, dangling piece of fresh flesh was pungent enough to make her gag, clearly being repulsed by the smell.  She shook her head and tipped her chin up, peering up at him and meeting his eyes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His grin widened and she pressed her lips together, desperate not to say anything that she was actually thinking.  She felt like such an idiot, hell, she was starting to wonder if she should even tell him about the run at this point, would he care that her group had to stop over and over again for her to pee, or would he get mad at her and wind up threatening her like he did with so many other things in the Sanctuary.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why didn’t you wait for me?” She asked softly and shied away from his piercing gaze.  Was asking him this particular question going to turn him against her?  Was he going to get annoyed with her questions, was he going to mistake her disappointment at being left behind for neediness? </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You were late, you weren’t fucking there when I was leaving.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sherry said you were one of the last ones to leave-”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You listen to fucking Sherry now?  Who do you belong to?  Who owns you?” He quipped and stepped around her, taking a stand behind her, his hands dropping down to rest on her shoulders.  She tensed under his touch but when his thumbs dug into her flesh, she bit back the urge to moan, the mere touch from his fingers setting her on edge.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You do.” She whimpered and shifted her right foot back further, trying to close the distance between them, wanting to feel his chest against her back.  He squeezed his fingers together, roughly pinching her shoulders, and she turned her head to the side and glanced up at him, peering over her shoulder. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Say it Lex, say my fucking name, don’t make me ask twice.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Negan.” His name rolled off her tongue and her entire body relaxed.  Well aware that he was trying to get the opposite to happen to her, she stepped forward and rounded on her feet, standing in front of him, Lucille gripped firmly in her hand.  “Negan.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re one fucked up woman, you know that?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I do.” She nodded her head. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I fucking like that about you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She took in an anxiously loud breath, waiting for him to make the next move.  When he peeled his hands completely away from her shoulders, she let out a sigh of disappointment, turning her body slightly to face him head on and looking up, catching him turn his attention towards the group that had just arrived back home.  She wasn’t sure what was going on, she didn’t know where they had gone, except out to ‘hunt’.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lex had been left behind, whether on purpose or simply because she hadn’t been back in time, and that didn’t sit well with her.  She just wanted to do her best to please him and be by his side, a place she felt she rightfully deserved to be.  Being left back at the compound was almost like a step back, and maybe he had found someone else, someone <em>better</em> to take her place at his side.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You have a fucking decent run of your own?” He asked, breaking the silence that had fallen over them.  He still wasn’t looking at her, but she didn’t care, so long as he was still willing to stand next to her and converse with her, then she was still a step ahead of most of his other men.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Got pretty much everything you were hoping for.” Lex answered, tightening her grip on Lucille.  “Everyone made it back in one piece.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What more can a guy fucking ask for?” He shook his head, a smile gracing his features.  “You’re a good fucking girl Lex.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She grinned at his compliment, “did you want me to help the guys unload?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No need.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“But didn’t you go hunting?  Didn’t you get anything?” She pressed and he tore his eyes off of whatever he was looking at, dropping his gaze down to look at her instead.  “That’s what Sherry…I mean…fuck-”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We were hunting, that’s for damn sure.” Negan answered crisply.  “Just not whatever the fuck you’re thinking.  Don’t you worry your fucking pretty little head about it Lex, your job now is to clean Lucille, let me worry about the rest.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Right.” She nodded.  “Clean Lucille…did you want…I mean, are you…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Just spit it the fuck out Lex.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Are you going to bed now?” She quipped, doing exactly what he had told her to do, spitting the words out without a second guess.  “You were out all night, Christ you must be tired.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh, I am Lex.” He grinned.  “But, like I told you, the fun’s not over.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She opened her mouth to counter but he strode forward, leaving her standing there all alone, Lucille dangling from her hand.  She lifted the bat up and bit down on her lip at the sight of the hunk of flesh still hanging there.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Good god, if she was supposed to clean off the stupid bat, she was going to have to pull it together, unless she could figure out a way to get the skin off the barbed wire without having to touch it.  With a shake of her head, she meandered towards the nearest building, <em>her</em> building, and headed through the hallways, making her way towards the bathrooms.  Before she could get there though, she stopped walking and turned right back around, marching back outside and laying her eyes on the walkers surrounding the compound; the very walkers that had been put there as a deterrent.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lex moved with lightning speed over to the fence and she hauled the bat up over her shoulder, readying herself to get rid of the chunk of flesh once and for all.  Before she could rethink what she was about to do, she swung Lucille at the chain link fence and watched as the flesh went flying into the area with all of the walkers.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>One of the ones chained up stretched out his arms, pulling at his restraints and reached desperately for the treat.  She watched in awe as he finally managed to nab it off the ground, shoving it into his mouth and barely chewing before it completely disappeared.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>With a shake of her head, she stepped back, moving away from the wall, and set her mind on to the task that she had been given.  She had to clean Lucille, she had to get her shining and spotless, and then her fun would begin.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She just hoped that whoever the flesh had belonged to had deserved what they got, and more importantly, she hoped that it didn’t belong to her brother.</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Lucille, everything came back to Lucille.  Lex had to make sure that the bat was cleaned up to the best of her ability and even then she had to make sure that Negan would be pleased.  If he wasn’t, well, she didn’t want to think about what could happen, and with the lingering threat of him not appreciating her work on his prized bat, she made due as best as she could.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>What <em>had </em>she been thinking though?  He had given her Lucille with the command to clean her off and Lex hadn’t even thought twice about it.  She had wanted to please him, to show him that she could be trusted, but surely she had to draw the line somewhere.  He had more control over her than she first believed yet somehow she had been distracted enough that she hadn’t managed to stop him when it all came down to it.   Was she supposed to argue with him and not do what she was told, well no, but surely there was a logical way to argue her value.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She could’ve been spending her time doing important things that would help in the long run instead of merely cleaning off the barbed-wire wrapped baseball bat.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Okay, it wasn’t all that bad though, right?  Sure it could be worse; she could’ve been stuck washing other people’s laundry, or cleaning out the bathrooms, but Lex was much more suited to being in a commanding role, not cleaning up whatever Negan demanded of her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But pleasing him was much too important to her.  She figured that if she didn’t continue to please him then he wouldn’t please <em>her</em> anymore, only the way he pleased her was much more desirable to her.  She loved being with him, she loved fucking him, and there was nothing that was going to get in her way when it came to sleeping with him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sucking in a breath, Lex closed in on the door to his bedroom, raising her hand awkwardly as she knocked.  She hated the set up that they had, she despised the idea that he still had wives that he could easily access if she wasn’t around.  The fact that she had to knock to get into his personal space bothered her too, because part of her always feared that she’d interrupt something that she didn’t ever want to know was going on in the first place.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lex could pretend he wasn’t still fucking his wives so long as she didn’t see it, it was an ‘out of sight, out of mind’ sort of deal for her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When the door was pulled open, she lifted Lucille up and immediately offered it to Negan, who grasped the handle and slowly moved it away from her grasp.  Lex crossed her arms over her chest and waited for his approval before she’d make her next move, whatever that happened to be.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Clean as a fucking whistle.” Negan remarked, a sly smirk growing on his lips.  “I knew I could fucking count on you Lex.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Does that mean we get to have fun now?” She pressed, treading carefully.  The man in front of her looked exhausted now that he was in his room, but Lex was undeterred.  She wanted him, she wanted to <em>be</em> with him, and she knew that he’d have a hard time turning her down if she played her cards right.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You fucking like games Lex?” Negan questioned and turned his back to her.  He waved her in with his free hand and wandered across the room, lifting Lucille up and setting her on the special perch reserved for the weapon.  Lex stepped into the room and closed the door behind her, leaning against it with her back and waiting for his next move.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It depends.” Lex answered with a shrug and he rounded to face her, tipping his head sideways to study her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m not a fucking fan.” Negan stated and her eyes widened at him, encouraging him to go on.  “I’m more of a straight fucking shooter kind of guy.  Maybe I should’ve waited for you to get back before I left, definitely could’ve used a fucking girl like you by my side last night.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Where did you go?” She asked and stiffened against the door as he wandered towards her.  He grabbed her chin with his hand and tipped her head back, taking a look at the jagged scar running along the back of her neck for a few seconds before turning his attention to her, his eyes boring into hers while she remained silent and still, unmoving in his grasp.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I was making sure that everyone fucking knows my name.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“And do they?” Lex murmured, cautiously lifting a hand up and gently wrapping her fingers around his wrist.  He loosened his grip on her chin but didn’t pull away.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Of fucking course.” His tongue darted out and ran over his lip.  “Boy do I have fucking good news for you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah?” She cooed and moved onto her tiptoes, desperately trying to get closer and closer to him, the distance between their bodies shrinking.  “What is it?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You and I, we’ve got a brand fucking new community to explore.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lex’s eyes widened and she cocked her head sideways, confused as to what exactly he was saying to her.  She didn’t realize there were all that many places left for him to own, but was what he had just said to her true, had he managed to put a stranglehold on someone else’s ‘safe’ place?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“When?” She breathed the word out and hoped for the best.  She didn’t want to ask too many questions for fear that she’d irritate him, but he had left so many things open, she didn’t understand what she was supposed to do.  “What exactly are you talking about?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Trust me Lex, this is a fucking good thing.” He beamed at her and leaned forward the tiniest little bit.  There were mere inches between their face and she opened her mouth to counter but he closed the distance between his lips and her neck, kissing and nipping at the delicate skin there.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She gaped, rendered silent by his actions and when his hand that had been gripping her chin roamed downward, his fingertips ghosting over her throat, she shuddered.  He pulled his lips away from her just long enough to spin her around, forcing her forward, her front pressing against the door roughly as he leaned against her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>With her back flush against his chest, he hesitated for a split second before slipping his strong arm around her waist, drawing her even closer to him, if that was at all possible.  He had to know that she was ready, he had to know that there was more to her journey to his room than for her to simply return Lucille.  He had promised her fun and fun she would have as a moan escaped her lips, Lex excited by how aroused she was at his touch. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Yes, she liked this part, <em>a lot</em>; especially when touching led to kissing, which led to more, hell there wasn’t even a tiny piece of her that would ever tire of being with Negan intimately.  She was the perfect match for him, she was the perfect woman for the leader of the Saviors.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Negan’s fingers trailed upwards, under the t-shirt that was adorning her body, and he grazed his thumb across her nipple, over her bra, smirking as he felt it harden under his touch.  Her back arched slightly and she squirmed in his grasp before finally straightening up, a small whimper sounding out, erupting over her lips. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I need you inside of me.” She murmured but made no effort to pull away from him.  He didn’t respond to her with words, instead, he leaned forward, pressing a rough kiss against the top of her shirt-covered shoulder, hoping that maybe he could distract her for a little bit before the main event. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Shhh.” Negan hummed and gave her nipple a rough pinch with his calloused fingers. Her entire body jerked slightly but she still didn’t move away from him, much to his delight.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I can’t- I want you to…fuck, please, fuck me.” She continued speaking but Negan was uninterested in what she had to say, no, he was more interested in what the two of them could do, <em>together</em>.<br/><br/></p>
<p>“You belong to me.” He growled at her.  A shiver coursed through her body and she sucked in a sharp breath as he freed his hand from her breast.  “You belong <em>with </em>me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I know, god Negan!” She countered, her hand coming upwards and her fingers wrapping around his wrist, guiding his hand back to her chest.  He continued to use his fingers to pinch and squeeze her nipple with one hand while his other hand trailed over her hip and lingered on the inside of her jean clad thigh, feeling the need from her with ease. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lex’s hands traveled downwards quickly and she unfastened the buttons on her pants, unzipping the zipper shortly after.  She shed her jeans, pushing then down along with her underwear, kicking her shoes off when she encountered them and stood in front of him bare from the waist down.  Negan matched her actions with his own and forced her shirt upwards, pulling it over her head while Lex unclasped her bra, letting the garment fall away from her chest and leaving him with unrestricted access to her breasts.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“This is hardly fair.” She whined and reached her hand back behind her, grabbing at the leather of his jacket.  “You’re not even close to naked.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Patience Lex, fucking patience.”  Negan snarled and she blew out a breath.  “You have a few fucking things to learn.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re the one that left me behind.” She remarked and twisted her body sideways so that she could meet his eyes with ease.  His hands touch her body, one going right back to her breast and his other hand remaining on her thigh, his fingers drumming against her skin. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>When he was confident in his hands, she wiggled her hips slightly and he slipped a finger inside of her, narrowing his eyes to meet hers while plastering a smug smirk onto his face.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Wet again.” He purred, not entirely surprised at what he had found between her legs.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Always.” She breathed the word out and scowled at him.  “For you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You should’ve come back on time, like I was fucking expecting.  Then I wouldn’t have left you here.” Negan explained to her and she tipped her head back on, arching her back slightly and crossing one leg over the other, forcing his hand away from her and his fingers from inside of her.  “What are you doing?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You treat me like I’m a complete idiot.” She remarked, her lips turning up into a smirk that rivaled his.  “Need I remind you of what I’ve done for this place, of what I’ve done for you?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His eyes bore into hers but she didn’t move a muscle, she had gone too far to back down now.  Whatever games she was playing, Negan didn’t like it, but he wasn’t going to let her know that, not yet anyways.  She could think that she was in control all she wanted but she wasn’t, not by a long shot, and he knew that the sooner she understood that, the easier things would be for Lex.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Things would still run smoothly without you.” Negan argued and pressed his palm against her thigh, trying to force her legs apart so that he could get back to what he had been doing before she had dared to go against him.  “Don’t you, for one fucking second, think that you’re the one leading the charge.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hmm?” She continued to smile at him, reaching her own hand out to run her fingernails across his leather clad chest.  Negan was quick to straighten up though and he moved to stand against her side so that there was no space left between their bodies.  If she wanted to play, then he was going to give her the game of the century.  “You say that like being in control is the best thing but see, haven’t you figured out by now that by giving up <em>some</em> control, things are so much <em>better</em>?  Don’t you trust me?  Don’t you know that I’d never, <em>ever</em> do anything to jeopardize your hierarchy here?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He took a step back and released his hold on her completely.  When he waved his hand in the direction of his bed, Lex wasn’t going to hesitate.  She pranced over to the bed and climbed on top of it, sitting down on the covers as she watched him slowly, confidently, strip himself out of his clothes. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>First he peeled off his jacket like it was a second skin, carefully laying it out over the back of the chair in the corner.  Then he peeled his t-shirt off, Lex sucking in a breath as she studied his bare chest, loving the fact that he was hers and hers alone for the time being.  When his boots, socks and pants came off, she straightened up her spine and rolled onto her side.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Negan’s eyes dropped down, taking in the sight of her perky breasts but he shook his head and tried to focus back on her face, even if it was just for a second.  There was obviously a lot more that he wanted to make clear to her, and Lex wasn’t about to try distracting him at this point.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He closed in on her and climbed onto the bed with her, closing the distance between their bodies.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Without warning, she pressed her chest against him and slipped her arms around his neck, meeting his lips with a passionate kiss, breaking his whole ‘no kissing’ rule.  She didn’t care, she wanted to taste him, she wanted it so bad that whatever punishment she would face later would be worth it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Negan’s body shuddered in her hold and before he could help himself, his hands were gripping her hips, holding her steady so that she couldn’t simply get away from him.  Breaking the kiss, she shifted against him, moving her body and bringing her one leg over his, straddling his waist as the two of them sat in the sheets, staring into one another’s eyes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Fuck me already?” She quipped, cocking her head to the side with the hopes that he was getting her message loud and clear; she was ready for him, and she wasn’t going to wait much longer.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He stared at her for a few seconds and she let out a laugh at his perturbed expression.  Relaxing slightly, she made a move to get away from him but his arms banded around her waist, holding her in front of him, keeping her right where he wanted her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Closing the distance between their lips once again, she kissed him hard and let him deepen the kiss this time, hoping that this would be the start of something new.  Lex hated sharing him, she hated the idea that she wasn’t the only girl for him and if she could just get him to agree to her terms-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Negan gripped her hard and held her steady as he rolled over, moving on top of her as her back connected with the bed below.  He felt her legs wrap around his hips and when he dared to break this kiss, she let out a soft, desperate whine, hating the feeling of her lips not being on his.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He didn’t make her wait long though, before she could even brace herself, he lined himself up with her entrance and drove himself to the hilt inside of her, eliciting another desperate whine from her.  He didn’t move though, he didn’t pull out, he merely kept still while she tried to get him to do <em>something</em> so that she’d feel pleasure.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He wanted her to beg, he wanted her to plead with him, to make her need him so desperately that she’d have to realize she wouldn’t be able to do anything without his consent.  He craved for her to give in to him, for her to accept that she was his and she belonged to him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Negan.” She whimpered and tried to lean forward in an attempt to feel him move inside of her, but he pressed his chest against hers, pinning her to the bed so that she could hardly move at all.  “Please?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He could see the tiniest hint of fear in her eyes but what she didn’t know was that she had nothing to be afraid of.  He would never hold her against her will, he’d never force her to stay if she didn’t want to, he merely wanted her to realize on her own that she couldn’t play games with him without facing dire consequences.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Please.” She let out a huff and turned her head to the side at the complete lack of movement on his part.  “If you’re not going to move then maybe we can use this as the perfect opportunity to talk about you and me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He didn’t budge, he didn’t know what she was trying to accomplish, but he wasn’t going to give in to her.  He was in charge and the sooner she accepted that, and recognized that, then the sooner he’d give her exactly what she wanted.  All she had to do was submit.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>If he responded to her, that meant that she could win, that she could hold something over him, and he certainly didn’t want that.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Negan moved his hips the tiniest little bit, watching as her mouth opened in a pleasurable moan, but once again, he stilled inside of her, not giving her the satisfaction that she so desperately craved.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don’t know if I <em>really </em>want to fuck you right now.” Negan jeered and ground his hips against hers.  She pressed her lips together, biting back the urge to moan but he lifted his one hand up and grabbed her chin again, forcing her to look at him.  When she met his eyes, her lips turned upwards into a small smile.  “What the fuck?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Let me up.” She teased and he let his eyes fall shut, a frustrated sigh erupting from over his lips.  “Honestly, if you think one of your wives could do a better job-”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He leaned back and pulled his length right out of her, watching as she tried to sit up, desperate to get her hands on him and get him right back to where he had been seconds earlier.  He held her down and she took her bottom lip in between her teeth with a look of sheer desperation on her face.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That’s what I fucking thought.  You need this Lex.” Negan muttered and dropped his gaze downwards, drinking in the sight of her naked form underneath him.  She let out a whimper and he loosened his grip on her, letting her have the freedom to move her body.  As swiftly as she could, she sat up and lunged at him, wrapping her arms around his shoulders.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The two of them rolled sideways on the bed and she clung to him, not wanting to break the contact.  He growled at the movement but she wasn’t giving in, she merely held on to him and when he was back on top of her, he gave her no warning before he drove his length right back into her, silencing her immediately.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Her head reared back as she cried out in delight, Negan’s mouth latching on to her shoulder and she rocked her hips along with his as he drove into her, pulled nearly all the way out, and then moved back inside of her again.  She locked her ankles at his lower back, keeping him from being able to pull out of her completely.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Don’t stop.” She hissed.  “Please don’t stop.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Beg Lex.” Negan countered and decreased his movements to a painstakingly slow pace.  She dug her heels into his lower back, trying to draw him in, but he resisted, clearly waiting for an appropriate response to his demand.  “<em>Beg</em>.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Fuck!” She roared.  “Fine, you win!  Just fuck me and fuck me hard!  Please Negan, <em>please</em>!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He didn’t need anything more than that and without hesitating for another second, he pushed himself inside of her as far as he could, leaning down to kiss at her neck, nipping gently as she moaned and writhed beneath him.  She turned her head away from him but rested her palm against the back of his head, holding his mouth against her shoulder.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His palms roamed up her body, his one hand pressing against her breast as his thumb brushed back and forth against her nipple, which only caused her to moan louder.  He could feel her walls starting to clench around him and before she had a chance to come, he ceased his movements all together and leaned his head back to meet her eyes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You can’t just stop!  I fucking begged you like you wanted!” She barked, her hand coming out to latch onto his hip, her nails biting into his skin as she squeezed his flesh.  “God dammit!  What more do you want from me?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Fucking nothing.” He stated, eerily calm as he hovered above her.  “Forgive me for fucking stopping but I just wanted to see the fucking look on your face when you came.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A growl rumbled from deep within her belly and at the mere sound of it, he lurched forward, beginning a strong, steady rhythm of thrusting in and out of her.  With each move he made, she let out a pleasurable noise and within minutes, he had her right where he wanted her, right at the brink of orgasm.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>With one last deep thrust, he felt her clench him tightly as she cried out, her entire body writhing as she finally reached her orgasm.  Before he could give her a smug smirk though, she leaned into the side of his neck and nipped at his skin, Negan shuddering at the motion and found his own orgasm taking over.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She didn’t let go of him, she didn’t let him get anywhere close to getting away as he too shook from the aftershock, feeling himself softening within her.  Letting out a soft sigh, she relaxed her body onto the sheets and freed her lips from his skin, Negan’s fingers running gently through her hair.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re amazing at that.” She hummed and he freed himself from her core, tumbling over her so that he was lying next to her.  She curled up against his chest and made sure to cover her body with the covers.  “I don’t particularly like begging but I guess I can live with it so long as I get mind blowing orgasms.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Damn fucking right.” Negan responded as he simply gathered her into his arms, settled into the sheets and held her against him knowing that she wasn’t going to go anywhere.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She was his and he was <em>hers</em>, she just had to make sure he felt the same.</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The soft material of the sheets hugged her body nicely, not moving against her skin as she felt herself waking up days after she had spent the night wondering where Negan had gone.  Sleep had always been something that had come with great difficulty when she had been on the road, but she wasn’t out there alone anymore, she wasn’t a sitting duck waiting for the threats to come at her and she knew that she no longer had to fear the walking dead, not like she once had, not since she had been alone.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They were still out there, they’d always be out there, hell, they’d never truly go away, but the walkers were really more of a nuisance at this point in time than a real threat, except to those that had been sheltered since the beginning, those like some of the people living in the Sanctuary.  Lex knew there were far too many Saviors walking around thinking they were hot shit, thinking they <em>knew</em> what was truly out there, but she was aware that they were wrong, so very, very wrong.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And wasn’t that the real reason why she was in the position of command that she was instead of any one of the others?  Wasn’t that the very reason that Negan had chosen her, had kept her safe and by his side through the good and bad of the building up of the Sanctuary?  She was one of his best followers, leading without causing rebellion, following the rules without breaking them.  Just because she was Negan’s favourite (at least in her mind), didn’t mean she received any sort of preferential treatment-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Okay, so maybe that wasn’t entirely true, she <em>did</em> get preferential treatment, but it wasn’t like the man in charge was going to want to invite <em>all</em> of his henchmen into bed with him, it wasn’t like he stripped them down to nothing and spent hour after hour getting to know their most intimate places (inside and out), not like her, <em>never</em> like her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Hell, even Negan’s wives had taken a backseat when she had shown up.  He hadn’t stopped sleeping with them completely, but Lex had made it very clear that she wasn’t about to play second fiddle to his stupid little harem of women willing to throw themselves at him just because he was some big strong man who took care of what belonged to him.  She was better than that, she was stronger than that, her brother had made sure of it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lex could feel the man’s less than gentle touch against her flesh, his calloused finger running along the three inch jagged scar that wound up the back of her neck, stopping just below her ear.  He had asked about it before, he had wondered what it was from, but she had never had the courage to admit the truth about what happened, especially not when she had first arrived at the Sanctuary.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Things were different though, things were better between them, and she knew that no matter how intimidating or scary the rest of the Saviors found Negan to be, she wasn’t afraid.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There were far worse things in the world than a man who craved power.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Stop.” She murmured, burying her face deeper into the pillow, the well-worn material still soft against her cheek.  “Negan, stop, please.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re such a nice god damn piece of ass.” He replied quickly and shifted his finger slightly so that the tip of his nail ran up her skin, over her scar, instead.  “Why don’t you fucking tell me what happened?  I’m dying to fucking know who managed to do <em>that</em> to you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s not a big deal.” She let out a sigh and rolled onto her back, forcing his hand away from her neck.  She scooted up in the bed, bringing the sheets with her as she hugged them against her naked chest, turning slightly to face him a little more directly.  “Can you please just let it go, it’s not like there’s anything you or I can do about it now.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His cold stare usually reserved for people who had pissed him off softened the tiniest little bit and he blew out a tense breath of his own, bringing his body up the bed and moving so that he was sitting in the pillows beside her.  The sheets fell downwards, just barely covering him below the waist, but Lex wasn’t concerned, it certainly wasn’t anything she hadn’t seen before.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He lifted his one arm up and ran it through his hair, forcing the dark locks backwards while Lex twisted her legs, curling towards him and leaning against his side, nuzzling her face into his chest and pressing a kiss against his skin.  She knew how to handle him after the many, many nights spent with him, she knew how far she could push him before he’d counter, she knew what to do to him to get him to relax, and in return, he knew her just as well, inside and out.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Just think though, the guy that did that to me is dead.” Lex stated vaguely, not wanting to get into the details of what had really happened to her.  Looking back on it, she was glad that her wound had happened so soon into the start of things, when supplies were more readily available, but the scar was a permanent reminder of the time she had faced death and come out alive.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Same fucking ass who did this to you?” He leaned down to get a better look at her face and used the tip of his thumb to gently poke at the faint little scar on her cheek, just under her eye.  She scoffed in response and shook her head, tipping her chin up in order to get a better look at the man in charge.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That’s from my brother.” She chuckled and ran the tips of her fingers back and forth across his chest, attempting to soothe him as much as she could.  Getting angry at the man who had hurt her wasn’t going to do either of them any good, especially when she had taken care of it at the time that it had happened.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He fucking dead too?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lex offered up a shrug as her best response.  She didn’t know if he was dead, she hoped that Shane wasn’t gone but she hadn’t seen him since before shit hit the fan.  It was very possible that he was dead and in the ground, it was also very possible that he had turned into one of the walking dead, but no matter what, she wasn’t going to lose hope until she knew for certain; one way or another.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Her search for Shane had come to a halt months, maybe even years, earlier but she wasn’t giving up on him, she just figured that there would come a time when things would fall into place.  Plus it wasn’t like she wanted to be stuck out in the world on her own, searching for someone that she didn’t even know was still alive or not.  It was a big, scary world out beyond the walls and Lex wasn’t ready to waltz back into it by herself.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don’t know.” She said softly, breaking the semi-awkward silence that had fallen over them.  “But if anyone <em>could</em> survive this, it’d be my brother.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Negan peeled himself away from her and swung his legs sideways, planting his feet on the floor beside the bed.  Lex let him go and when he was standing up, she collapsed back into the bed and let out a rough growl, turning her head slightly in order to watch him as he paced the room and grabbed his discarded pants off the back of one of the chairs in the corner.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We’ve got shit to do.” He stated stiffly and she lifted her head up, her eyes locked on him as he grabbed hold of her old, nearly worn out jeans that had ended up not too far from his own clothes.  “Get your smoking hot ass in gear.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Always in such a hurry.” She groaned and rolled her eyes at him. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lex threw the covers off of her body and sat up on the edge of the bed, just in time for him to toss her jeans at her.  She nabbed them but didn’t make a move to put them on, instead, she stood up and pranced across the room towards his discarded leather jacket, grabbing it from where it resided and pulling it on, feeling the cool material against her bare arms as she slipped her arms into the sleeves.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Negan’s eyes met hers and he shook his head at her in disapproval but when his amused smile showed up, she knew that she had him right where she wanted him.  Lex hugged the leather tighter against her skin and reveled in the cool lining, as well as the faint smell of the garment.  She loved it, she loved it even more when <em>he</em> wore it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m going to have to fucking get you one of those for yourself.” Negan remarked, his tone evidently amused as she continued to saunter towards him, closing in on him with ease.  He didn’t move, no, instead, he seemed to wait for her to approach him and when she was standing just in front of him, he closed the distance between them and slipped his arm around her waist, pulling her chest flush against him.  “Take it off.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lex took her bottom lip in between her teeth and looked up at him through her lashes, knowing how truly turned on she could make him.  She could feel the telltale sign of his hardness against her thigh but she didn’t make a move to do what she was told, refusing to give in to even his simplest command.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why do you have to leave so soon?” She purred and relaxed in his hold, but his arm remained firmly around her midsection.  “There’s so much more we can do here, nothing says good morning like sex, lots and <em>lots</em> of sex.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Remember, I can put you back on the fucking points system-”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why would you do that?” She countered with a mischievous gleam in her eye.  “Let one of your other Saviors spend night after night with a smoking hot piece of ass like mine?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I have other fucking wives Lex.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Okay.” She mumbled and made a move to pull away, but Negan’s grip on her never loosened.  She dragged her hand up his chest and set her palm on his shoulder, shifting on to her tiptoes and meeting his eyes.  “Okay well you have fun with them then.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Finally</em>, he let her go, sweeping his arm away from her quickly and stepping around her but Lex didn’t budge.  She crossed her arms over her chest and sucked in a breath, wondering what the day truly held for her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Negan was a busy man, she wasn’t denying that fact, but surely he could spare her a few more minutes before they wandered out into the harsh reality outside of his room.  The walkers would still be out there five, ten, fifteen minutes from now, but Lex knew that she wouldn’t have his attention quite like this for a while.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Things were shifting, she had felt it even before he had gone out on his little hunting trip.  Something wasn’t sitting right with her, and she knew that Negan’s attention was slowly moving away from her and onto bigger, more important things, like asserting his dominance onto things that hadn’t belonged to him- until now.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When she turned around, she spotted the man in question sitting on the edge of the bed nearly completely dressed.  He had apparently located his white t-shirt and pulled it on over his head, he had one of his boots on and done up and was currently working on the other one, his eyes focused on the task at hand.  She threw her head back with a huff and wandered over towards him, stopping to stand in front of him, her hands coming to rest of the sides of his neck.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Negan peered up at her and she cocked her head sideways, curious as to what his plan for the day entailed.  Was she part of it or was he going to push her even further out of the loop than he already had when he had left her behind?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You really want to know how I got this scar?” She quipped and his fingers traced the jagged edges on the side of her neck once again.  She let her hands roam over his shoulders and move downwards, running along his sides and stopping at the waist of his pants, where she quickly started working away at his belt.  “I’ll tell you, if you promise not to go out there and leave me here.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Never fucking said you were staying here.” He teased.  “This is a story I got to fucking know though, bet it’s a real riveting tale.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well,” she paused, her slender fingers continuing to work away at undoing the belt he had just put on.  When she freed it from the buckle, she unbuttoned his pants and sucked in a breath, her eyes locking on his.  “I was with this guy when the world went to shit, he was my boyfriend and we planned on heading down towards Atlanta because that’s where my brother was supposed to be.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Good fucking start.” Negan nodded his head and Lex undid the zipper of his pants, Negan standing up for a split second to push them down, over his hips, giving her unobstructed access to him and his hard on.  “Keep talking Lex.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Mmm, hang on.” She cooed and stroked his hardness, sucking in a breath before stepping towards him and lowering herself downwards to sit on his lap.  With a leg on either side of his thighs, she paused only to line him up with her entrance.  “I want you, <em>so</em> bad right now.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You promised me a fucking story.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah, I know,” she moaned as she straddled him, feeling him move inside of her as she wiggled her hips slightly, “so we packed up our shit, got in the car with my dog King and we take the fuck off for Atlanta in search of my idiot brother.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His hands grasped at her hips roughly, fingers biting in to her skin as she arched her back, his leather jacket brushing against her breasts with just enough friction to make her shiver, which only seemed to make his hold on her tighten.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Keep fucking talking.” Negan demanded, leaning closer to her, his lips pressing kisses along her exposed collarbone, the scent of his own leather jacket flooding his nostrils as he moved</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We were stuck on the road for a few days and one night we decide to stop, so me and King curl up in the backseat and my boyfriend-”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sounds like a fuckhead.” Negan commented, breaking in on her story, but he still held her hips steady as he turned sideways, rolling them both onto the bed.  Lex’s back was against the sheets and he held himself above her, thrusting into her slowly in an attempt to drive her insane.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“My boyfriend, yeah, he was a total fuckhead.” She tipped her head sideways and tried to move forward, desperate to get closer to him, to get him deeper inside of her.  “I guess that’s a good word for him-”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Negan closed the distance between his mouth and the side of her neck, right where her scar was, and he kissed and nipped at her skin, all the while continuing his rhythmic motions, feeling her matching his every move.  Her nails clawed at his shoulders but he didn’t let up, instead, he paused just long enough to look her in the eye and smirk at her, silently telling her to keep going with her story.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“King started barking that night and he wouldn’t stop.” Lex hesitated, if only to let out a pleasurable moan.  “I don’t know what he was barking at, hell, if I knew, I could’ve stopped my boyfriend, but before I knew what was happening, he was saying I needed to ‘shut my mutt up’.  God, poor King would <em>not</em> stop barking.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Your boyfriend ever fuck you like this?” Negan cut in and she ran her one hand down his back, her fingers pressing in to his hip and desperately trying to pull him closer to her, wanting him deeper inside of her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He killed my dog.” Lex said softly.  “In the car, while I was holding him.  I buried him the next day.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Prick.” Negan muttered and made a move to pull away but Lex grabbed at him.  He rolled them both over and found his head in the pillows, Lex sitting on top of him while she ground her hips against his.  “Fuck Lex.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I refused to speak to him, for days we went on trying to get to Atlanta and he’d keep trying to get me to talk to him, pleading for me to say something, <em>anything</em>.  I think it drove him insane.  Here we were, the only people around for miles and I wouldn’t say one damn word to him and one day he just…fuck!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She could feel it building, deep in the pit of her belly, and she knew that she was close, so fucking close to coming from his movements.  This was precisely what she had in mind when she started telling her story, but even now she wasn’t sure she was ready for it to be over. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Negan’s fingers gripped her hips tighter, his nails biting into her skin as she continued to move up and down on him.  He couldn’t help but smile, knowing that he was the one responsible for her upcoming release.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He snapped.” She managed to get the words out through baited breaths.  “Fuck, he snapped.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Like you’re about to fucking do?” He tried to sit up slightly and Lex leaned back, his jacket still covering her top half.  “Come on Lex, come for me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He attacked me.” She sucked in a breath of air and rolled her shoulders back, wanting nothing more than to prolong her release.  “I shot him before he could do any real damage but he gave me my scar, he managed to get the tip of his blade against my neck before I pulled the trigger.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Where’d you fucking shoot him?” Negan pressed, shifting his hand upwards before ghosting his fingers over her scar.  “Hope it was the god damn balls.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Between the eyes.” She breathed the words out.  “I left him there, in the middle of a field, to rot.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Should’ve fucking fed him to the walkers.” Negan hissed and with one swift movement, he twisted his hips and forced her sideways, landing on the bed with a soft thud without breaking contact.  She felt her back press against the mattress one more time, the pressure alternating with each and every thrust that he made.  “Best damn meal they ever would’ve had.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I took all of his stuff.” She whispered and peered up at him, her eyes locked with his.  “Every last thing.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Fuck Lex.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You don’t kill a girl’s dog.” Lex stated, her fingers grasping at the hair at the base of his neck, her grip tightening with each second.  “Not unless you have a death wish.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Fucking glad he’s fucking dead, I’d hate for him to have to watch me fuck his girlfriend like she’s never been fucked before.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She tossed her head back and let out a laugh, feeling her blood rush through her, her veins feeling as thought they were filled to maximum capacity, the pleasure ready to explode within her.  Neither one said anything more and while Negan continued his movements, she simply basked in the feeling of being with him, in the safety of the Sanctuary, in the bed that she one day hoped he would share with her, and her alone.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His lips connected with her shoulder at the very same time that she felt her release, but she couldn’t make much of a sound, her thoughts preoccupied by his passionate kissing and licking of her skin.  She felt her lungs burning, her body trembling and when he finally pulled back, he grinned down at her, but didn’t pull out, moving a few more times in and out of her before his own release.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Get fucking dressed Lex, we’ve got shit to do.” He laughed and freed himself from her, leaning back on his knees while he fumbled with his pants, buttoning them at the front, all the while straddling her.  She hugged his jacket against her chest and rolled onto her side, letting out a groan of protest.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I fucking hate you.” She grumbled.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Points system Lex, fucking points system.” He continued to laugh while he made his way off the bed, planting his feet on the floor.  “Remember your fucking place.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Always.” She let out a soft sigh.  “Right next to you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lex curled up within the covers, listening to him as he walked around the room, getting ready to leave the safety of his bedroom.  Lex reluctantly peeled herself out of his jacket, shedding it like a second skin before tossing it towards the end of the bed, watching him in awe as he grabbed it and pulled it on, zipping it up to his chest.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Don’t fucking stay in here too long.” Negan chided and without another word to her, he grabbed his trusty barbed wire wrapped bat and left the room, leaving Lex all on her own.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Fucking Lucille.” She muttered, cursing the bat.  “Loves that thing more than anything.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Letting out another groan, she dropped her head into the pillows and sucked in a breath.  She had some time before he’d get too mad and she wasn’t about to give up the comfort of his bed.  The world would still be shit when she got up.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Each and every time that she wandered outside, she had to take a few minutes to remind herself that she wasn’t alone anymore, there were other people here, people that she could talk to, people that she could trust.  She was safe, well, as safe as she could be considering the absolute mess that the world had become.  People dying and then coming back to life only to hunt down the rest of those that were still living, the only appropriate term that came to mind was ‘absolute shit’.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When people had started turning, when they had started hunting the ones left alive, Lex had nearly turned her back on the world, but being here, being a part of the Sanctuary, had nearly restored her faith in humanity.  Not everyone was bad, not everyone was out for themselves, there were a few good ones still left out there, and she knew that this was the best place for her, for her survival.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She wasn’t going to leave, she wasn’t going to take off, not unless, by some miracle, she had managed to get a good, strong lead on her brother.  Knowing that the chances of her finding him were slim didn’t necessarily bother her, she still held out hope that one day she’d lay her eyes on Shane again, but for now, she was safe and secure behind the walls, Negan’s walls, and she knew how lucky she really was.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Unlike some of the others living within the confines of the Sanctuary, Lex was one of the few who could wander around with weapons in her grasp.  She was close to Negan, too close for some people, but that didn’t bother her.  She wasn’t afraid of them and she certainly wasn’t worried about what they would do to her.  They followed the rules, and anyone who didn’t, well their fate was sealed and Lex didn’t wish meeting Lucille on even her greatest enemies.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Marching through the Sanctuary, desperate to lay her eyes on the man who had left her in bed, Lex knew that people were looking at her as she passed, some probably debating whether to kneel, much like they were supposed to do when Negan walked by.  She wasn’t like him though, not yet anyways, but would the day come?  Would she be able to play the role of Queen to his King?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Lex!  Alexa!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Spinning around at the sound of her name, she locked eyes with one of Negan’s wives, the one that she knew wasn’t really interested in the man, not like she was.  Sherry had a husband, who was still alive, and he was in the very place that the two females called home.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Yet circumstances had put a damper on her relationship and in order to save Dwight, Sherry had given up her dignity- not that Lex could blame her. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Don’t call me Alexa.” Lex growled and slowed down, waiting for Sherry to jog to catch up to her.  When her relatively good friend fell in next to her, Lex began moving once again, only this time she let Sherry lead the way.  “Lex, always Lex.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Alexa’s such a pretty name.” Sherry remarked with a teasing smile.  “Much more feminine, much less…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sherry, we go through this every fucking time.” Lex grumbled and ran her hand across her hip before planting it there and shooting her pal a glare.  “Alexa was the weak little woman who let her boyfriend shoot her dog.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Alright, alright.” Sherry raised her hands in surrender.  “Point taken…speaking of which, have you told Negan about that yet?  You always tell me how he asks about your scar.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“This morning.” Lex nodded and paused in her movements.  She wasn’t entirely sure where Sherry was going, she didn’t know what the woman had planned, and now that she really stopped to think about it, she wasn’t entirely sure if she truly wanted to follow her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sherry stopped in her movements too and ran her hands down the front of her floral summer dress, smoothing out any wrinkles that might’ve wound up there.  Lex fought off the urge to shake her head at the stark contrast of their outfits: Sherry, who rarely ventured outside of the walls, clearly underestimated what was lingering in the world.  Her wedge sandals were totally impractical for running away from threats and the fact that she didn’t have something to cover her arms or legs only seemed to spur Lex on. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>She cared about this woman, she genuinely liked her, they were friends.  But Sherry had no clue how to be prepared.  Was this what the Sanctuary was doing to people?  Was it letting people relax so much so that they let their guard fall too?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Do you have somewhere to be?” Sherry quipped and looked her friend up and down.  “Negan expecting you?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don’t know, I mean, he said that we had shit to do, but he just left me this morning.” Lex explained vaguely.  “What are you up to?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sherry turned her head away from her and looked at the building nearby.  Lex followed her gaze and narrowed her eyes in on the sight in front of them.  Well huh, apparently Sherry was on a mission of her own, apparently she had somewhere to be.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Going to see Carson.” Sherry answered, Lex easily hearing how anxious she was in her tone.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Doc Carson?  Why?  What the fuck’s wrong with you?  Something happen between now and the last time you went to see him with me?” Lex whipped her head sideways and fixed Sherry with a pointed look, but Sherry simply looked past Lex, avoiding her eyes.  “Seriously, you okay?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m <em>fine</em>.” Sherry insisted but she still refused to meet Lex’s eye.  “I just need a pregnancy test, that’s all.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh, I didn’t know you and Dwight were-”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Lex,” Sherry cut her off and turned her head to face her, a worried look in her eyes, “it wouldn’t <em>be</em> Dwight’s.  He hasn’t dared to touch me since…since the whole iron thing.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh.” Lex’s eyes dropped down towards her feet and she crossed her arms over her chest, considering what exactly her friend was telling her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The only other man that Sherry would be with was obviously Negan, and she knew that.  Sherry was his wife, one of many, so why did her heart pick up in pace at the female’s explanation?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It wasn’t like the idea hadn’t crossed her mind in the past, she <em>knew</em> that Negan was intimate with more than just her, but for some reason, she had believed that she was enough, she had believed that she was all he really, truly needed, even if he already had the wives before she had shown up. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Taking her bottom lip in between her teeth, Lex considered the harsh reality.  Had there been nights when she hadn’t slept curled up next to him in his bed recently?  Had she let him get away from her while she remained curled up in the bed by herself?  And what about during the day, there were way too many instances to count that Lex had seen Negan in the morning, then not again until the sun had gone down.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sure he was a busy man, but that didn’t mean he didn’t have time to pay a visit to his wife Sherry during the day, right?  There was plenty of opportunity for him to get near his other wives while the sun was high in the sky, and the idea that Lex didn’t know about these potential meet-ups rattled her to the core.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She prided herself on being aware of her surroundings, including the people in them, but Negan, god Negan could go wherever he wanted, whenever he wanted and no one would think twice about it.  Even if they did, it’s not like anyone would say anything for fear of being punished.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“When was the last time…” Lex questioned but trailed off, instead choosing to tip her head from side to side, hoping that Sherry was picking up what she was putting down.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Me…and Negan…it’s uh, it’s been a <em>long</em> time.” Sherry confessed.  “Over a month I’d say.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Huh.” She grunted.  “Well that’s good to know.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Lex, don’t- don’t be like that.  It’s not like I want-”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Doc Carson really has pregnancy tests?” Lex cut her off and took a step towards the med building.  “God- and if you know that, does that mean this isn’t the first time?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sherry didn’t make a move to respond, she didn’t bother saying a word either.  Lex wasn’t the type of person that she wanted to piss off, even if it wasn’t necessarily her fault, but this was something that was unavoidable at this point in time. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lex reached a hand out and lightly slapped her on the shoulder, drawing her attention back to the conversation at hand.  There was a concerned expression on her face but it wasn’t hard to tell that she was bothered by the whole thing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Did you want to come with me?” Sherry posed and Lex took her offer to heart.  Part of her didn’t want to be anywhere near the girl if she did manage to get her hands on what she was looking for but another part of her, a bigger part, wanted desperately to know the results.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Until that moment, Lex could easily have pretended that Negan didn’t actually do anything with his wives, that she was it for him.  Naïve, sure, but ignorance was bliss right?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The idea that Sherry could <em>actually</em> be pregnant had rocked her to the core.  Not only did it mean that she’d be taking up more of the man’s attention, but they’d also be bonded for life, unless…unless Negan had his own ideas about babies in the apocalypse.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>What was stopping him from punishing Sherry, <em>and</em> the baby?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Lex?” Sherry took a step forward and leaned in closer, lowering her voice the tiniest little bit.  “I’m sorry.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“For what?” She chirped back in response, clearly trying to mask how much it bothered her.  “It’s cool, I mean, did you <em>want </em>company?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’d be nice.” Sherry smiled.  “It’s not like I can ask Negan, or Dwight, to be there.  God knows I could use a friend by my side.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah.” She sighed and fell in step next to Sherry, walking side by side with the girl as they approached the building housing the doctor.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lex remained silent and didn’t make a sound, not even when Sherry slipped her fingers in between hers and gave her hand a reassuring squeeze.  The two of them wandered the halls without speaking and even when they approached Carson’s set up, Lex pressed her lips together and let Sherry greet the man in question.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She tried to tune out the other two people within the room, she didn’t care much for Carson but then again, she didn’t have much to do with him unless she was there for medical reasons, or with Negan.  When Sherry took a box out of the doctor’s hands, Lex let out a sigh of frustration and lowered herself down into the metal framed chair tucked away in the corner.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You want one too?” Carson quipped, breaking the silence that had fallen over them. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>”Me?” Lex countered and straightened up in the chair.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You think I’m the first wife to come in here asking for this.” Sherry tried to tease but Lex felt the fear creeping up her spine.  There were other wives, had they all been to see Doc Carson for pregnancy tests before?  Had they always come up negative?  “You’re practically his wife, aren’t you Lex?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No.” She said, her voice more of a whine than anything.  “Okay, I guess you’re not wrong to call me that but still, I don’t think I need that.” Lex stated, waving her hand in the direction of the test, which was held tightly in Sherry’s hand. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“If you’re still urinating more frequently than usual…” Carson trailed off and let his words sink in.  “It might not be a bad idea, this way we can know for sure.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You think I’m pregnant?” Lex retorted.  “No, no it’s okay.  I’m good.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’ve got protection then?” Sherry cocked her head to the side.  “God if you do, and you haven’t been sharing with me-”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No.” Lex groaned and made her way to her feet.  “Fuck you Sherry, making me all paranoid now.  What do you even do if it says positive?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Not sure.” She shrugged with a small, forced smile.  “Guess we cross that bridge when we get there.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Abortion?” Lex pressed and stole a quick look over at the good doctor who simply raised a hand, waving her off.  “Seriously, corpses are walking around out there eating people and you haven’t even come up with a solution to pregnancy.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Not all women want to rid themselves of their babies.” Carson responded calmly and Lex growled at him. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Fucking miracle of life and shit, right?” Lex grumbled but when Sherry reached out and nudged her in the arm, she let out a soft sigh of defeat and nodded her head.  “Okay, fine, I will pee on the stick, and if it says positive Doc, I want it gone.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“How do you expect me-”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Good old coat hanger should do the trick.” Lex cut him off, her eyes wide and staring at him intently.  “I’m not mommy material, especially not here and now.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’d be inclined to let the man in charge know.” Carson replied carefully and Lex took a menacing step towards him.  “This is his place, he’s in charge…I don’t want to be punished.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Fuck.” Lex grumbled and turned away from him.  “Fuck this!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Come on Lex, we can go together.” Sherry piped up.  “Just pretend for a second that we’re just two good friends hanging out.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I never had to pee on a god damn stick with my old friends Sher-bear.” Lex protested but there was less and less conviction in her tone.  “Just for what you said Carson, maybe I won’t even tell you what it says.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I will.” Sherry raised her hand.  “Let’s go Lex, let’s get this over with.”</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Huh, well, this was certainly unexpected.  Lex couldn’t help but sit on the edge of the table in Carson’s medical room gripping the positive pregnancy test in her hand.  What the hell was she supposed to do now, what was she supposed to say, how was she supposed to act?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Lex?” Sherry called her name and dared to take a step forward, trying to lay her eyes on the test gripped tightly in her friend’s hand.  “What’s it say?  You can tell me, I won’t say a word to anyone, you know that.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No…” Lex shook her head.  “I know you won’t tell a soul…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sherry dared to take yet another step towards her friend and Lex loosened her grip on the pee stick, moving her hand over and letting Sherry carefully grab hold of the end.  Her friend held it and Lex moved her hand away, crossing her arms over her chest instead and peering up into the eyes of Sherry, waiting for her to say something, <em>anything</em>, that might make her feel better about the inevitable result of her being pregnant.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh Lex.” Sherry sighed, shaking her head with the knowledge that the girl sitting on the table in front of her was obviously very confused about how to feel.  She had made it blatantly obvious that she wasn’t ready to become a mother, not in a world like theirs, and maybe not with a man like Negan as the father, but did that mean that Lex was adamant about how she felt about the idea of being pregnant?  “I’m sure everything will work out.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She sort of appreciated what her friend was trying to do, but it wasn’t really helping, if anything, it was just making her even more anxious. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Worst case scenario, we send you over to hilltop.” Carson spoke up, finally having something valuable to offer.  “They have-”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Do we not have coat hangers here, or any long, skinny, pointy object?” Lex cut him off with a scowl.  “Maybe you’ve got some abortion pills lying around.  Fuck’s sake, I can go out and look for some myself if you don’t.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lex hopped off the end of the table and planted her feet on the ground, uncrossing her arms as she lifted them up and ran them nervously through her luscious brown hair.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Maybe this can <em>change</em> Negan.” Sherry offered up softly, her voice barely louder than a whisper.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You think a man who beats people to a pulp with a baseball bat named Lucille is going to change just because one of the girls he fucks is pregnant?” Lex retorted, a glare set on her face.  Sherry lifted her hands in surrender and Lex’s expression immediately softened.  “Maybe he doesn’t even <em>need</em> to know, maybe I can take care of this before he finds out.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Carson stiffened at her suggestion but he didn’t exactly object to what she said.  Lex looked over at him, pleading in her eyes, and she hoped that he would be on her side, she <em>needed</em> him on her side.  Sherry could easily keep a secret, hell, it wasn’t like she and Negan had long, intimate conversations about Lex, he wouldn’t even tell Sherry any more than he had to.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I can give you some time, but if you don’t take care of this soon, I’m going to have to say something to him.  I can only feign ignorance for so long.” Carson stated and Lex nodded her head in understanding.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Give me a week.” Lex countered and the doctor nodded his head, acquiescing to her request.  “Then its fair game, I guess.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Does that mean you’re not even going to consider keeping it?” Sherry posed and Lex quickly shook her head no.  “You’re a good looking girl, Negan’s not so bad on the eyes either, I think you two would make cute-”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sher-bear, this is the apocalypse.” Lex broke in.  “There’s not a lot of time left to play house.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I know.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Good, so, can we let it go for right now?  Please?” Lex stared at her friend, waiting for her to give in.  She knew that it was easy for some people to see the good in certain situations, Sherry generally seemed to try and think positive thoughts when it came to Lex, and maybe this was just her way of trying to help.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Maybe Sherry was just trying to be there for Lex, in her own sort of way.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What does yours say?” Lex asked and took the pregnancy test out of Sherry’s hand before wandering over to the garbage can in the corner.  She squatted down and put it on the top of the small amount of garbage in there already.  Using the tip of her index finger, she pushed it down, burying it within the other contents and hoping that no one would ever see the pee stick again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>If she could get rid of this baby before people starting finding out, then she’d be golden.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Mine…” Sherry trailed off and directed her gaze towards Carson, Lex rising up to her full height.  “Doc?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s negative.” The man replied with a small shrug, Sherry’s test residing on the small table next to Carson.  “I assume that’s what you were hoping for?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sherry didn’t respond with words, instead, she bowed her head and looked down at her feet.  It was easy for Lex to see how miserable her friend truly was with Negan, and if she had been in Sherry’s position, she wasn’t sure she would’ve chosen to marry him, but then again, it had been Dwight’s life on the line.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Maybe it was worth it for her to have been able to spare Dwight’s life.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah.” Sherry murmured and Lex crossed the room, giving her a gentle pat on the back while she passed and sat down in the chair tucked in the corner.  Sherry stepped towards the table and hopped up, sitting on the end in the very same spot that Lex had been in minutes earlier.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The footfalls from outside were loud and caught everyone’s attention.  Even Lex, who was almost too busy pouting about her predicament, straightened up at the sound.  Who dared to bother them, who dared to step in on<em> her</em> time with the good doctor?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Carson.” She heard Dwight’s voice call while the door creaked open.  Lex stiffened at the sound and when she turned to face the man who was clearly coming in to see the doctor, she winced at the sight of a stranger being forced forward, the telltale sweater spray-painted with the letter on it adorning his body.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Who was this man, who was this dirty, filthy, greasy looking man and what was he doing here?  How did he get here?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lex turned to face Sherry, who was still sitting on the edge of the table, Carson in front of her, looking her over and sensing that this wasn’t supposed to have gone down like this.  There was a random prisoner in the very same room as the two girls and it was evident, by the somewhat surprised look on Dwight’s face, that he wasn’t expecting anyone to be visiting with the good doctor any more than they were expecting to be interrupted <em>while</em> visiting the good doctor.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“New friend.” Lex piped up and Dwight glanced over to her, shaking his head the tiniest little bit, just enough so that she saw but not enough so that the person with him had any inkling as to what was going on.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We were just finishing up.” Carson threw in, stealing the direction of conversation back to him.  Lex shook her head and rose up from the chair she was sitting on, watching as Sherry slid forward on the end of the table and set her feet down one at a time, stepping away from where she had been when they had entered.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Chop-chop.” Dwight remarked and suddenly Lex could feel the tension in the room rising. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hi, D.” Sherry said nervously, awkwardly even, and Lex found herself wondering how badly their marriage was destroyed.  Was it possible that down the road, the two of them could reconcile, was it possible that they’d get back together?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lex wasn’t sure if she wanted them too or not, she liked Sherry, she wasn’t overly fond of Dwight, but if them being together meant one less person standing in the way of Lex having Negan all to herself, then maybe it was worth it to hope that her friend and ex-husband could work things out; barring Negan’s lingering punishment disappearing of course.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey.” Dwight countered, his tone laced with nerves.  She could easily see that the idea of being in the same room as Sherry was almost tempting to him.  She knew that it would’ve been easier to carry on living in the Sanctuary without having to see her, at least then he had a chance of getting over her and moving on.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You two are the most pathetic pair I’ve ever seen.” Lex mumbled and took a few steps forward, catching a whiff of the man in Dwight’s possession.  She still had no idea who <em>he</em> was, but maybe this was a break she hadn’t realized she had been looking for.  Fresh meat meant fresh eyes, and if she could manage to get to this prisoner without anyone else knowing, maybe she could ask him about her brother, maybe he <em>knew</em> something about Shane Walsh.  Lex knew the chances were slim to none, but it wasn’t like she had a lot of support here in the Sanctuary.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But maybe- maybe this guy knew <em>something</em>, and Lex knew it was the tiniest maybe ever- he knew where Shane was, or if he was even still alive.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sherry looked at the guy in the sweater, her eyes scanning his body for a quick second before what seemed to be recognition flashed in her gaze.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Daryl, right?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“<em>Don’t</em> talk to him.” Dwight nearly cut her off and Lex cocked her head sideways, wondering how the hell Sherry knew this strange man’s name and she hadn’t even had any idea that he was here, within the walls of the Sanctuary.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dwight shoved <em>Daryl</em> forward and the man barely had time to get his hands out to stop him from falling as he almost collided with the table.  Sherry took a step out of the way but watched Daryl as he moved.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Is this what Negan brought back the night that you guys were gone?” Lex pressed, dropping her voice so that only Dwight would hear her.  She needed answers, she needed to know what was on Negan’s mind and what he was planning to do.  “You pick him up and bring him back here?  Was he by himself?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You don’t need to know anything.” Dwight shook his head.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That’s fair, I know we don’t exactly like each other, but we <em>are</em> on the same damn team.” Lex was trying to be calm, but she was aware that Dwight knew more than she did, he was in on the loop and she wasn’t any the wiser as to what Negan was doing, or planning, or much about where he had went the other night in general.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When had Dwight become more valuable than her, when had he managed to get a step above her in the food chain?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sherry continued to move towards the door, Lex meandering over to stand next to her, while Dwight took up a stance directly behind the doctor.  She winced as Dwight peered down at the tiny table containing the doctor’s tools, the very table that held Sherry’s pregnancy test.  What the hell was going through Dwight’s mind and could Lex maybe, somehow, talk to him alone, turn the tables for him in a good way?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She held more power over Negan than Dwight believed and if she could maybe trade him, if she could offer to attempt to get the boss man’s attention away from Sherry for information regarding this <em>Daryl</em> fellow…well, wasn’t it worth it?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When Dwight looked over at his former wife with wide, shock filled eyes, Lex took her bottom lip in between her teeth and worked away at formulating her plan.  She needed to talk to Daryl, she needed to know if he had any information on her missing brother.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s negative.” Sherry announced and her eyes shied away, peering at the ground instead of at Dwight.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah, well,” Dwight looked down at the ground too and Lex sucked in a breath, wondering if there was a way to help her friend, “maybe next time.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sorry.” Carson piped up, trying to diffuse some of the tension in the room.  “Still getting used to being my own assistant.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lex made note that Daryl was staring at Sherry through his greasy, tangled locks.  What the hell did he know, what was he judging her for?   He didn’t know what went on here.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Okay, so maybe the idea of being pregnant in the apocalypse was a crazy notion to him, minutes ago it had been a crazy notion to her too, but yet here she was, her mind reeling, the gears turning as she desperately tried to figure out <em>her</em> next move.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She didn’t know <em>if</em> she was going to tell Negan the ‘good’ news (she was really leaning towards not), but she also didn’t know what sort of relationship Carson had with him.  He was the doctor for the place, he was the one that reported to higher ups, like Dwight, so it wasn’t all that farfetched to think that Negan would find out one way or another, and even though he had said he’d give her a week, she didn’t know if that would be enough time.  Carson had already mentioned that he didn’t want to be punished, especially not for withholding information from the man in charge, but wasn’t this <em>her</em> decision, wasn’t this something that Lex got to decide for herself?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sherry’s movements as she wandered closer to Daryl made Lex jump the slightest little bit, “whatever they say, just do it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I said don’t talk to him.” Dwight piped up, voice much more confident than it had sounded mere seconds ago.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Let’s go Sher-bear.” Lex jumped in and lifted her arm up, gingerly setting her palm on Sherry’s shoulder.  “Let’s get out of here.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Okay, let’s take a look.” Carson carried on as professionally as he could while Lex led Sherry out of the room, closing the door behind them.  When they were out in the hall, Lex let her arm fall away from her friend but Sherry took hold of her hand instead, giving Lex a gentle squeeze.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She shook her head and looked straight down the hallway, debating what she wanted to do that day.  She was supposed to have met Negan, at least that was the implication that she got from when he announced that they ‘had shit to do’, but right now he was the last person she wanted to see.  He knew her well enough to tell when something was off with her and there was <em>definitely</em> something off.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She didn’t want to deal with <em>this-</em> being pregnant- right now.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Who’s Daryl?” Lex asked in a hushed tone and dared to meet Sherry’s gaze.  “Who is that guy in there?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Negan brought him back, that night he left you behind, he brought him back here.” Sherry answered, her voice just as soft as Lex’s.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh.” Lex nodded her head once in understanding.  “Right, makes sense…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I wouldn’t worry about it.” Sherry spoke, her voice a little more confident and firm, there was even a hint of joking in her tone.  “You’re still Negan’s number one girl.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah, well…” Lex let out a soft sigh.  “How do you tell a man that you’re pregnant, with his kid, but you don’t want to keep it?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don’t know Lex.” Sherry shrugged.  “But if I were you, I’d tread very carefully, I don’t want to see you out there on the walker wall.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah Sher-bear, me neither.”</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She could always get lost in the picture, staring at it forever and wondering where on earth her brother was.  She could see him in a place much like the Sanctuary, she could see him wandering around alone taking care of business, she could see him running his own group, leading them much like Negan led the Saviors.  Yet part of her continued to wonder if he was even still alive, knowing what was out there and who was hiding around every turn.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She wasn’t going to give up until she had some sort of lead.  Maybe he was dead, but until Lex knew better, she was going to keep on believing that Shane had survived just as long as she had in the midst of the end of the world.  Shane had always been a strong, independent man who took charge when the situation called for it, well the whole world was a situation now and surely a man like Shane would thrive, right?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>If she thought Negan was a decent leader who maintained control, she shuddered to think what Shane could do in a similar position of power.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>With her photograph in hand though and her eyes locked with the Shane captured within it, she sucked in a deep breath, tucked it into the back pocket on her jeans and rounded for the door.  She had a job to do, a personal job, and the sooner she could get near Daryl, the sooner she could find out if he knew anything about Shane Walsh.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She just had to get through Dwight first.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Making her way across the compound, she slipped into the building containing the prisoner.  It was rather quiet in the halls but she could hear the unmistakable sounds of music being played so loudly that it would drive anyone insane.  Well fuck, was Dwight torturing the poor prisoner, was he going to drive Daryl insane before she had a chance to talk to him?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Dammit.” Lex cursed and surged forward, praying that she’d get to Dwight in enough time so that Daryl wouldn’t already be broken. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>She had no idea how much he had already been put through but she knew that even the strongest would crack under Dwight’s infamous ‘Easy Street’ torture, hell, it was driving her bananas and she had <em>just</em> stepped into the building where she could hear it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She rounded the corner and laid her eyes on the very man in question; Dwight was sitting on a chair outside the door and when Lex laid her eyes on him, she let out a low growl, wondering if the ‘Easy Street’ song was his idea or Negan’s.  She wouldn’t have put it past Negan to have demanded it be done, but something in her gut was telling her that the particular song choice was all on Dwight.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Stop with the fucking <em>Easy Street</em> bullshit!” Lex shouted as she marched down the hallway closer to Dwight, planting her hands on her hips as she closed in on him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He stood up from his chair and met her halfway, forcing her to stop a good fifteen feet down from Daryl’s cell door.  Lex blew out a breath and settled in for a lengthy argument that she knew she was going to have with Dwight.  He wasn’t just going to <em>let</em> her near the prisoner, but she had an ace up her sleeve, she had something held back, waiting to be played that she didn’t figure Dwight would turn down.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He lifted his finger up and signalled for her to give him a second, then he disappeared from her sight, but Lex didn’t move from her spot, she simply waited for him to come back and when he showed his face in her line of sight, no more <em>Easy Street</em> blaring, she scoffed at him, wondering why a man like Dwight was in the position he was in; watching over the prisoner.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Surely there was so much more he could do for Negan, Dwight was as loyal as they came, once she got past the fact that he had already tried to get away once before.  But that was old news and Dwight was clearly sticking around, even if he didn’t seem that enthusiastic about being part of the Saviors.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Dwight, listen.” Lex paused and let out a frustrated huff, not understanding what the hell Dwight’s real issue with her was.  It wasn’t like she had anything to do with his wife not being with him, but she sort of felt that he blamed her for part of his misery.  She didn’t get it though, if anything, she could’ve been on his side, they could be on the same team.  “Let me talk to Daryl in there and I’ll make sure that I keep Negan busy enough that he keeps his paws off your wife.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“How do you plan on doing that?” Dwight countered, and she could tell by the look in his eye that she had his attention, at the very least, he was willing to listen to what she had to say.  “You don’t have control over Negan-”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No but I do have the ability to keep him satisfied, in a sexual manner.  If you let me in to talk to your prisoner, then I’ll make sure he doesn’t <em>need</em> to even look in Sherry’s direction, not that he’d force her anyways, but wouldn’t you feel better knowing that I’ve got him taken care of?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re telling me that you can distract him enough that he won’t even bother with Sherry?” Dwight looked at her, an incredulous gaze in his eye.  “Without getting me in trouble?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why would I get you in trouble Dwight, I need you on my side just like you need me on your side.  We can work together-”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What if Negan finds out?” Dwight cut her off and Lex sucked in a breath.  Boy nothing seemed to get by Dwight, no matter how dim she thought he was.  “I’m not a fan of being punished more than once.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah.” She scoffed and waved a hand in the general direction of his scarred face.  She knew what had happened to him before when he had gotten caught with his wife trying to get away, she knew what Negan had done with the iron and his face, leaving his flesh marred and burnt, but what did he honestly have to lose at this point in time?  It wasn’t like Lex was doing anything really bad, hell, she wasn’t going to be doing much more than she normally did, so what were the chances of Negan going after them both if he found out anything?  “Look, so long as you keep pretending you don’t like me-”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m not pretending.” Dwight tossed in and Lex rolled her eyes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Okay, fuck, fine, then this will be even easier than I thought.” She shook her head in disbelief and looked at him, studying his eyes for a second before letting out a low whistle.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She hadn’t looked <em>that</em> closely at his face before today, she knew that it had been melted once, she knew what he had done to deserve it, Sherry had told her all about it, but up close and personal, it looked way worse than she originally believed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Poor Dwight had to walk around with his face permanently disfigured simply because he had loved his wife too much to let some other man get away with stealing her away from him.  It was clear to Lex that Dwight was much more afraid of Negan than she was, but then again, her face was completely intact, she wasn’t scarred, she wasn’t broken, she was still just Lex.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You really don’t like me?” Lex cocked her head sideways and stared at Dwight, expecting him to answer.  “Why?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why <em>should</em> I like you?” Dwight argued and she raised her hands up in surrender.  Okay, maybe he had a point, maybe she didn’t deserve to have him like her, but surely she could sway him.  Having more friends than enemies in this day and age was a benefit.  “You weaseled your way into Negan’s ranks by spreading your legs-”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah well if he was in to guys, you would’ve had a good chance too.” Lex spat at him.  “I’m good at what I do, without having to spread my legs for the boss.  I was his right hand way before I hopped into bed with him- okay, maybe not <em>way</em> before but if I stopped fucking Negan, I’d still be in the same position as I am now.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dwight shook his head at her and crossed his arms, Lex fighting off the urge to growl at the man in front of her.  Was he really this adamant about not liking her, was he against her simply because he was jealous of her position in the hierarchy?  What the hell did she have to do for Dwight to get him on the same page as her, or even in the same book?  They were so far off base from each other that Lex was surprised he even gave her the time of day.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You honestly believe that?” Dwight pressed and Lex nodded her head once in response.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Whatever you think and whatever I think are clearly different, so, like I said before, just let me talk to the guy in there for five fucking minutes and I’ll try my hardest to keep Negan’s attention away from your wife.  You know, if he keeps fucking her, one day you’re going to see a pregnancy test that isn’t negative…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dwight stiffened up at her last statement and sucked in a nervous breath, wondering if Lex could honestly help him the way she was offering.  He knew how close she was to Negan, most of his henchmen knew how close she was to the man in charge, but could she really fulfill what she was promising him?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Could she honestly keep Negan away from Sherry?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’ll give you five minutes, not a second more.” Dwight relented and Lex’s lips curved upwards into a smile.  “But you have to promise me that Negan doesn’t lay a hand on my wife.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Scout’s honor.” Lex retorted, lifting her hand up and giving him a cheesy salute.  “I like Sherry, and honestly, I hate sharing Negan anyways.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Five minutes.” Dwight repeated himself and pointed down the hall in the direction of Daryl’s cell.  “<em>Not</em> a second longer.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lex nodded her understanding and drove her hand into her pocket, gripping the worn out edge of the photograph that she had stuffed away.  She wandered down the hallway and paused in front of the cell door, sucking in a breath before putting her hand, the one without the picture in it, on the handle.  She silently counted to three and pushed the handle down, opening the door the tiniest little bit before stepping into the opening and looking down at the dirty, greasy stranger sitting against the wall.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She dropped down into a crouch and opened the door a little more, providing him with a better light making it easier for him to see her.  She didn’t open the door more than a foot though for fear that she’d be overtaken or that he’d try to attack her and wind up getting out.  Even if Dwight was just down the hall keeping guard, she didn’t want to get either of them in trouble.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hi.” Lex forced the word out and tried to remain as calm as she could.  This man might know something about her brother, or he could know nothing at all, but he was the closest thing to a lead that she’d have for a long time to come.  “You don’t know me but my name’s Lex, I work for Negan.  I was just wondering if maybe you knew anything about my brother.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She held her breath and lifted the photograph of her and Shane upwards, dangling it in front of his face and letting him get a good look at it.  He didn’t open his mouth to respond, nor did he make a move to take the photo, or reach out at all, but when she looked at his eyes, she caught him widening them ever so slightly, just enough that she could see it, only if she had been looking at him, which she was.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lex didn’t push him though, she wasn’t going to threaten him or do anything rash, she wanted this man to trust her, she wanted him to talk to her and tell her everything that he knew about Shane Walsh.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“His name is Shane Walsh, he used to be a deputy for King County, I was heading down towards Atlanta when the world first went to shit in an attempt to find him…have you seen him, dead <em>or</em> alive?  I just have to know.” Lex was bordering on pleading but Daryl didn’t give her anything, he didn’t speak, he didn’t move, he just stared at the photograph.  “Please?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lex watched as Daryl turned his head away from her, his eyes locking on to the wall to the side and staying there.  He wasn’t going to talk to her, he wasn’t going to help her, but he had already given her something that no one else ever had, he had recognized him, he had recognized her brother, which meant that this man had encountered Shane before, right?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Someone had to have seen him and if this man in front of her was just the person to lay eyes on Lex’s brother- well, it was certainly better than nothing.  She knew she needed to get to wherever this guy was from, she had to get Negan to take her to the new community that he had mentioned.  If her brother was there, if he was still alive, she’d find him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m going to tell you a little bit of a secret Daryl,” Lex started and let out a sigh as she made quick work of tucking the photo back into her pocket, “I’m the type of person that you want on your side, you understand me, I can help you, but only if you help me.  If you change your mind, or suddenly remember something about <em>my</em> brother, just holler.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dwight cleared his throat and caught Lex’s attention from further down the hallway.  She stole one last look at the dirty and busted up Daryl before rising up to her full height.  With one last smile in his direction, Lex closed the cell door on him and meandered back down towards Dwight, giving him a pat on the chest.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You tell Sherry…tell her that I haven’t given up on her.” Dwight whispered and Lex bowed her head.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I will.” Lex murmured and carried on walking away from him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>As loyal as she was to Negan, sometimes there were things worth keeping secrets for.</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>By the time she laid her eyes on her good friend Sherry again, Lex was already preparing to head out with Negan.  She knew that they had some new community to ‘explore’ and that she was invited to join him this time, hell, Negan had made sure to tell her personally that she’d be joining him, riding along with him in his very truck.  Boy was Lex excited, and nothing was going to stop her from getting <em>in</em> the truck with Negan and driving to this new so-called ‘promise land’ that he had found out about the night he disappeared without her.</p><p> </p><p>There was a look of worry on Sherry’s face though, something that didn’t sit well with Lex, but she wasn’t going to press her, not right away at least.  Her friend was generally concerned about things that were trivial to Lex, but nonetheless, she hated doing things that bothered Sherry without talking to her about them first.</p><p> </p><p>While she worked away in her room at getting her shit together, as Negan had so eloquently phrased it, Lex stole a glance here and there at Sherry, who was hiding out in her room, desperately trying to avoid running into Negan, or Dwight apparently.  She was planted on the edge of Lex’s bed, a light sweater covering her arms and she hugged it against her, almost treating it like a shield of her very own.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t like this.” Sherry stated, her voice barely louder than a whisper, fidgeting with the ends of the sweater sleeves.  Lex paused in folding her clean clothes and set them on the bed before dropping down to sit on the covers next to Sherry, even going as far as to lean against her, bumping her with her shoulder.  “You’re pregnant Lex, I don’t think you should be going out there.”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t see why it matters.” Lex offered up in response, shrugging her shoulders to play it off.  “I don’t want it, therefore, if something happens to it, then I’m not really at a loss, right?”</p><p> </p><p>“I get it, honestly, I do but what…what <em>if</em> something happens to the baby, what if something goes horribly, and terribly wrong out there…you know that if something happens to it then that’s just as dangerous for you.  Don’t you see that?” Sherry pressed but Lex didn’t respond right away.  She crossed her arms over her chest and let out a soft sigh, taking her friend’s words into consideration.</p><p> </p><p>Maybe Sherry had a point, maybe she was putting herself in more danger than she originally believed, but she couldn’t back out now, no, Negan was expecting her, plus she had a reputation to uphold.  If she chickened out at this point, what would the rest of the Saviors think and how drastically would she rip apart her reputation?  She needed to go with them, she needed to concrete her position within the group, but most importantly, she needed to stand by Negan’s side and prove, once again, that she deserved to be his right hand woman.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll be fine.” Lex countered with a scoff.  “This is a typical run, we go check out this new place, we take some of their shit and we leave.  Tell me Sher-bear, do you really see much harm in that?”</p><p> </p><p>Sherry took in a deep breath and clenched her fists just inside the sweater.  She turned her head and looked directly at Lex, meeting the woman’s gaze and forcing a smile onto her face.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re the most stubborn person I’ve ever met.  God, I know that there’s nothing that I can say to you to get you to back out.” Sherry said with a shake of her head.  Lex slipped her arm around Sherry’s back and hugged her awkwardly, dropping her forehead down and resting it against Sherry’s shoulders.  “Promise me that you’ll be extra careful though, I don’t want you coming back here in pieces.”</p><p> </p><p>“I promise you that I will be <em>extra</em> careful.” Lex mimicked her words and straightened up beside her.  “When have I ever come back from a run in pieces Sherry?  Honestly, I’ll be fine, it’s all good.”</p><p> </p><p>“I will always worry about you Lex.” Sherry murmured and dropped her gaze down to her feet, taking in the sight of her wedge sandals.  She peered over at Lex’s boots and shook her head again, knowing that there was a huge difference between them.  Lex, it seemed, was made for this world.</p><p> </p><p>She was tough, she was skilled and she could take care of herself.  Sherry had heard the story of how Lex had gotten the scar on her neck, and when she had confessed that she had ended her boyfriend’s life, Sherry hadn’t been totally surprised.  She had always believed that Lex was fully capable of taking care of herself, and part of her wished that she could be more like her.</p><p> </p><p>But the safety and security of the walls around her, the fact that Negan looked out for her and the rest of his wives, that was enough for Sherry.  She didn’t need to do anything more than give in to Negan’s every command, which were few and far between ever since Lex had shown up.</p><p> </p><p>“Did I tell you that I talked to Dwight?” Lex questioned, deliberately changing the subject, ignoring Sherry’s voiced concerns about her.  “I wanted to check out that Daryl guy right, so I had to talk to Dwight in order to get to him.”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay?” Sherry sounded confused, not that Lex could blame her.  She didn’t usually associate with Dwight unless she <em>had</em> to, was this another one of those times?  Was Lex going to confess that Dwight told her to ‘fuck off’ and that he wanted nothing to do with her?  “Were you two civil?”</p><p> </p><p>“Duh Sher-bear.” Lex hauled herself up and off the bed, turning to face Sherry as she stood in front of her, her hands planted on her hips.  “I can be nice when I need to be, but that’s not the point, okay, I was talking to Dwight and he told me to tell you that he hasn’t given up on you.”</p><p> </p><p>Lex’s eyes widened with glee but Sherry shied away from her, looking all over the room and refusing to meet her gaze.  Anyone in the Sanctuary knew how brutal Negan could be when doling out punishments, the evidence of how grotesque was on Dwight’s face, which only served as a painful reminder to Sherry of what she had done in order to keep him alive.  She had agreed to marry Negan, she had agreed to be his wife, in exchange for him sparring Dwight.</p><p> </p><p>Sherry was always hesitant to get near the man and Lex knew it.  The more distance she could put between her and her real husband, the better off Sherry was.  But this was different, this was good news.  Lex was slowly building Dwight up, and if she could just convince Negan that all he needed was her, then maybe Sherry and Dwight could wind up back together.</p><p> </p><p>Hell, it was as close to a soap opera that Lex could get in the shit storm that was the world.</p><p> </p><p>“You shouldn’t talk to him about me.” Sherry said softly and Lex furrowed her brows together in confusion.  “I don’t need him getting into any more trouble.”</p><p> </p><p>“What trouble?  He didn’t do anything, he just said to tell you that.” Lex protested.  “Negan’s not going to do anything because he’s not going to find out.”</p><p> </p><p>“You don’t keep things from him.” Sherry pointed out and Lex shook her head.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s what you think, plus, right now, I’ve got bigger things to worry about.  If he finds out about what Dwight said, I can distract him.  He may be the leader of the Saviors but he’s still a man and I know how to work with men.” Lex grinned.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, you could start by telling him that you’re pregnant, that’d be a huge shock to him.” Sherry remarked, sarcasm lacing her tone.  “He’d be so surprised that he’d probably be speechless.”</p><p> </p><p>“We will never know,” Lex lifted her hands up in surrender, “because he will never find out.  This baby isn’t going to be around much longer, not if I have anything to do about it.”</p><p> </p><p>“I think you should tell him.” Sherry said firmly.  “And I think you should take a backseat on this run, maybe even stay behind and keep me company, we could have so much fun together; we could braid each other’s hair, play truth or dare, have a nice girls’ night...”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh hell, as lovely as all that sounds, this is what I do Sher-bear, this is my job.  I stand next to Negan, I stay by his side and make sure that things go smoothly.” Lex pointed out.  “You need to find something to keep you busy while I’m gone, that way you won’t be sitting around sick with worry.”</p><p> </p><p>Sherry slowly made her way to her feet and stood in front of Lex with a concerned yet frustrated look in her eyes.  Lex forced a smile onto her face, attempting to show Sherry that she wasn’t worried and if <em>she</em> wasn’t worried, then there was no need for Sherry to be worried, right?  If she could just convince her friend that she’d be fine, then maybe Sherry would be able to relax while she was gone.</p><p> </p><p>It wasn’t that simple though and Lex knew it, but what more could she do for Sherry, what more could she say to her to help her realize that she’d be fine?</p><p> </p><p>“You coming out to wave goodbye?” Lex asked in a whisper, Sherry’s eyes slowly moving upwards to meet hers.  “I think Dwight might like to see you before we go.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not going to say a word to him though.” Sherry argued and Lex nodded her understanding.  “I don’t want to get him in trouble, hell, I don’t want to get anyone in trouble.”</p><p> </p><p>“I know.”</p><p> </p><p>Lex reached a hand out and ran her palm down Sherry’s arm, hoping that with such a simple gesture she could let her know that she was right there with her; she was on her side.  Sherry was the closest friend she had and she’d never do anything to deliberately destroy what they had.</p><p> </p><p>Taking a step back, Lex turned towards the door to her room and waited for Sherry to step out into the hall in front of her.  Pulling the door shut behind her, Lex fell in stride next to Sherry and the two of them wandered down the hallway and to the exit together, a comfortable silence having fallen over them.</p><p> </p><p>When they were outside, the bright sun blinding them as they moved, Lex fell away from her best friend and headed right for the main truck, her gaze falling on Negan as she closed in on him.  She peered behind her and caught sight of Sherry mixing in with the small crowd waiting to see them all off but before Lex could lift her hand up to wave, another hand, a hand belonging to Negan, came down on her shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>She felt the pressure of his fingers as they roughly squeezed her but she didn’t make a sound, instead, she slowly turned her head sideways and tried to glance at him, hoping that she could tell just by looking at him what sort of mood he was in.</p><p> </p><p>“I absolutely fucking love it when one of my wives and my best girl get along this good.  Tickles me fucking pink Lex.” He teased, his familiar smirk very present on his lips.  “You’re giving me fucking ideas here, fantasies about watching the two of you together, tell me you wouldn’t just fucking love that idea.”</p><p> </p><p>She lifted a hand up and rested it over top of his, giving his fingers a gentle squeeze as she did so.  Negan hesitated but removed his hand from her shoulder, Lex still clinging to it though and forcing her fingers to tangle with his all the while she turned to face him more head on.  She took note that Lucille was clutched in his other hand, the bat dangling at his side and reminding her what sort of punishment awaited those that went against him.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not a big fan of sharing.” She countered and stared into his eyes.  “I’d much rather please you <em>myself</em>.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well shit!  You keep talking like that and I might just have to postpone the fuck out of this trip.” Negan grinned.  “You know just what to fucking say to get my motor running.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hmm.” She hummed and let go of his hand before lifting her palm up to run down the sleeve of his leather jacket.  “Maybe we can have some fun in the truck…or is it going to be you and me and some else makes three?”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, so long as you don’t mind sharing me with my best girl Lucille-”</p><p> </p><p>“I know she can’t <em>please</em> you like I can.” Lex said in a whisper and without warning, Negan pulled his hand away from hers, reaching across to wrap it around Lucille’s handle instead.  Lex took a step back and peered up at him, taking her bottom lip in between her teeth and watching him as he glanced around at the rest of the group waiting to go.</p><p> </p><p>“Lex…” He trailed off and hesitantly looked back down at her.  She cocked her head sideways, waiting for him to keep talking.  “You know you’re one of my favourites, right?”</p><p> </p><p>“One of?” She shot back.</p><p> </p><p>“What do you say we give someone else a fucking chance to shine today?”</p><p> </p><p>“Uh…sure.” She gave him a nod, confusion evident in her tone.</p><p> </p><p>“I just don’t want you getting all fucking jealous when we get to the gates and I leave you on guard.  It’s nothing personal Lex.”</p><p> </p><p>“What?” She took a step towards him and narrowed her eyes in on him.  “You’re replacing me?”</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck no, I could never fucking replace you.” Negan matched her step with one of his own, smiling all the while looking down on her.  “I just thought maybe it’s time to give Arat a chance to show me what she’s fucking got.”</p><p> </p><p>Lex sucked in a breath and dared herself to look away, eventually managing to peel her eyes away from him.  She peered over her shoulder and quickly located Sherry standing in the very spot that she had left her, yes, Sherry was her friend, Sherry believed in her, no matter what.  Whatever Negan’s play was, whatever the reason he had for wanting Lex to take a step back, well she could deal with it.</p><p> </p><p>She’d show Negan that she could do exactly what she was told, even though she wanted nothing more than to stand by his side at every possible opportunity.</p><p> </p><p>“Do we have a fucking understanding?” Negan’s voice pulled her attention back to him and Lex kept her mouth shut, not wanting to poke the bear.  “Lex?”</p><p> </p><p>“She’s not getting an invite to your bed, is she?” Lex asked, her voice barely louder than a whisper so that only he’d be able to hear her.</p><p> </p><p>“Not unless you’d fucking want that.” Negan chuckled and Lex shook her head no.  “Trust me Lex, this is a good fucking thing.”</p><p> </p><p>She crossed her arms over her chest and blew out a soft sigh, “okay.”</p><p> </p><p>“Good.  You’ll always be my favourite lay, don’t you worry your pretty little head.”</p><p> </p><p>Lex stepped away from him and carried on moving towards the truck.  She climbed up into the cab and settled into the passenger seat, jumping when Dwight of all people joined her, only he took his place behind the steering wheel.  Lex stiffened at the thought of spending the entirety of the drive with Dwight but she knew that she could keep her mouth shut, and she prayed that he could too.</p><p> </p><p>When Negan finally hopped up to join them, making himself more than comfortable beside Lex, sandwiching her in the middle, she let out a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding and set her sights on the scenery in front of the truck, flinching the slightest little bit when Negan’s hand came to rest high up on her thigh.</p><p> </p><p>Turning her head to look at him, she remained silent and noticed that he was looking out the side window, not even bothering to pay her any attention.  She huffed quietly, wiggled her knee and settled in for a long, uncomfortable ride to wherever it was he was taking her.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She hadn’t said a word during the entire ride but she did listen as Negan commented on each and every thing that he could possibly see.  Eventually she had shut her eyes and relaxed in the seat, even feeling the pressure from his hand on her thigh disappear as he pulled it away.  Yes, it was a decent ride, somewhat awkward seeing as her and Dwight didn’t exactly get along, but hey, it could’ve been much, much worse.</p><p> </p><p>When the truck began to slow down, Lex opened her eyes and straightened up in the seat, looking at the impressively large, sturdy looking metal walls that they seemed to be approaching.  Well this was new, this was definitely a place that she’d never seen before, and questions flooded through her head at the sight.</p><p> </p><p>How had Negan managed to find this place and who exactly lived her?  Why had it gone unnoticed by the Saviors for so long?</p><p> </p><p>The trucks all came to a stop, grouping the vehicles in two lines, and when men started hopping out, Lex leaned towards Negan, trying to signify that she wanted out too, but he didn’t budge, no, instead, he turned his head to face her and plastered on a giant cocky grin.</p><p> </p><p>“This is going to be fucking fun Lex.” He remarked and she forced a smile onto her face too, trying to show him that she was excited to be here.  She was hoping that maybe he’d change his mind about her staying guard, maybe once they were inside the walls, he’d realize that this was too important of a job for Arat and he’d fall back on her.  She knew it was just wishful thinking, but it <em>was</em> possible, in this world, anything was possible.</p><p> </p><p>Negan finally climbed out of the truck, planting his feet on the ground, and turning towards Lex, watching her carefully as she followed his lead.  He gave her an encouraging nod and soon stepped forward, making his way to the gates, pausing a good five feet away from her before turning back to face her.</p><p> </p><p>“Stay back.” He said in her direction and she merely nodded her head, not bothering to argue with him.  She wasn’t in the right mood to take a stand, she didn’t care that she was being left behind on guard duty, honestly, during the drive, she had grown to almost like the idea, it’d definitely give her a break from the hard work, and that was something she was always involved in lately.</p><p> </p><p>When he moseyed on away from her, his lips pursing together so that he could whistle, she swallowed loudly and turned her back to the gates, choosing instead to look out at what was behind their trucks.  She surveyed the place for any stray undead but didn’t see many, or hear many, except for a couple.</p><p> </p><p>Hell, the people that lived beyond the gates weren’t doing too bad of a job taking care of themselves, she even gave them props for going as long as they had without Negan managing to find them.</p><p> </p><p>“Dun, dun, dun, <em>dun</em>.” She heard Negan’s voice and turned around, catching him as he banged the barrel of Lucille against the strong looking metal gates.  “Little pig, little pig, let <em>me</em> in!”</p><p> </p><p>She stole a look at the guy nearest her, taking in the sight of her usual right hand, and fought off the urge to crack a smile.  She rolled her eyes at Negan’s theatrics though but knew that it was part of who he was, this was how he got what he wanted, and that meant that she’d keep her mouth shut do what she was told, at least until she was behind closed doors with the man.</p><p> </p><p>“Not by the hair on my chinny, chinny, chin, am I right?” She mumbled and even caught her right hand flashing her a small, barely there smirk.  She gave her head a little shake in amusement- yes, sometimes Negan could be quite entertaining, he could make her snicker when she wasn’t expecting it and he clearly saw the joy in the simple things.</p><p> </p><p>When the first part of the gate, the shaded sheet, moved sideways, her eyes widened, catching sight of all the grand houses locked away inside.  So this was the new community, this was the place that Negan was so excited about, and now that she laid eyes on it, it wasn’t hard to see why.</p><p> </p><p>The wonders, the luxuries that this place still seemed to have, had to be in great numbers.  They had houses, they had a town, they had everything that she ever could’ve wished for.  It was much nicer than Hilltop, much more reminiscent of the world before the virus, but nonetheless, as much as Negan would claim that it belonged to him, she would never be a part of it.</p><p> </p><p>Planting her feet against the worn and weathered asphalt road that led right to the front gates of this utopia, Lex remained standing back by the truck, watching as Negan held his stance right in front of the gates, an unfamiliar man, about the same intimidating height as Negan, stood on the other side.</p><p> </p><p>“Well?” Negan drawled expectantly and Lex found herself wondering if these people would actually open their gates.  In all honesty, there wasn’t much stopping them from unloading a hail of bullets into them from the safety of their community, but Negan seemed unaffected by this prospect.  Lex was still nervous about their whole visit, but she trusted her leader, she had faith that things would work out exactly the way he was planning.</p><p> </p><p>“Um, who are you?” The man, who looked much younger than she first believed, countered.  He seemed calm, too calm for her liking, but that just meant the Saviors would have to work extra hard to remind this community who was in charge.</p><p> </p><p>“Think they’ve got good shit in here?” Lex’s right hand leaned closer to her, his voice barely louder than a whisper.  She offered up a shrug and turned her head to face him, taking in the glimmer of hope in his eye.</p><p> </p><p>“I’d be perfectly content with some new underwear.” She teased and her right hand simply shook his head, the amused smile ever present on his face.  “Maybe a new-”</p><p> </p><p>Lex stopped mid-sentence as another man wandered up behind the guy at the gate, the one that Negan was currently working his charm on.  She cocked her head as she studied him, trying to place his face and wondering why he looked so god damn familiar.  Who the hell was this man and why did his eyes seem to linger on her as he approached the gate?</p><p> </p><p>The man moved on though and locked his eyes on Negan but Lex continued to stare at him, her eyes widening as she finally realized who this man was and where she knew him from.</p><p> </p><p>This was Rick, <em>the</em> Rick, Shane’s <em>best friend</em> Rick.</p><p> </p><p>But…what the hell?  How had he managed to make it here, of all places, and what had he been through to get here?  But most importantly, did he know anything about her brother, did he have any clues about where he was, if he wasn’t with them?</p><p> </p><p>“Rick?” She murmured and dared to take a step forward, desperately trying to get a better look at him, but she stopped dead in her tracks when Negan’s voice sounded out once more, brutally reminding her that it wouldn’t be as simple as asking Rick, no, not in front of her leader, not if it made him seem weak.</p><p> </p><p>“Do not have to make me fucking ask.” Negan carried on, Lex’s eyes glued on the man that had been her brother’s closest comrade for years before she had left her home state.  Rick flipped the lock on the gate up and grabbed the bars with both of his hands, pulling it open and letting the Saviors have access to his home.</p><p> </p><p>“You said a week, you’re early.” Rick said.  Lex kept her eyes trained on him, wondering what hardships he had been through.  His eyes lacked the familiar shine that she had been used to before the world had gone to shit, which only spurred Lex on in wanting to know more about him and how he had managed to wind up in a place like this.</p><p> </p><p>“I missed ya.” Negan replied and she didn’t need to see his face to know that he was grinning. </p><p> </p><p>When the all too familiar snarling and hissing from one of the undead echoed from behind her, she turned sideways and watched as a walker moseyed on through their trucks, lining himself up with the gates and hobbling down the middle.  She raised her hands up in surrender, waiting for someone else to take care of it, but no one moved, no one laid claim on the walking corpse.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, Rick,” Negan glanced over his shoulder too, catching sight of the thing before focusing right back on Rick, “come on out here, fucking watch this.”</p><p> </p><p>Negan back pedaled and moved away from the gates, Lucille resting against his shoulder.  She caught his gaze while she maintained her stance next to the truck but as soon as he looked away from her, she couldn’t help but take another look at the man she had known before.  “Calling it!”</p><p> </p><p>Lex didn’t move, not until Negan took a swing at the walker, sending it sideways and to the ground.  She shook her head and reminded herself where to focus.  She couldn’t get too distracted, not by Rick, not by all the unknowns of this place, because distraction was a danger to everyone.  This world needed her undivided attention in order for her to stay alive and to keep the rest of her people alive too.</p><p> </p><p>Negan leaned back, laughing theatrically, “easy peasy lemon squeezy!  All right, everybody, let’s get fucking started.”</p><p> </p><p>He paused and Lex looked around, watching the rest of her fellow Saviors standing in front of the gates, waiting to see what sorts of treasures were awaiting them inside the big, tall, corrugated steel walls.  Lex remained exactly where she was standing though, not entirely sure of how she was supposed to feel now that they were actually here and he was giving her job to someone else.</p><p> </p><p>She knew that he needed to make as many loyal soldiers as possible, but did him sitting her out also mean that he was starting to doubt her?</p><p> </p><p>She had always had his back, for as long as she had been at the Sanctuary, she had done what she had been told, she had provided the services required (and more), and she had worked her way up, even managing to get a group of her own that she could lead out on runs without Negan supervising her.  Yes, she was near the top of the totem pole and nothing was going to stop her from staying right there.</p><p> </p><p>“Big day.” Negan paused, giving Rick a chance to look around at each and every person that he had brought with him, including Lex.  She could tell that he was studying her, most likely trying to figure out who she was, if he even recognized her at all.  When he cocked his head slightly sideways, all the while looking at Lex, she knew that he was processing something, hopefully he remembered her, hopefully he knew exactly who she was.  “Hey, Rick, you see that, what I just fucking did?  That is some fucking service!  I mean, we almost get turned away at the gate, ‘who is that guy, anyway’, do I get mad?  Do I throw a fucking fit?  Do I bash some ginger’s dome in?  Nope, I just take care of one of these fucking dead pricks that could’ve killed one of y’all…service.”</p><p> </p><p>Lex crossed her arms over her chest and took a few more steps forward, wondering when Negan was going to actually get to the important part, the raiding of their community.  She just slipped forward though, keeping her mouth shut, watching her leader, her lover, take control and remain there.</p><p> </p><p>He was made for this, he was the right man for the job, and as much as she hated the idea of what he was doing, she wasn’t going to argue.  She knew what <em>could</em> happen if she went against him, Dwight’s marred face was constant proof of that.</p><p> </p><p>“Hold this.” Negan stated and Lex immediately got closer to him, anticipating him handing Lucille over to her, but he didn’t.  She froze in her steps as he offered it to Rick instead, who’s eyes lingered on the weapon, his gaze scanning for what exactly?  She knew what the bat had done to people over the months, maybe years, but no one had ever stared at the barrel wrapped in barbed wire as long or as intently as Rick.</p><p> </p><p>“Boss?” Lex called out to him, Negan hesitating as he walked just past Rick.  He threw a glance over his shoulder and she lifted her hand up, silently asking him for her orders.  He didn’t say anything to her in response though, nope, not a word, instead, he meandered further into the walls and she let out a small sigh of frustration.</p><p> </p><p>When Rick finally managed to peel his eyes off the bat, he looked right back at her and gave her the tiniest of nods, signifying that he knew exactly who she was.  She wanted desperately to talk to him, but she was fully aware of what would happen if she did something Negan didn’t want her to do, and talking to Rick would no doubt be one of those things.</p><p> </p><p>Negan carried on walking, marching further and further into the new place that he owned.  She remained standing beside the truck, watching him go, her eyes locked on him as he got smaller and smaller.  The Saviors slowly filtered in behind him but Lex stuck right beside the truck, not entirely sure what she wanted to do, aside from get Rick to talk to her.  If she could just ask him about Shane, about how he made it this far-</p><p> </p><p>“Hot diggity dog!” Negan smiled, waving his arms out towards the place within the gates.  “This place is fucking magnificent, an embarrassment of riches, as they say.  Yes, sir, I do believe you are going to have plenty to offer up.”</p><p> </p><p>Lex uncrossed her arms and wandered further inside the gates, finally deciding to test out the waters, to see how far she could go.  She moved her hand down to her side and set it on her hip, feeling the blade strapped to her hip.  She then ran her hand over the handle of the gun strapped to her other side, making sure that she was fully prepared to handle any stray walkers that threatened to get anywhere near their trucks.</p><p> </p><p>She couldn’t help but take in the sight of Negan interacting with Rick, threatening him as he tried to talk to Daryl, their prisoner, one of Rick’s group, at least that’s what she had assumed.  No one had told her all that much about him, only that he was from here, but that didn’t mean that him and Rick were close.</p><p> </p><p>She blew out a nervous breath as Negan came face to face with a scrappy looking young woman, maybe around Lex’s age, but she didn’t back down, no, this woman merely stood her ground until she had nothing better to do, then she stepped back and carried on with whatever it was she was doing.  Hell, if she wasn’t already part of a group, she might’ve been a good addition to the Saviors, maybe even a good friend for Lex.</p><p> </p><p>If the rest of the residents of this place were anything like <em>her</em>, boy were they in for a treat.</p><p> </p><p>But she knew that they were on opposing sides, this woman would never see eye to eye with them.  Whatever Negan had done to their group, whatever he was <em>going</em> to do wouldn’t be easily forgotten, or forgiven.  Lex rolled her shoulders back and when Negan finally gave the word for his group to commence their raiding, she scowled as he called on Arat to lead the way.</p><p> </p><p>Lex wasn’t going to admit it to anybody but she could tell that Arat wasn’t quite as comfortable with a gun in her hand as she should’ve been.  She was nervous, jumpy almost and Lex wasn’t sure if it was because of Negan or because of the world in general.  Either way, the most she could do was scowl at the woman who had taken her place for the duration of this trip.</p><p> </p><p>Arat made quick work of sending the Saviors on their way, Lex falling in step behind them and moving closer and closer to Negan, who was waiting in front of Rick for his crew to get going.  A few of the guys, her right hand included, maintained their positions at the gates- well, Lex didn’t figure she’d be guarding alone.</p><p> </p><p>Negan turned his back to her and stole another studious look around the place, Rick keeping his position just behind the man.  Was this her opportunity, was Negan going to take off on his own and leave Rick to follow him at his whim?</p><p> </p><p>“They’re just going to search the houses a bit, keep the fucking process moving.” Negan announced, watching his crew move.  Lex bit down on her bottom lip, wanting nothing more than to jump right in and search out the place with the rest of her fellow Saviors.  She had a mental list of things she wanted, things like clean clothes (especially underwear), plus maybe if she was lucky, they’d have some abortion pills stored up.</p><p> </p><p>But she wasn’t going to push it.  If this place was Negan’s now, he wasn’t going to just visit it once and call it a day, no, he’d be back and maybe if she could convince him, she could make the collection runs without him, maybe she could come here on her own to talk to Rick and see for herself what was hiding within the walls.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey Walsh?” Her right hand spoke to her, pulling her out of her thoughts.  She turned to face him and tipped her head down, waiting for him to speak again.  “You got your pissing problem taken care of?  I did notice that we didn’t stop a hundred times for you to take a leak.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, I got it fixed.” She replied with an amused shake of her head.  Hell, leave it to him to ask her about her bathroom habits at a time like this.  Whatever, if it made him feel better, and it let her remember that she wasn’t here alone, then it was worth it.</p><p> </p><p>While Negan and the rest of the Saviors, along with Rick, disappeared into the small community, Lex held her breath, watching as her only chance at talking to the man who was her brother’s best friend disappeared.  She shook her head in disappointment, upset that she’d have to wait, but she knew that this was the best lead she had.</p><p> </p><p>It wasn’t until Dwight sauntered up to the scrappy looking woman that Lex paid any attention to him.  She wondered what he was doing, why he was getting near her, but when he spoke, she realized that this wasn’t his first encounter with her.</p><p> </p><p>“Rosita.” Dwight sung to her.  “Where you going with your friend here?”</p><p> </p><p>“Dwight.” Lex cut in, her tone laced with warning.  She stole a glance at the man who had originally answered the gate and shook her head while Dwight moved ever closer to the car that was residing just inside the walls, apparently ready to head out.</p><p> </p><p>“We were just heading back to-”</p><p> </p><p>“You know what?  I don’t care.” Dwight immediately grabbed the gun from the holster on Rosita’s hip and stuffed it into the bag hanging over his shoulder.  He then looked at the guy, who reluctantly put his gun in the bag to join Rosita’s. </p><p> </p><p>Lex moseyed on over towards the car and took up a stance at the front, driver’s side wheel, watching Dwight as he pulled open the door and reached in, nabbing the first gun residing on the seat and pulling it out, strapping it to his back.  When he pulled the second gun out, Lex reached out for it, clearing her throat to get his attention.  Dwight looked at her and she tipped her head sideways, glaring at him and watching him dejectedly pass it on to her.</p><p> </p><p>With her fingers running along the handle, she looked the gun over and felt herself smiling at how good it felt to hold in her hands.  She loved the powerful weapons and this was exactly that.  Shane had taught her how to handle them when she was younger, when she still lived at home, and with every trigger that she pulled, she couldn’t help but feel giddy at how many times her and Shane had gone out to the shooting range to practice.</p><p> </p><p>“Now that that’s all settled, I got a job for you.” Dwight announced and Lex shook her head, pulling her mind back to reality and leaving her past behind for the time being.</p><p> </p><p>“Why don’t you go do something important Dwight?” Lex muttered, turning back towards the truck that she had come here in.</p><p> </p><p>“Go get me Daryl’s bike.” Dwight continued, apparently ignoring her.  She wasn’t really that surprised that he had brushed her off, but she wasn’t going to fight him on it, not today.  There were bigger things for her to worry about, more important things on her mind and if she could just figure out a way to talk to Rick, or even wander inside the gates on her own in search of her brother herself-</p><p> </p><p>“It ain’t here.” Rosita countered, bitterness in her voice that didn’t go unnoticed by anyone remaining on guard.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, if it ain’t here, then you know where it is, right?” Dwight pointed out.  “We both know you know where it is.”</p><p> </p><p>“Just do what he says.” Lex barked, her patience for Dwight wearing thing.  The sooner she could get him off Rosita’s back, the sooner she’d have to stop hearing his grating voice, which was much more irritating to her than usual.  “Don’t make us hurt you.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’d like to see you try.” Rosita countered and Lex ran her hand along the strap of the gun, reminding the woman without even speaking that she was the one with the advantage.  Sure there were still going to be knives and sharp blades within the walls of this place once they left, but they would have all the guns, they wouldn’t let these people have any way to hurt them from afar.</p><p> </p><p>With a frustrated huff, Rosita made a move to push by Dwight to get into the car but Dwight stopped her, taking the very hat off her head and <em>then</em> stepping out of her way, allowing the poor woman to climb into the driver’s seat.</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck’s sake.” Lex grumbled with a roll of her eyes.  Rosita’s partner hopped into the car too, Dwight leaning against the door and reaching through the window, grabbing the water canteen from inside and making a move to dump the contents out onto the pavement.  “Don’t you dare.  That’s valuable.”</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t take too long.” Dwight continued to ignore, the water cascading downwards, her but as soon as Rosita and her friend drove away in their car, Dwight rounded on her, his eyes narrowed into a mean looking glare.</p><p> </p><p>He took a step towards her and she pressed her lips together, trying desperately not to let him get to her.  Sure she had thought they had sort of come to an understanding back at the Sanctuary but this was a different environment, a different place, a different audience and Dwight was a different person.</p><p> </p><p>She got that, she understood it.  She was a different person inside the walls of the Sanctuary too, but she tried to hold on to her morals at all times, or what was left of them.  Dwight had wasted a perfectly good drink of water, and for what, to look tough, to show them who was boss?  Was it really worth it? </p><p> </p><p>“Don’t you talk to me like that in front of-”</p><p> </p><p>“As much as you think you’re Negan’s bitch, it’s not a good look for you Dwight.” Lex cut him off.  “I know what I’m doing, okay, you could bet your life on it.”</p><p> </p><p>She didn’t give him a chance to respond before marching back over to the truck, taking up a stance near her right hand man.  She set her sights on the road that they had driven up on, her eyes looking out for the undead.  With the sun high in the sky, she reserved herself to a long day waiting, watching, and keeping her fellow Saviors safe.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Lex moved towards Negan as he walked towards the gates, watching carefully as Rosita and her friend pulled back inside, a new van in their possession.  Was it over, were the Saviors finished with their raid, was it time to go home?  Lex blew out a sigh of relief and continued to walk towards him, meeting him halfway and stopping as he did.  She looked at Rick, gazing over him from head to toe, taking in the very sight of a man that could possibly tell her so many things about her brother.  If anyone left in the world knew anything about Shane Walsh, chances were good that it was Rick.</p><p> </p><p>“Hell of a fucking place you got here, Rick.” Negan came to stand just in front of her before rounding on his heels and turning his back to her so that he could face Rick instead. </p><p> </p><p>Lex’s eyes widened, hoping that Rick would look past Negan, when he finally did, she fought off the urge to growl.  He was looking past Negan all right but he was looking past her too and Lex dropped her eyes to the ground, wondering if and when she’d get a chance to talk to Rick at all.  This was as close to her brother as she’d gotten since things had gone to shit, she was so, so close yet so far away, she just needed ten seconds to ask him if Shane was even alive.</p><p> </p><p>But she wasn’t going to get it, not today, not as Rick pleaded with Negan for a second, then he brushed past him and headed out for an abandoned building outside.  Negan turned and watched Rick go and once he was about ten feet from the building, he set his sights on Lex, an absurdly cocky grin on his face while he wandered closer to her, pausing only to situate his body against the front end of the truck, towering over Lex who remained standing firmly in front of him.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s been a good fucking day Lex.” Negan stared at her, his grin never once faltering.  She cocked her head sideways and took her bottom lip in between her teeth, not entirely sure what to say.</p><p> </p><p>She wanted to know why he had made her stand watch instead of letting her raid the houses.  She wanted to know why all of a sudden he needed to give someone else a chance to shine when she had thought she’d been doing a stand up job.  Was there something going on with him, was he punishing her for something that she did?</p><p> </p><p>“Find anything <em>fun</em>?” She asked in a hushed tone, trying not to say the wrong things.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Fun</em> Lex, fuck yeah we did.  Got a whole fuck ton of guns from these fuckers.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p> </p><p>“And a fucking rocket launcher.” Negan let out a guttural chuckle and Lex narrowed her eyes in on him.  What the hell was wrong with these people hiding away behind the walls?  If they had a rocket launcher, then why hadn’t they used it on Negan or his crew the very second they walked up to the gate, well not that Lex was really complaining because she was <em>part</em> of his crew.</p><p> </p><p>But seriously?  They had a rocket launcher and yet they just handed it over, like it was nothing more than a can of peas?</p><p> </p><p>“It’s easy taking shit from morons, isn’t it?” Lex muttered, not totally intending for Negan to hear her, but when he let out another laugh, she knew that she hadn’t been as quiet as she had been trying to be. </p><p> </p><p>“They had a shit fuck ton of our guns too.” Negan stated, shaking his head in an amused fashion.  “I own these pricks Lex.”</p><p> </p><p>“I know.” She bowed her head.  “I know.”</p><p> </p><p>Owning people, taking things, that was what he did, that was what she was a part of.  It was what they had to do in order to survive, but no matter what, Lex didn’t feel all that right about it.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>You take care of you baby girl.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>Shane’s voice floated through her head and she closed her eyes for a second, picturing his face, remembering the time he had taken her out for the very first time to teach her how to shoot.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Don’t let anyone push you around, you’re a Walsh, which means you’re a fighter.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>Shane had been a constant fighter, as evidenced by the crookedness of his nose, which had been broken more than just once.  She had been there a couple of times when it had happened, the blood pouring from his nostrils, leaking and staining the bathroom counter, as well as the carpets in the hallway.  There had been splatters of blood all around their hometown that had been from him, and once upon a time, Lex knew each and every story to go along with them.</p><p> </p><p>She opened her eyes and looked up at Negan, wondering how far he was going to take things with this new group right off the bat.  He had a repertoire with the Hilltop and the Kingdom, plus he had men stationed outside of the Sanctuary, ready and standing guard on everything that was his.</p><p> </p><p>“I own you too Lex.” Negan’s voice broke into her thoughts and she held her breath, daring to meet his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“I know.” She nodded shyly and turned her body slightly so that her butt was against the front of the truck.  She brought her arms up and crossed them over her chest, watching as Rick reappeared from inside the worn out old building just outside the walls.</p><p> </p><p>At the sound of footsteps coming from behind him, Negan plastered an arrogant smirk on his face and turned to watch the woman march through the gates, a freshly hunted deer wrapped around her shoulders like a scarf, it’s head swinging back and forth limply with every step she took.</p><p> </p><p>Lex brought her hand up to her mouth and peeled her eyes away from the scene.  Watching the animal so limp, so dead, bothered her more than it usually did and as Lex turned her back, the woman came right up to Negan and stood in front of him, her eyes looking anywhere but at him.</p><p> </p><p>“Look at this!” Negan remarked and Lex dared to steal a peek, her eyes meeting the woman’s as she did so.</p><p> </p><p>“I thought she was scavenging, she was hunting.” Rick answered, a gun in his hands.  When the woman carrying the deer walked right past Lex, she turned her body to face Rick, watching as he offered up another gun to Negan, one similar to the guns Dwight had pulled out of Rosita’s car.  “This one never came inside, we kept it near the line.”</p><p> </p><p>Rick handed it over and Negan quickly took possession of it, “look at this.<br/> This is something to build a relationship on.  Good for you, Rick.  This is reading the room and getting the fucking message.  I’ve said it before, I’m going to say it again; you, sir are fucking special.”</p><p> </p><p>Gun still in his hand, Negan turned towards the trucks, and <em>finally</em> handed the gun over to Lex.  She took it, looked it over herself and checked to make sure the safety was on before gripping it with both hands.  Remaining quiet, she looked over at Rick and wondered how truly broken the man was, curious to know exactly what Negan had done the night that he had left without her.</p><p> </p><p>“Now that you know we can follow your rules…” Rick sounded terribly uncomfortable speaking to Negan, not that Lex could blame him.  The whole place had once been Rick’s to do with what he pleased but he had blown that, the whole place belonged to Negan.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes?” Negan prompted.</p><p> </p><p>“I’d like to ask you if Daryl can stay.” Rick pressed.  It sounded like a fair deal to Lex but she knew that Negan wasn’t exactly a fair kind of guy.  If he was, well, then there wouldn’t be other colonies out there collecting <em>for</em> him; if he was a fair guy, maybe they all could’ve been working together instead of <em>just</em> to keep Negan happy.</p><p> </p><p>“Not happening.” Negan shot back, calm as can be.  Rick seemed to look past him though and Lex wondered just how far he was willing to go to get his man back.  She didn’t blame him for trying, but what was running through Negan’s head.  “You know what?  I don’t know, maybe Daryl can plead his case, maybe Daryl can sway me.”</p><p> </p><p>Lex tightened her grip on the gun, confused as to what she was leaning towards doing.  If Rick made a move, would she shoot him?  Would Negan bank on her protecting him?  But what if Negan made the first move, what if he went right for Rick, or Daryl, then what would she do?</p><p> </p><p>She had been loyal to Negan ever since she had laid eyes on him, but did that mean she would shoot a man that she had known, had been friends with, before the end of the world to protect him?</p><p> </p><p>“Daryl?” Negan eyed up their prisoner but Daryl made no move to speak, hell, he barely budged, his eyes remaining locked on the ground while Negan let out a maniacal chuckle.  “Well, you tried.  Now what you got to do is get over that tall wall of yours and try harder out there; earn for me, because we’re coming back soon, and when we do, you better fucking have something interesting for us, or Lucille, she’s going to have her way.  I want you to hear that again: if you don’t have something interesting for us, somebody’s going to fucking die, and no more magic guns.  Arat, grab that deer, it’s getting late.  Let’s go home.”</p><p> </p><p>Lex eyed up her female counterpart, waiting for Arat to do what she was told.  She didn’t go near the woman with the deer on her shoulders though, she stood back and waited for her to hand it over.  Part of her was thankful that she hadn’t been asked, no, picking up a dead deer carcass was not something she would be very good at, especially considering her stomach was already in knots from being out in the hot sun for the last few hours.</p><p> </p><p>When the woman dropped the deer down to the ground off her shoulders, Lex shot her an apologetic look.  This was Rick’s home, these people were Rick’s family and she wasn’t confident that he’d even be willing to talk to her in the future.  She couldn’t even fault him for it either, if she was in his shoes, she would’ve shot her the second she was alone, especially after their raid.</p><p> </p><p>“Man, I love a gal that buys me dinner and doesn’t expect me to put out.” Negan said, right in Rick’s ear.  Lex followed him as he wandered a little further away, chuckling as he moved.  Rick seemed stunned, watching whoever the woman had been march away.</p><p> </p><p>What had happened between them?  Who was she and where…where was his wife, where was Lori?  Or Carl for that matter?  Had they made it this far?  Had they survived as long as Rick had or had something happened to them, had they been harmed before this point or were they just hiding out, trying to avoid the Saviors?</p><p> </p><p>Lex paused at Rick’s side and made sure Negan wasn’t paying her any attention, then she hesitantly reached out and ran her hand over his wrist, just enough to let him know that she was there, she was right there.  Did he take her movement as a truce, did he believe this meant they were allies?  Well, Lex wasn’t entirely sure how she wanted it to come off, all she knew was that she wanted to talk to Rick, she needed to know what he did and maybe, just maybe she could get some answers on her brother.</p><p> </p><p>Peering back behind her, she watched as Dwight picked on Rosita yet again, tossing the girl back her hat but nothing else.  Lex moved away from Rick and headed for the truck, hoping that their journey was almost over.  She was tired, she was hungry, she needed a shower desperately, and she was ready to head back to her room and lie down, maybe even have a nap, or possibly just go right to bed.</p><p> </p><p>Sticking right with Negan, Lex didn’t move too far away from him, or the rest of the group.  She watched as Dwight took off on the motorcycle, giving her head a shake as she watched him get smaller and smaller.  Maybe he’d run into trouble on his own on the way back, maybe he’d wind up getting into trouble with the walkers, but more than likely, he’d make it back to the Sanctuary in one piece and continue to haunt her.</p><p> </p><p>“So, nobody died.” Negan turned his attention back to Rick, letting Lex wander closer to the truck on her own.  She set the gun across the seat and trained her eyes on her leader and Rick, who, if possible, looked even more broken than when they had first arrived.  Lucille was in his grip, apparently he hadn’t let go of her since Negan had handed him over when they had first arrived.</p><p> </p><p>“Yet.” Lex muttered and shook her head, hoping that no one <em>would</em> die.  There was still plenty of time for someone to piss Negan off.</p><p> </p><p>“And you know what I think?  I think you and I, we’ve refined our understanding.  Let me fucking ask you something, Rick; do you want me to go?” Negan said.</p><p> </p><p>Rick didn’t seem to be all there, but no one said a word, waiting for him for as long as it took, “I think that’d be good.”</p><p> </p><p>“Then just say those two magical words.” Negan was egging him on, pushing him to his limits.  Lex swallowed the lump in her throat and found herself peering around the inside of the walls, looking for any signs of her brother.  If Shane was here, if he was still alive and <em>with</em> Rick, then surely he’d be right by his best friend’s side- yet she hadn’t seen anyone by Rick’s side.  There was no one standing with him, no one backing him up that she had noticed…what was wrong with this place?</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you.” Rick managed to get the words out, Lex knowing how hard it was for him to say them. </p><p> </p><p>“Don’t be fucking ridiculous.” Negan chuckled and leaned back on his heels.  “Thank <em>you</em>.”</p><p> </p><p>Turning her attention towards the approaching corpse, Lex freed her knife from her thigh holster and prepared herself to do her job and protect them.  Before she had a chance to move though, Negan turned and noticed it too, an amused look on his face.</p><p> </p><p>“Calling it.” Lex muttered but leaned against the side of the truck, watching him show that he was the man in charge yet again.  “Or not.”</p><p> </p><p>“Another one.” Negan remarked, no one budging as the walker limped closer and closer, his growls and snarls getting louder as it moved.  “You need our help.  Davey, hand me that candlestick over there.”</p><p> </p><p>Lex shuddered at the thought of what Negan was going to do to this guy.  Yes, she was used to watching him take them out like he was trying to hit a homerun out of the park with Lucille, but Lucille was still gripped in Rick’s hand. </p><p> </p><p>She couldn’t tear her eyes off of Negan, but all she wanted to do was look away.</p><p> </p><p>“You know what I think, Rick?  I think we’re both going to come out of this winners.” Negan smiled.  “Watch my fucking form.”</p><p> </p><p>Lex watched with wide, fear filled eyes as Negan lifted his hands up over his head, the candlestick gripped firmly in his grasp.  She wasn’t sure what had her stomach churning but when his blow connected with the walkers face, when the blood and flesh and skull was bashed away from the rest of him, she felt her stomach bile rise.</p><p> </p><p>Desperately trying to hold it all in, Lex wrapped an arm around her middle and fought off the urge to vomit, but it was no use, there was way too much in her stomach and she didn’t have the will power to hold it all in, plus standing out in the hot sun for as long as she had didn’t do anyone any favours.</p><p> </p><p>Quickly stepping over to the side, near the edge of the road, and hopefully staying out of Negan’s line of sight, she doubled over, dropped to her knees and let it all out, retching and vomiting like she had never thrown up before.  Her stomach muscles clenched hard and she could feel them cramping up as her puking turned to nothing but dry heaves, yet she still couldn’t stop it.</p><p> </p><p>A hand came down to rest on her shoulder and she tensed, sitting up straighter on her knees and praying that she could hold it together until they got in the trucks and left.  What the hell had she done?</p><p> </p><p>She had blown it for the entire group that had come to Alexandria, she had, in one split second, destroyed the Saviors image, making them appear weak, in front of Negan’s newest lackey, the one and only Rick Grimes.</p><p> </p><p>“Get the fuck up, the only time you get to be on your knees is when-”</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck off.” She grumbled, throwing her shoulder back and forcing his hand away.  Lex made her way to her feet as stealthily as she could before turning to face Rick, her eyes boring into his.  “This place is so shitty it makes me sick.”</p><p> </p><p>“In the fucking truck.” Negan barked and poked her roughly in the side with the end of the blood and skull covered candlestick.  She met his eyes but he looked away immediately, locking them on Rick instead and tossing on his charming, ‘I’m in charge here’ smirk.  “Girl <em>does</em> have a fucking point though.  You should clean that up for me for next time though.”</p><p> </p><p>Lex’s jaw clenched and without another word to Negan, she marched over to the nearest truck and climbed inside, her eyes locking on the man driving, who had clearly witnessed everything.  She growled at him and settled in to the seat, crossing her arms over her chest and daring herself not to actually pout like the scolded child she felt like.</p><p> </p><p>Negan could’ve done a lot worse to her, he could’ve made an example of her in front of everyone, including Rick and his group, instead he had told her to get in the truck, plus, this was all on her.  She was the one who was pregnant, she was the one who insisted she could handle this trip when Sherry had been so desperate to point out that she shouldn’t be going, and apparently Lex had been the one in the wrong.</p><p> </p><p>Dead carcasses walking the earth had never bothered her before, not usually, but the sight of that one’s head caving in, and the <em>smell</em> of the one that Negan had taken care of outside of Alexandria’s gates, had been off, <em>way</em> off.  The barf had come up before she had a chance to realize what was going on, and now there’d certainly be hell to pay when they were out of earshot of Rick and his home. </p><p> </p><p>She didn’t dare listen to the exchange outside between her leader and Rick, so she focused her eyes on the dashboard of the truck, looking at each and every button that she could possibly lay her eyes on.  When the truck jerked slightly and Negan appeared inside the passenger side door, Lucille now in his hand, she turned her head away from him and looked out the window, passed the driver, not wanting to face him just yet.  It was stupid but if she didn’t actually look at him, then maybe he wouldn’t actually scold her.</p><p> </p><p>He settled in beside her, the driver pulling away, and set the end of Lucille on the floor between Lex’s feet, leaning the handle against the front of the seat in between Lex’s thighs.  This was a tactic that she knew all too well but she wasn’t going to back down from him, she wasn’t scared or intimidated by him, not at this moment, not when she knew something that he didn’t, something that involved <em>him</em>.</p><p> </p><p>“Care to explain what the fuck happened out there?” Negan’s voice was smooth, calm even, but she knew that he wasn’t exactly giving her a choice.  If she didn’t answer him, she’d make him angry, and she didn’t want to do that.</p><p> </p><p>“Bad eggs this morning.” She lied, her voice calm, cool and collected; everything she wasn’t at that very moment.</p><p> </p><p>“Want to fucking try that again?” He set his hand on her knee and pinched at her kneecap, drawing her attention to him.  She turned to face him but refused to back down.  That was her story and she was going to stick to it, no matter how absurd he thought it might sound.  “Maybe I need to pay a fucking visit to the kitchen staff, I can’t have them poisoning my people now can I?  Especially not when we go on fucking runs.”</p><p> </p><p>She knocked his hand away from her knee and took her bottom lip in between her teeth, debating how far she really wanted to go with her lie.  She didn’t want anyone else being punished, she didn’t want the kitchen staff to have to face his wrath, but did she want to tell him the truth, did she want him to know what was really going on with her?</p><p> </p><p>“It wasn’t the eggs.” She replied softly, so softly that she wondered if he had even heard her.  When she peered up at his face though, he cocked his head sideways, motioning for her to go on without using words.  “Can we talk when we get back the Sanctuary?  This isn’t really the place for this conversation.”</p><p> </p><p>“For such a super-hot woman, you’ve got quite the fucking balls on you.” He remarked, clearly amused by her gall.  “I’m sensing this is a matter of sensitivity, wouldn’t want anyone else knowing sort of fucking deal?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes.” She nodded her head.</p><p> </p><p>“Normally I’d fucking say no but since we just had such a nice god damn trip to see my new friend Rick, I’ll let this slide.”</p><p> </p><p>She stared at him, not saying a word, not until he lifted his hand up and set it over the end of Lucille, his eyes locked on hers, “thank you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Atta girl.” He grinned and threw his head back, chuckling at how much control he had over her.  She sucked in a breath, tipped her head down and closed her eyes, praying that she could get through the ride back to the Sanctuary without incident.</p><p> </p><p>Silence of a not so comfortable variety had fallen over the occupants of the truck and Lex knew that he wasn’t letting her off the hook, not by a long shot.  She could picture him grabbing her by the back of the neck and forcing her into his room before demanding to know what exactly was wrong with her.  Maybe he’d even scold her for making the Saviors look weak in front of Rick and the gang from Alexandria, maybe he’d have to punish her somehow, but in her eyes, she’d face that if and when the time came.</p><p> </p><p>Telling him that she was pregnant without people eavesdropping was precisely what she preferred, no matter how harsh the potential punishment might be.</p><p> </p><p>“Stop up here.” Negan’s voice pulled her back to reality and she held her breath, hoping that this stop was on his own accord and had nothing to do with her.  If she was honest though, she could definitely use a pee break, and this seemed like the prime opportunity, assuming he wasn’t stopping <em>just </em>to make an example out of her.   “I’ve got one last fucking thing to do.”</p><p> </p><p>As soon as the truck was stopped and the gearshift was in park, Negan swiftly hopped out of the truck and peered back into the cab, his eyes grazing over Lex.  She grabbed hold of Lucille and clambered out onto the pavement, her feet barely landing on the asphalt surface steadily as Negan began barking orders.</p><p> </p><p>She followed him like a lost puppy, Lucille dangling at her side, and when he managed to get his men doing exactly what he wanted, which was unloading the mattresses that they had taken from Alexandria, he turned his attention to Lex, smirking as she flinched when his eyes met hers.</p><p> </p><p>“I take good fucking care of you, don’t I Lex?”</p><p> </p><p>Was this some sort of trick question?  Was this one of his ridiculous tests?</p><p> </p><p>“You speak when spoken too.” He added, voice less harsh than it had been in the truck.  “Do I take good fucking care of you?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes.” She breathed the word out and lifted Lucille upwards, extending her hand towards him so that he could take hold of the barbed-wire covered bat. </p><p> </p><p>“Why do you have to fucking lie to me then?” He pressed and wrapped his fingers around hers, keeping her hand on the bat.  “Do you think I don’t like you?”</p><p> </p><p>“What?” She gaped at him but he let out a laugh.</p><p> </p><p>“Of course I fucking like you.  You’re one of the best fucking lays I’ve ever had, but that doesn’t mean you can fucking lie to me.” Negan explained. </p><p> </p><p>“I told you I’d tell you when we got back home.” Lex protested and wiggled her fingers, peeling them away from the bat and jerking them out from under his grasp.  “I just…”</p><p> </p><p>She trailed off and caught the scent of a fire starting.  Was this…was this part of his plan?  Was he going to kill her on the side of the road and burn her body so that no one would even know what happened to her?  Was Negan’s punishment for her going to be death?</p><p> </p><p>His fingers gripped her chin roughly and he tipped her head back, forcing her to meet his eyes.  She didn’t make a move to object, she merely let him do what he needed to do, deciding that she didn’t want to poke the bear any more than she already had.  If she could just get herself out of this particular pickle and hope that she got a real chance to explain things in a more private situation, then maybe she stood a chance at dodging Negan’s wrath.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re burning their mattresses?” She quipped and her arm came across her abdomen, her stomach already starting to knot at the idea of the Saviors destroying such luxurious items without a second thought.  “Really?”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s a good place to have a fucking bonfire, roast some fucking marshmallows, what do you think Lex?  You like s’mores?”</p><p> </p><p>“I think…”</p><p> </p><p>Tipping her head down, she pressed her lips together and tried to swallow back the urge to vomit, yet again.  She brought her hand up, shoving his away from her chin, and pressed her palm against her lips, not even aware of Negan’s piercing gaze on her as she moved.  Taking off in a jog for the side of the road, she bent over at the waist, pulled her hand away from her mouth and let it all out, puke projecting from her mouth and splashing on the gravel shoulder of the road.</p><p> </p><p>Her stomach hurt, the muscles in her abdomen were straining, but she couldn’t stop the heaving, even after there was nothing left coming out.  Her eyes were looking down at the chunky liquid that had come from her stomach and when a shadow crossed over from behind her, she sucked in a giant breath of air and dared herself to straighten up and face him.</p><p> </p><p>“That smell…” She trailed off and hugged herself as she turned to face Negan, who was staring at her, his expression unreadable. </p><p> </p><p>The scent of the fire had set her off this time, she knew it, she had tried to hold it back.  She hoped that maybe Negan was somewhat concerned for her wellbeing but she knew that wasn’t as likely as him being mad at her.  Here she was, out on an important run with him and the rest of the group, and she was being weak, whether she could control it or not, it didn’t look good to him.  She was supposed to be his right hand, she was supposed to be strong and undeterred, but this, vomiting twice, wasn’t helping her look very good to her leader.</p><p> </p><p>“Bad eggs my ass.” Negan barked and Lex lifted her arm up, swiping at her mouth with the back of her hand.  “Can’t fucking trust that you’re not going to spew on my boots, which are damn fine boots at that, on the drive home, find someone else to ride with.”</p><p> </p><p>Lex meekly nodded her head and turned around, taking in the sight of the rest of the Saviors that had come along.  She locked her eyes on one of the guys that she often took on runs of her own and headed in his direction, pausing just next to him and looking up at him with wide eyes.  He glanced away from her and towards Negan, trying to figure out what was going on, but he had no clue, no one had any idea, except for Sherry.</p><p> </p><p>“I have to pee.” Lex confessed in a whisper and he bowed his head in understanding.</p><p> </p><p>She carried on to the other side of the truck, the man following her to act as her guard as she took care of business.  While he stood up on the side of the road, she trekked down into the ditch and blew out a soft sigh of relief.  Negan could certainly have handled her way more harshly, but this, this was a cake walk compared to what she had to talk to him about when they got back to the Sanctuary.</p><p> </p><p>Once she was done peeing in the ditch, she climbed out and paused next to the man, who simply shook his head at her with a knowing smile, the two of them carrying on walking back around the truck and stopping at the passenger side door.  The man motioned for her to hop in the truck and she quickly scampered inside the cab, curling up and clutching her stomach as she made herself comfortable in the seat, hoping that getting home would be a lot smoother ride than she was anticipating.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She hadn’t intended to fall asleep in the truck but apparently that’s precisely what had happened.  In all honesty, it was more than likely the best possible outcome, at least if she was sound asleep she wouldn’t have to stop to pee every ten minutes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But it was the waking up part that had thrown her off, especially considering she woke up in Negan’s room, her body laid out on the bed and her jacket residing on the chair across the room from where she was.  She certainly hadn’t taken it off, at least not that she could remember, but there were times when she had known Negan to be slightly less harsh than his reputation let on.  Had he been the one to free her of her jacket in order for her to continue to sleep peacefully?  Had he done something so small, so simple, so nice, just for her?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I fucking see you’re awake sleeping beauty.” His voice sounded out through the room, teasing her, yet she could hear the threatening tone behind his words.  He wasn’t pleased with her actions during their trip to Alexandria, she knew it, and he wasn’t going to let her get away with talking to him the way she had, especially not in front of other people.  He was in charge and he wanted everyone else to know that, there was no room for undermining him, or talking back to him, but she hadn’t taken the time to consider the consequences while she had been bringing back each and every last little bit of the contents of her stomach.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There was way too much on her mind, she was clearly distracted, and she still wasn’t entirely sure if she was planning on telling him that she was pregnant or not, even though she had requested they wait until they were somewhere a little more private to talk.  He had a right to know, if only so that he would better understand why she had gotten sick in front of everyone.  At the very least, she had to explain herself, but she didn’t necessarily have to tell him <em>everything</em>, right?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“How long have I been sleeping?” She asked, her voice hoarse and low and she tipped her head upwards to get a better look at him from her lying down position.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He was sitting on the chair opposite the one holding her jacket, a book open in his hands, his legs residing on the edge of the table in a comfortable manner.  He looked pretty relaxed to her, but she knew that he was easily just trying to pass the time, giving her as much sleep as he felt she needed before bringing the focus back to their necessary conversation.  Was he being nice with a purpose or had he assumed that her throwing up had something to do with her being sick?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Couple hours.” Negan answered and stood up from the chair, closing the book and setting it face down on the surface of the table.  Leaving the book neglected behind him, he moved closer to her, striding across the room, coming into her line of sight as he went.  She lifted an arm up and ran her fingers through her hair, pushing it back away from her face so that she could get a better view of him.  She looked up at Negan, watching carefully as he came to stand right next to the edge of the bed, looming over her, his thick arms crossed over his chest.  “You better start fucking talking and don’t give me any bullshit excuses about <em>bad</em> eggs.  Something wrong with you Lex, something I should fucking know about?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No.” She shook her head and moved to sit up, scooting backwards so that she was sitting in the pillows.  She leaned her back against the headboard and dragged her fingers across her stomach, wondering how much longer she had until she felt nauseous again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Would she be okay so long as nothing set her off?  Or was she going to have to deal with random bouts of vomiting no matter what was going on around her?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Should I be fucking leaving you behind when I decide to go on my next run?” Negan continued to question her but all Lex could manage was a pitiful shake of her head.  She didn’t want to be left behind, in fact, it was quite the opposite, she didn’t want to leave his side, <em>ever</em> again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lex brought her other hand up and wiped at her mouth with the back of her wrist, swallowing the lump in her throat and trying to force her body to wake up and be as alert as her mind.  She could feel her heart pounding in her chest, but she prayed that Negan would be understanding of her situation.  Surely he wouldn’t punish her for something that was equally his fault and just as much his responsibility as it was hers.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It wasn’t like they had ever talked about their total lack of protection, but Lex knew that condoms were hard to find in this day and age, and even if they were found, it was likely that they were expired.  The same could be said for the pill, hell, Lex was <em>very</em> well aware of how little was left in the world in regards to practicing safe sex.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s not…” She paused and took in a huge gulp of air, letting her lungs fill up and absorb it before she let it out.  “I don’t know what you want me to say.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I want to fucking <em>know</em> what the hell happened.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well…it all started that night that you went <em>hunting</em> and I didn’t make it back in time to go with you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“This is sounding like a less entertaining story than I originally fucking hoped for.” Negan remarked and flopped his ass down onto the edge of the bed.  He turned his upper body to face her and she pressed her fingertips harder into the flesh of her stomach.  “Guess you don’t plan on winning any fucking literary awards, huh Lex?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She cocked her head sideways and pressed her lips together, desperately trying to piece together the words she wanted to use as an explanation.  She knew that she had to give him something, she had to offer him a reasonable explanation for her throwing up, but how far was she truly willing to go?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>What had he been thinking when she had first thrown up?  Was he worried about her?  Maybe he figured that she had some sort of flu and she would infect the entire group of Saviors within the Sanctuary’s walls.  If something as simple as a flu could breakout through his ranks, then surely he’d be left with much less than before in regards to people <em>and</em> supplies.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Was it possible that he was genuinely concerned with her well-being?  Did he have a soft spot for her, did he care about her more than she thought?  Would losing her hurt him at all?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I was late because we kept having to stop for me to go to the bathroom.” She stated and before he could say something in response, she lifted her hand up and kept him silent.  “I was thinking maybe I had a bladder infection, or I was drinking too much, hell, it could’ve been my nerves, right?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“As exciting as it is to listen to you talk about your fucking bathroom habits-”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I went and talked to Carson when I got back, he pretty quickly ruled that it wasn’t an infection so we mutually agreed that it was because of stress, this world <em>is</em> stressful.” Lex continued, not even bothering to acknowledge his response.  “A few days later I wind up walking with Sherry and she tells me she’s going to see Carson so that she can get a pregnancy test.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well shit, I didn’t realize you and darling little Sherry were <em>that</em> close, sharing fucking secrets and being little girlfriends.” He smirked and she glared at him.  “She’s my wife Lex, what did you honestly fucking expect?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Her test was negative.” Lex shot back at him, feeling the anger and frustration flooding through her body.  “She’s not fucking pregnant you lucky son of a bitch.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Name calling is only appropriate-”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“God damn!” Lex barked and tipped her head back, peering up at the ceiling and sucking in a breath with the hopes that she could calm herself down.  It was no use though, she was far too gone to care about pissing him off with what she had to say to him.  “You…you have no idea do you.  She convinced <em>me</em> to take a pregnancy test of my own, you want to know what it fucking said Negan?  I bet even you’re not <em>that</em> oblivious.  Peeing too much, throwing up at the most inopportune times…congratu-fucking-lations asshole, you’re going to be a fucking father.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re…no fucking way.” He trailed off and even shied away from her gaze, if only for a split second before leveling her with an intense look.  “Fuck Lex, you can’t be pregnant.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Pretty sure I can be.” She grumbled.  “We fucked way too many times without protection, and you’re too smart not to know the consequences…but whatever though, it doesn’t matter anyways.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“How can you say that it doesn’t fucking matter?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don’t want it.” She replied with a nonchalant shrug, treating the baby more like a thing that she could throw away when the opportunity presented itself instead of an actual growing human being.  “I’m not going to keep it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“And how exactly did you fucking plan on getting rid of it?” Negan looked at her, eyes wide with curiosity.  Surely he realized that she had some semblance of a plan, Lex was rarely unprepared.  “In case you haven’t noticed, it’s not like you can walk into a fucking hospital these days.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Abortion pills.” She answered with yet another shrug.  “At least that’s my first choice, they’d be a lot less messy than the coat hanger method.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Negan’s eyes held hers and she waited for him to speak.  She didn’t know what else to tell him, she had answered his question but surely he had more, he had to have more.  This was an unusual situation for the end of the world but he wasn’t just going to accept it and move on, was he?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“While I can see the logic behind your fucking decision, don’t you think that maybe we should have a calm fucking discussion and come to a mutual conclusion about what to do?” Negan was starting to sound less like himself and more like a reasonable man.  What had she expected from him, maybe some anger, lots of yelling, but not this, anything but <em>this</em>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You <em>want</em> a baby?” She stiffened up and even leaned forward the tiniest little bit, getting a bit closer to Negan.  “Are you insane-wait, don’t answer that, I know the answer is yes.  But come on Negan, even you can’t be <em>that </em>crazy!  A baby, in this world…that’s just absurd!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I never fucking said I didn’t agree with you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“All it’d take was for the baby to start crying and suddenly we have every walker within hearing distance heading our way.  It wouldn’t matter how good our defenses are, it wouldn’t make a difference.” Lex couldn’t get the words out fast enough and for once, Negan seemed to be paying close attention to what she had to say.  “Babies are fresh meat to them, and that’s <em>only</em> considering the threat of the undead.  What happens if one of the enemies you’ve so nicely made hears it crying?  And that’s if we even make it that long without something going wrong to start with.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Calm the fuck down.” He growled and leveled her with a glare of his own.  “I don’t know what I fucking want, you can’t just throw something like that out into the open and expect me not to be caught a little off fucking guard.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’d be an easy target.” Lex confessed, her body starting to relax in the bed now that she had managed to get <em>some</em> of her concerns out in the open.  Okay, well, he wasn’t reacting quite like she had been expecting, but at the same time, he wasn’t telling her that she had to keep it, he wasn’t forcing her to do anything she didn’t want…<em>yet</em>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He had a point, it wasn’t like telling him she was pregnant was something easy to deal with.  Even if she wanted to get rid of it, there were still risks involved, risks that were dangerous and could cause her to not survive.  Then where would he be, he’d be down a decent member of his group, a member who was more than capable of a lot of things. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What a fucking mess.” Negan remarked with a shake of his head.  “Fuck me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That’s how we got into this whole situation to start with.” She mumbled and when he let out a bark of loud laughter, she jumped at the sound.  Negan stared at her, looking into her eyes while Lex held back her words.  She wasn’t sure what else she wanted to say to him, she didn’t know what she <em>needed</em> to say to him, but she definitely didn’t feel relieved in the slightest having told him. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Part of her had been totally willing to deal with the whole thing on her own without ever having to mention it to him.  She knew that she was working on a time constraint and she had no doubt that Carson would’ve eventually told Negan if she hadn’t, but until that time arrived, she was on her own.  He knew though, and she feared what would happen next to both her <em>and</em> the baby.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Until we figure out what the fuck to do, you don’t leave this room.” Negan instructed and she opened her mouth to argue, Negan lifting his hand up to silence her.  “Who else knows?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You.  Carson, obviously, and Sherry.” Lex answered softly.  “Other than that, no one.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Keep it that way.” Negan pressed and she nodded her understanding.  It wasn’t like she wanted to throw a party, make a big announcement to the entirety of the Saviors, so for her, following that particular request was easy.  “You don’t set foot outside this room without my permission, do you fucking understand?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes, don’t leave this room.” Lex nodded along, but a thought crossed her mind.  She had to get to Rick, she had to talk to him.  “But I’m going to Alexandria with you the next time you go.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Like fuck you are.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I am.” She pushed and leaned forward, shifting her position on the bed and moving onto her knees.  “I <em>need</em> to.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What the fucking hell for?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Rick.” She answered simply and dropped her gaze down to the sheets.  “I know him.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Negan scooted up the bed and reached a hand out, setting it on her wrist and drawing her attention to him.  Lex brought her eyes up and met his gaze, staring in to his eyes, hoping that he’d let her go with them.  She didn’t need to be cooped up, she didn’t need to be protected, especially if she didn’t want the baby to start with.  What good would she be shut away in his bedroom?  How would that help anyone?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You <em>know</em> my new friend Rick-”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Rick, Rick Grimes.  Yes I know him.” She stated, her voice starting off calm but she knew she wasn’t going to finish speaking without raising her voice.  “He used to work for the King County Sheriff’s Department before the world went to shit; I know that too.  I also know that he was known as <em>Officer</em> Rick Grimes and I know who his god damn partner was: a guy who went by the name of Shane Walsh, my fucking brother.  So yeah, I’m maybe just vaguely familiar with the guy.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You think Rick knows something about your fucking brother, is that it?  That’s why you want to fucking go out there?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“They were best friends before shit hit the fan.” Lex stated.  “Right now, he’s my best chance at finding my brother.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“And what the fuck happens when you <em>do</em> find your brother Lex?  You going to invite him over here and have a fucking tea party?” Negan quipped and she shook her head.  “Maybe let him in and throw a fucking homecoming dance?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No.” She shook her head.  “No not at all- god, I just need to <em>know</em> okay.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“My guess is that your brother’s fucking dead, walking around with the rest of the ugly ass fuckers looking for their next meal.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lex clamped her mouth shut and tried to breathe.  She didn’t want to get into an argument with the man that could easily kill her before she had a chance to find out if her brother was still alive, and if he was, <em>where</em> he was.  Was he with Rick, was he within the walls of Alexandria?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was a very real possibility and if Lex could just get there, if she could get to Rick and talk to him, maybe she’d be able to finally find out what happened to her brother.  But Negan…well he was the one thing standing in her way.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m going with you.” She said calmly and Negan shook his head.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You don’t leave this room until I figure out what the holy fuck to do about you.” Negan argued and Lex bit down on her lips.  “You make one fucking wrong move and that baby will be the least of your worries.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Before she could get another word in, Negan stood up, rising up to his full height and towering over her.  She shied away from his gaze and let her eyes fall shut, fighting off the urge to argue any more with him.  She knew his threat was real, she didn’t want it to come to that, but at the same time, if she could just get rid of him, if she could get a moment to herself, maybe she could come up with an idea of her own.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Negan leaned over her and set his hand on her shoulder, giving it a rough squeeze but Lex didn’t flinch, she merely sat there, unmoving, and waited for him to be done with her.  When his hand moved away from her, she lifted her head and watched him as he headed for the door, not pausing, not stopping to grab Lucille, before ripping it open and stepping out into the hall.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When the door slammed shut behind him, her entire body jerked at the sound but Lex let out a soft sigh of relief.  She was by herself, she was on her own, now if she could just figure out what to do before he came back- if she could just come up with a better idea to convince him to let her go to Alexandria…</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Maybe she wouldn’t try to convince him to let her go, maybe she could go on her own.  There was nothing stopping her from sneaking out, there wasn’t a damn thing keeping her here, plus if she was pregnant, maybe she’d be able to use it to her advantage.  Surely Negan would think twice about using Lucille on her-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lucille, yes, yes that’s what she would do.  She’d sneak out and take Lucille with her.  There was no way she’d be leaving the bat behind, that would give her yet another advantage.  Lex nodded her head as her plan slowly formed in her head.  All she had to do was figure out the best way to get out of the room without being seen and then get outside of the walls of the Sanctuary.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She was going to get to Rick, and nothing was going to get in her way, not even Negan himself.</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Negan hadn’t come back, not while Lex had been in his room.  She had decided that she was going to rest up a little longer before venturing outside the walls, plus she rarely got a minute to herself and even more rare was the fact that she had been left alone in his room for an extended period of time.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Usually he came back if she didn’t head outside within the hour, but this time was different, this time he hadn’t come back, and the longer Lex remained in his room, the more anxious she became.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It wasn’t like she was thinking about backing out of her plan, no, she was <em>going</em> to get to Rick if it was the last thing she did, it was just that the more she considered it, the more she found herself figuring out all of the things that could go wrong.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She’d be by herself, that was issue number one.  What if something happened to her, then no one would know, no one would be able to save her, or help her, but it wasn’t enough to stop her.  Sure she could tell Sherry where she was going but that just left room for her close friend to get in trouble if Negan found out she knew anything.  Plus that involved time, time that Lex was losing with each passing second.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Her next problem was that she was going to have to figure out her best means of transportation.  She could walk, sure, but it was rather far and she was tired.  She could drive but that meant she’d have to figure out a way to sneak a vehicle out.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Okay, so maybe it wasn’t all that hard to get in a truck and drive off, but someone would have to help her through the gate, right?  She had friends though, she had people that were loyal to her, she just didn’t know if they were <em>more</em> loyal to her than to Negan, which was definitely a huge risk she wasn’t sure she was willing to take.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Getting to Rick though, finding information on her brother, she <em>had </em>to go.  If she waited until a meal rush then maybe there’d be less potential witnesses, but that seemed like a horrible plan too.  Meal rushes meant that people would be flocking to and from the mess hall, and if she wasn’t one of them, then someone might get a little suspicious, right?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>If she waited until the following day and headed out bright and early in the morning, she could play it off as a simple run, or maybe even a retrieval mission. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>No matter what though, she quickly came to the realization that whoever was on gate duty was going to have to know she was leaving, now she just needed to come up with a believable excuse as to why and hope that they didn’t go running to Negan the second she pulled outside.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They’d believe her though, wouldn’t they?  She was still one of the very high ups, she was one of the top dogs, surely the person on the gate wouldn’t question her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lex rolled over on Negan’s bed and took in the sight of the discarded Lucille one more time.  The bat, the fucking bat, meant more to him than anything, including her, and boy was she mad.  She was going to take Lucille with her, she was going to steal the barbed-wire wrapped bat and take it to see Rick, hoping that Negan noticed it gone.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Would he panic?  Would he freak out?  Or would he remain calm and keep his stony exterior in front of everyone?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She blew out a breath and rolled onto her back, staring up at the ceiling and wondering when he was coming back.  She wasn’t supposed to leave the room, but he never said if he was going to be joining her.  Where else would he go though?  This was <em>his</em> room, it wasn’t like he had too many other places where he kept his belongings.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And even if he did come back, it wasn’t going to be a pleasant reunion.  Negan was <em>pissed </em>at her, and she couldn’t exactly blame him.  She had thrown up while he had been trying to maintain his hold on Rick and his group, she had nearly blown his bravado, made him look weak in front of his new little honey hole.  Then she had pressed him, pleading for him to talk to her in a more private manner, and that hadn’t gone over well either.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When he had sent her to another truck, she had been sad to start with but she quickly realized that she was much more comfortable in a cab without Negan.  Her right hand had been with her the entire ride back to the Sanctuary and she had been so relaxed in his presence that she had fallen asleep.  She certainly wouldn’t have been able to fall asleep if she had been with Negan.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Then maybe if she hadn’t fallen asleep, she could’ve hopped right out of the truck and headed to her room, locking the door behind her and avoiding the conversation she had with Negan about the baby.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He couldn’t <em>really</em> want it, could he?  He didn’t seem like the type of guy who prided himself on being a father, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t possible.  Underneath his hardened heart, he was still a man, and he wanted things that men wanted; was it so farfetched to think that a family could be something he desired.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Pfft, no.” Lex mumbled to herself, swinging her legs to the side of the bed and planting them on the floor.  She stood up and moseyed over towards where he had left Lucille, her hand coming out in front of her to run along the handle of his favourite dirty girl.  Lex caught the tip of her finger on a barb and immediately retracted her hand, peering down at her skin and watching as a bead of blood bubbled up from the prick.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Her eyes scanned over Lucille’s length, her mind thinking about all of the destruction that she had caused, before settling on a stained patch of wood right near the end.  Whose blood was that?  Was it a walker’s, was it a Savior’s, or was it some poor sap who had tried to plead his case with Negan only to end up on the receiving end of a homerun swing?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>At the sound of footsteps outside of the door, she straightened up and backed away from Lucille, instead choosing to face the visitor head on.  She watched as the door creaked open and when her eyes landed on Negan, who was carrying some food, she cocked her head sideways and wondered if this was going to be some sick joke he was going to play on her?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I was rather fucking partial to letting you starve for a day or two.” Negan announced and marched into the room, letting the door shut behind him.  He made his way over to the table and set the brown bag of food on the surface, motioning for her to go ahead.  Lex shook her head and turned her back to him, heading for the end of his bed before sitting down on it.  “It was pointed out to me that you’re fucking eating for two now, so fucking eat Lex.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What does it matter if I’m not keeping it?” She countered, her voice much, <em>much</em> calmer than she had been expecting. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You have got to be one of the most fucking difficult women I have ever met.” Negan remarked with a shake of his head.  “In a world as fucking shitty as this one, you’re going to turn down a perfectly good sandwich?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m not really that hungry.” She shrugged and crossed her arms over her chest.  “Plus if you hadn’t confined me to this room, I’d be perfectly capable of getting my own food.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah, too fucking bad I did exactly that.” Negan smirked.  “Now fucking eat before I fucking force it down your throat.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Reluctantly, she rose up off the bed and crossed the room, stopping to stand in front of him and looking up at him, defiance in her gaze.  He brought his own arms up and crossed them over his chest, his cocky smile growing as he stared down at her.  When she brushed past him and sat down at the table, he made quick work of joining her, sitting in the vacant chair across from her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sliding the bag closer to her, he leaned back against the chair and stared at her, watching and waiting for her to eat what he had brought her.  She knew that no one had ever been brought food by their fearless leader and the fact that he had thought to get her something to eat made her heart pick up in speed just the tiniest little bit.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Did he care enough about her to do something as simple as bring her dinner?  Or was this more of a control thing?  He couldn’t actually be worried about her starving, could he?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Where’s your dinner?” She quipped and pulled the bag open, peering inside at the simple sandwich that he had managed to wrangle up.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Already fucking ate.” He answered nonchalantly, Lex pulling the food out and peeling off the wrappings.  She stared at it, wondering if it was <em>just</em> a sandwich or if there was more to it than that.  He could’ve drugged it, poisoned it, laced it with something, but when she brought her eyes up to meet his, he raised an eyebrow expectantly and she chanced it, taking a bite and chewing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It wasn’t the tastiest of food but she wasn’t going to complain.  It was hard to come by anything that tasted <em>really</em> good now that the world was a shit hole, but overall, this particular sandwich wasn’t half bad.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>As soon as she had finished chewing the first bite, she swallowed it down and lifted her hand up to her mouth, covering it as she spoke, “you didn’t have to bring me dinner.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re not supposed to leave the fucking room, so it’s not like I had much of a fucking choice.  I don’t want you talking to other people in case you fucking blab about your current situation-”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“My <em>current</em> situation?” She tilted her head sideways.  “The fact that I’m pregnant isn’t <em>just</em> on me, you were there too, you helped make this stupid baby, I didn’t do it by myself you know?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don’t fucking like complications Lex-”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Complications, god, what the hell is wrong with you?” She set the sandwich down on the table and glared at him, wondering if this was how he was going to be from here on out.  What <em>was</em> wrong with him, why was he acting like this was such a big deal, especially considering she already stated that she didn’t want it?  “I’m going to get rid of it and then we can carry on carelessly fucking like two horny teenagers, no complications at all after that.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“And tell me what the fuck I’m supposed to do if this <em>happens</em> again?” Negan pressed.  Leaning forward, he set his elbows on the table and met her eyes.  “You’ve brought some pretty fucking important things to my attention.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Like the fact that you should start being more careful with the girls you fuck?” She growled.  “Or invest time and men into a run specifically for protection and abortion pills?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Shut your fucking mouth.” Negan hissed and moved the chair back away from the table.  She stood up though and paced across the room, stopping at the door and leaning against it, staring at him, waiting for him to speak again, but he remained silent.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>What the hell was she supposed to do if she was going to be confined to this room <em>with </em>him?  He was being a total dick to her, treating her like this was solely on her when he knew perfectly well what the consequences of unprotected sex were.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don’t understand why you’ve got your panties in such a twist over this.  If things had gone my way, there’d be no baby and you wouldn’t have ever had to know about it.” Lex pointed out, watching as his eyes widened the slightest little bit.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I own this place, I own every single person in it, including you, you don’t think I wouldn’t have found out?” Negan leveled her with a vicious glare, Lex lifting her hands up to run them through her hair.  He <em>had</em> a point, but she had already struck a deal with Carson.  He had agreed to give her a week and she had believed him when he said it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Maybe Negan’s hold did go that deep but she felt that maybe a man of Carson’s stature, a man with as much medical knowledge as he had, would side with his patient.  She wanted to get rid of the baby, and she had a few logical reasons for doing so.  Wouldn’t her getting rid of it only benefit the group in the long run?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You should consider yourself lucky that I want to get rid of it.” Lex stated calmly.  “I’m doing you a favour-”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Is that really what you fucking think?  You’re doing me some kind of fucking favour?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m giving you what a lot of men want and that’s a free pass.  You don’t have to be a father, you don’t have to be responsible for a kid- hell, I think that’s the best possible outcome for everyone involved.” Lex answered.  “You have enough people counting on you here, you don’t need a baby thrown into the mix.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m not fucking disagreeing with you-”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sort of sounds like it.” Lex cut in.  “Just let me deal with this on <em>my </em>own.  I swear it’ll be over and done with before you know it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Negan didn’t bother responding to her, instead, he stood up and walked across the room, taking up a stance in front of her.  She didn’t flinch, not even as his hand came to rest on the side of her neck, his fingertip ghosting over her scar.  Staring into her eyes, Lex held his gaze, refusing to look away and give in to him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>This was her fight to lose, and she wasn’t going to go down without doing her best.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You can’t possibly <em>want</em> this.” She pressed, daringly lifting her hand up and resting her palm against the leather of his jacket, directly over where his hear was.  “Let it go, please?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Negan ripped his hand away from her neck and nudged her sideways.  Before she could argue or say anything more to make him angrier, he whipped the door open and disappeared into the hallway, the door shutting behind him with a loud thud.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lex let out a soft sigh and headed over to the bed, lowering herself down onto the end before flopping backwards, her eyes staring at the ceiling as she solidified her desire to get back to Rick and find out if her brother was there with him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He’d know what to say to her, Shane would know what to do, she just needed to find him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 14</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Much to her delight, Negan had never come back to the room the night before.  He hadn’t walked in while she had been pretending to sleep, he hadn’t shown up when the sun was coming out, in fact, she hadn’t heard any movement outside the door for the entirety of the night.</p><p> </p><p>If she hadn’t been so anxious and excited to get a move on and head over to see Rick, she might’ve been able to fall asleep during the night.  The fact that she had napped so soundly in the ride on the way home had definitely helped, but Lex wasn’t feeling anything yet.  She was wide awake, she was alert and she was ready to go.</p><p> </p><p>She just needed to get out of Negan’s room unnoticed and make her way down to the vehicles.  If he laid his eyes on her, she knew she’d be doomed, she’d face a punishment worse than death, and maybe another awkward conversation about how she planned on getting rid of a baby that he didn’t seem all that keen on getting rid of at all.</p><p> </p><p>What was with that?  Like she had said the night before, she was giving him a free pass, she was doing him a favour, but he seemed to be acting more like a kid who didn’t get his way than the fearless leader that he usually was.  Was she wrong about Negan, did he <em>want</em> a baby, did he <em>want</em> to be a father?</p><p> </p><p>Brushing off his weird attitude, Lex strolled around his room, gathering her stuff up as she moved.  She managed to get her knife back into the holster, which he had set on the table before putting her to bed, and her gun joined it soon after.  Part of her wondered why he hadn’t taken it all with him, but when she turned her attention to his beloved Lucille, it wasn’t hard for her to assume that he was distracted.</p><p> </p><p>Rightfully so, if she was in his position, if she was the one dealing with <em>her</em>, she’d be more focused on what to do instead of worrying about clearing his bedroom of weapons.</p><p> </p><p>That was his first mistake.</p><p> </p><p>She was going to take Lucille with her, she was going to steal his stupid baseball bat and keep her as her travel companion.  Lucille could definitely keep a secret.</p><p> </p><p>Scooping Lucille up by the handle, Lex felt the weight of the bat in her hands.  She was lighter than she looked and the handle was smooth, so smooth it was almost soft against her palms.  Boy, Negan sure had one thing right in the world and that was that Lucille deserved to be taken care of.  She was a thing of beauty, a thing to be respected, and he was the right guy to look after her.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m jealous of a stupid baseball bat.” Lex scoffed and lifted the bat up, resting it against her shoulder as she prepared herself for her amazing escape.  She expected guards in the hallway, people walking around here and there, hell, at this point in time, she was expecting Negan to come out of nowhere and shock the shit out of her.  She didn’t know where he was, or where he had gone to, so what was stopping him from catching her himself?</p><p> </p><p>And then she’d be screwed.</p><p> </p><p>At least if one of the others caught her, she could strike up a deal, lie her way out of it, but not if she ran into Negan, who had instructed her to not leave the room, even threatening her if she set foot outside the door.</p><p> </p><p>But Shane was more important.  She had to get back to Rick to find out what happened to him.  He could still be alive, she was holding out hope that he <em>was </em>still alive, but she’d never know unless she got back to Alexandria and looked for him herself.  Rick would know something about his whereabouts, he <em>had </em>to, he was the closest thing to her brother that she had.</p><p> </p><p>She thanked god that Negan had stumbled upon him, however he had done so, even though she was well aware that Rick wasn’t thankful for that at all.  He looked broken, completely and utterly shattered as a person when she had seen him at the gates, but maybe…maybe she could help him, maybe she could get Negan to go easy on them…maybe…</p><p> </p><p>There were too many maybes and she hoped that she’d lay her eyes on her brother.  He was the most important thing on her mind, he was the one thing keeping her going at that very minute.  If she hadn’t seen Rick at the gates, then she wasn’t entirely sure what would’ve happened between her and Negan.  Chances were good that she wouldn’t have told him about the baby, and if she had, she wouldn’t have pressed for him to let her go with him.</p><p> </p><p>Then maybe she wouldn’t have pissed him off as bad as she did.</p><p> </p><p>But it wasn’t like she did anything wrong, was it?  Why <em>was</em> he so mad at her?</p><p> </p><p>She could understand the fact that she had been sick in front of Alexandria, she had made them look weak, had given them a glimpse into the fact that he didn’t have <em>total </em>control over his people.  That made sense to her.  What didn’t make sense was how stubborn he was being when it came to the baby.</p><p> </p><p>“Well Lucille, looks like it’s just you and me girl.” Lex joked and let the weight of the bat settle against her shoulder.  She headed right for the door and wrapped her hand around the knob, turning it slowly and silently praying that Negan hadn’t done something to it to keep her inside. </p><p> </p><p>He had left the night before in a bit of a snit and she hadn’t heard him stopping to play around with the door, but that didn’t mean he hadn’t done <em>something</em> to ensure she didn’t go anywhere.</p><p> </p><p>She continued to turn the knob though and when she heard the slight click, she moved the door and was pleasantly surprised when it opened, revealing a nice, empty, guard-free hallway.  Lex sucked in a breath and stepped across the threshold, hoping that she’d be this fortunate for the rest of her journey outside of the gates.</p><p> </p><p>Tiptoeing down the hall and pausing every five steps or so, she made sure that she didn’t hear anything, not that she was expecting to.  It was still very, <em>very</em> early in the morning and anyone that <em>was</em> awake, wasn’t going to be all that interested in her because they had their own jobs to do.  She had planned it perfectly, and Negan, having disappeared the night before, had given her the prime opportunity to sneak out.</p><p> </p><p>Reaching the stairs at the end of the hall, Lex was careful to pry the door open slowly, making sure it didn’t make any noise.  When she was home free and into the stairwell, she took each and every step carefully, pausing as she set her foot down to make sure it didn’t creak under her weight.</p><p> </p><p>Painstakingly slow, she moved downwards, reaching the main floor before she knew it.  She was halfway there, she was past the hard part, now she just had to get outside, slip through the Sanctuary unnoticed and get herself into a truck.  Once she made it to a truck, she could pretty much count on her plan working, unless, of course, Negan managed to stop her.</p><p> </p><p>Outside the sun was just past the point of rising but she didn’t stop to look at it, or watch it, no, she focused her attention on counting the amount of people outside the walls of Negan’s main building.  There were hardly any bodies moving around and Lex let out a soft sigh of relief at that fact.</p><p> </p><p>She set foot outside and moved swiftly towards the vehicles, not slowing down for anything.  With Lucille still perched on her shoulder, she approached the black truck nearest the gates and stepped up into the cab.  She searched around for the keys and freed them from the sun visor above her, settling into the driver’s seat and finally setting Lucille down on the passenger seat.</p><p> </p><p>“Huh, change of plans Lucille, you get to ride in the back, where you fucking belong.” Lex growled at Negan’s most prizes possession.  She realized it was <em>just</em> a bat, but the man in charge treated it like a real, full blown person.  Lucille didn’t have emotions, she didn’t talk, she didn’t fight back, she was an inanimate object, one that would be treated as such so long as Lex was in possession of her- no, it, so long as Lex was in possession of <em>it</em>.  “You’re a fucking bat.”</p><p> </p><p>Lex grabbed Lucille’s handle and leaned over into the backseat, setting the bat against the worn material and watching as it rolled slightly before settling in for the long journey in store for the two of them. </p><p> </p><p>Getting herself comfortable in the seat of the truck, Lex jammed the key into the ignition and turned the truck on, smiling to herself at the sound of the engine purring to life.  This was going to be fun, it was going to be perfect, all she had to do was make it <em>through</em> the gates and nothing was going to stop her.</p><p> </p><p>Putting the truck into gear, she crept towards the gates and caught the attention of the Savior working the gate, the very Savior that happened to be her right hand man on any of the runs that she made.  How fucking lucky could she have been, of all the people she could run into, it was one of her own men.</p><p> </p><p>Pulling up, she rolled the window down and threw a smile on her face, hoping to get through this check point without any incidents.</p><p> </p><p>“You!” He smiled at her, his finger brushing along the butt of his gun, which was in a holster on his hip.  “You’re up kind of early, aren’t you?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, but I’ve got an easy run I’ve got to do for Negan.” She lied and smiled right back at him. </p><p> </p><p>“Okay.” He offered her a shrug and Lex waited patiently for him to open the gates.  She was glad that he didn’t ask questions, or hesitate to let her out, which was just one of the perks of being in charge of him on runs.  He trusted her, he believed in her and for that, she was thankful.</p><p> </p><p>When the gates were open just enough for her truck to squeeze out, she pulled forward, stopping only when he was next to the vehicle.  Lex poked her head out and looked at him, the ever present smile not even close to disappearing from her face.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t think I’ll be too long, be back by dark at the latest.” Lex announced, but it was another lie.  She had no idea how long she’d be gone for, but dark sounded like a good cover.  It definitely bought her some time, she had most of the day to get to Rick, talk to him and then make it back to the Sanctuary.  She just hoped that she wasn’t discovered by anyone else.</p><p> </p><p>“Sure thing chief, be careful out there.  I know you can handle it but I don’t particularly like seeing you head out on your own.”</p><p> </p><p>“Appreciate the concern.” She nodded and he took a few steps back, giving her plenty of room for the truck.  Lex crawled forward and carefully pulled out of the gates, weaving her way through the mess of the road in front of their compound.  She peered into the rear-view mirror and watched for a split second as he closed the gates behind her, locking her out of the place she called home.</p><p> </p><p>Once she was clear of the walkers and debris, she stepped on the gas and surged forward, hoping and praying that she could get to Rick without Negan knowing.</p><p> </p><p>She just needed to talk to him, she needed to find out about Shane, and then she could head back home and pretend like nothing ever happened.</p><p> </p><p>With high hopes, Lex drove further and further away from the one place she had felt safe since the world had ended.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Chapter 15</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Lex pulled up outside of the gates of Alexandria and slowed to a stop, wondering what she had really been thinking when she had come up with the thought to head on over to see Rick.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>This was a dumb idea, it was stupid of her to come here.  What was stopping them from killing her six ways to Sunday?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Well, the simple answer was that there wasn’t much stopping them at all, and after her last visit here, she knew that they would be less than welcoming to her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nonetheless, Lex hopped out of the car, raised her hands into the air and moseyed on over to the gate, knocking with her right hand and waiting for someone to answer.  Was this how it worked, did she just knock and hope that they let her in?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Alexa?” Rick’s voice was definitely nice to hear after her insanely quiet ride here.  When the screen was pulled back, she came face to face with the very man that she was looking for.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I just…I’m alone.” She mentally scolded herself as soon as the words were out of her mouth.  Now Rick knew she was by herself, and that made her an easy target, but Rick knew her, right, he had called her by her name, but that didn’t mean he was going to give her a chance.  “I just want to talk…please?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Did you want to come inside?” Rick asked, his voice soft, soothing almost.  After spending so much time in a place like the Sanctuary, Lex had almost forgotten what people <em>could </em>be like outside of the gates.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She knew about the bad ones, the evil ones that were waiting to do bad things to whoever crossed their paths, but there were still good people out there, there had to be.  Maybe Rick was evidence of that, maybe Alexandria was evidence of that.  She had to believe that there could be a better way to live life than to cower before a man like Negan, except, wasn’t that exactly what Rick was doing?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But before, there had to have been a before.  Before Negan had found him out, before Negan had taken their things and broken their spirits, what had the place been like before the leader of the Saviors had gotten his grubby hands on Alexandria?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You sure?” Lex replied, her voice low, fearful of being rejected and chased right out of there.  She had come so far, she had journeyed for miles on her own, but stepping inside seemed…wrong.  It wasn’t right.  Days earlier she had come here with the Saviors and had decimated the spirits of the people inside, what right did she had to be here now?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re alone, I think maybe we ought to catch up, don’t you, Walsh?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lex dropped her eyes down to her feet and quickly lifted her head back up, meeting Rick’s gaze through the barred gate of Alexandria.  She knew that standing outside their front door wasn’t the most appropriate way to seek Rick out but it<em> had</em> worked, he was right in front of her and maybe he, of all people, would know something about her brother.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Was Shane here even?  Was he somewhere inside the walls of Alexandria waiting for her?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’d like that.” Lex forced a smile onto her face and moved back to get inside the truck.  She climbed up into the cab and threw it into gear at the same time that Rick made short work of unlocking the gate and opening it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She drove in and stopped, giving him a few minutes to close the gate back up and make sure it was locked.  Before she had a chance to hop out of the truck though, he pulled open the passenger side door and joined her inside, his eyes boring into hers as she looked right back at him, unsure of what exactly she wanted to say.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She wanted to apologize for the Saviors raid on their home but it seemed useless, pointless even.  What good was saying she was sorry for someone else’s actions, and even if she had wanted to do something about it, she would have been greatly outnumbered by her own group members, and she <em>knew</em> what they were capable of.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I can’t fault you for standing behind a guy like Negan.” Rick stated calmly and she sucked in a breath, making note of the broken look in his eyes.  What had happened to the man in her truck after the world had gone to shit, what had he been through since she had last seen him all those years ago?  “We all do what we have to do in order to survive.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah.” She nodded and turned her attention to the front of the truck, peering out the windshield and taking her foot off the brake.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The truck crawled forward and Rick settled in to the seat, making himself right at home in her vehicle.  She continued to move along at a snail’s pace, taking in the sight of what he was a part of, what he had let slip through his fingers.  He was the leader, she knew that much, but she also knew that there had to be people who weren’t on board.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She hated that he had given in so easily to Negan, but at the same time, she was glad.  She knew that the man would stop at nothing to get his point across and if that meant burning the entire community to the ground, with everyone in it, to do just that…well, she shuddered at the thought.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Keep following this road, I’ll tell you when to stop.” Rick instructed and Lex pressed down on the gas just a little bit.  She wanted to get out of her truck, she wanted to get a little farther away from Rick, hell, being in such close quarters to her brother’s best friend was putting her on edge, plus, she was ready to get out and stretch her legs.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“How did you find this place?” Lex asked, tightening her grip on the steering wheel.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s a long story.” Rick shook his head.  “It’s this one, just up here.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He pointed to one of the houses and she slowed to a stop just in front of it, throwing the truck into park and freeing the keys from the ignition.  She peered into the backseat and locked her eyes on Lucille, the barbed wire bat that she had thieved right from under Negan’s nose.  It was residing precisely where she left it and she held her chin up, hoping she wouldn’t break in front of Rick.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He was the first to climb out and she quickly followed his lead, dropping her feet down to the pavement with a thud.  He walked around the front of the truck and she continued to follow him, the two of them mounting the front steps to a rather beautiful looking, two-storey house.  When he opened the front door for her, she stepped over the threshold and stopped moving, not daring to go any further for fear that there were other occupants in the home who might not know what she was doing here.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I came…” She started and when footsteps were heard coming down the stairs, she stopped talking, watching as a woman with a sword strapped to her back came into her line of sight, the same woman who had brought in the deer when she had been here last.  Lex immediately raised her hands in surrender but Rick stepped in front of her before the woman could do anything.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“She’s a friend.” Rick announced, all the while the woman with the sword studied Lex, looking her up and down, taking in the sight of her.  “Her and I know each other from way back.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“My brother’s best friend is Rick here.” Lex threw in and carefully lowered her hands back down to her sides.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The woman didn’t say anything, instead, she carried on moving and stepped right outside of the house, disappearing from her view.  Lex held her breath and when Rick ushered her further inside, she maintained a safe distance behind him, only taking a seat at the kitchen table when he waved at it, implying for her to sit down.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Give me a minute?” Rick questioned and Lex nodded her head.  She took her chance and peered around the room, taking in the sight of a normal household kitchen, something that she was familiar with before the world went to shit.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rick headed upstairs and she listened to his footfalls as they faded away momentarily.  It wasn’t too much longer until he reappeared on the stairs, a small child in his arms.  Lex stiffened at the sight and gaped…a baby, what, no, Rick had a new baby?  Did that mean that Lori was still around, did that mean that-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“This is Judith.” Rick broke in to her thoughts and Lex stared at the toddler.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“She’s…beautiful.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>An awkward silence fell over them, Lex not entirely sure what to say and Rick barely even managing to look her in the eye.  Why was he showing her this Judith?  What the hell was going on and why had she come here?  Was finding out if Shane was here really worth it?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don’t think I should put this off any more than I already have, you came here looking for your brother, for Shane.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Right.” Lex said hesitantly, not entirely sure how to feel inside Rick’s house.  Did she call it a home though, that was what bothered her about the world, sure people had places where they lived, where they felt safe, but very few people called those places home.  Lex liked to think that the Sanctuary was her home, but then again, she had found someone to be with, who treated her better than the guy that she had been with before the world went to hell.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well he’s not here.” Rick replied, choosing his words carefully.  She kept her eyes locked on him, waiting for him to continue, not sure if she was supposed to interject and ask <em>where</em> Shane was.  “He uh…look Alexa, I’m sorry to have to tell you this but he…well, he didn’t make it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So, he’s dead?” Lex stared at him, not entirely sure what she had been expecting.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Until this very moment she had held on to the hope that Shane was still alive and that she would find him.  Even if the world was a giant place, she hadn’t thought it would be impossible to locate him, in the grand scheme of things, so long as she kept her eyes out, it was possible that she’d locate him.  She <em>did</em> happen to run into Rick, so honestly, how big of world was really out there?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But her brother, hell, she couldn’t help but think that he’d make a good addition to the Saviors, maybe even falling seamlessly into the group reserved for Negan’s loyal henchmen.  Lex figured that Shane was as good as alive, it would take a lot to kill him in her mind.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She loved her brother, she <em>missed</em> him, and now here she was, sitting in Rick’s house in Alexandria listening to him confess to her that he was gone.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He wasn’t...he was scaring the group that we were with.  He turned…and I…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s okay.” Lex pressed her lips together and fought off the urge to cry.  It wasn’t okay, not really, but what else was she supposed to say.  She didn’t really want to hear Rick explain himself, she didn’t care about the reasons surrounding her brother’s death, all she cared about was the fact that she’d never get to lay her eyes on him again.  He was gone and there wasn’t any bringing him back.  “I know how Shane can- could- be.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Alexa-”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Just Lex.” She cut in and dropped her gaze downwards, staring at her hands instead.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Lex…you have to understand…he lured me away from the group, he was going to kill me…I didn’t…Lex, I didn’t have a choice.  It was me or him.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lex’s jaw clenched and she lifted a shaky hand up, running it through her hair and blowing out a breath.  She tipped her head and met Rick’s eyes again, not daring to break her gaze away from Rick though, knowing that all she had been looking for, the one thing that she had been clinging to, was gone, and it was all because of him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You killed him?” She asked, managing to get the words out without too much difficulty.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I didn’t have a choice.” Rick echoed his words from earlier and Lex felt her eyes welling up with tears.  She blinked, feeling them cascade over her cheeks but she wasn’t upset at the man in front of her, no, she knew what Shane was like, she knew how he could be.  “He didn’t <em>give</em> me a choice.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Was she angry?  Hell yes she was angry, the man that she had thought was her brother’s best friend had been the one to end him.  In a world where good people were hard to find, Rick Grimes had chosen to end her brother’s life, probably never figuring on seeing Lex again either.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But did she understand?  She <em>did</em> know how Shane could be, and part of her was willing to bet that he’d be perfect for this world, in a menacing sort of way.  He wouldn’t have taken anyone’s bullshit, hell, in her mind, he’d probably be a lot like Negan if he had just had the chance.  Maybe Rick had done the world a favour- no, no she wasn’t going to think like that, she wasn’t going to try and defend Rick’s actions.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>No matter what her brother did, he didn’t deserve to die, did he?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She’d never know now though, no, he was gone, he was gone before she had a chance to say goodbye.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What about…Lori?  Where’s she?  Did she make it?” Lex asked, desperate to steer the conversation away from her brother, at least for the time being.  She could hold in her emotions for a few minutes and if she could get away from the image of Rick killing her brother, then maybe she could keep herself together, at least until she made it back to the Sanctuary and found herself in the privacy of her own room.  She still had so many questions, so many things that she needed to know, and not just about Shane.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“She’s gone too, she lasted a little longer than your brother, long enough to give me Judith here.” Rick forced a smile onto his face as he looked at the little girl in his hold.  She could easily see how much the man adored the kid, but what exactly had happened?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“She’s yours?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No…not that I…I’m pretty sure she belongs to Shane.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lex’s eyes widened in surprise, a complete and utter bomb being dropped on her, and she took a better look at the little girl, studying her features as she searched for any resemblance to her very brother.  This baby, this sweet, innocent, beautiful girl was her brother’s child, she <em>belonged</em> to Shane, she was part of the Walsh family.  This was all that was truly left of Shane Walsh, and Lex felt her heart breaking at the thought that he probably never even got a chance to meet his own daughter.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He didn’t know her?” Lex asked in a whisper, more for confirmation than anything.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No.” Rick shook his head and lifted Judith up slightly, holding her firmly in his grasp.  “Would you like to hold her?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lex could only nod her head yes in response and before she knew it, she had a gentle hold of the gorgeous little girl that Rick called Judith.  Bringing her closer to her body, Lex cradled her in her arms and stared down at her wide, wonder-filled eyes.  Was this what it could be like for her?  Would going through with her pregnancy be a better option than trying to get rid of her baby?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Could Lex live in a world that was absolute shit with a baby of her own, could she handle looking after someone so totally dependent on her, even if she wasn’t sure she was ready?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m pregnant.” Lex confessed softly, breathing the words out as though they had a hold on her heart and she was glad to get them off her chest.  “I don’t know…I don’t know what I’m doing.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You have a husband?” Rick questioned and she shook her head, blowing out a frustrated sigh.  In all fairness, it had been years since her and Rick had spoken, and when she had left Atlanta, she had left to be with her ex-boyfriend, maybe in his mind, she had married the guy, maybe he thought that’s who she was with.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Me and Negan.” She answered simply, as if that was all the explanation he needed.  “It’s his, he knows, but I was pretty adamant about getting rid of it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s your choice Lex.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I know.” Lex took her bottom lip in between her teeth and continued to hold Judith’s gaze.  “I snuck out, Negan doesn’t know I’m here, and Lucille’s in the backseat of the truck.  I just- I had to know if Shane was here, I had to know if he made it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I understand.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“God.” Lex huffed and made a move to hand Judith back over to Rick, who took her without a second thought, thankful that she was back in his arms.  “This whole world is so messed up Rick, it’s fucked.  Look, I’m sorry for what Negan did to you guys, I’m sorry that he took Daryl and that he killed your people-”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s not your fault Alexa.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s Lex Rick.” Lex lifted a hand up and ran it over her face, not bothering to get angry for him calling her by her full name, even after she had told him she went by Lex.  It wasn’t like he had any idea what had changed her, or why.  “Alexa died when the world did.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I will die before anything happens to Judith, I can promise you that, but this thing with Negan…I have to make it work, I have to do whatever I can to keep her safe, to keep my people safe, no more people are going to die on my watch.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lex nodded her head in understanding and pushed the chair back, making her way to her feet.  Rick didn’t move though, but he continued to look up at her, studying her, taking in the sight of a woman that he hadn’t seen for years in his very kitchen.  Alexa Walsh was in his house, she was alive, and he had wished that he could’ve given her better news than what he did pertaining to her brother.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I should go.” Lex announced softly and swallowed the lump that was forming in her throat.  “I should get back before Negan realizes I’m gone.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“If there’s anything I can do-”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No.  It’s okay, but if you ever need me, you know where to find me.” Lex forced an awkward smile onto her face and turned towards the door, pausing for a split second to get one last thing off her chest.  “Take care of my niece.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I will.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lex gave him one final nod before she headed for the door, pulling it open and slipping outside as quietly as she could.  She paused on the front porch and peered out at what Rick had found, her eyes scanning over each and every home, her heart going out to the people that lived here.  She knew that their world had been ripped apart the second that Negan had set foot in their community, but what was she supposed to do about it?  What could she possibly do to help them or make things right for them?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Taking care not to miss a step, Lex slowly descended the porch and stepped back onto solid asphalt.  She crossed her arms over her chest and sucked in a breath, wondering how different her life could’ve ended up if she had managed to find Shane before he had wound up dead.  Could she have saved him or would he not have made it still?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lex spun sideways at the vicious growl of the word and she let her hands drop to her sides.  She cocked her head sideways and watched as the girl known as Rosita laid her eyes on Lex’s form, the woman’s entire body shaking with what Lex could only assume was pure, unadulterated rage.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I was just leaving.” Lex responded calmly, hoping to diffuse the situation before it got any worse.  “I swear, I’m not here to hurt anyone.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It doesn’t matter.” Rosita barked back and Lex took a step closer to her truck.  She didn’t want to get involved with this spitfire, she didn’t want anything to do with anyone other than Rick, and now that she was done talking to him, she just wanted to get back to her own home.  “You took our guns, you took everything- you <em>shouldn’t</em> be here.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I…” She wasn’t sure what she was supposed to say to Rosita.  She knew the look on her face, it was that of a pissed off woman, hell, Negan had that effect on most people.  But Lex didn’t harm her, it wasn’t her idea to raid Alexandria and take everything that she deemed necessary.  “I’m just going to get in my truck and leave.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“The hell you are.” Rosita growled and marched forward.  Lex clenched her hands into fists and prepared herself for a fight.  She wasn’t afraid to defend herself if she had to but she certainly wasn’t going to throw the first punch.  “You don’t get to just waltz in here like you own the place.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I was invited.” Lex countered but there wasn’t anything in her voice.  She didn’t know what Rosita truly wanted but by the wild look in her eyes, she knew it wasn’t going to be just a friendly chat.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rosita leapt forward and without having a chance to prepare herself, Lex felt the girl wrap her arms around her midsection and tackle her to the ground so ferociously that an NFL football player would be jealous.  The impact of her butt against the pavement knocked the wind out of Lex and she gasped for air, desperately trying to fill her lungs with oxygen.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Her fists came up, her hands shaking, but Lex managed to get a decent rhythm of pounding going against Rosita’s back.  The girl loosened her grip on Lex and jumped to her feet, glaring daggers down at Lex, who was clearly unwelcome in Rosita’s eyes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Please, just let me go.” Lex pleaded, hoping to get out of there without any further damage.  She could feel her burning lungs slowly filling, but there was something about Rosita that told Lex this was far from over.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Get up.” Rosita demanded and Lex turned her body over so that she was on her hands and knees.  She struggled to get to her feet and when she did, she slowly turned to face the girl that had brought her to the ground to start with.  “You <em>don’t</em> belong here.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I know!” Lex yelled at her and threw her arms into the air.  “I <em>fucking</em> know!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rosita closed the distance between them but Lex didn’t flinch.  She knew that she could hold her own in a fight and if that’s what Rosita wanted, then that’s exactly what she was going to get.  All of the pent up emotions, from her frustration with Negan, to the burning pain associated with finding out that her brother was gone, bubbled to the surface and Lex steeled her gaze.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When Rosita swung her arm back, ready to punch Lex, she dodged sideways and threw her foot out, catching Rosita’s knee with her shin.  The girl stumbled but didn’t fall over and made her way right for Lex again, this time landing a solid punch against her side.  Lex grunted from the pain on impact but she didn’t back down, no, she surged forward and tried to get some licks in of her own.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It didn’t matter that there were people slowly filtering over to watch, it didn’t matter that Rick was standing on the steps of his porch with poor little Judith in his arms and it certainly didn’t matter to anyone else that Rosita was beating up on the girl from the Sanctuary.  Lex was on her own and she wasn’t sure she stood a chance if anyone else decided to help Rosita out, her only hope now was to try and get to the truck.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>If she could just get inside the cab, if she could shut the door and lock it in order to keep anyone from getting to her-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A fist connected with her jaw and she let out a yelp, her face throbbing.  God damn could Rosita throw solid punches.  Lex dropped to the ground but not before nabbing Rosita’s leg, bringing her down with her.  The girl’s knee collided with Lex’s stomach and she winced, feeling the rough surface of the asphalt scraping against her back, tearing into her clothes.  She could feel stones digging in to her skin but she didn’t care, she just needed to get the upper hand for even just a split second.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You deserve everything you get.” Rosita growled and Lex twisted her hips, moving away from Rosita but not before the scrappy woman landed a hard kick to her lower back, her hips jerking forward as she rolled.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Pain radiated from her back and Lex let out a cry as she curled into the fetal position.  She just needed a second to compose herself-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Another hard blow hit her in the head and she felt her world starting to turn fuzzy.  Huh, well, apparently Rosita was a ‘go for the throat’ kind of girl, and if Lex wasn’t on the receiving end of her attack, then maybe she would’ve been able to appreciate her a little more.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“God dammit.” Lex mumbled and pressed her palms against the pavement.  She tried to get to her knees, if she could just get to her feet, if she could just…Lex felt her world starting to spin and she put her hands on either side of her head, knowing that at the very least, she needed to try to protect her brain.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rosita hit her hard in the shoulder and Lex crumpled to the ground, everything that she could feel hurt and the more she laid on the pavement, the more she debated giving in and letting Rosita finish her off.  What was the point in fighting back, even if she managed to get away, they’d be gunning for her, they’d always be gunning for her.  Plus it wasn’t like she could just walk back into the Sanctuary and expect everything to be hunky dory.  Negan wasn’t-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“After how fucking nice I was to you and your group Rick, this is how you fucking say thank you?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lex cringed at the man’s voice and wondered if death was the best option for her at this point in time.  She didn’t care <em>how</em> Negan had gotten there, all she cared about was the fact that he had somehow managed to show up just as she was ready to give in and let Rosita finish her off.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s not like that.” Rick argued and Lex rolled onto her side, wrapping her arms around her middle as she felt nothing but pain flooding out from her core.  Shit, was her…was her baby okay?  Was it even still alive?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Get her up Simon.” Negan commanded and Lex flinched as Simon’s arm slipped around her shoulders, helping her to her feet roughly.  Lex clung to the man but refused to look anywhere other than at the ground.  She didn’t know what the future held for her, she wouldn’t have been surprised if Negan finished her off himself, this trip to Alexandria was a huge mistake on her part, especially now that she had gotten caught.  “In the fucking truck.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lex opened her mouth to respond but the best she could do was muster a moan of pain.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m not done!” Rosita protested but when Lex finally lifted her eyes, she spotted a few people she didn’t know holding her opponent back.  Rosita was jerking and thrashing in their hold and as quickly as she had looked towards her, Lex glanced away.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>No one else seemed to say a word, not as Simon helped her over towards the truck she had stolen, not as he opened the door for her, not even as she managed to finagle her limbs up onto the passenger seat.  She met Simon’s eyes and hoped that she could convey that she was thankful without saying anything.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He shut the door at the same time that the driver’s side opened and Lex, if she had the strength to move, would’ve backed away from the furious form of Negan.  What the hell had she done?  What had made her think that coming here was a good idea, especially after Negan had told her not to even leave the fucking room?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Where’s Lucille?” He asked flatly, no snarky comment, no witty retort, which only served to put her on edge even more.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She extended her hand outwards and pointed to the backseat, Negan following her gaze and laid his eyes on his most prized possession.  She relaxed against the material of the seat and whimpered as she tried to draw her legs up closer to her body.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He’s…dead.” Lex croaked and Negan made short work of digging into her pockets for the keys.  When he had them in the ignition, and the truck’s engine roared to life, Lex reached her palm out and tried to grab at his thigh, her fingers just barely managing to brush against the material of his pants.  “Please…don’t kill me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m not going to fucking kill you.” Negan shot back and threw the truck into drive. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>She let her eyes fall shut as the truck moved back towards the front gate but she didn’t see anything as she drifted off, hoping that when she woke up, things wouldn’t seem as dire.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Chapter 16</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>What hit her first was the pain, the god damn pain.  There was so much of it, every fibre of her being was throbbing and her head pounded as she tried to open her eyes.  The dim lights of the room pierced her vision though and she winced before letting them fall shut once more. </p><p> </p><p>Lex let out a groan and lifted her fingers up, trying to get a handle on where exactly she was.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t move.” Sherry, was that…why was Sherry with her?</p><p> </p><p>Oh god, what had happened, what had Negan done to her after she passed out?</p><p> </p><p>Had he beaten her more, or was the pain in her body simply from Rosita’s fight?</p><p> </p><p>“Sher-bear?” Lex croaked out, her throat burning from being so dry.  She mentally counted to three and opened her eyes, taking in the sight of her friend sitting in the chair next to her bed, her hospital bed?  Was she in the infirmary?</p><p> </p><p>Oh dear Christ, this was going to be bad, whatever had happened to her was apparently serious enough to warrant a stay in the infirmary.  She had been anticipating her own bed, but this was a whole other can of worms.</p><p> </p><p>“Hi Lex, just…don’t try to move okay, you’re pretty banged up.” Sherry explained and Lex squinted, fighting off the brightness of the light in the room.  She brought her fingers into a fist and felt the stretch and pull of the muscles in her arm as she moved but she stopped, everything still aching incredibly with the simple motion.</p><p> </p><p>“What…what are you…”</p><p> </p><p>Lex sucked in a breath and before she could say another word, Sherry offered her up a water bottle with a straw sticking out of the top.  As carefully as she could, Lex took the straw between her lips and sucked back a mouthful of water, letting it cleanse her poor, dry throat.  Sherry moved the water away and set it on the small table next to the bed before she sat down on the edge next to Lex and ran her hand through her hair in a kind gesture.</p><p> </p><p>“Negan brought you in.  I didn’t know what had him so riled up when he left but then when he came driving back through the gates…Lex what were you thinking?” Sherry leveled her with a disappointed stare and Lex flinched at the sight.  “You shouldn’t have gone, you should’ve stayed right here and not gotten yourself into trouble.”</p><p> </p><p>“I know.” Lex agreed.  God, she hated how easily she submitted lately.  Negan claimed to own her, she agreed.  Sherry telling her that she should’ve stayed at the Sanctuary, she agreed.  Hell, it was like the girl that Shane taught her to be was disappearing.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>You’re a Walsh, nobody tells you to do something you don’t want to do.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>Yes, Shane had repeated those words over and over again when she had been young, making sure that Lex knew that she had to take care of herself, she had to stand up for herself.  But Shane…Shane was gone, he was dead…god, she could remember that, hell, now that she sat and thought about it, she remembered most of what had happened.</p><p> </p><p>She had snuck out, she had stolen a truck and headed over to see Rick, she had found out that Shane was gone, <em>then</em> she had wound up on the losing end of a fight with none other than Rosita.  Hell, she should’ve at least taken Lucille into the house with her, then maybe she would’ve been able to fend the scrappy little woman off.</p><p> </p><p>“Negan’s pissed.” Sherry murmured and set her hand on top of Lex’s, curling her fingers around hers.  “Like <em>really</em> pissed.”</p><p> </p><p>“At me?”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Yes</em> at you.” Sherry shook her head and tried to fight off a smile.  “I’m supposed to get him the second you wake up but I thought I should at least warn you.”</p><p> </p><p>“I appreciate that.” Lex gave a tiny bob of her head.  “I just had to find out what happened to my brother, you know?”</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, I totally get it.  I personally wouldn’t have risked my life like you did, but you don’t have to defend yourself to me.” Sherry said softly.  “I should…I should go get him before I get in trouble.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah.” Lex breathed the word out and when Sherry pulled her hand away from Lex’s, she felt alone.  Sherry wasn’t going to stand up to Negan for her, hell, Lex would be lucky if Sherry didn’t get in trouble for being nice to her.  This entire situation was her fault, and she figured she deserved everything that she got.</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe I…Negan said he wanted to be the one to tell you…but I…Lex…”</p><p> </p><p>“Spit it out Sher-bear.” Lex egged her on and Sherry took in a deep breath.</p><p> </p><p>“You…Carson’s pretty adamant that there’s no more baby.  He uh, he said that there was too much trauma…”</p><p> </p><p>Lex’s eyes widened at Sherry’s words, more so because her friend actually seemed sad.  This was exactly what Lex wanted, this was the outcome that she had been looking for and now she didn’t have to take pills, or have any sort of procedure done, this was good.  Wasn’t it?</p><p> </p><p>“Well thanks for letting me know.” Lex bowed her head and listened as Sherry’s footsteps faded away.</p><p> </p><p>She was left in the room all on her own and Lex seized her opportunity.  She tried to sit up, bringing her knees closer to her body, even fighting through the pain.  She scooted her butt backwards and used the pillows as leverage so that she could haul her upper body upwards.</p><p> </p><p>By the time Negan strode through the door, Lex had managed to get herself into a sitting position, her hands folded over her belly button.  She held her breath as he moved to stand right next to the bed, the look on his face sent her heart into overdrive, fearful for what he was going to say, and do, to her.</p><p> </p><p>“You got your baby killed, you <em>could’ve</em> gotten your self fucking killed.” He started and she was surprised by how calm he sounded, considering he looked like he wanted to wrap his hands around her neck and choke her until she blacked out.  “You could’ve gotten <em>me</em> fucking killed-”</p><p> </p><p>“You didn’t have to come after me.” Lex cut him off and felt it really hit her.  Negan had used the word killed, she had killed her baby.  While it was exactly the outcome she had been expecting, it felt different, he made her feel bad about it.  If she hadn’t gone out there, if she hadn’t gotten into a fight with Rosita and had ran away instead, things would’ve been different.</p><p> </p><p>“You stole Lucille, you stole a truck…both of which belong to me.” Negan pointed out and leaned in closer to her.  She held his gaze though, refusing to look away and give in to him.  “That baby belonged to me too Lex.”</p><p> </p><p>“I had to find out if my brother was there.” Lex explained and let out a soft sigh, wondering if he really cared that their baby was gone.  He didn’t seem like the kind of person that would, but hey, it wasn’t like Lex wasn’t still surprised by him once in a while.  “Rick is the best lead I’ve gotten so far and I just…I needed to know if he was there.  I didn’t mean for anything bad to happen, I just wanted to talk to him.”</p><p> </p><p>Negan didn’t respond, he didn’t say a word, he just walked around to the end of the bed and set his hands on the bar by her feet.  She kept her eyes trained on him, preparing to fight him off if he tried to lay his hands on her; she was done, emotionally, physically, mentally, she was ready to curl up in the bed and sleep for days, but she knew that Negan wasn’t going to be that accommodating.</p><p> </p><p>“What the fuck am I supposed to do with you?  I’ve fucking looked after you, I’ve protected you from this fucked up world, and you turn around and run away from me?  Lex, I fucking <em>own</em> you-”</p><p> </p><p>“No.” She shook her head.  “You don’t own me.”</p><p> </p><p>“What’s that you fucking said?”</p><p> </p><p>“You don’t own me.” She repeated herself.  “I owe you, I owe you a lot, but you don’t own me, I am <em>not</em> your property.”</p><p> </p><p>She could tell by the tick in his jaw that he was clenching his teeth something awful.  No one, at least not that she’d ever witnessed, had spoken to Negan the way she just had without facing severe consequences.  She didn’t care, she was done.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll let that fucking slide since you just got the shit beat out of you and you probably have residual fucking brain damage.” Negan carried on.  “But don’t you ever fucking talk to me like that again.”</p><p> </p><p>Pressing her lips together, she remained silent, defying him without even saying a word.  He threw his hands up into the air and turned his back to her.  It wasn’t hard for her to tell that he was trying not to leap at her and punish her the best way he knew how. </p><p> </p><p>Lex straightened up in the bed, biting back a whimper from the pain surging through her limbs.</p><p> </p><p>“Lex, fucking Lex, what the hell am I supposed to do with you.  I can’t fucking kill you because you’re an amazing fucking lay-”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m more than that.” She mumbled and when Negan rounded on his heels to look at her, she raised her hands up in surrender.  “I am and you know it.  I’m one of the best followers you have, I do my part, I follow the rules…I’m good Negan.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, you’ve got two fucking options Lex because I’m not going to keep letting you do whatever the fuck you want and not get punished for it,” Negan paused and made sure she was looking right at him, “so, option one, you go back on the points system, and we all know how you fucking feel about that.  Option two, you marry me, but you give up on going on runs.  You become a wife- you <em>be</em> my wife- just like all the others.”</p><p> </p><p>“But I-”</p><p> </p><p>“And remember how many fucking points it’s going to cost you for all this.” He waved his hand around the room, letting her eyes follow it as it moved.  Shit, shit he had a point, the fact of the matter was, she was holed up in the infirmary, she surely had drugs in her system, she had food waiting for her to eat, she had things that were going to cost her a <em>lot </em>of points, points that she didn’t have.</p><p> </p><p>Dammit, damn it all to hell.  This wasn’t going to be an easy choice, not even close. </p><p> </p><p>She could agree to go back on the points system and find herself indebted to him forever, or she could accept the idea of being a wife and give up on everything that she had worked so hard for.  She’d have to spend her days doing <em>wife</em> things, she’d have to get to know the other girls, hell, she’d have to share her space with them, and most importantly, she’d have to share <em>Negan</em> with them.</p><p> </p><p>But what had her worried the most was giving up on being exactly who she wanted to be.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Always be you Lexa, you ain’t never gonna disappoint me if you always be you.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Shane’s voice rang through her head and Lex dropped her eyes down to the bed she was sitting in.  She wasn’t a weak person, she was strong, she liked to lead, she liked to fight and she liked to head out into dangerous waters, just like her brother.  She knew she wouldn’t last very long cooped up inside the walls of the Sanctuary, even if she figured that’s what Negan was thinking she’d choose. </p><p> </p><p>It was obvious in his tone, and in the way that he reminded her that she’d be in big trouble with her points, that he was hoping she’d succumb to his proposal of her joining the harem.  No doubt she’d be easier to control, easier to look after, and considering she had almost gotten herself killed during her lone trek to Alexandria, she gathered that’s exactly what he wanted from her: total submission.</p><p> </p><p>“Time’s a fucking ticking Lex.” He pushed and she ground her teeth together, turning her head away from him to peer at the wall.  She felt the tears welling up in her eyes, knowing that the life she had here was over.  No matter what she chose, things were going to change, and that was something she wasn’t entirely ready for.</p><p> </p><p>She could feel the tears threatening to spill, her mind reeling, wondering how the man could be so cruel so soon.  Sure it wasn’t like she had been excited to be pregnant but surely she deserved <em>some</em> time to grieve, and well, didn’t he care at all that he had lost the possibility to be a father?  Had her baby, <em>their</em> baby, really meant nothing to him?</p><p> </p><p>“Points.” She murmured, refusing to look in his direction.</p><p> </p><p>“What?”</p><p> </p><p>He sounded utterly and truly surprised by her answer, but Lex merely cleared her throat and said the word a little louder, “<em>points</em>.  I choose points.”</p><p> </p><p>“You fucking sure about that?” Negan quipped and she turned her head slightly, daring to peer in his direction.  “You sure you understand the full fucking weight of your decision?”</p><p> </p><p>“It doesn’t matter.” She growled the words out and put her arms behind her, forcing her body into a straighter sitting position.  She bit back a grunt from the pain radiating through her body and when she was sitting up further on the bed, her hands pressed into the lumpy mattress for support, she sucked in a breath and leveled him with a glare.  “I have <em>nothing</em> left, do what you want with me, but I’m not giving up the chance to go back outside those walls.”</p><p> </p><p>“You could have a fucking life of luxury-”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s not who I am, that’s not who my brother taught me to be.” She countered.  “Just because he’s dead doesn’t mean I’m going to stop being who I want to be.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re going to fucking take the high road because your god damn brother’s dead?”</p><p> </p><p>“This world has the ability to eat us all alive, I don’t need you to protect me, I’m perfectly capable of protecting myself.” Lex stated, carefully pulling one of her hands away from the mattress, setting it across her abdomen instead.  She spread her palm out over her covers and winced as she moved slightly, trying to get a little more comfortable.  “I’ll make it up to you, I’ll get the points, but I’m not going to be your wife.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well fuck.” He shook his head and a rather amused smile took its place on his face.  “Christ Lex, you’ve still got a little bit of that spunk left in you that I like so much.  I guess you didn’t get it <em>all </em>beaten out of you like I was fucking expecting.  Speaking of beatings, I fucking thought you were a better fighter than that.”</p><p> </p><p>“I…” She wasn’t sure what to say to him, what explanation did she have for not winning the fight?  For a few seconds at the beginning she had managed to hold her own but quickly, too quickly, she had lost control.</p><p> </p><p>Rosita hadn’t looked all that strong when Lex had first laid eyes on her, but boy did she pack one hell of a punch.  Still, Lex had skills, she was a decent fighter, so what the hell <em>had</em> happened?</p><p> </p><p>“Fucking disgusting display Lex, I had higher fucking expectations.” Negan remarked and made a move towards the door, pausing just inside and wrapping his fingers around the doorframe.  “Have fun fucking working for points.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah.” She nodded, holding it together, desperately hoping that she wouldn’t cry in front of him.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, I nearly fucking forgot, got you these from Rick,” Negan dug into the pocket on his leather jacket and when his hand came back out, she watched him toss her a small, flat box, not even bothering to make a grab for it as it landed on the bed, right between her legs, “don’t say I never fucking did anything nice for you.”</p><p> </p><p>With that, he was gone and Lex reached out, taking hold of the box and looking over the front of it, tears flooding from her eyes at the sight of the abortion pills in her grasp.</p><p> </p><p>What the hell had she done?</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Chapter 17</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Lex was falling behind before she even had a chance to get ahead.  After a couple of days spent in the infirmary, much to her own dismay, she knew that she’d have to work way harder than she had ever worked before in order to pay off her debt.</p><p> </p><p>She hadn’t seen Sherry since she had gotten out of the hospital bed, she had successfully avoided Negan and now that she was wandering around the Sanctuary, she was ready to get back out beyond the walls and do her part for the community; except for the fact that Carson hadn’t cleared her, he hadn’t given her the go ahead for her to do anything more than laundry or dishes.</p><p> </p><p>Lex hated laundry and dishes but hey, it was points, not a lot of them, but it was better than nothing.  She knew she had to pay Negan back, she had to clear her debt soon, but until Carson cleared her medically, she’d be reduced to mundane tasks that didn’t exactly pay very well. </p><p> </p><p>In order to spare herself some points here and there, she’d skip meals, or trade her food away for other people’s points.  It wasn’t much but it was working.  She was building up her stash and hopefully she’d be able to be medically cleared around the same time that she’d be able to pay back her entire debt.</p><p> </p><p>Walking right past the mess hall, skipping that day’s lunch all together, she found herself moving in the direction of the infirmary.  She was supposed to see Carson the next day but she had been feeling rather well lately and hoped that maybe this was her chance.  She wanted to talk to him too, she wanted him to tell her the details on why he believed that there was no more baby.</p><p> </p><p>Until this point, she hadn’t had much freedom to talk to him, instead choosing to focus on her recovery, but now that she was starting to feel better, she had questions for Carson.</p><p> </p><p>Her plan though, her ultimate plan was that she’d get cleared, Carson would give her his blessing to go ahead with what she was used to doing and she’d be able to head out on the road, leading her usual group into the unknown in search of hidden treasures.</p><p> </p><p>She brushed past Dwight in the hallway and came to a stop just outside of the good doctor’s room, remaining silent as she listened to the voices inside.  One belonged to Carson while the other one belonged to Sherry, a woman that she hadn’t exactly spoken to in a long time, too long for Lex’s liking, but she had to remain focused, she had to keep her eyes on the prize.</p><p> </p><p>Lex waited another couple of seconds before she heard <em>his</em> voice, Negan’s voice.  What the hell was Negan doing in the room with Sherry and the doctor, what could he possibly have invested in Sherry?</p><p> </p><p>She<em> was </em>his wife, but Negan had never once been seen with Sherry outside of his bedroom, unless he was telling her what he wanted her to do.  She was a people pleaser, she would do whatever he wanted, knowing that Negan would hold Dwight over her for as long as she lived within the walls of the sanctuary.</p><p> </p><p>“I need a fucking favour.” Negan said to Carson and Lex pressed her back against the wall, listening in as she remained silent and still.  If she could get information that she wasn’t supposed to have, then maybe she could have some sort of advantage when it came to the man in charge, maybe she could force his hand. </p><p> </p><p>“Something you can’t do yourself?” Carson sounded genuinely confused but Lex knew better.  Negan had better things to do than to keep himself from more important tasks if someone below him could take care of things for him.  But what could Carson possibly do for the man, why did he need Carson and not someone else to help him out? </p><p> </p><p>“I don’t fucking want Lex cleared-”</p><p> </p><p>“But she’s almost good to go on my end.” Carson cut him off, immediately letting out a surprised gasp at how quickly he had talked back to his leader.  She didn’t know what he had done but Carson had obviously offered him up some sort of silent apology because she didn’t hear him screaming in pain.</p><p> </p><p>She let the doctor’s words sink in and suddenly she had to fight off the urge to growl.  Negan…Negan didn’t want her cleared, he didn’t want her to be able to do her job?  What the hell?</p><p> </p><p>What had she done to him, what had she done to warrant this type of punishment- okay, maybe he had every right to take her job away from her.  She <em>did</em> sneak out, she <em>did</em> steal Lucille, but it wasn’t fair to her.  Carson said she was almost good to go from a medical perspective, so why exactly did Negan not want her to be cleared for duty?</p><p> </p><p>“Sir, please don’t take this the wrong way but Lex is ready to get back out there, she knows what to look for in regards to medicine, she’s a good scavenger-”</p><p> </p><p>“Did I fucking say she wasn’t?” Negan countered, Lex shivering at his icy tone.  “No I fucking didn’t.  She’s a good fucking Savior but this goes beyond that.  She needs to learn her lesson.”</p><p> </p><p>“She lost her baby…” Sherry provided and Lex rolled her eyes.  Sherry…god she didn’t understand, this is what Lex wanted, she didn’t want to be pregnant, she didn’t want to be a mom…</p><p> </p><p>“<em>My</em> fucking baby.” Negan shot back and Lex felt her chest tighten at his words.  What exactly did he mean, what was he trying to prove?  Did he feel something for her, was he upset by the fact that she had been pregnant and suddenly found herself not pregnant because of the fight she had gotten into at Alexandria? </p><p> </p><p>Had Negan <em>wanted</em> the baby?  Had he <em>wanted</em> to be with her?</p><p> </p><p>Lex shook her head and tried to maintain her stony expression.  Negan didn’t feel things like that, hell, he barely expressed to her that he liked her except for when he said things like she was a ‘good fucking lay’.  He couldn’t possibly have wanted the baby, he wouldn’t have been excited at the prospect of being a father?  Right?</p><p> </p><p>It was a control thing, it <em>had </em>to be a control thing; but underneath his hardened exterior, he was still a man, and men had feelings, so was it too farfetched to think that maybe he was saddened by the idea of what could’ve been?  Could Lex fault him for being upset at the loss of their child?</p><p> </p><p>Proof, she didn’t have any proof though.  Sure she took Carson and Negan at their word that she <em>had</em> lost the baby, but truth be told, she hadn’t actually had a chance to get into the details of what happened to cause the loss of her unborn child.  She wanted someone to give her clear cut details, a reasonable explanation as to what had happened- but she hadn’t bothered to ask Carson about it.  She had bigger things on her mind, like getting cleared so that she could go back to doing her job.</p><p> </p><p>Except, apparently, Negan didn’t want that.</p><p> </p><p>“Do me a favour Sherry, if you’re done in here, get the fuck out.” Negan barked at Sherry inside the room.</p><p> </p><p> Lex froze, debating if she wanted to take off down the hall and hide but she didn’t move a muscle, instead she chose to stay right outside the door, listening in as her friend’s footfalls echoed in the room.  When Sherry scurried out into the hall with her, Lex grabbed her upper arm, spun her around and pinned her against the wall, even covering her mouth so that Sherry stayed silent.</p><p> </p><p>When Sherry realized that it was just Lex who had her against the wall, she seemed to relax, but Lex was stiff and straight, ready to continue listening in to a conversation that she wasn’t exactly privy too.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t say a fucking word.” Lex hissed right in Sherry’s ear and when her friend nodded her head once, Lex hesitantly pulled her hand away from her mouth, Sherry remaining completely silent.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t fucking clear her doc.” Negan instructed.  “She’s not going back outside those walls any time soon.”</p><p> </p><p>Lex’s lip curled upwards in a snarl at his words.  She <em>was</em> being punished, he was totally punishing her by taking away her freedom.  Had he really wanted her to be his wife <em>that</em> bad?  Had he wanted nothing more than for her to fall at his feet the very second he entered the bedroom while wearing nothing more than sexy underwear like most of his other wives?</p><p> </p><p>What <em>was</em> Negan trying to prove, what <em>did</em> he want from her?</p><p> </p><p>“What am I supposed to tell her then?  She always asks for an idea as to when she’ll be better.” Carson quipped and Lex shook her head.  God, Negan was such an asshole, he knew no one was going to do anything that he didn’t want, except for maybe her, was that what this was about?  Was he trying to break her so that he could control her?  Or did she mean something to him.</p><p> </p><p>Fuck, who was she kidding?  He didn’t care about her, except maybe to get laid.  She didn’t mean anything to him, she was just another girl, another person who could please him sexually.</p><p> </p><p>She had chosen points over being his wife knowing that he wanted her in his harem.  But Lex was starting to think that she was right, he wanted to control her, he wanted to be able to hold things over her and not have her disobey him again, this was more than just unrequited feelings.</p><p> </p><p>If that was the case though, why had he corrected Sherry when she had mentioned the baby?</p><p> </p><p>“Tell her whatever the fuck you have to, tell her she’s not fucking emotionally stable, I don’t give a fuck, but whatever you do, she’s not going back outside those walls until I fucking say so.” Negan instructed.  “Do you understand?”</p><p> </p><p>“Y-yes sir.” Carson stammered in response.  Lex held her breath, listening for Negan to say something more, to explain himself, but it never came, instead, she heard his footsteps retreating towards the door and she froze, wondering what she was supposed to do.  If Negan saw her standing outside eavesdropping, and holding Sherry there with her, surely they’d both be punished.</p><p> </p><p>Before she could think twice about it, Lex shoved Sherry forward and down the hall, falling in step behind her.  She reached her hand out and grabbed hold of the first doorknob she could find, pushing open the supply closet door and forcing Sherry inside.</p><p> </p><p>Stealing one last look down the hall, Lex spotted Negan stepping out from the doctor’s room but before he could set his eyes on her, she tucked her body in the closet and shut the door as gently as possible, pressing her back against it and letting the darkness take over them.  She flinched at Sherry’s touch but once Sherry’s hand settled in on her wrist, Lex relaxed and listened to Negan’s heavy footfalls fade away.</p><p> </p><p>She remained absolutely still for a few more minutes, ensuring that he wasn’t going to come back, before Lex pulled the door open, looking both ways before stepping back out into the lit up hallway.  Sherry still kept a firm hold on Lex’s wrist and gave it a gentle squeeze.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you know what his deal is?” Lex asked, standing up straight in the closet doorway and glancing over her shoulder at Sherry.  “Why doesn’t he want me cleared medically?”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know why.” Sherry offered up with a shrug.  “At this point, I know as much as you do.”</p><p> </p><p>“So he hasn’t said anything to you, about me?” Lex questioned.</p><p> </p><p>“Honestly, I’ve barely even seen him lately.  He doesn’t seem all that interested in me, or any of the other wives, not since you snuck out anyways.”</p><p> </p><p>Lex narrowed her eyes in on her friend and jerked her arm forward, sending Sherry flying out in front of her, following her closely.  The two of them stood in front of each other, waiting for the other to speak first.  Lex wasn’t sure what she wanted to ask and she knew that Sherry wasn’t sure that Lex even wanted to be near her.</p><p> </p><p>“Lex, you look…you look pretty awful.” Sherry confessed all the while she studied her friend.  It wasn’t hard to tell that Lex was dealing with a whole bunch of shit.  She was working a lot harder than she had ever worked since arriving at the Sanctuary, and on top of that, she was trading away her food for points, surviving on the bare minimum.</p><p> </p><p>Living life as a wife, having everything available whenever and without having to worry about points, was definitely something that Lex thought about daily, but she wasn’t going to give in, especially not after finding out that Negan didn’t want her cleared.  Well she could certainly play his game, she would keep going, she’d keep pushing, she wasn’t going to cave, she was stronger than that.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m fine.” Lex lied, knowing that the bruises and scrapes from her fight days ago were still littered all over her skin.  They weren’t too obvious but Sherry knew what had happened, she knew all about Lex and the aftermath of her trip to Alexandria on her own.   “I’m just tired.”</p><p> </p><p>“Lex-”</p><p> </p><p>“Seriously, I’m good.” Lex forced a smile onto her face and tried desperately to get Sherry to believe her.  Her friend shook her head though and let out a soft sigh.  Even if she knew Lex was lying, Sherry wasn’t going to push it.  “It’s good to see you though.”</p><p> </p><p>“I bet.” Sherry snorted.  “I thought you were avoiding me.”</p><p> </p><p>“No.” Lex shook her head with a small smile.  “I’m avoiding Negan, you just don’t seem to be in the same places at me at the same time as me.  What were you doing in there with them anyways?”</p><p> </p><p>Lex waved her hand down the hall in the direction of Carson’s room.  Sherry followed Lex’s hand and offered her up a shrug.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ve been having issues with my stomach.” Sherry answered. </p><p> </p><p>“You’re okay, right?” Lex pressed.</p><p> </p><p>“Pretty sure, I’ve been better today.” Sherry nodded.  “I’m just blaming all of my problems on stress from here on out.”</p><p> </p><p>“You sure it’s not morning sickness.” Lex teased.</p><p> </p><p>“No.” Sherry shook her head with an amused smile.  “No, I haven’t been with anyone in that way since I took the last test, the one that came out negative.”</p><p> </p><p>Lex nodded her head back and a silence fell over them, Lex not entirely sure what to say or what to talk about.  She knew that Sherry was her closest friend within the walls of the Sanctuary but she didn’t want to talk about what happened to her, and she knew Sherry had questions.  She was a curious person by nature, but Lex, no Lex wanted to keep things to herself, especially when it came to the whole ordeal involving her baby and what had happened to cause her to lose it.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, I should go, I have stuff to do.” Lex bowed her head, looking down at her feet.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, hey, uh, you know, all you’d have to do is ask and he’d totally make you a wife, you know that right.  Then you wouldn’t have to work your butt off trying to pay back all those points.”</p><p> </p><p>“You know about that?” Lex’s eyes widened ever so slightly. </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, I heard him…he was talking about it the other day.  He’s been watching you Lex.”</p><p> </p><p>“I didn’t know.” Lex whispered and blew out a small sigh.  “I had no idea, I just thought that…whatever, it’s not important.  I really do have things to do.”</p><p> </p><p>“Can we maybe meet up for dinner?” Sherry asked, a glimmer of excitement in her eye.  “I really do miss you.”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t…I don’t think so.  I’ve got a <em>lot</em> of things to do, I wasn’t planning on stopping for dinner.”</p><p> </p><p>“You have to eat something.” Sherry insisted.  “Lex-”</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t worry about me.” Lex shook her head.  “I’ll be fine okay.  We’ll definitely have to catch up soon though.  As soon as I get this debt paid off, I’ll come looking for you.”</p><p> </p><p>Sherry didn’t say a word in response, instead, she gave her friend a gentle pat on the shoulder and then turned down the hallway, wandering in the opposite direction that Lex had originally come from.  She watched Sherry go, wondering what the hell she was going to do and how she was going to get herself out of the mess she was currently in, but more importantly, she wondered how she was going to get Negan off her back so that she could get back to how things were supposed to be.</p><p> </p>
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<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Chapter 18</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He had been watching her ever since she had chosen points over being a wife.  It wasn’t like he was bored of his usual routine but a part of him worried about her.  She was as tough as they came but even the toughest sons of bitches could break when bent the right way, and Lex was no exception.  He was getting to witness what she was truly made out of and it was terribly fucking obvious that she wasn’t going to give in to him, even if she looked like hell.</p><p> </p><p>When she had been restricted to bed rest, watching her had been easy.  He’d slip by her room a couple of times a day and peek in at her, catching her sleeping while she recovered.  Did he miss having her around?  Well maybe, but he wasn’t going to fucking admit that to anyone.  There was truth behind his words when he told her, repeatedly, that she was a good fucking lay.</p><p> </p><p>None of his wives seemed to come close to pleasing him the way she did, if they were even willing to try at all.  Sherry specifically had backed right off and Negan wasn’t an idiot, he knew that it was because of what he had done to Lex.  He didn’t care though, she wasn’t worth fighting with, she wasn’t worth the time it took for him to get off with her.</p><p> </p><p>All he really wanted was to see Lex healthy again, because then he could get right back at her, poking her while she was on the brink of breaking.</p><p> </p><p>He wondered how close she was to starving because of all the time he had put in keeping a close eye on her, she rarely seemed to eat…well…anything really.  She skipped meals, she ate hardly anything when she did give in and whatever good food was being served, she seemed to trade away.  What was she doing?  What exactly was she trying to accomplish?</p><p> </p><p>Was she trying to starve herself, was this her way of punishing him, or sticking it to him?</p><p> </p><p>What the fuck was she thinking?</p><p> </p><p>This day in particular, Negan had watched her step into the infirmary, knowing full well that she’d march back out with slumped shoulders, unlike his own shoulders, which were strong and firm, even supporting Lucille while he lingered outside.  He knew that Carson was going to tell her that she wasn’t cleared for her usual job and that was exactly what Negan was banking on.  The doctor was much too scared of him to go against him, and even Lex couldn’t persuade him otherwise.</p><p> </p><p>So when Lex strode back out of the infirmary, much less upset than he was hoping for, he cocked his head sideways and studied her, wondering what his doctor had told the woman.  In all honesty, he had more to be concerned with though, when he caught a decent look at her, he knew something was off; her eyes were sunken, her body looked weak, and even though she was wearing a jacket, it wasn’t hard to tell that she was getting skinny, <em>too</em> skinny for his liking.  Was she really willing to hurt herself just to prove a point?</p><p> </p><p>“Lex!” Negan called out before he could stop himself and she straightened up at his voice.  Perfect, that’s what he liked to see, and when he got closer and closer to her, she made a move to drop to her knees, just like she was supposed to.  He waved her off though, not entirely sure she had the strength to lift herself back up afterwards.  “How the fuck are you?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m fine.” She replied curtly and brought a hand up, running it through her hair.  He couldn’t help but notice the slight shake of her limb, and he wondered to himself how much damage had <em>really</em> been done to her the night she had run away.  He knew that she had lost her fight, she had been beaten and bruised, had even managed to get her baby killed, but Carson had said he was willing to clear her, if only he had given him the go ahead.</p><p> </p><p>Well this Lex, the girl standing in front of him, hardly seemed ready to head out on runs.</p><p> </p><p>“You fucking sure about that?” He pressed, lifting Lucille away from his shoulder and letting it dangle at his side instead.  “Offer to be my wife still fucking stands.”</p><p> </p><p>“No thanks.” She dropped her gaze down to her feet and lifted her arms up, crossing them over her chest.  She reluctantly lifted her head back up and met his eyes, but Negan was too distracted by the scar on her neck.  Had she been broken before?</p><p> </p><p>Had the fucker that did that to her broken her long before he had managed to get his hands on her?</p><p> </p><p>Wait, what was he saying, did he really fucking <em>want</em> Lex broken?</p><p> </p><p>She was an asset, she was a valuable member of the Saviors, surely he wanted to keep her all in one piece, right?  But…she already seemed different, she seemed off, and suddenly Negan wondered if she’d be the same girl she had been before all this shit had hit the fan concerning the baby.</p><p> </p><p>“Come on Lex, you’d get a clean fucking slate, you wouldn’t have to worry about fucking points-”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m good.” She cut him off, letting out a soft sigh as she did so.  “I just want to be cleared to go.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah well, Doc’s the best there is, I’d fucking listen to him.”</p><p> </p><p>“I know.” She nodded.  “Well…unless you have something else you wanted to talk to me about, I’ve got shit to do so if you’ll just excuse-”</p><p> </p><p>“You feeling fucking okay?” The words left his lips before he could even think about it.  He wasn’t sure what he was doing, all he did know was that he didn’t want her to walk away just yet.  There were things he needed to know, things he wanted to talk about, but he didn’t know how.  He was supposed to be the fearless leader of the Saviors, he wasn’t supposed to be caught up with <em>feelings</em> and bullshit like that.</p><p> </p><p>But Lex had him worried, she wasn’t like her usual spunky self.  Even just having been speaking with her for minutes, he could tell that he didn’t like the road she was traveling down.  Was he supposed to be fucking <em>nice</em> to her just because she had gotten herself knocked up?</p><p> </p><p>Maybe that wasn’t entirely fair though.  He was there, he was involved, but she had things figured out before he had even known.  She hadn’t planned on telling him at all, but is that something that really hurt him, did her not planning to tell him cut him?</p><p> </p><p>Fuck no, he wasn’t affected by things like that, he had people to look after and followers to keep in line, which happened to include Lex.  He needed to control her, he wanted her to be loyal to him for the rest of her life, but it was obvious that he was already losing her.</p><p> </p><p>If he let her, would she turn on him completely?</p><p> </p><p>She had ties to Rick, what was stopping her from breaking out of the Sanctuary and going crawling to Rick, she had done it once already and had <em>nearly</em> gotten away with it.  He had found out though, <em>and</em> he had made it there just in time to save her.</p><p> </p><p>“Lex, I fucking asked you a question, <em>are</em> you fucking feeling okay?” Negan repeated himself, seeing that she was more interested in getting away from him than actually having a decent fucking conversation.  She was rocking back and forth on her feet and she kept looking around her, trying to lay her eyes on something she could use as an excuse to get away.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m just <em>tired</em>.” She countered with a huff.  “Okay?  Are you happy now, can I go?”</p><p> </p><p>“You watch how you fucking talk to me.”</p><p> </p><p>“Or what?  You going to kill me?” She shot back, her voice bordering on a growl.  “Because if that’s your plan, just fucking do it already.”</p><p> </p><p>He tightened his grip on Lucille and moved his arm the slightest little bit.  He wasn’t going to kill her though, he didn’t want that for her.  He wanted things to go back to the way they were, only with him having more control over her.  She was a wild card, she needed to be reminded of who was in charge.</p><p> </p><p>“Remember your fucking place.” He warned and her words from before echoed through his head: <em>always, right next to you</em>.  Except she wasn’t there anymore, she wasn’t right there when he needed her…what…what was happening and why was everything around him starting to fall apart?</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck you.” She mumbled, taking a step forward and brushing past him as she walked away.  He turned and watched her try to go, praying that she’d look over her shoulder at him.  If she just looked back, if she tried to see him one more time- what the hell was wrong with him?</p><p> </p><p>He wasn’t some pussy who needed a sign from a woman.  Lex belonged to him, whether she liked it or not.  She didn’t do anything without him knowing it and she didn’t get what she wanted unless he wanted it too.</p><p> </p><p>She was his, she’d <em>always</em> be his.</p><p> </p><p>His eyes were glued to her, even as she approached the corner of the building, pausing to lean against it.  She didn’t look too hot but what was he supposed to do?  He couldn’t force her to listen to him and if she was going to be stubborn then he’d let her.  Eventually she’d either be able to pay him what she owed in points in full or she’d be so behind that she’d come to him begging, right?</p><p> </p><p><em>Right</em>?</p><p> </p><p>She had to, he didn’t know how else to break her.</p><p> </p><p>Her legs buckled beneath her and Lex sailed downwards, colliding with the ground as she fell.  He waited, watching to see if she’d get back up.  As much fun as it would be to kick her while she was down, literally and figuratively, he knew better than that.  Lex didn’t just fall down, she was usually strong, fierce and stubbornly independent.</p><p> </p><p>When she didn’t make a move to get up though, he knew that something was wrong.  There was no way that she’d collapse with him watching and not immediately try to get back to her feet.  She was too proud to do something like that.</p><p> </p><p>Negan calmly strode over to her, slinging Lucille up onto his shoulder, and when he wandered up to stand next to her, he took in the sight of her.  Her eyes were shut, her arms were haphazardly lying against the ground and her legs were out sideways.  She wasn’t okay, she wasn’t even conscious, well fuck…Lex Walsh had finally broken, but it wasn’t the way Negan had wanted her to.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey!” He barked and stole a look around, vying for anyone’s attention.  He caught sight of Simon and waved him over, immediately thrusting Lucille into his hold.</p><p> </p><p>Negan crouched down, studying her for a few seconds and taking in the sight of the peaceful expression on her face.  He let out a scoff, gathered Lex up into his arms and hauled her up off the ground before he carried her towards the infirmary, waiting for Simon to lead him through the doors, opening them as they went.</p><p> </p><p>Lex was starting to become more fucking trouble that she was worth, but he didn’t want her to die.  She was the one woman that he could count on, aside from his darling Lucille of course, and he wasn’t about to lose her.  It didn’t matter how many points she’d owe, he’d give her a break if she just woke up and barked at him.</p><p> </p><p>He wanted the old Lex back, she was more fun to be around, she was less miserable to watch, but he knew that something had to change between them for that to happen.  She had made it abundantly clear that she’d rather go back outside the walls than spend day and night serving him as a wife.</p><p> </p><p>“What happened?” Carson asked once they were inside his office.  He immediately grabbed a pair of rubber gloves off the counter and motioned towards the examination table, where Negan set her down carefully, her legs hanging over the end. </p><p> </p><p>“She just fucking collapsed.” Negan explained, wondering himself what had happened to her.</p><p> </p><p>“I knew this was going to happen…” Carson trailed off and ushered Simon out of the room, clearing the way for him to work a little easier.  Carson paused and looked up at Negan, not confident in what he wanted to say.</p><p> </p><p>“Fucking fix her.” Negan demanded and rounded on his heels.  He followed Simon’s path out of the room and when he caught up with him, he ripped Lucille from his grasp, not even bothering to look back as he continued on his way out of the infirmary.</p><p> </p><p>He didn’t look back, not once, as he silently began to pray that she’d be okay.  He wasn’t ready to lose her.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Chapter 19</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>“Our Father, which art in heaven, hallowed be thy Name-”</em>
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</p><p>
  <em>“What are you doing Shane?” Lex quipped and reached out for his arm, desperate to take hold of his hand.  He lifted his arm up and draped it around her shoulders instead, letting her lower herself down to sit on the edge of the pew next to him, his eyes glued to the stained glass window behind the alter of the church.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“Praying Lexa.”</em>
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</p><p>
  <em>“Praying?” She cocked her head sideways and relaxed against Shane’s side, knowing that he would be the one and only person she would ever trust in this world.  She had rarely heard her brother pray but that didn’t mean he didn’t do it often.  Prayer, in her mind, was something someone did in private, when they needed the full, undivided attention necessary to say what they needed to say to the man upstairs.  </em>
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</p><p>
  <em>“Yes praying Lexa.” Shane countered, a goofy grin on his face.  He must’ve thought her question was ridiculous, as if there was a lot of other things one did in a church.  But she didn’t know Shane was the type of person who prayed.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>He wasn’t the type of person who left anything up to fate.  He had always taught her to take care of herself and to look out for herself.  So what on earth would Shane need to be praying for?</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“What are you praying for Shane?”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“For you baby girl.  I’m praying for you.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>She had been cold, that’s all she could remember before blacking out.  She was incredibly cold, freezing to the touch, but when she opened her eyes, she felt nothing but warmth.  There was someone next to her, someone curled up against her keeping her warm but Lex wasn’t concerned with who, she was just grateful that she wasn’t frozen any longer.</p><p> </p><p>Tipping her head back, she glanced around at the room and let out a soft sigh, wondering exactly how she had gotten inside of the infirmary.  Who had seen her pass out?  Who had bared witness to her being weak, but most importantly, <em>who</em> had been the one to bring her here of all places?</p><p> </p><p>Was it Negan himself, or had someone more like Sherry went and got him?</p><p> </p><p>She settled her eyes on the warm body next to her and immediately shied away from Negan’s piercing gaze.  He was looking right back at her but there wasn’t a malicious smirk, or an arrogant grin, on his face, no, he seemed genuinely concerned about her.  Had he been the one to watch her fall to the ground, had he brought her here without a second of hesitation?</p><p> </p><p>Huh, well, she hadn’t been expecting that.</p><p> </p><p>“You fucking passed out.” He said softly but not bothering to leave out his infamous profanity.  “Apparently you really didn’t want to fucking have a conversation with me.”</p><p> </p><p>  “Actually,” she let out a breath and blinked, breaking eye contact with him, “I’ve been trying to avoid you all together.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m everywhere Lex, you fucking know that.”</p><p> </p><p>She rolled her eyes at him but settled back down next to him, relishing in the warmth that he was providing to her.  She’d let him be arrogant, she’d let him believe that he was in total control, even though she knew there would always be crack in his ranks.  She had people that she figured trusted her more than they did him, but since she was loyal to Negan, it hadn’t mattered.</p><p> </p><p>Plus there were the people in the Sanctuary like Sherry and Dwight, the most pathetic pair she had laid eyes on.  Dwight was obviously pining for his wife and Sherry, well, if the way she handled being married to Negan was any indication, she was ready for things to go back to normal, back to the way they had been before her and Dwight had attempted to take off.</p><p> </p><p>Lex couldn’t blame her, she couldn’t imagine how hard it was for them to watch the other being forced to do something they didn’t necessarily want to do, and add in to that the fact that it was a terrifying thing to be seen in the same room together- hell, Lex couldn’t imagine how Sherry felt at all.</p><p> </p><p>“So what the fuck happened?” Negan asked, his fingers running through her hair in a comforting gesture.  She was relaxed against him, oddly so considering she had been avoiding him since she had gotten out of the infirmary after being beaten by Rosita.  His body, the warmth, the movements of his fingers through her hair, it was too much to let go of.  She was going to savour it for as long as she could.</p><p> </p><p>The points system would always loom over her, but this was too nice to give up just yet.</p><p> </p><p>“I quit eating.” Lex answered simply.  “I skipped meals to work and when I did go to the mess hall, I’d try to trade away most of my food for more points.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, and how’s that fucking working out for you?”</p><p> </p><p>“Not…not great.” She murmured, resting her ear against the crook of his arm.  “I’ll pay it all back-”</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe we can come up with some other sort of fucking payment system.” He cut in, offering her another way out.</p><p> </p><p>“What?”</p><p> </p><p>“I know you fucking miss me.” He grinned and she fought off the urge to scowl at him.  She had collapsed, she had passed out and here he was teasing her?  What the hell was wrong with him, aside from him being certifiably crazy?  “Come on Lex, just fucking hear me out.”</p><p> </p><p>“I want to go outside the walls, I want…I want to <em>not</em> be a wife.” Lex pointed out, her voice barely louder than a whisper.</p><p> </p><p>“I wasn’t going to offer that to you any fucking more.” Negan replied.  “A guy can only take so much fucking rejection…”</p><p> </p><p>Lex couldn’t help but let out a laugh at his joke but nonetheless, she was saddened by the fact that he wasn’t going to offer her marriage any more.  Part of her had loved the idea that he <em>wanted</em> her but not in the way that she enjoyed.  He didn’t want her doing her job, he didn’t want her outside of the walls, he wanted her to be a submissive wife, just like the rest of the girls.  Well that wasn’t her, that would <em>never</em> be her.</p><p> </p><p>One day maybe she’d consider marriage but she was looking forward to the conventional kind, the kind where one person pledged their love to the other and promised to love and cherish them for as long as they lived.  Bringing her hand up, she rested her palm against his chest and ran her fingers over the soft material of his t-shirt.</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t fucking stand seeing you like this Lex.”</p><p> </p><p>“But…why do you even care?” Lex murmured, looking up at him through her lashes.  She spread her fingers out over his chest and drummed her fingertips against the soft material of his shirt.  “You don’t seem like the kind of guy who gives a shit what happens to anyone inside these walls, so why are you being so nice to me after all the shit I did?”</p><p> </p><p>“I watched my wife waste away…before all this shit.” Negan confessed, his voice calm and soothing, much the opposite to how it usually sounded.  Lex curled further into his side and blew out an anxious breath, not wanting to get too far away from him because of the warmth that his body was providing to her.  “It killed me to watch her get weaker and weaker every fucking day without being able to help her.”</p><p> </p><p>“You had a wife.” Lex echoed his words, her mind wandering to what type of man he was before the world had gone to shit.  Surely he hadn’t always been as brash and aggressive as he was currently, but that didn’t mean he had ever been a good man, a man with a wife.  It sounded weird, even though it wasn’t something that she couldn’t picture.  Negan deserved a normal life like everyone else, so why couldn’t he have had a wife?  “What happened to her?”</p><p> </p><p>“She died.” Negan answered quickly but she had managed to catch the blip in his words.  This wasn’t like him, there was something off, something different and Lex didn’t know if it scared her or soothed her.  Negan was still just a man, underneath the cold exterior, behind the potty-mouth and the leather jacket, without Lucille in his hands, what was he?</p><p> </p><p>He was still a person, he still felt things, he was still human.</p><p> </p><p>“But how?” Lex pressed, fearful of pushing him too far.  He let out a sigh instead of the growl she was expecting and when his arm shifted under her neck, she went rigid, anticipating some sort of painful punishment.</p><p> </p><p>It never came though, instead, he simply adjusted his arm and held her tighter against him.</p><p> </p><p>“Fucking cancer.”</p><p> </p><p>Her eyes went wide with his answer and she felt her gut twisting up with sadness.  Had his wife passing away from such a horrendous disease helped to shape him into the monster that he was today?  Had it been more than that?  Had she been the reason that he hadn’t snapped earlier?</p><p> </p><p>“I’m, uh, I’m sorry to hear that.” Lex said softly, his hand coming up to run through her hair in a soothing manner.  She didn’t know if it was more appeasing for her or if the motion helped him, but she didn’t stop it, it felt way too good, his actions way gentler than she had ever anticipated. </p><p> </p><p>“Part of me is fucking glad she doesn’t have to see what the world’s become, she wouldn’t have been cut out for it, let me tell you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Not a lot of people are, this world…well it’s definitely a shithole.” Lex forced a smile onto her lips and hoped that he wouldn’t get mad at her quip. </p><p> </p><p>When he smiled back down at her though, she breathed a sigh of relief and ran her fingers across his chest, feeling his leather jacket, which was covering them both, weighing down against her shoulders.  She was still weak, too weak to fight, or do much at all, but this, lying next to him, his body keeping her warm, his arm around her shoulders, and his jacket draped over them, was too perfect. </p><p> </p><p>“She used to pray.” Negan stated, breaking the comfortable blanket of silence that had fallen over them.  “All the fucking time.”</p><p> </p><p>“My brother used to pray…I wish that I prayed.” She countered.</p><p> </p><p>“Fat lot of fucking good it did them huh?” Negan remarked.  “What sort of god takes a woman as sweet as my Lucille?  She didn’t do a damn fucking thing to deserve to go out the way she did-”</p><p> </p><p>“Negan.” Lex cut him off, shifting her hand upwards and pressing a finger gingerly against his lips.  “Whatever you say, you can’t bring her back.  She’s gone, Shane’s gone, it’s just you and me; right here, right now.  She’d want you to be happy, she’d want-”</p><p> </p><p>“When I couldn’t find Lucille that night that you took off- well, it wasn’t the bat that mattered Lex…it was…fuck…it was you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Me?” She sucked in a nervous breath.  “But…no, I can handle myself, my brother made sure of that.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, no fucking doubt about it, <em>usually</em>,” he forced a chuckle out and she nearly jumped at the volume of it, “except you got your smoking hot ass handed to you and wound up confined to a fucking bed for days.”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay,” she grumbled, “you have a point.  But still, why were you so worried about me?”</p><p> </p><p>“You can’t just tell a guy you’re knocked up and not expect him to care about you a little fucking more than normal.”</p><p> </p><p>“You- you <em>wanted</em> the baby?” She leaned back, putting the tiniest bit of space between their bodies.  His hand fell away from her hair and she struggled to sit up, Negan moving along with her.  Once she was leaning against the headboard with her back, he slipped his arm around her middle and drew her body against him, pressing a sweet little kiss against the crown of her head. </p><p> </p><p>“I don’t fucking know Lex.” Negan admitted.  “But I liked the fucking option.”</p><p> </p><p>“But you could have a baby with any one of your wives-”</p><p> </p><p>“They’re not fucking like you.” Negan broke in.  “They’re not…they’re incapable of taking care of themselves, they’re not fucking built for this world.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well maybe if you gave them more than sleazy lingerie to walk around in, they might show you that you’re wrong.  If they aren’t built for this world, then how come they made it this far?” She asked with a soft smile.  “People can surprise you, if you let them.”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t fucking like surprises…and you were the biggest surprise of them all Lex.”</p><p> </p><p>“Why?” She asked with a chuckle. </p><p> </p><p>“Somewhere between all the fucking fighting and the fucking…don’t fucking go around saying this shit to anyone else, but I fucking like you.  You’re fucking special to me, okay?” Negan peered down at her and Lex felt her cheeks redden in embarrassment.  Was that what this was all about, had he tried to get her to be his wife because he liked her?</p><p> </p><p>She shook her head but couldn’t contain the smile taking over her face.  She let a laugh bubble out of her throat and when Negan glared at her, she merely brought her hand up and set it on his shoulder, not bothering to rid herself of the amused smirk on her face.</p><p> </p><p>This man, he was definitely a complex individual, but she knew that she liked him too.  She had always hated the idea of sharing him and if she had managed to find a way to broach the subject of being monogamous without sounding juvenile, she would have, but she figured Negan wasn’t exactly the relationship type.</p><p> </p><p>Apparently she had been wrong…</p><p> </p><p>“My brother would’ve liked you.” Lex stated bluntly. </p><p> </p><p>“I fucking doubt that.”</p><p> </p><p>“No, no he really would’ve.  You and I both know that you don’t treat me all that great but when it comes down to it, you’ve never actually <em>hurt</em> me and you’ve done nothing short of looking out for me.  Shane hated the guy I left the state with, he didn’t trust him, and in the end, I had to kill him because he came at me.  Whether you know it or not, I have never once felt like I’ve had to fight for my life against you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Lex…”</p><p> </p><p>“You said you weren’t going to kill me that night you had to come and save me from Rick’s group, you said that, and I believed you.” Lex countered.  “If you wanted me dead, you wouldn’t have tried to keep me from getting cleared by Carson.”</p><p> </p><p>“You fucking knew about that?” Negan narrowed his eyes in on her and she gave him a nod.  “And you didn’t come out of there yelling and fucking cursing me?”</p><p> </p><p>“No, it makes all sorts of sense <em>now</em>.” She shook her head and fought back a smile.  “Look, I’m sorry, for, well, everything.  I should have told you the second I found out I was pregnant, and I definitely shouldn’t have run off to talk to Rick.”</p><p> </p><p>“No you certainly should not have.” He agreed with her.  “But I fucking get it.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p> </p><p>“If that had been Lucille and there had been a fucking chance that someone there knew something about her…well…nothing would’ve fucking stopped me.” Negan explained.  “We all do crazy fucking shit for the people we love.”</p><p> </p><p>Lex let her eyes fall shut as she, once again, nodded her head in agreement.  Shane was gone, she’d never get to see him again, she never had the chance to say goodbye, but it felt like there was a weight off of her shoulders.  She had spent so much time, so much energy thinking about all of the possible scenarios and hoping that she’d be able to catch wind of him from <em>someone</em>.</p><p> </p><p>Sure she was sad that he was dead but she thanked the higher powers that at least she <em>knew</em> what had happened to him.  There were far too many people out there who had no idea what happened to the people they loved, hell there were people out there who had no idea if their husband, wife, mother, father or child, were wandering around somewhere on the face of the plant as a human being, a walker, or maybe they were just plain dead.</p><p> </p><p>At least she had some sort of closure, at least she wasn’t left to wonder any longer.</p><p> </p><p>“Get some fucking rest Lex.” Negan whispered and relaxed against the bed next to her.  She let out a soft sigh and let her mind wander to the possibilities that her future held.  “I’m not fucking going anywhere.”</p><p> </p><p>Lex felt a sense of calm take over her body.  She felt safe with Negan, she felt relaxed.</p><p> </p><p>She was behind a set of walls, she was with a group of people she trusted and she was lying next to a man that cared about her, even if he’d never admit it out loud to anyone else.  In a world where corpses roamed the earth and people were each other’s greatest enemies, what more could she really ask for?</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Chapter 20</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>True to Negan’s word, he had been there right when she had woken up again, except they weren’t in the infirmary, no, she was currently lying in his bed.  He was still right beside her, letting her cuddle against him and steal the warmth from his body, but as soon as she tipped her head back and met his eyes, he gave her a look of concern.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Did that mean he was worried about her?  Did he honestly care that much about her to be concerned?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’ve been out a long fucking time.” Negan remarked and she let out a small sigh before shying away from his gaze.  “You should probably fucking eat something.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What…” She trailed off and peered around the room, wondering where this was coming from.  She shook her head and managed to get herself up into a sitting position, struggling greatly from each and every movement.  Sure it had been a few days since she had gotten beaten up, but she still felt it, <em>everywhere</em>.  “I thought you…I figured you would’ve left.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I am many fucking things Lex, but a liar is not one of them.” Negan countered and she gave him a slight nod of understanding.  Well he had a point there, Negan might’ve been intimidating, he might’ve been cruel but honesty was his policy and she knew it.  “The guys should be back soon from their fucking run, I’ve got to go meet them.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Can I stay…I mean, would it be okay if I just stayed in here a little longer?” She asked, carefully choosing her words and her tone, which was soft, almost bordering on pleading.  She didn’t want to go back outside just yet, she didn’t want to face the rest of the Saviors, not until she was even just the tiniest bit stronger.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I think it’d be fucking best for everyone if you didn’t leave this room for quite some fucking time, unless I fucking say so.” He stated, staring at her.  She met his eyes and wondered what sort of sick joke this was to him but when she saw the corners of his lips threatening to curl upwards, she knew that he was just teasing her.  After everything she had been through, after all the pain she had dealt with, she was thankful for a break, especially from the man next to her.  “I got to go.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Reluctantly she peeled herself away from his side and curled up in the covers, feeling the mattress shift as he got up.  She kept her eyes open and watched him wander around the room, nabbing his jacket off the end of the bed and slipping it on before grabbing hold of the single leather glove he wore.  The last thing that he grabbed before heading for the door was Lucille and Lex fought off the urge to roll her eyes at how much he adored the stupid baseball bat.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You coming back soon?” She asked softly, barely catching his attention before he pulled open the bedroom door.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’ve got a few fucking things to take care of but I don’t think I’ll be gone that fucking long.” Negan answered, Lex settling in to the covers, relaxing her head against the pillows.  “Just fucking stay here, okay?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Mmm,” she let her eyes fall shut and a smile spread across her face, “I will definitely do that.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She heard the door click shut and she relished in the silence that took over the room.  Lex couldn’t help but find her mind drifting to the last few days’ events.  She had not only managed to disobey Negan but she had survived and the worst thing that he had done to her was put her back on points and then refuse to clear her for active duty.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She considered herself lucky, part of her wondered if she’d end up with the iron to the face just like Dwight, after all, he and Sherry had tried to run away, but they had come crawling back.  Lex hadn’t come back on her own, well, not that she wouldn’t have, but he had to come and save her and thank god he did.  She didn’t know if Rick would’ve stepped in eventually or if he would’ve just let Rosita finish her off.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>If she had been in Rick’s position, she might’ve considered letting the scrappy little woman get a lot more licks in than she originally had.  So yes, thank god that Negan had shown up when he did, except now everything was different.  For that moment, he was treating her okay but she figured it was just until she got her strength back.  Where was the fun in breaking someone who was already halfway there?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Finding herself falling back asleep, she just laid there, unmoving, with the hopes that she’d be able to drift off to dreamland once again.  Her mind drifted to the baby, the baby that she had supposedly lost, but she wanted to know for sure.  She didn’t feel any different, except for being in a lot more pain, but still, she <em>had</em> to find out, she had to be certain that she wasn’t pregnant anymore.  She needed to know for herself.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But she was tired, she was sore and she was feeling it everywhere.  Her entire body hurt, even muscles she didn’t know she ever used ached.  She wasn’t healing as quickly from her fight as she would’ve liked but she knew that was her own fault, she had given up on eating, nourishing her body, she had brought this upon herself.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When she heard voices out in the hallway a while later, Lex stiffened up under the covers but didn’t dare move.  Negan had stated that he didn’t think he’d be that long but this was quick, even for him.  And if it <em>was</em> Negan, who had he brought back with him because Lex knew that as crazy as the man was, he didn’t tend to talk to himself.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The door to his room swung open and she opened her eyes, struggling to sit up in the pillows.  She held the covers over her, hugging them against her chest, and watched as Negan led a young man, someone she didn’t recognize, into the room.  There was a bandage around his head and a makeshift eyepatch covering his one eye.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Who was this kid and what the hell was he doing here?  Where had Negan found him and why had he brought him to his room?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Are all of those women actually your wives?” The kid had asked and Lex had turned to face them head on, more questions about this kid’s presence flooding her mind.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah, always wanted to fuck a whole bunch of different women.  I mean, why settle for just one?  Why follow the same old fucking rules?  Why not make life better?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The two of them wandered further into the room and Lex cleared her throat, trying to get the boy’s attention without scaring him or throwing him off.  She still wasn’t sure what he was doing here but if he was asking Negan about the wives, well that had to mean that he had met them too.  Had Negan made a quick stop off to show this kid the wives?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Negan looked her way and she pressed her lips together, fighting back the desire to fire all sorts of questions his way.  She didn’t want to press him though, she was comfortable with the way things were going for them at that very moment and she didn’t want to do anything to jeopardize that.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“But this right here,” Negan waved his leather glove covered hand in Lex’s direction, the boy following with his eyes, “is my best girl Lex.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hi.” Lex lifted her hand up and gave the boy a wave, studying the half of his face that was visible.  “Lex Walsh.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Walsh?” The kid seemed to stare harder at her and she cocked her head sideways, studying him more too.  Did he look familiar to her…maybe a little bit, but it was hard to tell.  He was missing an eye, his hair was covering most of his face.  “Like as in Shane-”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He was my brother.” Lex cut him off and straightened up in the bed, wondering how this kid… “Where did you come from?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Kid belongs to Rick.” Negan piped up and Lex looked over at him, catching the curious look on his face.  “You two fucking know each other?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lex blew out a soft sigh and nodded her head, “Carl, you probably don’t remember me, the last time I saw you, hell, you were just a little boy.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Carl’s eyes widened in realization but Lex didn’t dare move a muscle.  She didn’t want to piss Negan off anymore by giving out more information than was necessary.  She wanted to remain complacent; she wanted him to see her as someone who could follow his rules, even if she had already broken some of them.  She didn’t want to give Negan up, she liked having the privilege of staying with him in his room and being looked after for the time being.  Yes, she could follow the rules, at the very least until she was back on her feet and had ironed out a way to survive inside the Sanctuary without having to owe points.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Looks like we’ve got some fucking catching up to do, speaking of, <em>sit</em>,” Negan pointed to one of the chairs on the other side of the room from the bed.  “Let’s get started.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Started on what?” Carl countered, after having taken a seat on the chair offered to him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I want to get to know you a little better, Carl.” Negan answered and directed his attention towards Lex, who threw the covers to the side.  She hopped out of the bed and looked around the room for her pants, locating them folded up on the vacant table on the other side of the room.  Without saying a word, she walked over to them, pulled them on, grabbed her jacket off the same table and slipped her arms into the sleeves, pulling it tight around her as she pranced over to drop down and sit next to Negan, careful not to get too close.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why?” Carl quipped.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Work it out, you’re smart.  In fact, I’m going to tell you just how fucking smart you are, in case you don’t already know.  See, I’d expect a kid your age to be moping around, not doing a damn thing, except crying about missing the fucking prom.  But you- you go on a mission, you find me, you kill two of my men, and you’re smart enough to know that I’m not going to let this fucking slide.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Two?” Lex muttered and turned her attention towards Negan.  “This kid killed <em>two</em> of our guys?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lex peered back at Carl and took in the sight of the kid that she had once known.  He had certainly grown up since the last time that she had seen him and he had certainly become someone that she never would’ve imagined; then again, hadn’t they all?  Hadn’t anyone who had made it this far turned into someone that they never would’ve imagined becoming?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She had always imagined herself settling down with the guy she had left state with, getting married to him, maybe having a kid or two.  She wanted to watch her dog grow old while working her way up the chain in whatever career she ended up choosing, but this- the way the world was now wasn’t going to allow her to do any of that.  She would have to fight for her life nearly every day, she’d have to do things she never would’ve seen herself doing and she would stick with a man that was nothing short of psychotic, all just to stay alive.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Kid- ah, I can’t- I can’t fucking do it.” Negan dropped his gaze downwards and pressed his thumb against the bridge of his nose.  He let out a croaking noise but quickly looked right back at Carl.  “It’s like talking to a birthday present, you got to take that fucking shit off your face.  I want to see what Grandma got me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No.” Carl countered.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Two men!” Negan bellowed, causing Lex to flinch at the sheer volume of his voice.  What the hell had happened, what had caused him to go from calm and quiet when she had woken up to…to this man?  Before she could interject, he continued speaking, this time in a relatively calmer tone.  “Two fucking men.  Punishment.  Do you really want to fucking piss me off?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Carl seemed to hesitate and Lex couldn’t help but watch him with wide eyes.  He couldn’t have been much older than fifteen, but he was holding himself a lot better than most of the grown men in the compound.  None of the Saviors would’ve ever dared to speak to Negan the way that Carl had, no one would’ve gotten away with it, but there was something in Carl’s eye, something that Lex was familiar with, that she could relate to.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He was defiant, he wasn’t going to bow down to someone just because they were intimidating.  Shane used to be like that, he had never once backed down from a fight.  It was the sole reason that she would’ve figured he would’ve made it this far.  Of course, she hadn’t been anticipating Rick’s confession that he had killed him.  Yes, her brother was dead and gone because of the man that Lex had believed was Shane’s best friend.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She kept her eyes trained on him as he carefully took the hat off his head, setting it down as gingerly as possible on the coffee table residing between them.  Negan stole a glance at her and flashed her an excited grin but Lex barely even noticed, instead focusing as Carl unwrapped the bandages from around his head.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Almost there.” Negan said with an amused chuckle.  Lex, on the other hand, bit down on her bottom lip and prayed that whatever injury Carl was hiding wasn’t going to be too bad.  She knew Carl from when he was just a kid, she didn’t want to shatter the innocent childlike image she had of him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Seriously?” Lex hissed and leaned ever so closer to Negan, setting her hand on his thigh as she moved.  “Can we not just stop this right now?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Remember you’re fucking place Lex.” Negan directed at her, but kept his eyes on Carl, who had freed himself from all of the bandages. “Get that hair out of your face, let me see.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh my god.” Lex murmured but she couldn’t bring herself to look away from him.  Where his eye should’ve been there was nothing more than a gaping hole and marred flesh.  She held her breath, trying to figure out what to say, but before she had a chance to speak, to ask Carl what had happened, Negan broke the silence.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Christ!  That is fucking disgusting, no wonder you cover that up.” There was a certain joy to Negan’s tone and Lex lifted her hand up and away from his thigh, moving it to her face, covering her mouth as she continued to look at Carl.  “Have you seen it?  I mean, have you looked in the fucking mirror?  That is gross as hell, I can see your fucking socket.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Stop.” Lex whimpered, leaning against Negan’s shoulder, as she witnessed Carl drop his head down, his lip quivering in a telltale sign that he was nearing the point of tears.  She tried to get his attention away from Carl but it was no use, Negan was almost entranced by the sight in front of him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I want to touch it.” Negan berated.  “Oh, come on.  Can I touch it?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Seriously, stop.” Lex winced, hoping that she came off more confident than she felt.  “He’s just a kid.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Damn.” Negan turned his head sideways and let out a sigh.  “Holy hell, kid.  Look…I just…it’s easy to forget that you’re just a fucking kid.  And I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings or anything.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You made him cry.” Lex mumbled, crossing her arms over her chest and sinking into the couch. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I was just screwing around.” Negan confessed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Just forget it.” Carl shot back, but there was a total lack of confidence.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lex made a move to stand up but a knock on the door stopped her, keeping her sitting on the couch next to Negan.  She shook her head at the entire situation and met Carl’s eye, wondering what the hell he was thinking and how exactly he had gotten here- what had he gone through to get inside the gates of the Sanctuary.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Come in.” Negan bellowed, the door opening quickly, revealing none other than Fat Joey.  Lex turned her head towards the window and looked out at the sky, sucking in a breath before uncrossing her arms and pressing her palms against her stomach.  She was starting to feel the hunger pains but she didn’t want to just leave, she didn’t want Carl to be alone with Negan, not if she could help it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m sorry to interrupt, sir, but, uh you left Lucille out by the truck.” Fat Joey stated.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lex snorted at his words and gave a little shake of her head, wondering if she would be able to get down to see Carson sometime soon.  If Carl was here though, she’d have to make due but maybe- just maybe she could convince Negan to let her babysit, at least then she’d feel comfortable with Carl being here.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Seriously?  I never do that.  I guess a kid firing a fucking machine gun is a little bit of a distraction.” Negan smirked.  “All jokes aside, you look rad as hell, I wouldn’t cover that shit up.  <br/>It may not be a fucking hit with the ladies, but I swear to you, <em>no one</em> is going to screw with you looking like that, no, sir.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Chicks dig scars.” Lex added in a mumble.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Fat Joseph, did you carry her,” Negan gave a little nod towards Lucille, “all the way up here for me?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes, sir.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Using two fingers, Negan waved the man closer, taking the bat when it was offered, clutching it in his hand and spinning it, looking it over.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Were you gentle?  Were you kind?” Negan questioned.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Fat Joey didn’t seem to know what to say, instead, opting to gape and stutter at Negan.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Did you treat her like a lady?” Negan pressed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Um, yes.  Yes, sir.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Did you pet her little pussy like a fucking lady?” Negan quipped, drawing a disgusted stare from Lex.  He gave the side of her thigh a rough pat and she shook her head, wondering what the hell Negan saw in the stupid bat.  Letting out a chuckle at Fat Joey’s stunned face, Negan went on, “I’m just screwing around, man, a baseball bat doesn’t have a fucking pussy.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She rolled her eyes at Negan and brought her one leg up, tucking it under her butt as she made herself the tiniest bit more comfortable.  At this point in time, all she really wanted was to grab something to eat and head back to bed, but Carl was here, she had to look out for Carl.  He was a kid, underneath all his scars and confidence, he was just a little boy.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Get the hell out.” Negan demanded, turning stone cold serious.  Lex made a move to stand up but Negan’s hand settled on her thigh, holding her leg down and forcing her to remain sitting on the couch.  Was this some sort of punishment, was he trying to undermine her in front of the kid? </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I can take her.” Lex offered, nodding towards the bat in Negan’s other hand, Fat Joey walking as fast as possible out of the room, the door clicking shut behind him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No fucking need, but, you see?” He paused, making sure that Carl was looking back at him.  Even Lex was watching Negan with undivided attention.  “That’s what I’m talking about; men breaking each other’s fucking balls.  This is the shit your dad’s supposed to be teaching you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I feel like that’s low on his list of priorities.” Lex grumbled.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Fucking fair enough, but I want to know kid, what do you like to do for fun?  You like music?” Negan asked, continuing to flip Lucille around in his hand.  “I want you to sing me a song.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What?” Carl seemed absolutely taken aback by Negan’s request.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah, you mowed down two of my men with a machine gun.  I want something in return for that.  Sing me a song.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I- I- I can’t think of any.” Carl was obviously struggling with what was happening and if Lex was honest, so was she.  This was bizarre, even for Negan, this was something she had never seen.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Bullshit!” Negan retorted.  “What’d your mom used to sing you?  What’d your dad play in the car?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Negan rose to his feet, peeling his hand away from Lex’s thigh.  She shook her head and remained silent, watching as he twisted Lucille in his hand so that the barrel was pointing right at Carl.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Shane used to sing me The Beatles when I was little and couldn’t sleep.” Lex supplied, hoping to help the kid out without crossing any lines.  Carl met her eyes and gave her the tiniest of nods, whether it was because he was acknowledging Shane or because he was saying thanks, she didn’t know, nor did she care.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Start singing.” Negan demanded, Lucille lingering near the side of Carl’s head.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Okay, okay.  Okay, uh,” Carl looked up and met Lex’s eyes one more time, she forced a smile onto her face, hoping that she could convey that it was okay.  “You are my sunshine…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Go on.” Negan moved the bat a little closer, clearly enjoying how uncomfortable Carl seemed to be by his mere presence.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“My only sunshine.” Carl was having a difficult time getting the words out, and it wasn’t like Negan looming over him was doing him any favours.  Negan moved away though and took up a stance near the end of the bed, hauling Lucille up onto his shoulder.  “You make me happy, when skies are gray-”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lex flinched as Negan swung the bat through the air, Carl stopping in his singing, fearing what the man might do to him.  Lex would never admit it out loud but she feared for Carl, she hated the idea that Negan would hurt him, he was just a kid-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Do <em>not</em> let me distract you, young man.” Negan instructed and took another swing of the bat. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’ll never know-” Another swing.  “Dear, how much I love you.  So Please don’t take my Sunshine away.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Negan meandered back over to the couch and plunked himself down next to Lex, sitting closer to her than he had been.  She shot him a wide-eyed look and in response, he countered with an arrogant grin.  The barrel of the bat was moved so that it was right in front of Carl’s face, Lex tensing at the sight and hoping that he wouldn’t wind up hurt.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That’s pretty good.  Lucille loves being sung to.  It’s about the only thing she loves more than bashing in fucking brains.” Negan said.  “Weird, huh?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Good thing you did good.” Lex supplied, catching Carl peering at her from the corner of his eye.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Did your mother sing that to you?  Where is she now?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lori, yes, yes she would get to find out more about Lori.  She knew that she hadn’t made it, Rick had informed her of that much, but maybe Carl could offer her something more than just ‘she didn’t make it’.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s okay.” Lex leaned forward, setting her hands on her knees and watched carefully as Carl’s eye welled up with tears for the second time since he had arrived inside the room. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Damn.” Negan blew the word out.  “Dead, huh?  You see it happen?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I shot her…before it could…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Damn, no wonder you’re a little serial killer in the making.” Negan let out a low sigh, clearly unimpressed at Carl’s inability to realize he was just joking around.  “That was an example of breaking balls, by the way.  Come on, kid, get up, it should be ready.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What should be ready?” Carl shot back and Negan stood up.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Wait, what exactly was going on?  What the hell was going to happen?  Lex bounded to her feet and took a step towards Negan, stopping right behind him, so close that she could smell the leather of his jacket.  Was Negan going to do something to Carl, was he going to hurt him?  Punish him?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“The iron.” Negan answered, as if it was the simplest thing ever.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What?” Lex spat out before she could stop herself.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re fucking coming too Lex, no getting out of watching.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Are…are you sure?” She pressed and lifted her hand up, brushing her fingers over the back of his jacket.  “I can…<em>we</em> can stay here.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I want you to see this just as much as I fucking want the kid too.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lex sucked in a breath and offered Carl her hand, the two of them following along behind Negan as he led the way out of the bedroom.  She didn’t know what was going to happen and to who, she just prayed that her and Carl would both come out of it unscathed.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Chapter 21</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“You’re not going to hurt him, are you?” Lex asked in a hushed tone as she practically jogged to keep up with Negan’s long strides.  She slipped her hands around his arm and slowed his pace down, catching his attention.  He peered down at her and licked his lips, Lucille dangling threateningly from his hand.  “Please don’t hurt him.  He’s just a kid.”</p><p> </p><p>“He’s fucking dangerous.” Negan countered and Lex pressed her lips together, trying to come up with a really good argument that might get Negan to spare Carl.  She glanced past him and took in the sight of Carl moseying on down the hall just in front of them, far enough away that he likely wouldn’t hear their conversation.</p><p> </p><p>“So was I when you first found me, but you didn’t kill me.” Lex murmured, lowering her eyes to the floor.  She spotted the barrel of Lucille in her peripherals but before she could make another move, Negan pulled his arm out of her hold and grasped her chin, forcing her head to tip back so that her eyes met his.  “Look how well that turned out for you.”</p><p> </p><p>“I highly fucking doubt the kid is as good of a lay as you.” Negan remarked and she furrowed her eyebrows.  When he let out a low chuckle, Lex breathed a sigh of relief.</p><p> </p><p>Okay, so he was just kidding, he was just joking about Carl being a good lay.  That didn’t help her relax that much though, he hadn’t openly admitted that he wasn’t going to harm Carl and before they had left the room, Negan had mentioned the iron.</p><p> </p><p>Was he going to do to Carl what he had done to Dwight all that time ago?  Was he going to sear the flesh of his face and leave it scarred for everyone to see?</p><p> </p><p>“You’ve been out of the fucking loop for quite some time Lex, so I’ll let you in on a little fucking secret.” Negan paused and she felt his grip on her chin tighten.  “The kid isn’t getting the iron, not today at least but my not so loyal wife Amber has made a huge fucking mistake.”</p><p> </p><p>“Amber?” Lex questioned.  “What does…what?”</p><p> </p><p>“Seems her and Mark aren’t very fucking good at keeping secrets from me.” Negan snarled.  Lex sucked in a breath and he finally let go of her chin.  She shook her head and tried to piece together what was happening. </p><p> </p><p>He was right though, she had been out of the loop for far too long, so what was going on and who was the one getting the iron?</p><p> </p><p>“She cheated on you?” Lex pressed.  “You still sleep with them?”</p><p> </p><p>“Of fucking course.”</p><p> </p><p>“But you said that you liked me, you called me special…” She trailed off, hoping that Negan would chime in and tell her that she was absolutely right, that he didn’t need the other wives because he had her.</p><p> </p><p>Boy was she wrong though, that wasn’t even close to what he had to say.</p><p> </p><p>“I did fucking say that.” He nodded his head in agreement.  “But having wives- Lex, I’m not going to fucking give them up just for you.”</p><p> </p><p>She felt her jaw clenching at his admission but Negan took off, leaving her standing in the hallway while he carried on walking towards the main room.  Lex curled her fingers into fists and fought off the urge to pummel him.</p><p> </p><p>What right did he have to treat her like this, what gave him the power to tell her that he liked her and then turn around and keep all of his wives?</p><p> </p><p>Had she been utterly stupid to believe that things would change simply because he had said she was special?</p><p> </p><p>Okay, maybe she was.  He was Negan after all, he was the leader of the Saviors, he got what he wanted, he <em>did</em> whatever he wanted, and if anyone dared to go against him, they were toast.  She paused for a second and considered herself a little bit lucky that he hadn’t already decided to kill her, or iron <em>her</em> face after everything that she had done.</p><p> </p><p>Moving forward, she rushed to catch up with Negan and Carl, falling in step just behind them and considering her options.  She could choose to ignore what Negan had said and carry on with her life the way it had been, or she could try to come up with some way to get him to be monogamous with <em>her</em>.  It was unlikely, but it wasn’t totally impossible, right?</p><p> </p><p>Plus, if she was <em>still</em> pregnant…</p><p> </p><p>God, there was so much weighing on her mind.  She needed to get to Carson, she needed to <em>talk</em> to him, ask him what the possibilities of her baby surviving were and what evidence he had witnessed in order to allow him to tell her that her baby hadn’t made it.  If she could just find out, if she could just get to the bottom of things, then maybe she stood a chance with Negan, maybe she <em>could</em> convince him that she was all he needed.</p><p> </p><p>Waltzing through the doors to the main room, Lex peered out over the railing at all of the people below.  They dropped to their knees at the sight of Negan, who was bouncing Lucille against the top bar of the rail causing loud bangs to sound out inside the walls.  She made a move to crouch but Negan waved her forward, Lex rushing to get next to him while he offered Lucille to Carl.</p><p> </p><p>“Hold that for me.” Negan said softly, Carl hesitantly taking hold of the bat and letting it dangle in his hand at his side. </p><p> </p><p>Lex continued to watch, noticing that even their prisoner, even Daryl, was down on his knees.  She moved closer to Carl and debated putting a comforting hand on his shoulder but decided against it, remaining stone still behind him and looking out at her fellow Saviors.</p><p> </p><p>“What’s he doing?” Carl turned his head around and spoke to her with a low voice.</p><p> </p><p>“Punishment.” Lex answered with a small shrug, Carl turning back around towards the man who was strapped to the chair in the middle of the room.  She shook her head and prayed that what was about to happen wouldn’t set her off.  She still wasn’t feeling all that great and watching Negan iron a man’s face bothered her on a good day.</p><p> </p><p>“You know the deal.” Negan’s voice boomed, catching her attention, her drifting thoughts disappearing and focusing in on the scene in front of her.  He stood at the rail, his hands resting comfortably as he addressed his followers.  “What’s about to happen is going to be hard to fucking watch; I don’t want to fucking do it.  I wish I could just ignore the rules and let it slide, but I fucking can’t; why?”</p><p> </p><p>“The rules keep us alive.” Lex muttered, her voice mixing in with the rest of the Saviors who had answered with the same thing.  Negan wandered closer to the stairs and began his descension, continuing to speak as he did so.</p><p> </p><p>“That is <em>right</em>.  We survive, we provide security to others, we bring civilization back to this world; we are the Saviors.” Negan paused halfway down the stairs and stole a quick glance back at Carl and Lex.  “But we can’t do that without fucking rules, rules are what make it all work.  I know it’s not easy, but there’s always work, there is always a cost.”</p><p> </p><p>“You shouldn’t have come here.” Lex hissed and leaned slightly closer to Carl.  “You should’ve stayed inside your own walls.”</p><p> </p><p>“Here,” Negan’s voice was getting louder, more aggressive and Lex flinched at the sound.  He was definitely getting riled up and a riled up Negan was not someone she liked to see.  “If you try to <em>skirt</em> it, if you try to cut that corner…then it is the iron for you.”</p><p> </p><p>Mark, the man in the chair, the <em>trembling</em> man in the chair, seemed to suddenly understand the severity of the situation.  Lex hated the sight but she knew there was nothing she could do for him, not at this point.  He had been caught, he was going to get punished and there was nothing that would be able to stop it.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re lucky that’s not you.” Lex stated and Carl gave her the tiniest of nods, showing that he understood what she was trying to say without saying anything in response.</p><p> </p><p>“On your feet.” Negan commanded with a wave of his hand. </p><p> </p><p>Without a sound, the rest of the Saviors rose up and stood, forming a circle around Mark.  Negan himself made his way over to where Dwight was standing, a fire flaming within the wall.  Dwight had on giant, thick gloves, covering both of his hands, and when Negan closed in on him, he turned his attention to the fire, using a long, metal pole with a hook on the end to fish out the iron.</p><p> </p><p>Negan grabbed the third glove off the chair and slipped it on his hand, Lex stepping around Carl and wrapping her fingers around the top of the railing, Carl brushing past her to follow Negan’s path down the stairs.  Lex had her fists clenched so tightly that her knuckles were visibly white, but she couldn’t say, or <em>do</em>, anything to help Mark.  He had to face whatever it is that he had done.</p><p> </p><p>As Carl approached the waiting Negan, she shook her head and let out a soft, frustrated sigh.  What the hell was the poor kid doing, what was going to happen to him?</p><p> </p><p>Grabbing the iron with his gloved hand, Negan closed in on Mark, who was covered in sweat and shaking with fear from each inch that disappeared between him and his leader.  Lex looked around the room and her eyes landed on Mark’s girl Amber, who happened to be one of Negan’s wives.</p><p> </p><p>Was this all her fault?  Was the reason Mark’s face was about to get melted because of the blonde girl that had promised herself to Negan, and <em>only</em> Negan?</p><p> </p><p>“Mark I’m sorry but it is what it is.” Negan stated.</p><p> </p><p>Lex tried not to watch, she tried not to bear witness to the man strapped to the chair get the burning hot iron pressed against the side of his face by none other than Negan but it was like a car wreck; she just couldn’t look away either, she had to watch, all the while reminding herself that that could’ve been her, hell, it could’ve been Carl.</p><p> </p><p>Negan could’ve done <em>that</em> to her, he could’ve made an example out of <em>her</em>, for doing what she had done.  She had been the one who had run away, she had disobeyed him, she had gotten herself into trouble and so far she had gotten off fairly easy.  Was his punishment for her coming?  Was it still looming in the air?</p><p> </p><p>Or had his confession of liking her- had that meant that all of the hard feelings he had towards what she had done been erased?  Was he really going to just let it go without punishing her?</p><p> </p><p>When Mark, who had been thrashing and screaming in the chair, finally fell silent, she watched as his body went limp, clearly having passed out from the pain.  The smell of searing and burning flesh hung heavily in the air and Lex lifted a hand up, covering her mouth and nose in an attempt to block out the smell from reaching her nostrils.</p><p> </p><p>It was no use though, it clung to her nostrils, it lingered in her mouth, it flooded into her lungs and she felt her stomach knotting.  Her entire upper body jerked as she heaved and without warning, she squatted down closer to the floor and let it all come out, vomit erupting from her mouth as her stomach contents emptied onto the floor.  She continued throwing up until there was nothing left and even then, she continued to dry heave, hoping that she would be dismissed soon enough.</p><p> </p><p>She’d face Negan’s wrath in private and plead her case later, but now, now she just needed to pull herself together and try not to draw attention to herself.  Hell, if there hadn’t been a man getting a hot iron pressed against his face, screaming out in sheer pain, in the middle of the room, she might’ve drawn more attention than she had, but so far, it was just Carl, who shot her a glance from where he stood near Negan.</p><p> </p><p>“Ah, that wasn’t so bad, now, was it?” Negan stepped away from Mark, Lex not daring to watch as he pulled the iron away, revealing his newly scarred and marred flesh.  He set the iron back on the hook that Dwight was holding still and let out a chuckle.  “Jesus, he pissed himself, clean that up.  Doc, I’m all done, do your thing.”</p><p> </p><p>She waited for him to pause in his speaking and when he did, she cautiously rose up to her feet, peering down at Negan, who was busy with those around him, not seeming to be paying any attention to her.  Well thank god for that, Lex didn’t want to face him, she didn’t want to have to explain to him what was wrong with her, especially when she wasn’t sure herself. </p><p> </p><p>Doc Carson moved towards the passed out Mark while Daryl made a move to start mopping up underneath Mark’s unconscious form, on top of the shame from having his face burned, the poor guy had wet himself in the process of his punishment.  As if things couldn’t have gotten any worse for Mark.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, the pussy passed out but it’s settled we’re square, everything is cool.” Negan was right back to putting on a show, reminding the rest of the Saviors that he was in charge and nothing, <em>nothing</em>, was going to hinder his ability to lead.  “Let Mark’s face be a daily reminder to him and to everyone else that the rules matter.  I hope that we all learned something today, because I don’t ever want to have to fucking do that again.”</p><p> </p><p>“God.” Lex murmured and turned her back to the Saviors below her.  She waited on the catwalk, leaning against the railing, hoping that she could get the rancid stench of burned flesh out of her nose sooner rather than later.</p><p> </p><p>Mere minutes later, Lex caught sight of Negan walking towards her, his arm around Carl’s shoulders as he led the boy back in the direction from where they had all come from.  As he closed in on Lex, she lifted her head up and met his eyes, holding her ground, falling in behind the two males as Negan continued on his way back up to his bedroom.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re fucking lucky Lex.” Negan said, throwing her a look over his shoulder.  “If I didn’t fucking like you, that might’ve been your punishment.”</p><p> </p><p>Lex shuddered at the thought but didn’t say a word in response.  She remained silent during their entire trek back up to Negan’s room.  Once they were inside, Negan shut the door behind them all and motioned for Lex to sit on the bed, which she did without argument.  She brought her legs up and crossed them, running her hands down her sides as she breathed in a deep breath, trying to smell anything but melted skin.</p><p> </p><p>“Sit.” Negan instructed, waving towards the chair that Carl had occupied earlier, the kid dropping down to sit across from him.  Grabbing what Lex could only assume was one of Negan’s lists of supplies, he too made himself comfortable on the couch, shooting Lex a glare as he sat down.</p><p> </p><p>She vowed not to interrupt, or even move, not daring to bother him any more than he already was.  She was scared, but not because she feared he would do that to her, not anymore.  He had practically told her that he liked her too much to punish her in the same fashion, but she knew him and she knew he could do worse.</p><p> </p><p>“Can I wrap up my face now?” Carl quipped, breaking the silence that had fallen over them, Negan looking over one of the pages in the book, his leg crossed over his other at the knee.</p><p> </p><p>“No, you absolutely cannot.” Negan replied calmly.</p><p> </p><p>“Why the hell not?” Carl demanded, his voice growing more and more frustrated with each second that passed.</p><p> </p><p>“Look at this badass.” Negan said with a sardonic laugh.</p><p> </p><p>“Seriously?” Lex cut in and looked between the two.  “He’s <em>just</em> a kid.”</p><p> </p><p>“Lex!” He bellowed, glaring at her.  She raised her hands in surrender and bit back a retort.  Negan turned his attention to Carl, “you can’t because I’m not done with you, and I like looking at your disgusting, rad-ass, badass eye, so it’s staying out.”</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck.” Lex mumbled and threw her head back, trying not to roll her eyes at her fearless leader.</p><p> </p><p>“What?  You got something to say?” Negan pressed.</p><p> </p><p>She leaned her head forward and opened her mouth, ready to say her piece but Carl beat her to it, apparently he hadn’t been talking to her, he had been addressing their guest.  Negan set the book down on his lap and gave Carl his undivided attention, waiting for the kid to spit out whatever it was he felt he needed to say.</p><p> </p><p>“Why haven’t you killed me?  Or my dad?  Or Daryl?”</p><p> </p><p>“Daryl is going to make a good soldier for me.” Negan answered, as if it was the simplest answer ever.  “You see, he thinks he’s holding it together but you saw it.  And your dad, he’s already getting me great stuff.  You, on the other hand, well, we shall see.  It’s more productive to break you, more fun, too.  You thinking that’s stupid?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m thinking we’re different.” Carl supplied.  Negan folded his hands together and shifted forward on the couch, resting his forearms against his knees.</p><p> </p><p>“If you’re anything like your dad…” Lex threw in but trailed off, remembering the Rick that she had known before she took off, leaving Atlanta behind.  Rick Grimes had been nothing short of an amazing human being, an extremely good law enforcement officer and a man who would’ve done anything he could in order to keep his family safe and happy.  “God he was such a…he was a good man.”</p><p> </p><p>“He’s different now.” Carl replied, a few beats of silence lingering in the air before he spoke.  She knew he was feeling out Negan, he didn’t want to anger the man who had control over him for the time being, but if she could somehow get Carl to trust her, if she could get him to lower his guard, then maybe she could get him out of the Sanctuary without anyone hurting him. </p><p> </p><p>“Aren’t we all?” Lex asked and waved her hand in the air. </p><p> </p><p>“Some of us are different in a good way, some of us are better for this world.” Carl threw in and Lex cocked her head sideways.  He was right, he was absolutely right.  She was different than she had been and she’d like to think that it was for the good.  If she hadn’t changed, would she have made it as far as she did?</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>You’re stronger than you look Baby girl.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>Shane had always made sure she knew that she wasn’t some hack.  She was strong, she was smart and she was ready for anything that came her way, thanks to her brother.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re a smart fucking kid.” Negan piped up, bringing the conversation back to him.  “What do you think I should do?  You know I can’t let you go.”</p><p> </p><p>“You <em>could</em>.” Lex tossed out but another glare from Negan shut her right up.</p><p> </p><p>“So, do I kill you?  Iron your face?  Chop off your arm?  Tell me.  What do you think?” Negan suggested, looking directly in Carl’s eye.</p><p> </p><p>Carl practically jumped to his feet and took a step towards Negan, who didn’t even flinch, “I think you should jump out the window to save me the trouble of killing you.”</p><p> </p><p>It didn’t do any good though, Negan simply leaned back, chucking at the kid in response.  Lex uncrossed her legs and let her feet fall to the floor.  She stood up and stepped forward, moving to stand at the end of the couch next to Negan, watching Carl carefully.  She didn’t know <em>what</em> she was planning to do, but she did know that she wasn’t going to let Carl get to Negan, she wasn’t going to let Carl hurt him.</p><p> </p><p>“Now, there is the kid that impressed the hell out of me.” Negan grinned.</p><p> </p><p>“I think you’re not saying what you’re going to do to me because you’re not going to do anything.  If you knew us, if you knew anything, you would kill us, but you can’t.” Carl kept going, antagonizing him more.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Don’t let anyone make you do anything you don’t want to do Lexa.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>Lex let her eyes fall shut and her mind drifted back to Shane, yet again.  She wanted to get Carl out of here, she wanted him to be safe, but in order to do that, she’d have to stand up to Negan, she’d have to demand that he not hurt Carl, and that was asking for a lot in this world, <em>Negan’s</em> world.</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe you’re fucking right.  Maybe I can’t.” Negan brought his hands up and clapped them together.  He turned sideways and reached out, wrapping his fingers around Lex’s wrist and making sure she was paying attention to him.  “Let’s go for a ride, kid.”</p><p> </p><p>“Where are you taking him?” Lex asked in a low tone, her voice barely louder than a whisper.</p><p> </p><p>“Home darlin’.  We’re fucking taking the kid home.”</p><p> </p><p>Lex let out a sigh of relief as he released her wrist, making his way to his feet and heading for the door, stopping only to grab Lucille.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. Chapter 22</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Lex felt how squished it was in the cab of the truck but she didn’t really care, no, so long as she was right with Carl, then that’s what mattered.  She didn’t want to leave Carl alone with Negan, not if she could help it, at least if she kept an eye on him, then she could make sure he was looked after, not that he couldn’t apparently do that himself.  Negan was intimidating, he was ruthless and Lex had seen first-hand what the man could do if the rules he set out were broken.</p><p> </p><p>But Carl, oh yes Carl was a surprise even to her.  He had taken out two of Negan’s men before he had shown up in Negan’s room.  So maybe Carl was decently equipped for this world, the fact of the matter was, she still didn’t want to see Negan hurt him, he was still just a kid.</p><p> </p><p>While she sat next to the driver of the truck, a man she wasn’t really familiar with, she looked out the windshield and watched as the truck moved slowly towards the gates, following the one in front of it, heading right for their line of defense outside, the walkers.  When she peered to her right, she took note that Carl was sitting stick straight right next to her while Negan was slumped down in the space next to him looking as comfortable as can be, one of his notebooks grasped in his left hand.</p><p> </p><p>She rolled her eyes at him and tried to catch Carl’s attention, but it was no use.  As the truck came to a stop, Negan turned his head and faced out the window, looking at the guy that was currently their prisoner.  Lex shook her head and let out a soft sigh, hoping that this trip, wherever they were really going, was a smooth ride.</p><p> </p><p>“Daryl!” Negan called and the man in question slunk down the side of the truck to get closer to them.  Lex paused but ultimately leaned forward in order to get a better look at Negan’s prisoner but she remained silent, just like Carl.  “You seem fucking worried, so I’m taking the kid home.”</p><p> </p><p>“If you do anything to him-”</p><p> </p><p>“Dwight!” Negan cut Daryl off, yelling out once more, adding insult to injury with a rough slap to the outside of the door to the truck.  “Daryl needs a time-out.  Put him back in his fucking box for a while.”</p><p> </p><p>Dwight marched around from behind the truck and approached Daryl, grabbing him by the back of the sweater and hauling him away, moving the prisoner out of their sight.  Lex shook her head as Negan lifted his gloved hand up, giving the retreating form of Daryl the finger, an ever present smirk on his face.  God what had she gotten involved with, why had she climbed into bed with a man like him.  Boy there were definitely some times when Negan could be quite the child.</p><p> </p><p>But he provided protection, he provided necessities, he provided her life.</p><p> </p><p>Lowering his arm, Negan turned his attention to the driver of the truck, Carl still glancing out the window in desperate search of Daryl.  Lex gave the kid a pat on the arm and settled into the seat, preparing herself for the long journey back to Alexandria, if that’s where they were even really going.</p><p> </p><p>There was nothing stopping Negan from taking Carl out into the middle of nowhere and leaving him for dead, hell, there was nothing stopping him from doing that to her either.  She still didn’t feel confident that he wasn’t going to punish her for running off to Alexandria all those days ago.</p><p> </p><p>Lex held on to hope though.  She hoped that this time she’d actually get to go inside the walls of Alexandria, maybe get a good look around at the houses that the people there lived in.  She wanted to know how outsiders of the Sanctuary lived, how it was possible for people to stay alive and protected in the new world.  As a devious grin presented itself on Negan’s face, Lex blew out a breath and prayed that Daryl would still be alive when she got back, she might be a Savior but she didn’t really like the part where they killed living, breathing human beings, especially ones that hadn’t done any harm to her.</p><p> </p><p>“Are we really taking the kid home?” Lex quipped.</p><p> </p><p>“We most certainly fucking are.” Negan responded, his voice calm.  Lex crossed her arms over her chest and blew out a breath, relaxing even more against the seat.  If Negan said they were going to Alexandria, then she no longer had any doubt that’s exactly where they were headed.</p><p> </p><p>Of course, it helped that Negan probably wanted to see if the people there had gotten him anymore stuff.  She always knew that the promise of goods excited him, even if he didn’t always show it.</p><p> </p><p>“Does your dad know where you are?” Lex asked, turning her attention to Carl.  She caught the curious look that Negan shot her but when he remained silent, she carried on, desperately wanting to talk to the kid to find out more about how he had ended up where he did.</p><p> </p><p>“No.” Carl answered with a shake of his head.</p><p> </p><p>“I guess that’s typical teenage rebellion, right?” She tried to tease but her tone was more pathetic than anything.  “When I was your age, I used to lie to Shane and then wind up getting in more trouble than I could imagine.  He always bailed me out though, always looked after me.”</p><p> </p><p>“I didn’t lie to my dad.” Carl countered and she uncrossed her arms, raising her hands up in surrender, almost regretting bringing up the past.  “And I don’t need to be looked after.”</p><p> </p><p>“All I’m saying here is that you’re just like every other teenager.”</p><p> </p><p>“Except for all the fucking shit going on in the fucking world.” Negan threw out and Lex cocked her head sideways, wondering why she had never really thought much about him <em>before</em> the world went to shit.</p><p> </p><p>Negan had also been a teenager once, right?  Of course he had, just like all the other people still alive out in the world.  So what sort of things did he do when he was younger, what sort of trouble did he get into?</p><p> </p><p>Was he a jock, a nerd, or somewhere in between?  Did he have a lot of friends or none at all?  Was he always like he was now or had he once been a nice, gentle human being?</p><p> </p><p>It was easy to see where she’d forget that fact, everyone had once been a teenager, or even ignore the idea that everyone had stories from when they were children.  People changed, everyone was different than the person they were before, Lex was no exception.  The world, the way it was now, changed people, it molded people, it made them either face things they never would’ve dreamed of or it would break them down and eat them alive.</p><p> </p><p>“You ever learn how to drive?” Lex questioned and gave Carl a nudge with her elbow.  He turned his head towards her and studied her face, probably trying to get a read on her.  “You’re old enough, aren’t you?  Hey, even if you’re not, it’s not like there are cops out there patrolling the roads, right?  So, did you ever learn?”</p><p> </p><p>She knew how it must look to him.  She was with the enemy, she was <em>sleeping</em> with the enemy, but that didn’t mean she was out to get him.  Carl could trust her not to hurt him, unless of course he tried to hurt her first- then everything was fair game.  Carl was practically family to her, she had known him when he was an innocent little child.</p><p> </p><p>“Nope.”</p><p> </p><p>“Too bad.” Lex remarked casually.  “I remember when I first turned sixteen, my parents were out of town and it was just me and Shane and he took me to get my permit on the day of my birthday-”</p><p> </p><p>“Can we <em>not</em> talk about Shane?” Carl cut in.</p><p> </p><p>“I fucking think Lex here is entitled to talk about whatever the fuck she wants.” Negan supplied but Lex could sense that there was more to Carl’s ‘request’ than he was letting on.  “From what I understand, he’s her fucking brother.”</p><p> </p><p>“Was.” Lex mumbled.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Was</em> her fucking brother.” Negan supplied with a frustrated sigh, but when he peered over at Lex, he took note that she was looking at Carl, and <em>only</em> Carl, apparently searching for something, <em>anything</em>, to give her an idea as to what had happened to Shane before he had died, or rather, murdered.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you know what happened to him exactly?” Lex pressed.  “You’re dad said that he turned on him-”</p><p> </p><p>“I put him down.” Carl ground the words out and Lex tilted her head sideways.  Carl, little, almost innocent Carl, who was still very much a kid, had put her brother down?  But Shane was three times the size of him, how did a <em>kid</em> wind up putting her brother to rest?</p><p> </p><p>“What?”</p><p> </p><p>“I put him down.  My dad was the one that killed him, but when he turned into one of those…those <em>things</em>, I put him out of his misery.” Carl explained, a tone of finality lacing his words.  Okay, so it was obvious that he didn’t want to talk about it, but Lex was a Walsh through and through.  So what if Carl was a little uncomfortable, she was going to get to the bottom of this, whether he liked it or not.</p><p> </p><p>She stared at him, wondering how old he would’ve been when this all happened.  She knew that Lori had died shortly after Judith was born and that Shane had died before that, so it had been a year or two at least, right?  Did that mean that Carl was just a little kid, maybe even still shrouded in innocence?  Or had he been grown enough to know what he was doing?</p><p> </p><p>Lex lifted her hand up and ran it through her hair, trying to compose her thoughts.  She was sitting in a confined truck cab with Carl, to her it seemed like the perfect time to seek out answers, plus Negan was right there, surely he’d make sure Carl did was he was told.</p><p> </p><p>“You guys…you let him…you let him turn…” Lex trailed off and pictured her brother just like the rest of the undead. Shane, her dear Shane, had been left dead long enough to become one of the walkers, one of the gnarled, mindless, flesh starved walkers.  “Oh my god.”</p><p> </p><p>“He turned real quick.” Carl threw in.  “It’s not like there was a lot of time between my dad killing him and…well…you get the idea.”</p><p> </p><p>“Where…” Lex trailed off and swallowed the lump forming in her throat.  She wasn’t sure how much more of this conversation she could take, but part of her needed to know.  She wanted to know what had happened to Shane, she was desperate to find things out, but hearing Carl speak to her without much emotion was breaking her heart.</p><p> </p><p>“Where is the fucker?” Negan piped up.  “You fucking bury him at least?  Or burn him?”</p><p> </p><p>“No.” Carl shook his head slowly.  “The gunshot that killed him attracted a massive herd.  We nearly died ourselves trying to get away.”</p><p> </p><p>“So where the fuck is he?” Negan asked again, catching the sad look in Lex’s eyes.  He could be totally heartless sometimes, but she knew that he had his moments too.  He wasn’t <em>all</em> bad, <em>all </em>the time.</p><p> </p><p>“We left him, in a field, by the Greene farm.”</p><p> </p><p>“And how the fuck did you end up on a farm kid?  Was it a nice fucking farm?  With animals and manure, and all that fucking shit?”</p><p> </p><p>“There were horses…and we all started out at a quarry just off the highway outside of Atlanta.  I was with my mom and Shane, and a few other people.  We saw the bombs being dropped on the city, but then things started to get really bad.  We took off for the CDC, didn’t really find- well there wasn’t much left of it, so while we were on the highway, I went out with my dad and, uh, and Shane.  There was a deer…”</p><p> </p><p>“A fucking deer.  Please fucking tell me that you fucking devoured it.” Negan spoke again and Lex sucked in a breath, finally managing to pull herself together enough to join the conversation yet again.  Carl had mentioned Shane, he was going to say something about her brother, and she wanted to hear every word that he had to say.</p><p> </p><p>“No.” Carl shook his head.  “I got shot though, there was another man hunting the deer and he was the one that shot me, by accident.  He took us back to his farm where we stayed until Shane died.  Lots of things happened at the farm that I don’t really want to talk about, Shane even taught everyone there how to shoot, but then we got overrun by a herd.  We hit the road for a while after that, ended up living in an old prison.”</p><p> </p><p>“Sounds like a fucking genius place to live to me.”</p><p> </p><p>“It does.” Lex agreed in a soft voice.  “So how come you’re not still there?”</p><p> </p><p>“We ran into some bad people who wanted to take it from us, it got destroyed by a tank and we lost a lot of people, but I fled with my dad.  We were back on the road for a while, ran into this really bad group but my dad, he…he ripped the one guy’s throat out.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh god.” Lex mumbled.  “That sounds gross.”</p><p> </p><p>“With his teeth.” Carl added quickly.</p><p> </p><p>Lex felt her stomach knot and she tried not to let the mental picture take over her mind.  Instead, she let her eyes fall shut and thought of Shane.  Yes, Shane always made her smile, he generally tended to remind her that she was strong, smart and independent.  She could take care of herself, she could make it in this world, even if he hadn’t managed to.</p><p> </p><p>She was a Walsh, she was going to give it her all.</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe I underestimated the fuck out of your dad.” Negan gave Carl an approving nod.  “But tell me, he’s not that fucking guy anymore, is he?  Have the walls made him fucking soft?”</p><p> </p><p>“Where did you end up after that?” Lex asked, ignoring Negan’s words.  She just wanted to know more about Carl’s journey to Alexandria.  How he ended up where he did, and what other evils were out there in the world.  “Were there more places between then and now?”</p><p> </p><p>“Terminus.” Carl bowed his head.  “We spent a lot of time locked away in a shipping container there.  We managed to escape though, but those people came looking for us, they ate…”</p><p> </p><p>Carl trailed off and Lex set a comforting hand on his shoulder, “it’s okay, you can tell me.”</p><p> </p><p>“They ate Bob’s leg.” Carl finished, Lex’s eyes widening in pure and utter shock.</p><p> </p><p>Terminus…the people from Terminus <em>ate</em> someone’s leg?  Oh dear god, what the hell had the world come to?  What had some people resolved to?  Had these people from Terminus really felt that they were so desperate they would resort to eating other people?  How could they have done something like that, how could they have stomached it?  And if they ate only Bob’s leg, did that mean that they had killed him, or done it while he was still alive?</p><p> </p><p>What sort of monsters were out there?</p><p> </p><p>“Like, they were cannibals?” Lex asked and pressed a palm against her stomach, feeling it knotting even more.  She figured that if she was back to her usual self that things like this might not bother her as much as they did, but alas, she wasn’t up to full strength and she was still thinking about the fact that it was very possible she could still be pregnant, meaning her stomach was going to be a lot more sensitive than she was used to.  “People eating people?”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re either the butcher or the cow.” Carl said vacantly, Lex looking past him to lock her eyes on Negan, who was staring right back at her with an unreadable expression on his face.  “That was their motto.”</p><p> </p><p>“Fucking sick.” Lex mumbled and shook her head.  “That’s…”</p><p> </p><p>“A whole other fucking level of evil.” Negan supplied.  “I may be a lot of bad fucking things but I am not, and never fucking will be, a cannibal.”</p><p> </p><p>“You still deserve to die.” Carl muttered and looked down at his feet.  “There was some time on the road after that, we had a brief run in with some people who made camp in Grady Memorial but the next place we ended up was Alexandria.”</p><p> </p><p>“Wow.” Lex let out a low whistle.  “I’m sort of sorry I asked.  God, did you really run into people who <em>ate</em> other people?  Did you ever <em>eat</em> a human being?”</p><p> </p><p>“No.”</p><p> </p><p>Lex fell silent and considered where she could’ve ended up.  She had considered herself rather lucky, it hadn’t been all that long after she had killed her boyfriend that she had wound up with Negan, but there had been a few hairy situations before that.  Her boyfriend turning on her, Lex having to kill him in order to save her own life, hell, even mourning her dog had taken its toll on her.</p><p> </p><p>She had been fortunate though, she hadn’t crossed paths with cannibals, or any massive walker herds.  Even her time on the road, alone, had been nice after the hell that she had been through with her boyfriend.  She had found herself missing her dog more than human companionship, but when she stumbled upon Negan, when she had become a part of the Saviors, everything seemed to fall into place.</p><p> </p><p>She was right where she belonged, at least that’s how she felt to start with.  Lately she wasn’t so sure, but where else was she supposed to go?  Being back on the road, <em>alone</em>, had zero appeal to her, and as much as she didn’t like the Sanctuary some days, it was a safe place.  There was a roof over her head, food in her belly, and Negan, who was decent company, for the most part.</p><p> </p><p>“Who got your fucking eye?” Negan asked.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, uh…just this…he was another kid in Alexandria.”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Was</em>?” Lex pressed.  “What happened to him?”</p><p> </p><p>“He’s dead.  A lot of people died that night.  We’ve been attacked before-”</p><p> </p><p>“I never fucking attacked you.” Negan scoffed.  “I own you now, just like I own Lex, just like I own everything else.”</p><p> </p><p>Lex met his eyes and glared at him, wondering what was on his mind.  Had he known there were people out there like Carl had encountered, did Negan know of the sheer evil that lurked outside the walls?  Had he ever considered killing people to eat?</p><p> </p><p>She drummed her fingers against her stomach and tried not to let the nauseous feeling take total control.  She knew that she would never resort to cannibalism but apparently there had been a group out there that had.  What would’ve happened had she walked in on them instead of winding up with Negan?  Would she have been eaten, or would she have done what she needed to do in order to survive?</p><p> </p><p>“I was looking for Shane.” Lex confessed, her voice barely louder than a whisper.  “I was heading for Atlanta at the start.”</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck Lex, imagine if you had fucking made it there, you could’ve been living a fucking life of luxury in Alexandria right now.” Negan grinned.  “Either that or you could’ve been some fucking cannibal’s dinner.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah.” She murmured and let out a soft sigh.  If she had made it to Atlanta, she could’ve laid eyes on her brother, she could’ve seen him again, she might’ve been able to keep him alive, but most importantly, she might’ve gotten to say goodbye.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. Chapter 23</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The last time she had been here, to Alexandria, she had been on her own.  She had snuck out, she had stolen a truck <em>and</em> Lucille, and headed out on her own to talk to Rick, to get answers that she so desperately craved.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She had needed to find out about Shane, she needed to know what Rick knew about her brother, and she hadn’t been disappointed with the plethora of facts that he had told her about.  Shane was gone, Shane hadn’t made it this far, he had killed Shane after her had- well the best term that Lex could come up with in her head was ‘gone rabid’.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She knew how her brother could be, she had witnessed his temper and his anger on more than one occasion, although it was rarely directed at her.  Shane was a hot head, he was hard to deal with when he got his mind set on something, but that didn’t mean she believed he had gotten what he deserved.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Yet at the same time, it wasn’t like she hated Rick, even if part of her was starting to think that she should.  She wasn’t there, she didn’t know what had happened, and Rick had seemed genuinely sincere with his words, so that had to mean that he felt bad about it.  Hell, maybe Shane hadn’t really given him much of a choice, maybe Rick would’ve been the one to die if Shane had lived, maybe <em>more</em> people wouldn’t have made it if he hadn’t stepped up and done what he thought was necessary.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“This place is fucking…Lex, what’s the god damn word I’m looking for?” Negan spoke up, breaking the comfortable silence that had fallen over then all inside the cab of the truck.  She straightened up and watched as the gates of Alexandria were slowly pulled open, allowing Negan’s small convoy to enter.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Amazing…beautiful…” She suggested with an awkward shrug and turned her head to face him.  “Nostalgic even.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“A fucking reminder of the way things fucking were.” Negan gave her an approving nod and she sucked in a breath.  This place was sort of weird, and Negan had hit the nail on the head as to why.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was too similar to the old world, too close to the way things <em>had</em> been before shit hit the fan.  It was a little slice of the past mixed in with the new world, and Lex wasn’t sure she was totally comfortable with that fact.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It didn’t seem right to her, the people here got to live in luxury and spend their days in an almost normal sort of pattern.  They had houses of their own, they had a community that they had built, and if Negan hadn’t managed to stumble upon it, who knows how long they would’ve lasted on their own.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She scooted forward and sat on the edge of her seat, peering at the houses from the front of the truck.  When it came to a stop just inside the gates, she waited patiently, watching as Negan climbed out, following by Carl.  She hesitated and gave the driver a rough pat on the shoulder before sliding out the passenger side and dropping her feet to the ground.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>This place was amazing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Alright kid, which one’s fucking home again?” Negan asked, reaching his free hand out to Lex.  He had Lucille propped on his shoulder and a smug smirk plastered on his face, but being here, being right by his side where she felt she belonged, seemed to settle her nerves.  Were things falling back into place?  Were things going back to the way they were for Lex?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Up there.” Carl answered and cautiously began walking, leading Negan and Lex up the road as they moved further and further from the gate.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lex peered back at her group and watched for a couple of seconds as Saviors clambered out of the trucks that they had brought with them.  Negan would never venture outside of his gates without a group, he surrounded himself with people, Lex included.  She silently vowed not to make him look weak like she had the last time she had been here with him, hell, even though she was feeling a lot better, she still didn’t trust herself.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Until she knew for sure that she was no longer pregnant, she wasn’t going to be taking any chances, so steering clear of any overabundance of gore or blood would be ideal for her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She just hoped that it would be easier said than done.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why did you bring him home?” Lex asked in a hushed tone, leaning closer to Negan who didn’t even miss a step at her question.  He turned his head to steal a look at her and a smile spread over his face.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What the fuck else was I supposed to do with him?” Negan countered, as if that was all the response she needed.  She opened her mouth to press him further but decided against it and shut her mouth.  She remained silent as she followed Carl up towards Rick’s house, Negan taking the lead when they hit the bottom of the porch stairs.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He bounded up them casually and lifted Lucille off his shoulder, using the barrel to knock on the bright, sunshiny yellow front door.  Lex hadn’t really paid much attention to the colour of the door the last time she had been here, but it didn’t really matter, did it?  It wasn’t like she figured she’d be making a habit out of visiting Rick in his own home.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When a woman on the heavier side opened the door, Lex cocked her head sideways but Carl reached a hand out, nudging her on the arm.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That’s Olivia.” He murmured and Negan didn’t bother to wait any longer before brushing right by her, waltzing into the house while whistling.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hi.” Lex lifted her hand up and waved awkwardly at the woman before following Negan’s lead and wandering into the house, hesitating just inside the door to wait for Carl.  She looked over her shoulder and watched Olivia leaning into Carl.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Carl, where’s-” Olivia, in hushed tone</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Enid’s fine.” Carl shot back, not wanting to speak too loudly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Great, great, great, great, great, great!” Negan repeated the word until he was standing at the edge of the kitchen.  Lex shook her head at him but followed his lead, coming to a stop a foot away from him.  She peered around the room and took it all in, reminding herself that she had been here once before, she had been here on her own, and if she was honest with herself, she had been a lot more comfortable that time, compared to her current situation.  “Where’s Rick? “</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lex followed Negan’s gaze to Olivia and it wasn’t hard to see that the woman was rather intimidated by his mere presence.  What had happened to her before?  What had Negan done the last time he was here to cause her so must unease?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Thinking more about it, Lex shrugged it off.  Negan was an intimidating man, maybe he didn’t actually <em>do</em> anything to this woman, maybe Olivia was just afraid of things outside of the walls.  She looked like one of the people that was comfortable living her life within the safety of a protected community, hell, if she had been lucky, maybe Olivia had found herself pretty much covered from the start.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Uh, I- I’m just-”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Don’t fucking care.” Negan drawled the words out, completely ignoring the stammering of the woman in front of him.  “Where’s Rick?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Um, out scavenging for you.” Olivia answered.  Lex could see it in her eyes, this woman was terrified of Negan.  No, no he definitely had to have done something to her, right?  But…<em>what</em> had he done to her the last time they had been around?  Had he threatened her, hurt her?  Had he said something to her that had instilled fear deep within her body?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Cool.” Negan breathed the word out with an effortlessly air.  “I’ll wait.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Um….he went out pretty far.  They might not be back today.” Olivia continued to speak and Lex meandered over into the kitchen a little further.  She was interested to see what was inside the drawers, cupboards and fridge, but she knew better than to start snooping when her boss was in the same room.  Plus Negan was currently working over the nice woman named Olivia, she certainly wasn’t going to distract him from <em>that</em>.  “We’re running really low on everything, we’re practically starving here.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Starving?  You?” Negan pointed his finger at Olivia.  Sure the poor woman, by the world’s standards, was a little overweight, but that didn’t mean she didn’t feel hunger pains just like everyone else, right?  Lex winced as Olivia flinched, but she didn’t interfere, no, she was currently in Negan’s good books, she wasn’t going to do anything to change that.  “By ‘<em>practically’,</em> you mean ‘<em>not really</em>’.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Negan let out a chuckle and turned around, his eyes landing on Lex, as Olivia began to cry.  Her sobs sounded out in the house but Lex wasn’t about to get into this with him, no, she was going to leave him to handle this all on his own.  He had gotten himself into it, he could damn well get himself out.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Don’t look at me.” She muttered and leaned her hip against the nearby counter.  He then turned to face Carl, who merely kept his mouth shut.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Really?  You people seriously don’t have a sense of humour.” Negan remarked with a shake of his head.  Lex fought off the urge to scoff at him and dropped her eyes down to her feet.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The world wasn’t really a place for humour, Lex could easily see that, and poor Olivia wasn’t used to Negan’s less-than-stellar banter.  Sucking in a breath, Lex took a step forward but Negan was already focused on something- well someone- else.  He was moving towards Carl, trying to decipher what the boy’s expression was conveying.  When Negan was within the kid’s reach, he let out a sigh and lifted his free hand up, running it over his face.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Dick move.” Lex mumbled and crossed her arms over her chest, watching with a sly smile as Negan sauntered back over to Olivia, who was still crying loudly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Excuse me, what’s your fucking name again?” Negan questioned.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Olivia.”  The poor woman managed to get out without sounding <em>too</em> upset.  She was still crying but Lex could tell that she wasn’t going to take Negan’s shit anymore.  He had pushed her too far.  Well, good for her. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Negan’s hand gently cupped the woman’s elbow and he managed to get her to turn around, his voice calm, cool and almost laced with forgiveness.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Right.  Olivia.  I am fucking sorry for having been so rude to you just now, and it looks like I’m going to be here for a while, awaiting your fearless leader’s fucking return, and if you’d like I think it would be enjoyable to screw your brains out.” And just like that, his menacing grin was right back on his face.  Lex let out a soft growl but he carried on speaking.  “I mean, if, you know, you’re agreeable to it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Before Lex could say a damn word, Olivia wound up and slapped Negan on the cheek so hard that she heard it from her spot a good ten feet away.  Had Olivia really just done that, had she done what so many people in the world had wanted to do to the man in front of her?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Fighting off the desire to giggle, Lex pressed her lips together and shook her head in amusement.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I am about fifty percent more into you now.” Negan countered, Lex scowling at him.  God, he was such a jerk, she was standing right there, more than willing to help him pass the time, and he was going to play with Olivia like she was a mouse and he was a preying cat.  “Just saying.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Come on.” Lex let out a groan and made a move to get closer to him, but Negan shot her a glare over his shoulder, causing her to freeze in her tracks.  “Seriously, I’m right here.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“All right, well, I’m just going to put my fucking feet up and wait for my stuff to get here, care to join me Lex?” Negan kept his eyes trained on her even as he addressed the woman he had just bullied.  “Olivia would you be a lamb and make us a little lemonade?  Now, I know I left you all some of that good powdered stuff.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, I’m supposed to be with-”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Make it.” Negan cut her off and rounded on his heels, taking a few steps closer to her.  “Fucking make it, take your time.  Make it good.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Olivia brushed past him and shot a look at Lex, but she merely shrugged at the woman as if to say ‘what can you do’.  When Olivia pulled the door open and disappeared outside, the door shutting loudly behind her, Lex turned her attention to Carl, as did Negan.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Are we really going to wait?” Lex pressed.  “I mean, what if she’s right, what if Rick doesn’t come back today?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Then we fucking bunk here for the night.” Negan replied, holding her gaze for a few seconds before turning to face Carl.  “All right, kid!  Take me on the grand fucking tour.”</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. Chapter 24</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Lex bounded off the front steps, taking off on her own for a little while.  She wasn’t entirely sure how she felt about Negan being led around the house by Carl, but she did know that she needed to get out of there, she needed to get out into the fresh air and remind herself that this wasn’t a place where she would ever be.  It belonged to Rick, and in turn, Negan, but he wasn’t the type of person who took over other people’s homes.</p><p> </p><p>He was the type of person who made them work for him and threatened to kill them if they didn’t.</p><p> </p><p>This was somewhere she could see herself living, this was some place where she could see a future.  It wasn’t going to be like that though, she couldn’t leave the Sanctuary, she couldn’t leave Negan, not without severe consequences, plus they were just starting to really get along, weren’t they?</p><p> </p><p>Her and Negan…they were good, they were communicating, they were- well Lex wanted to think that they were progressing but nonetheless, he still had his wives, he’d probably always have his wives.  So what did that mean for her?  Would she get her happily ever after with him, would she be able to convince him that she was all he needed?</p><p> </p><p>The more she thought about it, the more she found herself wondering if that was even something she really wanted?</p><p> </p><p>Letting out a growl, she continued to march through the streets of Alexandria, searching for the one woman that she knew would help her out; Olivia.  Olivia was afraid of Negan, she’d do anything that he wanted her to do, and Lex prayed that meant she’d do anything that any of the Saviors asked of her too.  The poor woman was already on edge, but there was something Lex needed to do, something she needed to <em>know</em> before it was too late.</p><p> </p><p>With her head up and her eyes open, she looked around the streets for Olivia, hoping she could find her without having to start knocking on doors.  She didn’t know where she had disappeared to but it was most likely to anywhere that didn’t contain Negan. </p><p> </p><p>Rounding the corner of the one driveway, she caught sight of a motion in the window.  When the person inside the house stopped, Lex took a good look at them through the pane of glass and fought off the urge to smile, how she had managed to stumble upon the very person she was looking for in a place as huge as this amazed her.</p><p> </p><p>Without thinking about it for another second, Lex surged towards the front door and up the front steps, not even bothering to knock before waltzing right in and catching Olivia completely off guard.  The woman stood frozen in the house, staring at Lex with a fear-filled expression on her face.</p><p> </p><p>“I need you to show me where you keep whatever’s left of your medical supplies.” Lex instructed, Olivia nodding her head once before taking a step forward, hesitating and then continuing on her way.  She expected more of an argument from the woman who had been pushed around and bullied but maybe she was done fighting, maybe she was tired of going against the Saviors.</p><p> </p><p>Olivia led Lex back out the front door and down the steps.  Lex followed behind her closely, every so often stealing a glance around the place and giving the people living here credit; Alexandria was definitely a really, <em>really</em> nice place.  Passing by numerous houses and a few people walking around the streets, Lex couldn’t help but picture herself here.</p><p> </p><p>She already knew Rick, she had met Judith- would it be that farfetched of an idea to make herself comfortable within the walls of Alexandria?</p><p> </p><p>Right, well, she worked for Negan, she stayed with Negan, she <em>slept</em> with Negan.  The simple answer; yes, it was an incredibly farfetched idea for her to want to make herself at home here.</p><p> </p><p>“M-may I ask what exactly you’re looking for?” Olivia fumbled over her words and glanced at Lex over her shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>“Why?” Lex shot back, not wanting the woman to know what she was after.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, if- if I knew what you were looking for, then I- I could tell you if we have it or not.” Olivia offered.  Lex took her bottom lip in between her teeth but shook her head no. </p><p> </p><p>No, she wasn’t going to tell Olivia what she was looking for, she wasn’t even going to hint at what it was she needed.  She was merely going to get into their medical supplies and search through until she found what she was looking for.</p><p> </p><p>“Just keep walking.” Lex instructed, Olivia nodding her head in understanding.</p><p> </p><p>After a few more minutes of moving, Olivia finally stopped in the driveway of a house not all <em>that</em> far away from Rick’s place.  Hell, Lex could still see the front porch of the house she had been in recently, which meant that she could easily find her way back to Negan.  She didn’t need Olivia any more, she could dismiss her and look for the pregnancy test in private.</p><p> </p><p>“This is it.” Olivia said while pointing to the front door of the house.  Lex nodded her understanding and brought her arms up, crossing them over her chest.  “I’ll just…”</p><p> </p><p>“You can go.” Lex said softly and waited, watching as Olivia scurried away, moving quickly back towards the house where Lex had found her.</p><p> </p><p>When she was out of sight, Lex turned her attention towards the house she was standing in front of and tipped her head sideways.  Would they even have what she was looking for?  Would the Saviors have taken any pregnancy tests that they had the last time they were here?</p><p> </p><p>Without wondering any longer, Lex dropped her hands down to her sides and moseyed on up to the front door, grabbing the knob and sucking in a deep breath before turning it.  When the door opened easily, she stepped inside and looked around at their little doctor’s office set up.  It wasn’t much but it was definitely better than what she was expecting, so did this mean that they had <em>had </em>a doctor at one point, a real live doctor, like Carson?</p><p> </p><p>Shaking her head, she pushed the thought to the back of her mind and began searching through the shelves.  She didn’t find much at all but then again, it had all been picked over by them days before.  Lex couldn’t help but feel a little bit of sympathy for these people; they had walls, they had decent places to live and they <em>had </em>been living life pretty good, at least until the Saviors had come along.</p><p> </p><p>Would they have continued to thrive if Negan hadn’t interfered?</p><p> </p><p>Lex sucked in a breath and moved on to the next shelf, picking her way through what was left.  She kept looking, flipping through each and every item and when her eyes landed on the very thing she was looking for, she let out a little yip of excitement.  Thank the heavens above!</p><p> </p><p>She nabbed it and shoved it into the pocket of her jacket before turning around to look around the room.  She spotted a couple of closed doors and headed for the first one, pushing it open and smiling at having found the bathroom.</p><p> </p><p>She shut the door behind her as she ventured inside and hoped that things wouldn’t be as bad as she believed, she just needed to <em>know</em> if she had really lost the baby.  She could recall some of the fight and while Rosita had beaten her pretty good, she couldn’t remember any one particular blow to her midsection that would cause enough trauma to end her baby’s life.</p><p> </p><p>So was it possible for her to <em>still</em> be pregnant?</p><p> </p><p>Walking out of the bathroom, with the pregnancy test in her hand, Lex held her breath.  She wasn’t sure what she was hoping for.  On one hand, she hadn’t wanted to be pregnant since the very second she had even found out, but on the other hand, things had changed.  Her dynamic within the Saviors had shifted and even Negan had admitted that he liked her.</p><p> </p><p>Plus seeing Judith, seeing her almost thrive within the world, made her wonder if she could handle a child of her own.  She had walls, she had a safe place to live and she had access to all sorts of food and necessities, plus a child with Negan would bind her to him, for a long,<em> long</em> time to come.</p><p> </p><p>When the little plus sign appeared on the side of the stick, Lex blew out a sigh and felt her entire body relaxing.  She <em>knew</em> now for sure, she found out that Carson had been wrong.  She was still pregnant, she was <em>still</em> going to have a baby.</p><p> </p><p>She just needed to talk to Negan, she needed to find out where he sat on the issue.</p><p> </p><p>Tossing the pregnancy test into the small garbage just inside the bathroom, she strode across the room and walked right back out into the open air.  She peered up at the sky and felt the sun warm her cheeks, all the while she wandered back towards Rick’s house, back to where she had left Negan and Carl.</p><p> </p><p>She opened the front door and stepped inside, listening for any sounds to indicate where they were.  She could hear them upstairs and Lex took off in a jog, taking the steps two at a time and coming to a stop at the top of them, listening yet again to pinpoint their location.  Negan’s voice sounded light, almost like he was having fun, which only spurred Lex on more.  She moved forward, peering into the rooms on either side of the hallway and finally locating the very men in question in the second one she peeked into.</p><p> </p><p>“Where the fuck did <em>you</em> disappear to?” Negan turned his head over his shoulder and leveled her with a look, but she could tell by the small smirk on his face, that he was more curious than anything.</p><p> </p><p>“Nowhere.” She shrugged and crossed over the threshold, moving to stand behind him.  She took note that he had a few darts grasped in his hand and when she looked straight ahead, she fought off a chuckle at the sight of a dartboard mounted to the wall.  “I see you’ve found something to help pass the time.”</p><p> </p><p>“You fucking play?” Negan countered and Lex shook her head no.  She had never really been all that found of darts when she was younger, and even Shane, who had frequented the bars when he was of age, hadn’t ever found himself interested in it, instead, he chose to go after women.  “Come here.”</p><p> </p><p>Lex stepped in front of him and he handed her the darts, Lex taking them in her own hand after a few seconds of hesitation.  As soon as Negan’s hands were free, they went right to her hips, his fingers pressing lightly into her flesh while he pressed a sultry kiss on the side of her neck, directly over her scar.</p><p> </p><p>“I…I need to talk to you.” Lex murmured, but straightened up when his one arm snaked around her waist, pulling her back tight against his chest.  “It’s important.”</p><p> </p><p>“It can fucking wait.” He breathed the words out and twisted her hips slightly, positioning her so that she was in a proper dart throwing stance.  Once he seemed to be happy with how she was standing, he trailed his palm along her arm, lifting her hand up and readying her to throw.</p><p> </p><p>Before he could go any further, Lex daringly took a step forward and moved away from him, setting her sights on Carl, who had been watching the whole exchange in complete silence.  Negan growled at her but all she did was hand him back the darts as she wandered over to lean against the doorframe.</p><p> </p><p>No one said a word as he took his time aiming and throwing each dart, hitting the board with ease.  She wasn’t ready to play his game, she wasn’t willing to help Negan put on a show in front of Carl, even though she had been enjoying the feel of his arm around her.  She had important things to talk about with him, she had something huge to tell him, playing darts was far from her mind.</p><p> </p><p>Once all of the darts were stuck into the board, Negan turned on his feet and met her eyes, but Lex dropped her gaze down to the ground.  He let out a rough chuckle but didn’t say anything to her; instead he opted to instruct Carl.</p><p> </p><p>“Let’s carry on with this fucking grand tour shall we?”</p><p> </p><p>Lex fell in step behind Negan as Carl led the way out of the room, the three of them moving further and further down the hall.  Had he met Judith while she had been gone?</p><p> </p><p>Lex highly doubted it, if she was in Carl’s shoes, she would’ve kept Negan as far away from little defenseless Judith as possible.  Sure she didn’t <em>think</em> he’d hurt a baby, but she knew Negan and she was well aware that he was capable of <em>anything</em>.</p><p> </p><p>“How about this one?” At the sound of Negan’s voice, Lex shook her head and tried to keep herself focused on what was happening right in front of her.  Judith was technically her niece and she’d like to think that she’d step in if she felt Negan was going to harm her, but at the same time, she knew that Negan didn’t like being defied.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, it-it’s just a water heater.” Carl replied but Lex could tell by his tone that he was anxious about this particular closed door.  Something valuable was behind it and Lex had a feeling that maybe tiny little Judith was tucked away inside.</p><p> </p><p>She held her breath, watching as Negan straightened up, looking at Carl with a challenging look.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you fucking serious, kid?  Come on.” Before Carl had a chance to respond, Negan opened the door, revealing the very scenario that Lex had on her mind.  Judith was there, she was standing in a crib, her tiny little hands wrapped around the top bar and a tired look on her face, all the while she had a stuffed animal clutched in her hands.</p><p> </p><p>“Negan-”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh-ho, my.”  Negan took a step into the room, pausing only to look back at Lex before carrying on over to the crib.  Part of her wanted to rush forward and pluck her niece out of the crib before Negan had a chance to get near her, but she was frozen, her feet remained unmoving, reduced to watching as he reached down and grabbed the tot under her armpits.  “Look at this little angel.”</p><p> </p><p>“What are you going to do to her?” Lex asked, shocked to hear her own voice posing the question.  She stole a quick glance at Carl, who was watching her with wide eyes, before looking right back to Negan cradling the little girl against his chest.</p><p> </p><p>She hoped that he wouldn’t hurt her and when a small smile spread out over his face, she didn’t know whether she felt relieved or more afraid.</p><p> </p><p>“Nothing.” Negan answered simply and stepped towards Lex.  He stopped in front of her and Lex held her breath.  “Now come on Lex, come and sit down with me while we fucking wait for Rick to get back.”</p><p> </p><p>Negan brushed past her and Lex made a move to follow him but Carl reached out and wrapped a hand around her arm, causing her to remain exactly where she was standing.</p><p> </p><p>“He won’t hurt her.” Lex said softly, hoping that her words sounded as convincing as she wanted them to be.  “I won’t let him.”</p><p> </p><p>Carl dropped his hold on her and Lex dashed forward, catching up to Negan before he even had a chance to get to the stairs.  She followed him down to the main floor, she followed him as he stepped through the front door, she followed him as he wandered over to the chair on the front porch. </p><p> </p><p>“You going to fucking sit with us Lex?” Negan quipped and before she knew what was going on, he handed her over the baby.  Lex took baby Judith and hugged her against her chest, Negan making quick work of peeling off his leather jacket.  As soon as he had the garment draped across the back of the chair, Carl wandered out and took a seat in the second chair beside Negan’s.  “Nope kid, not just yet.  I need a fucking few minutes with Lex here.”</p><p> </p><p>Carl stood up real quick from the chair and hesitantly moved back towards the door.  Lex met his eyes and gave him the tiniest of nods, trying to convey to him that Judith was in safe hands, well, so long as she remained in Lex’s hold.</p><p> </p><p>Negan settled in to the chair and leaned against the back, tipping his head up to get a better look at Lex before grinning at her.  She sucked in a breath, held Judith tighter against her chest and took a step around him, but Negan extended his hand, setting it on her hip instead and causing her to freeze in her tracks.</p><p> </p><p>“You fucking sit right here.” He commanded and patted his thigh.  Lex gently lowered herself down to sit on his lap, peering down at Judith to make sure that she was still okay.  If Lex could just maintain her hold on the little girl, then she knew that Carl would feel all the better about Negan knowing about Judith’s existence.  He was ruthless when he needed to be and Lex figured that if he ever had to kill the little girl, he wouldn’t hesitate, not for a second.  “You said you had something fucking important you needed to talk to me about.”</p><p> </p><p>Lex pressed the end of her nose against the top of Judith’s head and inhaled the little girl’s scent, Negan banding his arm around her lower back as she did so.  Lex relaxed against his chest and savoured the feeling of the girl in her arms.  She loved the smell of her, would never tire of holding her in her arms, she just needed to make sure that Negan didn’t hurt her.</p><p> </p><p>“I…you wanted to know where I disappeared to earlier and I said nowhere…well that’s not entirely true.”</p><p> </p><p>“Where’d you fucking go Lex?” Negan narrowed his eyes in on her but she didn’t dare pull her attention away from Judith.</p><p> </p><p>“I went to pick through their medical supplies, I was looking for a pregnancy test.  I know you and Carson said that there was no more baby, but- look, I just needed to know for <em>sure</em>.” Lex explained and finally, <em>finally</em> brought her eyes up to meet his. </p><p> </p><p>“Did you fucking find what you were looking for?” Negan challenged her and she gave him one firm nod of her head.</p><p> </p><p>“I took it already too.” She confessed.  “I’m <em>still</em> pregnant.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well what the fuck did you do with those pills I fucking got for you?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’ve been thinking though,” she paused and settled in to his hold, resting her head against his shoulder.  “Maybe I want it.”</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe you…maybe you fucking want it?  What the fuck happened to the woman who had all sorts of fucking logical arguments against it?” He argued, but she didn’t hear the usual anger in his tone.  She wasn’t scared of him, not at that minute.  “Lex-”</p><p> </p><p>“I know, it’s stupid…” She let out a sigh of frustration.  “I just think maybe we could make it work, maybe we can do this.”</p><p> </p><p>“Fucking- what the fuck do you mean by ‘do this’?”</p><p> </p><p>“Be a family.” She murmured, grasping Judith and hugging her in a comforting gesture.</p><p> </p><p>The baby in her arms seemed to be dozing off as Lex held her, hell, even Lex herself was starting to feel like shutting her eyes and taking a nap.  Negan though, he had other plans.  He gently pried Judith from Lex’s arms and raised one hand into the air, motioning for Carl to join them on the porch.</p><p> </p><p>The kid reluctantly walked back out to join them, dropping down to sit in the chair beside them, the very chair that he had tried to occupy earlier.  Lex didn’t look his way though, she just kept herself curled up in Negan’s hold, her mind drifting to all sorts of things that <em>could</em> be.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, this little girl is precious.” Negan hummed, directing his words at Carl.  Lex hoped that maybe he’d accept that she was pregnant, maybe he’d end up wanting it too.  Maybe they could have a little girl of their own.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t hurt her.” Lex whispered, bringing her hand up and resting her palm against the centre of Negan’s chest.</p><p> </p><p>He cocked his head sideways and looked out over the railing of the porch, watching as one of the residents walked by in front of the house.  Letting out a chuckle, he called out to them.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, neighbor!  Why don’t you come by later?  We might grill out.” Negan let out another laugh and Lex found herself liking this position.  She was sitting on his lap, his one arm around her back, while Judith was settled in nice and cozy against his chest.  “Oh, I like it here.  Mm-hmm, I might just have to fucking stay here.”</p><p> </p><p>Lex turned her head and met his eye, “really?”</p><p> </p><p>“You know, I was thinking about what you said earlier, Carl,” Negan carried on, ignoring her question.  Fair enough, she had been stupid to ask it.  Of course they weren’t really going to <em>stay</em> here.  “Maybe it is fucking stupid keeping you and your dad alive.  I mean, why am I fucking trying so hard?  Maybe I should just bury you both down in one of those fucking flower beds.  Huh?  And then I could just fucking settle into the suburbs, what do you think about that?”</p><p> </p><p>As much as Lex knew he was only playing with Carl, part of her thought it sounded like the best idea ever.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0025"><h2>25. Chapter 25</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The more she held on to little Judith, the more she was starting to feel like maybe this was something she really did want.  A baby was hard work, sure, but Lex lived in a place where she felt relatively safe, plus she could do it, she could do anything that she wanted to do.  Shane had always told her that she could be anything she wanted to be, all she had to do was work hard and get there.</p><p> </p><p>So why was this situation any different?</p><p> </p><p>Okay, for starters, it’s not like Negan seemed to be great father material, plus he had a whole slew of people to look after.  She didn’t expect him to give any of that up simply because they had been careless and now all of a sudden Lex found herself thinking about wanting a family.</p><p> </p><p>“You won’t hurt her…right?” Carl’s voice broke the silence that had fallen over them all since they had walked into the bathroom.  Negan was standing at the sink, his face covered in shaving cream and a straight blade razor in his hands.  Carl was sitting behind him, watching his every move while Lex had made herself comfortable on the counter, planting her butt just a foot or two away from Negan.  Judith was securely grasped in her hold, the child’s head residing against Lex’s shoulder while she rocked her gently in a soothing motion.</p><p> </p><p>“No.” Lex murmured in response and ran her hand up Judith’s back, relishing in the feeling of the little girl in her hold.  Lex smiled at Carl as she made a move to tease him, “not unless she guns for me first.”</p><p> </p><p>“If that fucking happens, hopefully you’ll be able to handle yourself better than the last time.” Negan broke in, reminding Lex of the last fight she had gotten into, the very fight that had caused her to wind up in the infirmary for days.  She most definitely wasn’t proud of the outcome but she knew that if she was ever faced with another fight, she’d be better prepared; she’d play dirty if she had to, but she wasn’t going to go down again and she certainly wasn’t going to let Rosita think she could take her out one more time.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ve got you here to back me up this time.” Lex pointed out.  “Maybe I could borrow Lucille.”</p><p> </p><p>Judith began to squirm in Lex’s hold but she didn’t let go of her, no, she merely held onto the little girl tighter, her mind drifting to Shane.</p><p> </p><p>This was his child, his baby girl, but he never even met her, nor would he ever get to see her.  What the hell kind of shitty world were they living in where she could hold her brother’s child while her brother spent the rest of eternity dead and missing out?  Shane should’ve been the one sitting with Judith, he should’ve been the one holding her and basking in the feeling of her in his arms, not Lex.</p><p> </p><p>But life wasn’t fair, and she hadn’t needed undead corpses walking around to tell her that.</p><p> </p><p>“I can take her.” Carl offered and made a move to get to his feet.  Negan turned his head around and glared at him, his grip on the straight razor tightening and Carl freezing in his tracks.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m fucking teaching you a valuable life skill, sit the fuck down.” Negan demanded and Lex fought off the urge to roll her eyes.  He was shaving his stupid face, it wasn’t a life skill, especially not now, plus it didn’t look to Lex like Carl would even have much of a problem with facial hair.</p><p> </p><p>“Can you use a straight razor on your legs?” Lex quipped, readjusting her hold on Judith, the little girl calming down as she did so.  “I mean-”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>That’s</em> what you ask?” Carl muttered and shook his head in disbelief as he settled back down into his seat.  Lex cocked her head at him and debated sticking her tongue out in his direction but she thought better of it, she was a grown ass woman, she didn’t need to resort to childish tactics to respond to Carl.</p><p> </p><p>“Leg hair is a serious issue.” Lex grumbled and gently leaned her head down, resting her chin gingerly against the top of Judith’s head.  She took in a deep inhale of the girl’s scent and let it sink in to her lungs, the smell of the child relaxing her the tiniest little bit. </p><p> </p><p>“Fuck.” Negan huffed.  “Can we fucking focus here, seriously, I’m trying to teach the kid how to shave.”</p><p> </p><p>“Is this another thing that you think Rick should be teaching him?” Lex narrowed her eyes in on the man but Negan didn’t miss a beat as he carried on shaving away his beard.  She rolled her eyes as far back as they would go and when Judith let out a soft giggle, Lex felt her heart swelling a little bit.  It reminded her of Shane, the little girl’s laugh reminded her of her brother.</p><p> </p><p>How unfair?</p><p> </p><p>“Against the fucking grain, kid.  Always against the grain.” Negan instructed and finished off what was left of the facial hair on his face.  Lex bent sideways and nabbed the towel off the counter, offering it to the man as he set the blade down.</p><p> </p><p>Lex peered over at Carl and watched as his eyes locked on the weapon.  What exactly was he thinking, surely he couldn’t be considering harming Negan in front of Judith, but then, it wasn’t like Judith would remember much, she was just a baby.</p><p> </p><p>“Wow.” Lex remarked, taking in the sight of his clean shaven face.  “You look twenty years younger.”</p><p> </p><p>“What a fucking difference a shave can make.” Negan chuckled and patted at his face, clearing off the remnants of the shaving cream.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m like fifty percent more attracted to you.” Lex teased, echoing his words from earlier, the words he had directed at Olivia the second she slapped him.  “Just saying.”</p><p> </p><p>“Fucking making things <em>hard</em> in here.” Negan stated and took a step closer to her.  Without saying a word, he took Judith out of her grasp and turned his back to Lex, offering the girl to Carl instead.  Carl took Judith without even a second of hesitation, but as soon as she was in his hold, he froze again.  “Get the fuck out of here, lesson’s fucking over.”</p><p> </p><p>Lex threw her head back and laughed as Carl brushed past them both, exiting the bathroom quickly.  She slid to the edge of the counter, her eyes locked on Negan as he moseyed on over to the bathroom door, shutting it softly and flipping the lock across.  When he looked back at her, she cocked her head sideways and grinned at him, hoping that this was going exactly where she thought it was going.</p><p> </p><p>“As much as I liked you <em>with</em> the beard…” She trailed off and let him come to a stand between her legs, “seriously, you look <em>years</em> younger.”</p><p> </p><p>He leaned forward, letting his hands come to rest on her hips.  Moving so that his chest was against hers, Negan closed the distance between their faces, his lips pressed against her neck and she didn’t object as he kissed her skin, sucking and nipping as he went.  She relaxed as his palms roamed over her back, his hands slipping under the hem of her t-shirt and forcing the garment upwards.  He stopped kissing her neck just long enough to peel her shirt off, his eyes widening in appreciation at the sight of her black lacy bra.</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck I love a woman in black.” Negan stated and ran his fingers along the cup of the bra, his nails brushing against her flesh and sending a shiver up her spine. </p><p> </p><p>“It’s a little tight, not exactly the right size but I can’t really complain.” She chuckled, reaching out to grip his wrist and keep his fingers near the top of her breast, where his nails continued to gently graze her skin. </p><p> </p><p>Negan pulled her forward on the counter, drawing her flush against his chest and she immediately let out a soft whimpering sound, which only spurred him on more.  He moved his hands away from the bra and made quick work of stripping out of his own shirt, giving her an encouraging nod to get rid of the rest of her clothes.  Lex shook her head with a big smile and pushed at the waist of her pants, forcing them downwards and trying to get them over her hips, pausing long enough to lift her hips up and slide the garment down over her ass.</p><p> </p><p>When she brought her eyes up, she couldn’t help but scoff at how quickly he had gotten his own pants down, the belt unbuckled and the material forced to the sides, well apparently he was more ready for her than even she had imagined.</p><p> </p><p>“Lex.” He whispered and she rolled her eyes before pushing her underwear down to join her pants, the very underwear that seemed to match the bra she was wearing.  “Seriously, have I ever told you that you’re so fucking sexy?”</p><p> </p><p>“No.” She countered with a shake of her head.  She pushed the underwear down further before running her one finger along the top of the cup of the bra.  “Say it again?”</p><p> </p><p>“Nope.” He shook his head with an arrogant grin.  “That was a one-time only fucking compliment, now, take your fucking bra off.”</p><p> </p><p>Lex reached her hands back and flipped the clips apart, the straps falling down her arms instantly.  She freed herself from it and dropped the bra to the floor next to his feet before setting her hands on her hips and staring at him, a challenging look on her face.</p><p> </p><p>“This good?”</p><p> </p><p>Negan jerked forward and his hands were on her, his fingers grasping at any exposed flesh that he could get to.  She let out a gasp at the roughness of his hands but quickly settled down, waiting for him to go further, to do <em>more</em> to her.  She knew what he was capable of when it came to sex, she knew how amazing her orgasms could be with him, and she was excited for it, she just wanted him inside her.</p><p> </p><p>Pushing at his chest with her hands, Negan relinquished his grasp on her.  Before he knew what she was doing, she had her hand gripping his wrist and her entire body moved forward to the edge of the counter, gripping him hard with her other hand as she pulled him closer and closer to her waiting folds.</p><p> </p><p>“You really want to do this right here?” She asked in a low, sultry tone. </p><p> </p><p>Negan stole a quick look around the bathroom and gave her an incessant nod.  Yes, this place was good, it was fine, it was just what he wanted.  There was a lock on the door, they had privacy and it wasn’t like they had to worry about prying eyes and ears.</p><p> </p><p>Straightening up, she turned her attention towards him and waved him forward still as she scooted back slightly on the counter, giving herself more support.  He hesitated for a split second but moved forward and joined her against the counter, immediately closing in on her and forcing her back even further so that her shoulders collided with the mirror behind her.</p><p> </p><p>He felt the need in her body and quickly encircled his arms around her waist, drawing her body against his and watching as she arched her back in an attempt to get closer to him.</p><p> </p><p>“I want you…” She trailed off and made a move to shift away from him, but he didn’t dare release the hold he had on her.  She succeeded in putting a few inches of space between their bodies but Negan simply moved his one hand up away from her back and rested it against the side of her breast.  His thumb moved over her nipple and he felt it harden under his touch. </p><p> </p><p>“Right fucking now, I want you too.”</p><p> </p><p>Her only response came in the form of her hand trailing downwards, her fingers wrapping around his length and giving it a gentle tug, eliciting a growl from him.  Negan brought his other hand up and thumbed her other nipple before leaning down and pressing his lips against hers.  She melted into the action and let go of him, gripping his wrists in order to keep his hands on her breasts, his motions not stopping as he deepened the kiss.</p><p> </p><p>Breaking the kiss, with much dismay, he looked down into her eyes and felt himself hardening at the sight of her bright, vibrant eyes looking back at him. </p><p> </p><p>“Fuck me.” She whimpered and her palm came to rest against the side of his neck, drawing him downwards.  “Please?”</p><p> </p><p>She didn’t have to ask him twice and without hesitating for another second, he leaned down and pressed a kiss against her shoulder, drawing out a soft moan and feeling her entire body relax against his.  Her nails bit in to the flesh of his neck and he groaned against her shoulder before releasing her.</p><p> </p><p>As soon as they parted from the kiss, he backed her up against the mirror again, hoisted her legs up around his hips and smirked at the look of desire in her eyes.  Lex wrapped her legs around his waist but paused, giving him enough time to line himself up with her entrance, and then she leaned into his chest as he drove himself into her.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re so wet.” Negan groaned and felt her heels dig into his backside.  “Already?”</p><p> </p><p>“Always.” She countered breathlessly. </p><p> </p><p>He readjusted his hold on her slightly, supporting her as best as he could.  Negan pulled almost all the way out of her before thrusting back in, listening as she bit back a moan, her eyes meeting his as she studied his face.</p><p> </p><p>“Again.” She forced the words out sharply and gripped his shoulders tightly, afraid that if she let go, too much space would get between their bodies, and she most certainly didn’t want that, not when it felt so good.  “Can you go harder?”</p><p> </p><p>He held her gaze and watched as she took her bottom lip in between her teeth in a nervous gesture.  He studied her features for a quick second and leaned forward, forcing his lips against hers as he drew out and pushed himself back in roughly, causing her to whimper at his movements.</p><p> </p><p>He took her request to heart but untangled his arms from around her, his hands lingering on her hips instead.  Pulling right out of her, he caught the lost look on her face and smirked, trying to reassure her without speaking that he wasn’t going to leave her hanging, not until she came with him inside of her.</p><p> </p><p>Her hand reached out and he grabbed it, tugging the rest of her body towards him.  She resisted before she could get too close to him but he moved forward and her palm came down hard against his chest, stopping the rest of her body from doing the same and colliding with him.  His hands grazed her sides and he worked away at her breasts, kneading them and massaging them as she let out moan after moan of content.</p><p> </p><p>“What part of harder didn’t you get?” She barked at him after a particularly obnoxious noise erupted from her throat but her words merely spurred him on.</p><p> </p><p>His fingers tangled in her hair and he tugged roughly so that her head was tilted backwards, then he leaned forward and grazed her shoulder with his teeth, the very one that he had kissed already.  She shuddered as she felt him lining up with her and when he finally pushed himself into her, she yelped in surprise.</p><p> </p><p>He was quick, he was rough, he was <em>hard</em>, and she held herself upright, reaching a hand back and pressing it against the mirror as he continued to use and abuse her body.  He tugged on her hair once more but she growled at him in response and turned her head to look right at him.  He released her locks abruptly but trailed his fingers down over her body and gripped her hip, his fingers biting into her skin, as he held her firmly in front of him.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you close?” He hissed and pressed an open mouthed kiss on her bare shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes!” She cried back to him and reached a hand out, her fingers running over the top of his head.</p><p> </p><p>He reared back and thrusted into her a few more times before he felt her tighten around him, more moans and whimpers echoing off the walls of the bathroom as she orgasmed and desperately tried to get her hands on more of him.  He leaned all of his weight against her but didn’t pull out, instead, he thrust inside of her one more time and felt his own orgasm taking over.</p><p> </p><p>She trembled against him and after a few long seconds, she let out a soft sigh and used her strength to push her body away from the mirror on the wall.  Negan reluctantly freed himself from her hold and stepped away from her but before he could get too far away, she latched her hand onto his wrist and held him in place, dropping her feet down to the ground.</p><p> </p><p>“Too quick?” She whimpered and stared up at him with her big brown eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe there’s some other fucking rooms here we could try out.” He countered and she cocked her head to the side in anticipation.  “Unless you want to go again right here?”</p><p> </p><p>“Hmm,” she considered his offer and closed the distance between them, moving up on to her tiptoes to press a kiss against the side of his mouth, “I like that idea.  I want both though.”</p><p> </p><p>“As long as you’re not as fucking quick this time.” Negan teased and finally she let go of him, letting him step back from her, taking in the sight of her gorgeously naked body.  “God damn, you’re almost too good to be fucking real sometimes.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m real.” She murmured, running her thumb along the side of his neck.  “And I want you, only you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ah fuck.” Negan groaned with a roll of his eyes.  “You haven’t fucking changed your mind about this whole fucking baby thing yet?”</p><p> </p><p>“No.” She shook her head.  “I think we can make it work, I think we can be a family.”</p><p> </p><p>“No fucking way.”</p><p> </p><p>“What if that’s something I want?” Lex pressed, her tone nearing a level of pleading she didn’t even know she was capable of.  “What if I want to be happy here, what if we <em>can</em> have a family of our own-”</p><p> </p><p>“We don’t fucking get that, we don’t get to be fucking happy, or have fucking families, we just…we fucking <em>survive</em>.” Negan countered, but she didn’t hear the typical snarl behind his words.  She pressed her lips together and bowed her head, looking down at her feet, unsure of what to say to him.  “We fucking survive.”</p><p> </p><p>“But I’m already pregnant-”</p><p> </p><p>“And I’m not going to fucking force you into anything, but I think you should seriously fucking consider the consequences.” Negan stated calmly.  “We don’t fucking belong here, we belong at the Sanctuary.”</p><p> </p><p>“You could leave me here.” Lex suggested but flinched as his eyes darkened. </p><p> </p><p>Okay, maybe she hadn’t thought it through.  She liked being with him too much, plus, she had enemies here.  She figured it wouldn’t matter to Rosita if she was pregnant or not, the scrappy little female would take out her aggression no matter what.</p><p> </p><p>In fact, at the thought of the fight with Rosita, Lex wondered if the woman would’ve actually <em>killed</em> her.  She hadn’t really considered it but what would’ve stopped her if Negan hadn’t come along?</p><p> </p><p>It wasn’t like Rick had done anything, nor anyone else for that matter.  They just all stood around and watched as Lex had her ass handed to her.  So why would she even think that staying in Alexandria without Negan’s protection was a good idea?  Hell, it wouldn’t be hard for Rosita to kill her in her sleep, and even though she <em>knew</em> Rick, he didn’t owe her anything, he was her brother’s best friend, and he had killed Shane without a second thought, so what was stopping him from doing the same thing to her.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not fucking leaving you here.” Negan growled.  “You belong to me and there’s no way you’re not coming back to the fucking Sanctuary <em>with</em> me.”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay.” She dropped her head and shied away from his gaze, taking her bottom lip in between her teeth in a nervous gesture.  “It was a stupid suggestion anyways.”</p><p> </p><p>“Like I said before, you probably have residual fucking brain damage.  Guess that bitch packed one hell of a fucking punch.” Negan’s lips curled upwards into his infamous arrogant smirk.  “Part of me wishes I got there earlier to fucking watch the two of you go at it.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re such a pervert.” She scoffed.  “You know, I appreciate you coming after me that night, right?”</p><p> </p><p>Negan tilted his head to the side, studying her expression.  He carefully lifted a hand up and tucked her hair behind her ear before running his fingertips down the side of her jaw.  When his hand came to rest on the side of her neck, his nails grazing over her scar, she felt a shiver coarse through her body, but didn’t push him.</p><p> </p><p>He had his moments when he was sweet to her, obviously they happened when they were behind closed doors, but she wouldn’t trade him for anything.  She adored the man in front of her and even if he didn’t feel the same way, maybe one day he <em>would</em>. </p><p> </p><p>“I know you were right pissed off at me, but you didn’t have to come after me.” She threw out.  “You could’ve let me die.”</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t fucking think so.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry I ran away.” She let her hands fall to rest on his shoulders. </p><p> </p><p>“Don’t.”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay.” She nodded her understanding, knowing full well that he didn’t want to get into this with her.  He had told her once that he cared about her, he wasn’t going to say it again.  She didn’t figure he would, it was how he worked, but it didn’t make it hurt any less.  “Can I ask you something?”</p><p> </p><p>“Ask away.”</p><p> </p><p>“Why are…how come you’re giving Arat…are you sure you’re not trying to replace me with her?” Lex stumbled over her question but managed to get enough of it out for it to make sense.  She hated the idea that Arat was being given the jobs that Lex once held, but what was his real reasoning for it?</p><p> </p><p>Surely it wasn’t because Lex was losing her touch, was it?  She was still strong, capable, highly intelligent- but had she done something to cause him to think otherwise?</p><p> </p><p>“I could never fucking replace you.” Negan answered softly.  “I was fucking hoping to train her to be more <em>like</em> you.  If all of the woman in the Sanctuary were more like you Lex…I’d be fucking set.”</p><p> </p><p>“So, why are you letting her stand guard right now instead of having me out there?” Lex pressed.  Negan gripped her sides with his hands, his fingers biting into her flesh.  She arched her back at his actions and let out a soft moan.</p><p> </p><p>“Can’t fucking do shit like this with you if you’re out there standing on fucking guard.” Negan pointed out.  He leaned forward and pressed a sultry kiss against the side of her neck before pulling away and looking right into her eyes.  “But if you fucking want to be out there instead of in here with me…”</p><p> </p><p>“No.” She whimpered.  “God no.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s what I fucking thought.” Negan let out a deep laugh and pulled her forward, shifting slightly so that her hip was against the edge of the counter.  “Come on, let’s go make this fucking kid some dinner.”</p><p> </p><p>“Dinner?” She quipped.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m thinking maybe fucking spaghetti.”</p><p> </p><p>“Sounds amazing.”</p><p> </p><p>“Fucking after, I can have <em>you</em> for dessert.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m going to need a nap if that’s the case.” She laughed.</p><p> </p><p>Boy did it really get any better than this?</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0026"><h2>26. Chapter 26</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The leather of his jacket made her look even more sexy if at all possible.  Sure she was fast asleep on the couch inside the house but Negan studied the peaceful expression on her face as she slumbered.</p><p> </p><p>What was she thinking about?  What was she dreaming about to have such a calm, soothing look on her face?</p><p> </p><p>Was it him?  Was it Negan, or was it something else- <em>someone</em> else?</p><p> </p><p>Was it her brother that she so frequently came back to?  Was it the man who she had been looking for before finding out from Rick that he was gone?</p><p> </p><p>Sure Negan could’ve handled it better, he could’ve been sympathetic to the woman’s loss but what the fuck good would that have done besides make him look like a pussy?  Lex was a tough woman, most likely from her brother’s teachings, but there were moments when she was soft, too soft for his liking.  He needed her to be tough, he needed her to be ruthless, he needed her to be…<em>Lex</em>.</p><p> </p><p>She was the best fucking female he had within the walls of Sanctuary and when she had thrown up the first time in front of him, when he had witnessed her keel over onto her knees and vomit all over the side of the road in front of Alexandria- well he’d never admit it out loud, but it struck a chord with him.  She wasn’t that type of person, which meant that there was something wrong with her.</p><p> </p><p>He had never fucking imagined finding out she was pregnant.</p><p> </p><p>Part of him wondered if it was his.  She was a good-looking girl, she had the attention of many of his Saviors, but he knew, when it all came down to it, that it <em>was</em> his.  She wasn’t the sort of girl to lie to him, especially about something like that.  Hell, she’d keep it from him, she <em>tried</em> to keep it from him, but she would never have lied about it.</p><p> </p><p>Negan reached a hand out and ran his fingers over her shoulder, which was blanketed by his leather jacket.  He couldn’t help but feel a sense of calm flood through him at the sight.  She was so vulnerable in this position, sleeping in Rick’s house in Alexandria, but yet, she had faith that nothing would happen to her, and if he had anything to say about it, nothing ever <em>would</em>.</p><p> </p><p>That didn’t mean he didn’t want to talk to her about some fucking things.  If she really wanted to go through with having this fucking baby, then he was going to have to set out some rules.  She needed structure, she needed to remember who was in charge, and if that meant he would have to be a little harsher than he wanted, then so be it.</p><p> </p><p>Lex was his to protect, she was his to keep safe, and he was going to do just that.</p><p> </p><p>She twitched as he ran his fingers through her hair and rolled her head back, her eyes fluttering open so that she peered up at him.  Negan looked down at her, holding her gaze as she pulled herself together, figuring out where they were.  Once realization hit her face, she blew out a breath and relaxed into the couch, slipping her arm out from under his jacket, which doubled as a blanket, and pulled the sleeve up under the side of her face.</p><p> </p><p>“Smells like you.” She murmured and her eyes fell shut once again.  He heard her let out a soft sigh and he shook his head, trying to pull himself together.</p><p> </p><p>She wasn’t going to be the reason he changed, she wasn’t going to be the reason he went soft, no, he’d protect her, he’d keep her in his room for the duration of her pregnancy, he’d make sure she knew that she wasn’t ever going to go back outside the walls, but he most certainly wasn’t going to change anything else.</p><p> </p><p>He’d still keep his wives, hell he’d need them if she was going to turn into some hormonal, moody pregnant fucking bitch, but he’d make that clear to her when she was a little more awake.  She looked exhausted and maybe she deserved a little time to rest.  He knew things were going to get worse before they were going to get better.</p><p> </p><p>“I remember one time…” Lex spoke softly and made her way into a half-assed sitting position.  Negan lowered himself down to sit next to her, letting her lean against his side, “Shane found a pregnancy test in the bathroom garbage, I think I was maybe seventeen.”</p><p> </p><p>“What?” His eyes widened at her confession.  Had she had a kid out there somewhere, had it died when shit had hit the fan?  Why had she kept this all from him, why hadn’t she said anything about this before?</p><p> </p><p>“Chill the fuck out,” She let out a chuckle and wrapped her hands around his bicep, making sure the supple leather jacket remained on her shoulders, “it was a false alarm, but Shane just assumed that I was pregnant, god, he was so nervous, I have never seen him so scared.”</p><p> </p><p>“Fucking reckless teenager.” Negan shook his head and blew out a long breath.</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe.” She shook her head along with him.  “Either way, before I had a chance to explain to him that I wasn’t actually pregnant, he was just…god he was going on and on about how he’d be there for me, no matter what I wanted, or what happened.  He promised that he wasn’t going to abandon me.”</p><p> </p><p>“Sounds like a fucking pussy move.” Negan said, unsure of how else to truly respond.  He didn’t want her to think that he was going soft, he didn’t want her to think that what she said was stuff that he absorbed and filed away deep in the recesses of his mind.  She was important to him, but she didn’t need to <em>know</em> that, not yet anyways. </p><p> </p><p>“Shane always looked out for me, no doubt he would’ve kicked the guy’s ass for me though.  He put my happiness ahead of his.” Lex confessed and sucked in a deep breath.  “God I miss him…so damn much.”</p><p> </p><p>“He fucking sounds like…”</p><p> </p><p>“He would’ve made a really good Savior, if he didn’t try to kill you first.” She teased and even let out a soft chuckle.  “He didn’t take shit from anyone, no matter how big or tough they seemed.  His nose was permanently crooked from all the times it was broken in fights.  Did you know that noses can bleed forever?”</p><p> </p><p>Negan bowed his head and tried to fight off an amused scoff.  What the hell was it about this woman, what had him so interested?  He had five wives, five other women at his disposal who didn’t fight him like Lex, who didn’t play around with him like Lex.</p><p> </p><p>If one of them had told him that they were pregnant, he would’ve- well he didn’t know what he would’ve done, but it certainly wouldn’t have been the same as what he did when Lex had admitted what was going on with her.  Lex had even mentioned something about Sherry taking a pregnancy test too, well shit, what the hell was he thinking?</p><p> </p><p>This wives thing, it sure sounded great to start with, and sometimes it was nice to have a choice as to who he spent his nights with, but god it was so much fucking drama, so much fucking time wasted trying to keep them all appeased.  Even Lex wasn’t immune to getting on his goddamn fucking nerves.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m fucking sorry that you didn’t get to fucking find your brother.” Negan forced the words out, trying not to let himself sound as sympathetic as he truly felt.  He didn’t need her thinking he actually cared about her happiness, or her finding her fucking brother, but now that she knew he was dead and gone…things were just different, <em>Lex</em> was different.</p><p> </p><p>Talking about families and shit, wanting to be pregnant and have a kid, with him no less.  What the fuck was wrong with her?  Where was the girl that had explained to him, with great logic, that abortion was the best case scenario to deal with her situation?  Where was <em>that</em> girl?</p><p> </p><p>“It’s not your fault, <em>you</em> didn’t kill him.” Lex countered and turned her head, resting her forehead against his shoulder.  She could feel her stomach knotting, feel the bile rise, and knew that if she didn’t pull it together soon, then she’d be running right for the bathroom, dealing with stupid, irritating as shit, morning sickness.  “Rick did.  His best friend…god.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s real fucking twisted.” Negan remarked calmly and gave her thigh a gentle pat with his hand. </p><p> </p><p>“I want to hate Rick, god I fucking <em>want</em> to so bad, but I just…I don’t know.” She let out a frustrated sigh and pulled away from him, lifting her hand up to cover her mouth.  “I hate the way things are.”</p><p> </p><p>“With me?”</p><p> </p><p>The fear in his tone sparked him, Negan finding himself wondering what the fuck was wrong with him.  He cared about Lex, but certainly he didn’t give a shit about her feelings, for the most part, right?  He didn’t care if she was happy, he didn’t care if she was upset…but why did her words hit him like a mild punch to the gut?</p><p> </p><p>“With the world.” She corrected herself and let out a soft, humourless laugh.  “I’m sorry that I got pregnant, but I’m not sorry that I want to keep it.”</p><p> </p><p>He leaned back against the couch and rested his hands behind his head.  What the hell was he supposed to say to that?  What was he supposed to do with her?</p><p> </p><p>This wasn’t something that he figured he’d have to deal with, especially now that the world was completely fucked, but the reality was, Lex was pregnant, it was <em>his</em> kid, and she wanted to keep it.</p><p> </p><p>What did <em>he</em> want?</p><p> </p><p>“Then you’re going to fucking move in with me and the wives and you never fucking leave Sanctuary.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ever?” She cocked her head sideways and felt her stomach clenching in fear.  No, he knew that she wanted to be outside, she was <em>good</em> outside the walls, but he needed to protect her, he needed to keep her and the baby safe, <em>if</em> that was what she really wanted.</p><p> </p><p>“For a fucking long damn time.” Negan countered and felt her body heave with defeat.  If this was what she wanted, then he was going to make her pay for it.  He liked having her with him on runs, but she needed to know that things were going to change, things weren’t going to stay the same.  “For the unforeseeable fucking future.”</p><p> </p><p>Lex straightened up but didn’t respond.  She stood up, moving away from the couch and began walking towards the direction of the bathroom.  He watched her go, his jacket falling to the ground a few feet in front of his feet.  While she disappeared into the bathroom, and sounds of her retching echoed out into the rest of the house, Negan leaned forward, swiped his jacket off the floor and set it on the back of the couch.</p><p> </p><p>Without a word, he moved back into the kitchen, nabbed the white apron off the hook on the wall and made his way back to the stove, where he had abandoned his cooking to start with.  He had just wanted to check on Lex, make sure she was doing okay.</p><p> </p><p>She was still weakened from the beating and the whole not fucking eating thing, but she was still one of the strongest females he had ever laid eyes on.  She’d be okay, she’d make it work, even if he still wasn’t sure how he felt about the whole ‘having a kid’ thing, he didn’t question that she’d give it her all, even when it got to be too much.</p><p> </p><p>Yes, Lex Walsh was anything but a quitter.  Even when she had been reduced to working for points, she had stumbled, she had struggled, but she hadn’t once quit, she hadn’t come crawling back to him.</p><p> </p><p>Taking hold of a wooden spoon in his hand, Negan moved towards the pot on the stove, sticking the end of the spoon into it and giving it a stir.  He used his free hand to waft some of the aromas from the cooking sauce upwards and into his nose, taking in the alluring scent and silently praising himself.</p><p> </p><p>In all of the shit storm that was the apocalypse, he certainly hadn’t lost his touch for cooking, even if it <em>was</em> just spaghetti sauce.</p><p> </p><p>“Damn, that smells good.” Negan remarked and stole a look at Carl, who had wandered over closer to keep his eyes on him.  He wasn’t entirely sure where he had been while he had sat in the living room with Lex, but it didn’t matter, the kid was here now and no matter what, it was obvious that Carl wasn’t going to let him out of his sight. </p><p> </p><p>Ignoring the glare from Carl for a moment, Negan lifted the spoon out of the sauce and up to his mouth, tasting it off the end.  He rolled it around on his tongue and savoured the taste, all the while Lex wandered out of the bathroom and made her way into the kitchen with them, leaning her back against the counter just off to the side of the stove. </p><p> </p><p>“You good?” Negan asked in a soft tone and Lex simply nodded her head yes, not daring to respond with words.  “This shit’s fucking delicious.”</p><p> </p><p>“I believe you.” She remarked and shied away from his gaze.  “My stomach’s not…fuck I feel awful right now.”</p><p> </p><p>Negan gave her a shrug and turned his attention to Carl, holding the spoon out to him instead, “want a taste?”</p><p> </p><p>Negan didn’t flinch at the glare that Carl was giving him, the kid clearly not interested in anything that he was cooking.</p><p> </p><p>What the fuck ever.  It’s not like he was going to hurt the kid, not at this particular moment.  Sure Carl had done a shit fuck ton of crap back at the Sanctuary to warrant a punishment but Negan was feeling a little generous, a little…well, having to keep an eye out on Lex was way more work that he had anticipated.</p><p> </p><p>Negan let out a chuckle at Carl’s stare and stole another taste off the spoon before turning back to the stove, focusing his attention on the still heating sauce.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay.” Negan stated and stole a quick look at Lex, who was fighting back a smile. </p><p> </p><p>“Where’s…” Lex looked around the room and shook her head, “where’s Judith?”</p><p> </p><p>“Living room.” Carl answered quickly, Lex nodding her understanding.  She shifted her butt along the counter ever so slightly, moving closer to Negan, who was stirring the sauce on the stove.  “Why?”</p><p> </p><p>Lex shrugged at him in response and brought her arms up, crossing them over her chest.  Negan scoffed at them both and motioned with his free hand towards the table before Carl shot him yet another glare.</p><p> </p><p>“Set the fucking table kid.” Negan commanded, Carl not even bothering to put up a fight.  Lex seized the opportunity and stole another look around the house. </p><p> </p><p>The kitchen was immaculate and something she desperately wished that she had at this point in time.  She loved the idea of a home, a safe place that resembled the way things used to be, even if outside of the walls the world was vastly different.  The thought of having a family, doing semi-normal things, even though there were dead eating living walking around- well Lex was starting to like this place, even if it was a faraway dream.</p><p> </p><p>“Where’s Olivia?” Lex quipped in a soft tone and moved even closer to Negan, leaning against his side as he continued to stir the sauce, offering her another taste, though she shook her head no.  “She still around here somewhere?”</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck if I know.” Negan answered with a shrug.  “Can’t imagine she went too fucking far.”</p><p> </p><p>Lex gave him a nod of understanding and pushed herself away from the counter, stepping out towards the table, which Carl was working away at setting.  She dropped down to sit in a chair along the one side, letting out a huge sigh as she did so.  What the hell had she gotten herself into?</p><p> </p><p>Why was she thinking about keeping the baby and trying to make a family with Negan?</p><p> </p><p>He wasn’t the family type, he had openly told her that this world wasn’t a family type place, it was a place where they merely survived.  She understood, she knew what the hell was happening outside of the walls, but still, the thought of having a child, <em>Negan’s</em> child, had her mind reeling.</p><p> </p><p>If anyone left in the world would do their damndest to protect her and the baby, then it was Negan, right?  He’d protect what was his, he’d take care of them, wouldn’t he?</p><p> </p><p>But Lex still wasn’t entirely sure how he felt about it.  He had asked her what she had done with the abortion pills but surely he could still be convinced that this was a good thing.  She could come up with a logical reason, maybe bring up the fact that this would be a small start to bringing the world back to a more normal atmosphere.</p><p> </p><p>When the front door was pulled open, Lex turned her attention to the cause and made a mental note that Olivia had been outside.  Huh, well that wasn’t necessarily good, who’s to say she wasn’t outside seeking out help to rid the house of her and Negan, who’s to say she wasn’t out there planning an attack of her own.</p><p> </p><p>While Lex figured that was unlikely, she wasn’t going to underestimate Olivia, the woman had made it this far, she must have some sort of skills that would help her out.</p><p> </p><p>Her eyes never left Olivia’s form as the larger woman wandered over to Judith’s playpen and scooped her up, setting her against her hip before marching into the kitchen with Negan.  Carl shot the woman a curious look but Olivia never faltered. </p><p> </p><p>Even as she went about her business making them a pitcher of the lemonade, from the good powdered stuff, Lex merely watched in awe as she did so with Judith propped on her hip.  If this was the woman helping to look after her niece, then Lex was definitely starting to approve.  She seemed capable of looking after Judith and if Rick trusted her with the girl’s life, then so did Lex.</p><p> </p><p>“Lex!” Negan’s voice boomed as he called out to her.  She stiffened in the chair and tipped her head back, watching as he moved to the table, sitting down at the head of it.  Lex relaxed at the sight of him and sunk down into her own chair, the two of them locking their eyes on Carl as he finished setting the cutlery down at each place setting.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Always be thankful for what you have baby girl.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll eat.” Lex nodded her head, knowing that she’d need to put something in her belly if she wanted to not be a liability, plus Shane’s words sounded out in her mind.  He was right, it wasn’t every day that she got to eat a hot meal, especially not one prepared by the likes of Negan.  “It smells pretty good, so kudos to you on a job well done.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s fucking spaghetti.” Negan remarked but she could see his lips threatening to curl upwards.  “It’s not fucking rocket science.”</p><p> </p><p>“Still.” She pointed out and scooted her chair closer to the table as Carl laid down the final pieces of cutlery.  Negan’s gaze was on him the entire time and when Carl finally met his eye, he broke out into a grin.</p><p> </p><p>“We’re going to need another setting.” Negan said, amusement in his tone.  He lifted his hands up and rubbed them together, motioning towards the kitchen.  Carl wandered off and Lex rose up to her feet, following the kid as he exited the dining room. </p><p> </p><p>On her way, Lex caught Olivia heading over to the table, the freshly made pitcher of lemonade in her grasp.  She turned her focus to the task at hand and meandered over to the stove.  Without having to ask, Carl paused in getting another set of cutlery and provided Lex with a couple of serving bowls, which she quickly filled with the sauce and noodles that Negan had so nicely made them all.</p><p> </p><p>Carrying the full bowls back to the table, she set them down and headed back to the kitchen, grabbing the basket of rolls that Carl had put together while she had been napping.  The rolls looked really good and Lex couldn’t wait to taste them, the idea of having something as simple as a fresh piece of bread was heaven.  The more time she spent within the walls of Alexandria, the more jealous she became.</p><p> </p><p>She wanted things like rolls and a house.  She wanted running water and air conditioning.  She wanted a place to call her own with a kitchen and a dining room and even a nursery.</p><p> </p><p>But she didn’t get those things, no, she was part of Negan’s group, she was a Savior, and she wouldn’t trade him away.</p><p> </p><p>By the time Lex made it back to the table, Carl and Olivia were both sitting down, Judith residing on Olivia’s lap, her head slumped against her chest.  Lex couldn’t help but want to reach out for the little girl, her very niece, but she refrained, knowing that it was probably better to distance herself at this point.</p><p> </p><p>She wasn’t going to just get to see Judith whenever she wanted and if she could just keep her hands off of her, and her thoughts away from the little girl, then maybe she’d find it easier to leave.</p><p> </p><p>Sitting down, Lex peered towards Negan, who was tapping his fingers against the table, and met his eye as he let out a sigh of frustration.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not fucking waiting for your dad anymore.  I don’t know where the fuck he is, but Lucille,” Negan nabbed the very bat in question, which was leaning against the edge of the table next to him, and waved it in the air for a split second before he set it in the empty chair that was apparently reserved for Rick, “is hungry.”</p><p> </p><p>“So am I.” Lex threw out and Negan waved his hand in Lucille’s direction.  “I didn’t know we were waiting for Rick.”</p><p> </p><p>“We fucking <em>were</em>, but I guess he didn’t get the fucking dinner invitation.” Negan jeered, Lex rolling her eyes at the man who was her leader. </p><p> </p><p>“Okay.” She let out a low whistle and watched with amusement as Negan plucked a napkin off the table, unfolded it and tucked one of the corners into the neck of his t-shirt.  He smoothed the rest of it out over his chest so that it looked like he was wearing a bib.  Lex followed his lead but set her napkin across her lap, reminding herself that she once had decent manners, and if Shane was watching from above, he’d want to see her being a decent, and polite, guest.</p><p> </p><p>“Carl, pass the rolls…” Negan instructed but Carl made no move to do so.  Lex bit down on her lip and waited for the kid to make a move, but he refused to budge.  “<em>Please</em>.”</p><p> </p><p>She shook her head as Carl finally nabbed the basket of rolls, reluctantly handing them over to Negan, who took hold of it in his own hand and set one on Lex’s plate.  She nodded her thanks and bowed her head, her eyes falling shut as her mind drifted to Shane.</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Bless us, oh Lord, and these your gifts, which we are about to receive from your bounty. Through Christ our Lord, amen.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>Once she was finished silently praying, Shane’s voice resounding out in her head too, she lifted her head up, catching Negan giving her a nod.  Without another word between them, she let him fill her plate with spaghetti and hoped that there would be many more meals like this one.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0027"><h2>27. Chapter 27</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dinner, as simple as it had been, was just enough to hit the spot.  Lex knew that she wasn’t going to get homemade food like that much more, but it was nice to see Negan relaxing at the table once he was finished his second helping.  It was almost like normal, and if Olivia hadn’t been seated at the table with Judith sprawled out against her chest, or if Carl hadn’t been giving Negan the stink eye every five seconds- yes it could’ve passed for something that might’ve happened before shit hit the fan.</p><p> </p><p>Imagining sitting at a table with Shane and Negan, well it was definitely a nice thought.  She liked the idea that Shane would’ve approved of Negan, even if he was a little older than her.  Oh well, it wasn’t like Shane hadn’t had women in his life that were questionable when it came to their age, and when he did, Lex rolled with the punches, hoping that Shane would come to his senses.</p><p> </p><p>She knew about the crush he had on Lori, although she had no idea why.  Lori, as nice of a woman as she was, didn’t suit her brother at all.  No, Shane deserved someone a little smarter, a little tougher and a lot less married.  But Shane liked the challenge, and Lex couldn’t fault him for that.</p><p> </p><p>“You fucking alright over there?” Negan quipped, pulling Lex out of her thoughts as she leaned back in the chair at the table.  Carl was currently working away at clearing the dishes while Olivia had disappeared upstairs to put Judith down for a nap.</p><p> </p><p>“Thinking.” She answered with a shrug and let out a soft sigh.  </p><p> </p><p>“Care to fucking share?” Negan pressed and leaned closer to her, gently grabbing hold of Lucille and setting her back against the floor, leaning her up against the side of the table.  Lex scooted over to the newly vacated chair and scooted it towards his, closing the distance between their bodies. </p><p> </p><p>“Just reminiscing.” She gave a nod.  “Thinking about Shane.”</p><p> </p><p>“Right, and how’s that fucking going?”</p><p> </p><p>Lex offered him another shrug but straightened up in her chair.  She set her elbows on the table and dropped her head into her hands, not entirely sure how to handle the slew of emotions that were currently threatening to take over.  She hated the idea of being in Rick’s home and the more time she spent inside the walls of the house, the more she wondered if her brother would’ve made it if he hadn’t met up with Rick, or any of the other Grimes, for that matter.</p><p> </p><p>Shane was as tough as they came but Lex knew how dangerous some of the groups of people outside the walls truly were.  She had come across rapists, and had managed to avoid coming into contact with them, on more than one occasion.  She had passed by savages and psychopaths, hell, in the truck on the trip over, Carl had even mentioned cannibals.</p><p> </p><p>If Shane had been with those people, would he have given in and eaten human flesh?  Would he have turned on them, would he even have been the same person that she remembered?</p><p> </p><p>There were too many possibilities for her liking but Lex wanted to believe that if she had found Shane, then maybe she could’ve prevented his death, maybe she could’ve steered him in the right direction and protected him like he had protected her for most of their lives.</p><p> </p><p>“I miss him.” Lex confessed and rose up to her feet.  She crossed her arms over her chest and began walking away, heading for the front window as she listened to Negan following her lead.  When he was right behind her, she felt him reach a hand out and run it down her forearm, not bothering to take hold of her.  She peered behind her and watched as he brought his glass of lemonade up to his lips and took a sip before plastering a smug grin onto his face.</p><p> </p><p>“Who fucking needs him Lex, you’ve got me now.” Negan chuckled and she shook her head, fighting off the smile that was pulling at her lips.  “Seriously, you’ve got it fucking good, you shouldn’t dwell on things that you can’t fucking change.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re right.” Lex dropped her head and looked down at her feet, pondering at what point Negan had become so smart.  Maybe he was always full of good advice and she just chose not to listen, maybe he was going soft on her because of everything she had been through recently, or maybe he was trying to keep her on his side, fearing she might want to jump ship and stay in Alexandria.</p><p> </p><p>Before Negan had a chance to speak with her further, the two of them stiffened at the loud, commanding voice of Arat.  Lex took a step forward but paused, heading back towards the couch to nab Negan’s jacket before following him out onto the porch.  She remained just behind him but locked her eyes onto the female in question, wondering who the hell she was even talking to and why had this young man come to the house where they were residing for the time being.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t fucking dwell on the past.” Negan murmured and peered back into the house, his eyes landing on Lucille.  Lex bit down on her bottom lip and headed back inside, taking hold of the wooden weapon, then heading back towards the porch, all the while listening to Arat.</p><p> </p><p>“No.” Arat pressed, Lex slightly envious to her position outside, standing guard.  She knew that Negan had to trust the woman an awful lot to let her watch his back, but she had once held that position too, which meant that he trusted her as well.</p><p> </p><p>When Lex closed the distance between her and Negan, she offered the man his weapon of choice and fell in line behind him, waiting for their opportunity to join Arat outside with whoever this douchebag was-</p><p> </p><p>“I just want to talk to him.” The guy pleaded.</p><p> </p><p>“I said <em>no</em>.” Arat was clearly standing firm but at the sound of footsteps from behind her, she peered over her shoulder and had the most obvious questioning gaze on her face.  Lex could see it and she wondered what the woman was waiting for, did she think she’d be getting punished later because she hadn’t done her job well enough?</p><p> </p><p>Negan sauntered out further onto the porch and stopped a good ten feet behind Arat.  He held his lemonade in one hand and Lucille in the other, all the while Lex maintained her position at his side, which is precisely where she felt she belonged.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t be an asshole, Arat,” Negan reprimanded the woman standing guard, “let the man pass.”</p><p> </p><p>“You sure?” Lex mumbled, setting her hand on her hip, her fingers brushing against the top of her belt, where her knife resided.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s fucking fine.” Negan tossed back at her, the two of them watching as Arat reluctantly stepped to the side and let the smartly dressed young man mount the steps.</p><p> </p><p>At the sight of the bottle in his hand, Lex fought off the urge to roll her eyes, wondering what he could possibly want with Negan.  Was he here to bribe him, was he here to plead his case?  Maybe he didn’t like the fact that Rick was the one in charge, or how suddenly the people of Alexandria worked for Negan.</p><p> </p><p>She couldn’t imagine how it would have felt to owe some random man half of everything, but she knew that she wouldn’t take too kindly to it.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, crap.  Is that for me?” Negan questioned, the man coming closer to them, reaching the top step.</p><p> </p><p>“We haven’t officially met; I’m Spencer Monroe.” The guy hesitated as he took in a deep breath, “hi.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well don’t you sound like a pretentious asshole?” Lex remarked with a roll of her eyes but she didn’t dare move from her spot behind Negan.  “There something we can help you with?”</p><p> </p><p>“Two fucking glasses.” Negan instructed.  Lex bit back her snarky retort and did as she was told, heading inside the house to retrieve two glasses for them.  She was slightly put off by the fact that he hadn’t invited her to join them right away but she did remember that she was pregnant, and that there was no way she was supposed to be drinking alcohol.  Maybe Negan was doing her a favour.</p><p> </p><p>With two clean glasses in her hand, Lex marched back out onto the porch and offered them to Negan, who set them on the small table and let Spencer fill them with the alcoholic liquid that he had brought to them.  Negan handed her over his lemonade and she took it in her hand, lifting it up to her lips and taking a sip.</p><p> </p><p>Her eyes were locked on Negan as he stretched his legs out in front of him, sitting in one chair while Spencer took up a seat in the second chair.  She waited for him to meet her eyes and when he did, he tossed her an arrogant smirk.</p><p> </p><p>“Spencer, this is my best fucking girl Lex.” Negan stated firmly and Lex forced a smile onto her face.</p><p> </p><p>“Hi.” She threw out with a lame little wave.  “Nice to meet you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Rick here,” Negan grabbed his glass and took a sip of the amber coloured liquid, “killed her fucking brother.”</p><p> </p><p>Lex felt the air rush right out of her lungs and she contemplated what to say in response.  She didn’t want to give this Spencer guy too much information, fearful that he might use it to his advantage, but what was she supposed to do.  Negan was clearly expecting some sort of reaction, but what did he <em>want</em> from her?</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry to hear that.” Spencer gave her a little nod and Lex stepped forward, leaning against the railing around the porch as she looked out at Alexandria, her back to the two men seated on the chairs.</p><p> </p><p>“Running water, air conditioning, a housewarming gift?” Negan sounded almost enthused at the prospect of someone bringing him something, but Lex knew that there was more to Spencer’s visit than just to make nice.  “That settles it, I am getting myself a vacation home here.”</p><p> </p><p>“I fucking bet.” Lex grumbled and brought her arms up, crossing them over her chest.  She still didn’t know what Spencer’s motive was and she didn’t like the idea of him alone with Negan, even though Negan could clearly take care of himself.</p><p> </p><p>Was this just a ruse, was Spencer waiting for his chance to take Negan out, even if it meant sacrificing his life in the process?</p><p> </p><p>She peered over her shoulder and noticed Spencer lifting his glass upwards, Negan doing the same.</p><p> </p><p>“Cheers to that.” Spencer said, Lex scoffing at his words and turning her attention back to the road in front of the house.</p><p> </p><p>“Mmm.  Oh, that is fucking good.  You know, the only thing fucking missing is a pool table; nothing better than a good game of fucking eight-ball.” Negan replied.  Lex bit down on her lip and wondered when this Spencer guy was going to disappear.</p><p> </p><p>She had been having a relatively decent time just her and Negan and now he was sitting here, ruining it, stealing Negan’s attention away from <em>her</em>.  When was he going to get up and leave, when was Negan going to send him on his way?</p><p> </p><p>“The house across the street has one in the garage.” Spencer said, catching Lex’s attention.  She let out a soft growl and turned to face her leader, wondering what the hell was going through his head.  What did he want from her?  What was he planning on doing here?  Were they really just going to wait for Rick to come back, take their shit and leave?</p><p> </p><p>If Negan made one more comment about staying here in Alexandria, she was going to start to push him, she would start to question how serious he was.  She liked the thought of staying in Alexandria, she liked it here.</p><p> </p><p>Having a house of her own, having a place to call home…it all sounded too perfect to her and what a nice place to have a family, even if Negan didn’t think they got to have things like that.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, Spencer, you may just be my new best friend.” Negan chuckled.  “Such a nice fucking day though- too nice to be cooped up inside some fucking garage, don’t you think?  Yeah, oh, I got a better idea.”</p><p> </p><p>“What?” Lex straightened up and turned her attention to Negan’s, waiting for him to say whatever it is that he was going to say.</p><p> </p><p>“Get my coat doll.” Negan countered, looking right back at Lex.  “It’s time to school Spencer here in a nice fucking game of pool, out-fucking-side.”</p><p> </p><p>Lex did exactly as she was told and headed over to his jacket, gathering it in her hands.  She remained on the porch watching as Spencer led Negan and a couple of the Saviors over to the house that had the pool table in the garage.  She stood frozen in place, her eyes on the men as they lugged the table out into the middle of the road, letting Spencer set the balls up on the surface.</p><p> </p><p>“What the fuck?” Lex growled and stormed down the steps on the porch, immediately handing Negan over his jacket.  He exchanged his jacket for the pool cue, which Lex held firmly in her hands, and once his jacket was on, but left undone, he took the cue out of her hand and looked down into her eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“You ever play fucking pool Lex?” Negan questioned and she cocked her head sideways.</p><p> </p><p>“Shane taught me.” She answered softly and took a step back, moving away from him but not too far.  She wanted to stick right by his side but give him enough room so that he could play his game without her getting in the way.</p><p> </p><p>“Sounds like your fucking brother did right by you.” Negan teased and shook his head in amusement.  “You any good?”</p><p> </p><p>“I uh…yeah, I could probably kick your ass.” She jeered but planted her hands on her hips.  “Just play your game.”</p><p> </p><p>“Will fucking do Lex.”</p><p> </p><p>She shook her head at the two boys but watched as Spencer finished loading up the triangle, setting the balls up like they were supposed to be set.</p><p> </p><p>“I could never fucking do this with Rick, he would just be standing there, scowling, giving me that annoying fucking side-eye he gives me.” Negan stated, pacing around the end of the table.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s actually what I came to see you about.” Spencer replied and moved the balls towards the middle of the table. </p><p> </p><p>Lex peered out behind Spencer and made a mental note that there were a bunch of people forming a group behind him, and almost none of them were Saviors; in fact one of the people lining up was none other than Rosita.  What the hell was going on here and should Lex have been a little more prepared for another fight with the girl? </p><p> </p><p>She brushed it off for the time being and peered up to the porch, spotting Carl standing there next to Olivia, no Judith in her arms.  Apparently the little girl had fallen asleep, and had remained inside the house, sleeping in her crib.  Good, yes, that was good, at least if Judith was out of Negan’s sight, then she was most likely out of his mind too.</p><p> </p><p>She was safer the farther away from Negan that she was.</p><p> </p><p>“I want to talk to you about Rick.” Spencer continued, Negan quickly chalked up the end of his cue and took up a stance against the end of the pool table.  He lined the end of his cue up and readied himself to take a shot.</p><p> </p><p>“All right.  Talk to me, Spencer, talk to me about,” Negan took a second to break the balls, “Rick.”</p><p> </p><p>Lex was mesmerized by how smoothly he continued to sink the balls after breaking.  She couldn’t help but wonder what he had done before the world had collapsed, before civilization had turned to mayhem- yes, Negan was a skilled man, at a lot of things, but she didn’t know much about him <em>before</em>.  She didn’t know if he had siblings like she did, she didn’t know what he had liked to do in his spare time, or what sort of job he had worked at.</p><p> </p><p>It was hard to picture him doing anything other than what he did currently, but she knew that in the real world, there wasn’t a lot of room for barbed wire wrapped baseball bat wielding maniacs.</p><p> </p><p>“I get what you’re trying to do here, what you’re trying to build.  I’m not saying I agree with your methods, but I get it.” Spencer spoke calmly, coolly, and all Lex could do was absorb what he was saying while she watched Negan move flawlessly around the table, making shot after shot.  “You’re building a network, you’re making people contribute for the greater good, it makes sense, but you should know that Rick Grimes has a history of not working well with others.”<br/><br/></p><p>“Mm.  Is fucking that so?” Negan countered and sauntered right around the table, stepping directly in front of Spencer.  He poised the pool cue almost vertically and took another shot, this one a little more awkward than the rest, but nonetheless, he set out to do what he needed to do.</p><p> </p><p>“What the fuck- are we talking about the same Rick Grimes here?” Lex growled but kept her voice low. </p><p> </p><p>“Rick wasn’t the original leader here; my mom was.” Spencer countered, shooting Lex the tiniest of glances as he prepared himself to take his shot.  “She was doing a really good job of it, then she died, not long after Rick showed up- same with my brother, same with my dad.”</p><p> </p><p>“So, <em>everything</em> was fucking peachy here for, what, years?” Negan took hold of his glass and tucked his one arm across his abdomen.  Lex stepped closer to him and set her hand on his wrist, the very same wrist that was supporting the glass.  She drew his gaze downwards and narrowed her eyes in on him.</p><p> </p><p>“Why are you humouring this guy?” Lex pressed.</p><p> </p><p>“You don’t want to find out why the same fucking Rick that was supposed to be your brother’s best friend ended up being the fucker to kill him?” Negan countered, widening his eyes at her.  She shied away from his gaze but gave him the tiniest nod she could muster.  Okay, maybe he had a point, maybe she <em>did</em> want to know what happened to the Rick she had once known. </p><p> </p><p>But was this the right way to go about it?  They were getting Spencer’s side of the story, surely Rick had his own though and there was no doubt in Lex’s mind that it would be different.</p><p> </p><p>“So you’re saying this place was fucking thriving on its own and then Rick fucking shows up, and suddenly, you’re an orphan?  That is the saddest story I’ve ever heard.  Good thing for you, he’s not in fucking charge anymore.” Negan explained.</p><p> </p><p>“How is that…that’s not sad.” Lex groaned and tipped her head back, stealing a look at the sky.  She felt that her own situation was sadder but then again, it wasn’t like this was a competition for saddest story in the apocalypse.</p><p> </p><p>At least Spencer had managed to wind up with his family, at least he had known what had happened to them, unlike Lex who had been searching for a man who had been dead for most of the time he was missing.</p><p> </p><p>“Doesn’t matter, his ego’s out of control, he’ll find a way to screw things up, to try and do things his way, to take over.  That’s what he did with my mom, that’s what he’ll do again.” Spencer continued to speak.  He lined up his pool cue with the ball and wound up, pausing only to look up at Negan, who took a quick drink from his glass.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re not seriously hearing this fucker out, are you?” Lex leaned in closer to Negan, her voice low with the hopes that only he heard her speaking.  Negan offered her a shrug in response but didn’t tear his eyes away from Spencer.</p><p> </p><p>“What exactly are you proposing be fucking done about that?” Negan focused only on Spencer, apparently ignoring Lex and her concerns.</p><p> </p><p>She didn’t trust Spencer, she didn’t know what his plan was but she didn’t like it.  He was trying to throw Rick under the bus but for what reason?  Did Rick deserve it?</p><p> </p><p>On one hand, maybe Rick was the reason that Alexandria was in its current position, maybe if he had stayed away, the people within the walls would be thriving on their own, living in ignorant bliss without the likes of Negan and his Saviors terrorizing them.</p><p> </p><p>On the other hand, if Rick hadn’t come along, would their community still be standing?  Would he not have taught them some valuable skills that they could use to protect themselves if danger, like Negan, came along?</p><p> </p><p>“I am my mother’s son.  I can be the leader she was.  That’s what this place needs, that’s what <em>you</em> need.” Spencer offered up.</p><p> </p><p>“So I should fucking put you in charge?  That’s what you’re saying?” Negan quipped, more for confirmation than anything.</p><p> </p><p>“You should put <em>me </em>in charge, you’d be better off with me over this asshole.” Lex interrupted and suddenly Negan <em>and</em> Spencer were both looking at her.  “All I’m saying is that this kid looks like a prep school wannabe, do you <em>really</em> think he has what it takes to be the leader here?”</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe we should give him a fucking chance to plead his case.” Negan pointed out, tilting his head sideways as he studied Lex.  “I’m not fucking disagreeing with you here though Lex.”</p><p> </p><p>“We’d be much better off.” Spencer remarked.  “If I was in charge.”</p><p> </p><p>Negan let the man’s words sink in, all the while he took another drink, let the liquid swish around in his mouth and then he swallowed it, giving Lex one of his super charming smirks.  She rolled her eyes at him but didn’t budge from her stance.  Whatever was about to happen between Spencer and Negan, Lex wanted a front row seat.</p><p> </p><p>She wasn’t exactly on Rick’s team but she knew him, she knew the type of man he had been back in the day.  Sure the world changed people but hey, hadn’t Shane always told her <em>better the devil you know, than the one you don’t</em>?</p><p> </p><p>He was right, he was absolutely right.  Lex didn’t know this Spencer but she knew Rick, she knew that he was Carl’s father, she knew that he cared about Judith, both of which were his weak points.  If the Saviors ever needed an advantage, something to hold over him, it would be easy to set their sights on his children, even if Lex didn’t want to see them get hurt.</p><p> </p><p>But Spencer, hell, Spencer had pretty much just admitted that he didn’t have anyone left.  What could they hold over him, <em>who</em> could they hold over him if they needed something like that?</p><p> </p><p>“You know, I’m thinking, Spencer, I’m fucking thinking how Rick threatened to kill me, how he clearly hates my fucking guts but he is out there right now, gathering shit for me to make sure I don’t hurt any of the fine fucking people that live here.” Negan spoke and Lex watched him pace around, calmly and coolly.  “He is swallowing his hate and fucking getting shit done.  That takes guts.”</p><p> </p><p>She watched, never taking her eyes off of Negan as he bent over the edge of the table and readied his cue, lining up the end with the ball.  She held her breath, wondering what he was planning, hoping that he was at least one step ahead of Spencer as per the usual.  This wasn’t ordinary, but still, Negan was not the sort of guy who liked surprises.</p><p> </p><p>She wanted to ask him what was going on, what he was thinking, but she knew better.  She would stand behind him, she would stand there with him and back him up on whatever it is that he needed backing up on.  Hell, there was a reason she was one of the best he had, and she wasn’t going to let someone else get ahead of her, not any of the men and especially not Arat.</p><p> </p><p>This was where she belonged, right next to Negan, and this is exactly where she’d stay.</p><p> </p><p>“And then there’s you: the guy who fucking waited for Rick to be gone so he could sneak over and talk to me to get me to do his fucking dirty work, so he could take Rick’s place.” Negan paused in his pool playing, set his cue down on the edge of the table and moved closer to Spencer.  “So I got to ask; if you want to take over, why not just fucking kill Rick yourself and just take over?”</p><p> </p><p>“What?  No, no.  I didn’t- I don’t-” Spencer stammered, apparently this conversation wasn’t going exactly how he had planned it.</p><p> </p><p>Was his shmoozing not working the way he was expecting?  Was Negan not giving him what he was anticipating?  Lex fought off the urge to laugh at Spencer, was this guy some sort of idiot?</p><p> </p><p>“You know what I’m fucking thinking? ‘Cause I have a guess.” Negan dropped his voice down low, so low that Lex, who was standing just a couple feet away, barely heard him.  “It’s because you got no guts.”</p><p> </p><p>Lex’s eyes widened in pure and utter shock as Negan freed his blade from its sheath and drove it to the hilt into Spencer’s stomach.  She swallowed back the urge to vomit and instead took a step forward, preparing herself to fight if Spencer, or more likely one of the people behind him, tried anything in retaliation.</p><p> </p><p>Negan moved the blade sideways, slicing Spencer’s stomach right open, his innards pouring out through the giant, gaping wound that he had inflicted, blood oozing out and dripping all over the ground as Spencer collapsed to the pavement, haphazardly trying to hold on to his own guts.  She closed her eyes for a split second and chanted to herself to ‘pull it together’. </p><p> </p><p>This was part of the job, this was what she had signed up for.  Just because her stomach wasn’t as strong as it had once been didn’t mean she could slack off.  She was Negan’s right hand, that’s what she wanted to be, that’s what she’d fight to remain and even as Spencer fell sideways, taking his last gasps of breath, she wasn’t going to give it up for anything.</p><p> </p><p>“How fucking embarrassing!  There they are.  They were inside you the whole fucking time.  You <em>did</em> have guts, I’ve never been so wrong in my whole life!”  Negan leaned back, his expression so serious that even Lex was a little worried at what was about to transpire.</p><p> </p><p>She took his blade when he handed it over to her and when he walked past her, she remained frozen in place, her eyes locked on the blood covered steel, wondering if Spencer had deserved to die or not.  It wasn’t like there were a lot of innocent people left in the world, but surely Spencer was just trying-</p><p> </p><p>“Oh god.” Lex murmured and lifted a hand up, pressing the back of it against her mouth.  She inhaled through her nose and tore her eyes away from Spencer’s body, looking to Negan instead, who was gripping Lucille so hard his knuckles were white.</p><p> </p><p>“Fucking hold it in.” Negan hissed at her as he walked past, moving closer to the group that had formed behind Spencer.  “You fucking throw up and you’re next.”</p><p> </p><p>Lex pressed her lips together and held the knife in her hand, swallowing back the urge to vomit.  She knew that he wouldn’t <em>really</em> kill her, not like Spencer, but she didn’t trust that he wouldn’t hurt her all together.  Negan was unpredictable at times, and even she wasn’t totally immune to his wrath.</p><p> </p><p>“Now, someone ought to get up here and fucking clean this mess up.” Negan bellowed before turning towards the group, a smug smile plastered on his face. “Oh, anyone want to finish the game?  C’mon, anybody?  <em>Anybody</em>?  C’mon, I was winning!”</p><p> </p><p>Lex stepped closer to Negan, but she wasn’t paying him much attention, no, her eyes were locked on Rosita.  She narrowed in on her and watched, her body rigid, as the woman who had once upon a time nearly knocked her right out, pulled a gun out from behind her, aimed it at Negan and pressed her finger against the trigger.</p><p> </p><p>Before Lex could even think about what she was doing, she charged at Negan, leaping towards him to try to get him out of the way of the bullet, which was loud, so loud it hurt her ears, causing them to start to ring from the sound.</p><p> </p><p>Where had Rosita gotten a gun from?  And how many bullets were in it?</p><p> </p><p>If she could just get them both to the ground, it would give the other Saviors a chance to take Rosita out, if she could just-</p><p> </p><p>The bullet ripped through the back of her neck and tore through her throat, emerging from underneath her chin.</p><p> </p><p>Lex tried to suck in a breath but she couldn’t, there was nothing she could do.  Her lungs were filling with blood, her mouth tasted like copper, and her shoulders were going numb.  What the…what <em>had</em> she been thinking?</p><p> </p><p>“Shit!” Negan cursed, Lucille dropping to the ground as he managed to catch Lex before she fell to the pavement.  She could just barely feel his arms wrapping around her, she could make him out with her eyes but her sight was going blurry.</p><p> </p><p>Desperately, she tried to draw in another breath but nothing happened.  Her lungs weren’t working, her mouth hung open, and blood oozed out over her lips.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>For you baby girl.  I’m praying for you.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>She could hear Shane’s voice, this time it was louder and clearer than it had been before.  Was this…was this what it felt like to die?  Was she going to see Shane?  What exactly <em>was</em> dying like?</p><p> </p><p>“What the <em>shit</em>?!” Negan screamed, dropping to his knees as he cradled Lex against his chest.  She fought with everything she had to lift her arm up, setting her hand agaisnt his chest.  With the last bit of strength she could muster, she quirked her lips the tiniest bit upwards, smiling at him.</p><p> </p><p>God she must’ve looked like hell.  She could feel the blood pooling on her clothes from her neck wound and she knew that no matter what, she wasn’t going to be coming back from this.  There wasn’t a doctor in the Santuary capable of fixing her, not now that her neck had been shot clean through.</p><p> </p><p>Air still wasn’t getting to her lungs and she knew she couldn’t speak, but she could try to smile, she could hold her lips up until she went.  She just needed Negan to know…she needed for him to know that she loved him.</p><p> </p><p>“Fucking shit, no Lex, not like this.” Negan pleaded and leaned his head down, pressing his forehead against hers.  She gripped onto the leather of his jacket and tried desperately to fist it in her hand but there was no strength left.  She was weakening by the second and she still couldn’t breath.  “You’re so fucking stupid, why the fuck would you have done that?”</p><p> </p><p>Lex pressed her lips together to try to stifle the blood from flowing out over her lips but even as she held her mouth shut, she could still feel the crimson liquid slipping through.  With her last ounce of strength, she held on to his jacket and stared into his eyes, seeing something that wasn’t usually there.</p><p> </p><p>Was that…admiration, appreciation, caring?  His usually hard eyes were soft, almost laced with sadness.  That couldn’t be right, Negan didn’t care that much about her, plus he still had other wives. </p><p> </p><p>She managed to keep her eyes locked with his, feeling the last bits of air in her lungs disappear and before she knew what was happening, her muscles weakened and she released the hold she had on his jacket.  She didn’t let her eyes fall shut and even as Shane’s voice began to sound out in her head, she stared at Negan, praying that one day they’d meet again.</p><p> </p><p>For now though, for now she’d accept that her last act, as well as her baby’s, had saved him.</p><p> </p><p>All she could see was Negan staring into her eyes, watching her fade away.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Our Father, which art in heaven, hallowed be thy Name…</em>
</p><p> </p><p>And all she could hear was Shane’s voice repeating the same prayer over and over again, knowing that it was for her, it was <em>always</em> for her.</p>
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